Today’s hipster beating.

Today, I saw an antler-shaped, Brooklyn-sterilizing, red-bearded hipster transplant selling $12.00 a cup cruelty-free, locally-crafted eggnog to his fellow infinite leisure time, thick eyeglass framed gentrifiers. So I painted my Louisville Slugger like a candy cane and ran around Williamsburg bashing everybody’s faces in before they head back to Culdesacia, USA for the holidays to recharge their trust funds, credit cards and checking accounts. End of story.

35 thoughts on “Today’s hipster beating.

  1. Your batting average continues to climb. That Louisville Slugger is really your “Wonderboy.”

    • Instead of the lights in the ballpark going out it’s lights out for hipsters.

    • Hipsters will be holding symposiums soon:

      “Hipster Beatings – the advantages of being pounded with sustainable ash bats with some give versus the cachet of being smashed by a $400 Easton composite bat”

    • Merry Christmas all you hipster beating
      Mother Fuckers!

  2. “…red-bearded hipster”

    Aren’t gingers the devil’s spawn? And have no soul? Shouldn’t they be banished?

  3. The corner tavern makes killer Tom and Jerry drinks. They use a batter that has been in the family since the 20′s, the first one is free, and they are four bucks a pop thereafter. I had several on Saturday night for the price of one of Beardo’s.

  4. Can you imagine the family shame back home in Jerkweed Iowa, 80 year old gramps at Christmas dinner saying “hey Josh have you found a real job yet? “What do you mean you don’t eat Prime rib? “What the hell is cage free egg nog? has to be thinking in his head his beardo grandson is a jobless queer.

    • Yep. Precious Snowflake was asked about his plans for next semester-he’s a 22 y/o sophomore. He got very angry and refused to talk about it, and obviously, no plans for a job. So then I asked him if he’s still planning on doing his Junior year in Berlin, he said no. So, Berlin-you guys are lucky. One less trustafarian for you! Hopefully he’ll spend the summer in his one-horse-town liberal arts college, so that we don’t have to deal with him here either.

  5. Good Christmas weekend in Greenpoint. Did not spot a single beardo the whole time.

    • Time to change the locks before they return from their fundraising excursions back home.

      Don’t bother blocking my IP, DH. I enjoy your your site; but, you’re starting to act like the neckbeards we all despise when you block comments. Merry Christmas and much success in the New Year.

      • Yeah, I got the same treatment. Merry/Happy to all.

      • Hmmm….it is interesting, eh?

        But you know what? The fact of the matter is, he can block and delete anyone at any time for any reason that he likes, ( or, rather, does not ). He doesn’t have to offer explanations, reasons, or excuses. It is DH’s blog. He built it and so is not required to rationalize any decision about it whatsoever. Most blogs and many forums are like that. And really, most commenters aren’t irritated so much that their comment was deleted as that they put time into writing it and THEN it’s deleted LOL It’s more that sense of frustration, I’d venture, than any feeling of being approved or disapproved of, don’t you think?

  6. Bike Rack Rejected in Bushwick; hipsters are angry!

    Take a look at this article – a proposal was shot down to replace 2 parking spots with a bike rack on Wyckoff Ave.

    http://www.dnainfo.com/new-york/20121220/bushwick/wyckoff-avenue-bike-corral-rejected-by-bushwick-community-board

    My favorite part of the story: Adam Brown, who is a Barista at Wyckoff Starr (shocker, isn’t it?) is kazooing that it isn’t fair: “the neighborhood is changing so fast there are going to be a lot more people biking as the young culture moves in.” Yes, so normal people who live there should bend over and take it from the interloping Iowa invasion of baristas, performance artists, and assistant interns? – self centered hipster much?

    • Score 1 for us!

    • They always try to make it an Old vs. Young issue, and isn’t about that at all. It’s about Acting Like a Douchebag vs. Not Acting Like a Douchebag. And for the “culture”, the “young culture” isn’t all that young; a lot of those Casper-toned MFA/barista/performance artist/skanky suicide girl/videographer/fashion interns are pushing 40(or at least look like it)

      I’d like to see a Big Wheels For Grownups Corral, not a bike corral, so I could point and laugh.

    • Poking through that site, I found this item:
      http://www.dnainfo.com/new-york/20121217/williamsburg/public-plaza-proposed-on-broadway-near-bedford-avenue

      There’s some open, unused street space, so, LIKE YAH!, we need a ‘public plaza’, and more ‘green spaces’. Yet, they never plant any trees or anything green. ‘Green’ to these people means a place to park your transplanted ass and stare into your i-Crap.

      From the article: “There’s a big space where traffic doesn’t run which is covered by diagonal white lines and it’s just an unused space,” he said of the land the plaza would occupy. “It’s not going to be any loss…” “For us personally it moves the traffic away from our front door creating less noise from trucks moving by and less pollution so people can enjoy our center more,” said Terrance Lindall. “The plaza, which would neighbor Peter Luger Steakhouse, could also become a place for small concerts and picnics, Lindall noted.”

      Small concerts and PICNICS? PICNICS? Really? In the middle of Broadway? The result is that all the idiots who sit there will literally be in the middle of busy truck traffic. How stupid has our city become?

      • It’s not your city that has become stupid, it’s the new arrivals and the politicians who cater to them…

      • This is what they’re envisioning when they’re talking about their picnics and outdoor concerts in that little square:

      • Everything about being in an urban environment is so fucking novel and gritty to these cul-de-sac shit sticks, even a small patch of stinking concrete that has continues truck traffic rumbling through yells whimsical urban “picnic” to these goofy, whitebread interlopers. Let them prance around there and it won’t be long before debris from one of these trucks goes slashing through their little picnic and takes a few of these marionette-shaped mouthbreathers out.

      • Let them practise their custom of building an open plaza, so that we may practise our custom of building scaffolds for public hangings.

        See? Sometimes things just work out if you let them.

    • So, they want a spot to put all their bikes, so they can be easily stolen all at once? They are so obviously both not from NYC, and clueless to how cities work.

      1 minute after the bike rack would be installed there, it would be full of stupid “look at me” bikes: fixed gears, 1970 reissues, penny farthings, and the like.

      2 mins later, every single bike- even the 1982 girls powder puff huffy bike Josh brought especially for Brooklyn – would be stolen, including the rack, (this happened outside the school I went to once- they just sawed the rack right off, and loaded everything, biked locked up and all, into a truck!)

      3 mins later those hayseeds bikes would be sold back to said hayseed for 500%

      WIN!

  7. god bless you people

  8. Mayor Bloomberg confirms, the reason for the increase of crime in NYC is because of iphone and ipad robberies. Silly carless hipsters walking around with stupid idevices making them easy targets for a true hipster beat down. If you notice the link the subway station is Bedford avenue located in the heart of Williamsburg a hipster utopia

    http://www.tuaw.com/2012/12/28/bloomberg-blames-ios-device-thefts-for-nyc-crime-rise/

  9. While making sure everyone around them knows they are listening to rilly kewl musick on their iPhones, as they like, totally pretend they’re actually ignoring everyone; they get mob flashed with cardboard signs stuck to their backs that say,”Please kick some sense into us”. About two thousands asses are kicked, simultaneously, down the sidewalk for several minutes.

  10. Happy New Year to the owner of Die Hipster and all his like minded followers.

    Best wishes for a hipster-free 2013 !!!

  11. Not as great as the Thanksgiving break, but there have definitely been less hipsters out on the streets of the city this past week. I guess we just need more holidays to keep away the endless leisure time, bearded stick interlopers.

  12. No Hate to DieHipster folks.
    Just Happy 2013 and sincere wishes that your push back against suburbanized-style gentrification is successful. Regards from Philly.

  13. Good Night Sweet Prince

    DIEHIPSTER
    December 19,2009 – Deceember 23, 2012

    R.I.P

  14. Happy New Years and remember at the midnight stroke of ye olde tickety-tocke, sing your hearts out and don’t be ashamed to shed a tear for times gone past, and raise a beer for larfs ahead….

    Should old acquaintance be forgot,
    and never brought to mind ?
    Should old acquaintance be forgot,
    and old lang syne ?

    CHORUS:
    For auld lang syne, my dear,
    for auld lang syne,
    we’ll take a cup of kindness yet,
    for auld lang syne.
    And surely you’ll buy your pint cup !
    and surely I’ll buy mine !
    And we’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
    for auld lang syne.

    CHORUS
    We two have run about the slopes,
    and picked the daisies fine ;
    But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
    since auld lang syne.

    CHORUS
    We two have paddled in the stream,
    from morning sun till dine;
    But seas between us broad have roared
    since auld lang syne.

    CHORUS
    And there’s a hand my trusty friend !
    And give us a hand o’ thine !
    And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
    for auld lang syne.

    CHORUS

    Here is the original Scottish version of the Auld Lang Syne lyrics:

    Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
    and never brought to mind ?
    Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
    and auld lang syne ?

    CHORUS:
    For auld lang syne, my jo,
    for auld lang syne,
    we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
    for auld lang syne.
    And surely ye’ll be your pint-stowp !
    and surely I’ll be mine !
    And we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
    for auld lang syne.

    CHORUS
    We twa hae run about the braes,
    and pu’d the gowans fine ;
    But we’ve wander’d mony a weary foot,
    sin auld lang syne.

    CHORUS
    We twa hae paidl’d i’ the burn,
    frae morning sun till dine ;
    But seas between us braid hae roar’d
    sin auld lang syne.

    CHORUS
    And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere !
    and gie’s a hand o’ thine !
    And we’ll tak a right gude-willy waught,
    for auld lang syne.

    CHORUS

  15. Happy New Year Die Hipster Man may the beatings continue until they are all gone!

  16. Happy 2013 to all my New Yorkers!

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