A red beard in Greenwood.

Over the weekend, a diehipster.com reader went for a walk in the historic Greenwood cemetery in Brooklyn. He says there was a Revolutionary War re-enactment going on when he got there. So who shows up with his vintage 8mm or whatever the fuck it is camera? Drake the Redbeard of course! Didn’t I tell you fucking pieces of shit to stay above the fucking line?? Well, technically it is above the line – BUT IT’S TOO FUCKING CLOSE!!!

There’s nothing wrong with collecting old things like that; we all know old stuff is cool – just don’t go out in public with your “look-at-me” disease and flaunt it like an asshole. Just look at the red beard and his Halloween Glow Stick arm! It’s fucking blinding! It’s just glowing in the sun like some radioactive pipe cleaner. Anyway, I got the message and ran down to Greenwood as fast as I could. Luckily for Drake he was already in a cemetery so I grabbed one of the grave digger’s shovels and beat Drake into a locally-sourced, organic plate of eggplant parmigiana and buried him next to Louis Comfort Tiffany who is also buried at Greenwood so the two talented artists can eternally discuss their successes up in heaven.


118 thoughts on “A red beard in Greenwood.

  1. its sooooo kool to own a camera nobody has ever seen.
    It makes you better than the rest.

    • actually it’s dorky as shit to be going around with an Eclair 16mm camera like the one he has. like really dorky. As dorky as his look. I think he’s just a nerd with red hair and a beard because he’s lazy, not because its fashionable. It’s an older Russian model camera. Also what’s with his lens on there. His camera is probably going to jam a lot. I think you have confused this camera nerd with a hipster. HIpsters use their expensive Leica cameras or the Fujinon XPRO-1 that looks like a film camera but actually isn’t or the standard – a Canon 5D Mark II or now the Canon 5D Mark III that are way too expensive for what they use them for – shooting shots of their brunch for instagram and then waiting so hard to see if people like their photos..

      I wish more hipsters shot on film. That would save the film industry.

      Jesus, DH, way to show your ignorance in the film/video world.

      Please let me handle it in the future.

      • Why are you so jealous of cinephiles?

        • Ahhhh…when all else fails to silence your critics, simply accuse them of ‘being jealous’.


      • That’s a Beaulieu R16, not an Eclair.

        I’d agree with you that more movies being shot on film would be wonderful for the industry as a whole, but I don’t think hipsters attempting to shoot stuff on film would help a bit.

        As you should know, loading film into a motion picture camera takes a hell of a lot more concentration and know-how than sticking a tape or card into a digital thing. Can you imagine Logan, the Jr. youtube star trying to figure out what to stick where and how long it should be when you pull it out of an Arri SR? Or having to crank his authentic Bolex Rex 4 every 25 seconds when the wind runs out? Or how to operate a light meter??? Labs would be inundated with millions of feet of overexposed, underexposed or flashed film. And do you think Logan would pay? No, he’d throw a hissy fit, assume the lab screwed up and call his lawyer daddy and try to sue them for ruining what was undoubtedly going to be the greatest and most authentic movie ever shot is his and his friends apartments.
        And I’m not even gonna go into the perilous world a syching sound on a flatbed editor.

        And what’s more is that shooting on film is all well and good as long as you have something worthwhile to shoot. Otherwise you get something like Ti West.

        • House of the Devil was good, dammit :)

        • Hell yea Lee. You are right I screwed up what camera it was. Yes, Hipsters wouldn’t be able to handle film at all. They wouldn’t have the patience for it. Instagram is all they can handle.

          So I guess we both can agree that DH kind of screwed up this post – he’s attacking a nerd, not a hipster. Not all bearded people are hipsters, DH. Sorry man.

          • Yep, I screwed up. Beardo, glow in the sun, out of place, playing with vintage toy in public. Yep, I screwed up. Ed what’s even sadder is that he is no more or less talented than you in “film”. You are both in a giant bucket of tryhards – never to be known kidults who take up precious space in Brooklyn

          • BOOM! There it is!

            Spot the fuck on.

          • BOOM! There is is!

            Spot the fuck on.

          • I don’t think anyone agrees that he screwed up this post.

            It is SO hipster to carry this type of camera all taped up. Hipsters also love old medium format still cameras, super 8′s, pinhole cameras, and Brownies. They would not be caught dead with a nice, normal, digital camera. They go either old and unusual (to get attention and adoration for their “dedication to craft”, lol) OR they use their iPhones w Instagram.

            There are Non hipster camera nerds, but this isn’t one of them.

          • Hipsters may have an apreciation for film cameras, but they buy them and keep them in their homes. They don’t shoot with them.

            Maybe if you guys actually listened to Lee Jones you could learn something. Hipsters don’t shoot on film, they go around with iphones shooting instagram. And the artsy hipsters use Leicas and expensive cameras like the Canon 5d Mark II. They don’t have the patience for film.

            Also way to be all judgemental DH – maybe the Red Beard’s stuff is a lot better than mine. How can you assume his stuff sucks as bad as my shit? Give the nerd a break.

          • Also I don’t live in NYC – I live in LA. I haven’t lived in NYC in over 6 years.

          • Well, Since he doesn’t look like a hipster…………Oh wait, paper clip arms, perfect alabaster complexion, plaid lumberjack shirt, red beardo, “vintage” expensive toy (with tape and a $50 lens, ironic !!). I have a better change of winning hte Bronze in womens gymnastics that you or this shitstain not being hipsters. If the tattoo sleeve fits, where it (it’s a small)

          • SwampYankee, I’m sorry to say that you don’t know what you’re talking about in regards to the camera or lens.

            I’m not exactly sure of the make and model of the lens from the tiny picture included in the original post, but it appears to be a standard C-mount zoom. If it is, it’s likely something mediocre like a 16 to 65mm or whatnot. But all of these lenses have their purpose and, seeing as this looks like an Angenieux (though, of course, I can’t be sure), it’s hardly shitty (or worth $50) unless it’s dented or the zoom and/or focus ring jams easily.
            As for the tape, that’s standard procedure for shoots. You put tape around the edge of the door to the magazine and loading chamber to prevent light leaks.
            Seriously, don’t make fun of something you clearly know nothing about because it only makes you look bad.

            As for the pale skin on the [possible] hipster, that seems to be the result of that picture being taken with a shitty DIGITAL camera with improper exposure balance.

            But the important question is: is he a hipster?
            Honestly, from the picture, it’s hard to tell. First off, I’d guess he’s a film student, mostly because the odds of anyone doing a real production with a Beaulieu R16 is slim. He’s shooting MOS, which is fine, but also indicates an amateur film or music ‘video’. His look doesn’t scream hipster, but it’s really hard to tell because the picture is a pretty tight medium-close-up. There’s certainly visual evidence to imply ‘hipster,’ but not enough to eliminate all room for doubt. So I’m gonna leave that discussion to those who see fit to continue discussing it…

          • Thank you Lee for writing that!!!! Boom!!!


          • Well, I lost my original, long reply to you and I’m too busy to try and rewrite the entire thing so I’m going to summarize it.

            First, after my reply to your response, I began second guessing myself and asserting that the lens was an Angeniuex. Therefore, I showed the picture in DH’s post to a DP friend of mine who has been working professionally for 45+ years and has close to 100 features to his name. He could not ID the lens simply based on the picture so I showed him your suggestion and he acknowledged that, although he wasn’t certain, that there was a good likelihood that it was a similar lens to the one you linked. So there you go: coming from an expert with way more knowledge and experience than I have.

            In your most recent reply, you wrote: “DO YOU KNOW THE QUALITY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 16MM FILM AND STANDARD DEF TV??”

            Here you’re confusing image resolution and lens optics. First of all, the terms SD and HD are exclusive to video recording and broadcast. These terms mean absolutely nothing when you’re discussing film resolution. Resolution in video is determined by lines or pixels while in film, resolution is determined by a combination of gauge (8mm, 16mm, 35mm, etc.), fineness of grain and to a certain extent, speed. None of this is at all controlled by lenses or cameras.
            What I think you’rte (rightfully) trying to argue is that a cheap lens, such as the one you linked, will not be able to focus as sharply as a better constructed lens with finer glass and will therefore result in a somewhat muddier image. That’s absolutely tru but it has nothing to do with video or film resolutions.

          • Dearest Swamp Yankee,
            What a polite way to reply to Lee Jones. The only reason I think you are clinging to knowing your lens choice is because you shot the original photo and hence had a better way to closely look at the lens. The photo is very low-resolution – it’s very hard to tell. I also didn’t think it was a converted video lens. Lee Jones is very nice to respond and teach you a quick lesson about lens optics. I hope you found it useful. Also, he’s not a hipster at all. Why would you assume that? Because he was disagreeing with you? Everyone who disagrees with you is assumed to be a hipster?

            Have a blessed day.

  2. This guy reminds me of the hipster I dealt with in Silverlake while on vacation in L.A. this weekend.
    I was looking for parking and saw this huge pickup truck parked, but with its lights on. I pulled up next to it and this hipster-freak was behind the wheel. I stayed civil and simply asked, “Are you getting out?”

    Now, this simple question — “Are you getting out”? — has been kindly asked by millions of drivers looking for a parking over the decades. And the parked driver, in almost all cases, gives one of two possible replies: “Yes” or “No”. Simple, right? I mean, how can anyone complicate “Are you getting out?”

    Nope. This hiptard, with that smirk and inflection that only an extreme beta-male can master, replies, “If you let me.”

    WTF??? What kind of a warped, victimized-yet-entitled mindset does a person need to have in order to reply like that?

    • Heh heh…”Hey pal, go fuck yourself.”
      ” If you’ll let me.”

    • So, Silver Lake’s called Silverlake now – probably an affectation to separate it from the Silver Lake of the past.

      Christ, the last time I spent any real time over that way, probably more than 30 years ago, Silver Lake was like a minor league Needle (Echo) Park. If what’s happened to the hipster population in Portland is any indication, it may be headed that way again – West Coast hipsters seem to have a predisposition to interveinous drug abuse.

    • As a fellow L.A. citizen, I feel ya. They infected our Silverlake. Same thing happened to me:. The Coffee Table on Rowena was my favorite haunt, upon waiting in line for a coffee and scone, charlie manson circa 1968 steps in line in front me and completely cuts us off and just stares at us with this smug look, I step into his personal space and tell him ‘you cut us off, get out of my fucking way or I’ll throw you to the back of the line’ he left quickly and the cashier applauded me and said “all day I have to deal with THEM and they don’t tip and are very rude” apparantly silverlake has been overrun by the hipsters. What the hell is up with these self important delusional pricks? I’m suprised more of these assholes aren’t getting their asses beatin in L.A. for running around and being so smug and rude to random strangers…seriously….it’s weird how the hipster trend spouts about ‘peace and love everyone, sustainable energy, carbon footprints yadayada’ but they are the most snobbish and rude people…is that part of the ‘trend’ is the ‘irony’ of that?…anyone anyone?

      • What’s amazing is that while they are rude as shit, they are also total cowards — as your example shows. And while I was walking through Silverlake, a bunch of them were standing in front of some bar/coffee shop. As I walked by, one of them — not having any sense of spacial relationships, of course — suddenly, but not purposely, steps backwards into my path. I could have been nimble and side-stepped him, but I chose not to. Instead, I didn’t break stride and I shoulder/hip checked him as I walked by. I didn’t turn around and I didn’t hear a peep from him or his friends. BTW, I’m 5’11″ and 165 pounds. I’m fit, but not a “big” guy by any means. A non-uber-beta male would have said something to me. Then again, a non-uber-beta male never would have back-stepped into a busy sidewalk in the first place!

        • @ Tommyleo- Exactly! I was just in Trader Joe’s on Hyperion. A hipster couple were in the same aisle as me. The gangly boyfriend proceeds to open cheese curls and starts chomping on them obnoxiously. They impatiently “swerve around” an elderly couple who were “in their way” and I hear the boyfriend smirk “whatever the fuck..” girlfriend responds “ew seriously”. The last straw came when like a magnet I was trying to reach the frozen shrimp and felt a cart tap me on my hip and see the two of them staring at me. I stare back at them and w/ my free hand I shoved the cart back into them causing cheesecurls to spill and said matter of factly “you got a problem? watch who you bump that thing into you fucking idiot” they got wide eyed and mumbled ‘no..no’ and slinked away, left their cart and left the store! I’m the same build as you and any other male would have thrown down. They are nothing but cowards. You are absolutely right, it’s part of their ‘trend’ to throw the shit but can’t handle confrontation. It’s really wild. BTW, Tommyleo: that Trader joe’s attracts them like flies on shit, it’s awful.

        • tommyleo=we should start a Renegade Anti Hipster Task Force….L.A. style. Let me know.

  3. He bought it off of Zapruder then taped over the JFK assassination with a film of a tricycle race

  4. Radioactive pipe-cleaner – LOL

    I still have yet to figure out how that Whiter Shade of Pale is accomplished in fucking August.

    • I thought that people who can’t tan get sunburned?

      • Yep; this is what is confusing me – the people that don’t tan usually do get some color anyway, even in the form of a sunburn; this guy looks like he has been locked in a basement since 1982.

    • What
      In the FUCK?

      Only a knucklehead like that could make 9 MINUTES feel like 9 g-damned YEARS!! I FF’wd that video down to only 45 seconds and it STILL felt too long.

      Reminded me of a punk I heard once say a couple of years ago,”Ohhhh…tape is soooo kewwllll….I lerv thuh sew-und erv tayyyy-puh….yahhhhh….”. I wanted to split his lips so that normal people would be relieved of his squonking, ever-smug voice for a little while.

      • Yeah, he had a speech impediment: he was able to speak.

        • Glenn Miller’s “In the Mood”: the song that people who know nothing about jazz identify as jazz. If this shitass was serious he would play a song from the 1980″s. But he plays “In the Mood.”

  5. Off topic, but had to share this….

    Here’s Paul, owner of Sticky’s Finger Joint in NYC. The clip is from Bobby Flay’s “3 Days to Open” where the celebrity chef swoops in to save clueless restauranteurs 3 days before their grand opening.

    The clip above does not do the episode justice. Paul is a 26 year old OCD afflicted d**chebag hipster who talked his childhood friend into putting up 80K to build his dream – a chicken finger restaurant. Along for the ride is a cankle-lope who’s job is not clearly defined (she was swept by Paul’s enthusiasm, packed her bags and moved from the mid west) and nasally honks each sentence as if it were a question and a cook who is competent but is not allowed to do anything. Neither person has been paid in six months.

    Most people in Paul’s position would welcome the expertise of a highly regarded chef. Not paul. The first words out of his mouth were, “I’m gonna teach Bobby a thing or two. Bobby walks in and can’t get a word in edge-wise with this clown. Paul is all over the place – he has no recipes, no menu, no product and yet – he mentions franchising to Bobby.

    Flay finally cuts him off and asks, name one success you’ve had in your life”.

    “I had a magazine and I worked in social media and then there was this tech start-up in China”.

    Short/long. Bobby finally gets this guy to focus. Bobby and the cook are putting on aprons and the rest of them are doing shots. Two days go by and all Paul is asked to do is come up with 4 recipes. Finally he brings them in – on his i_phone. Bobby looks like he justs wants to beat this trustafarian with a hammer. Paul comes in and destroys the kitchen in a OCD enhanced cooking session (which amounts to nothing). While Bobby and the chef are mopping up Paul’s mess, Paul and Cankle-lope
    are embarking on their “Conceptual marketing event” – which involved our hero dressed in a chicken outfit standing in the middle of a busy street and squirting sauce on models dressed in white.

    If you want to see how hipsters go about running a business, this episode pretty much says it all. No recipes, no menu, no test marketing …when they did finally test market the food everyone didn’t like it).

    And to further validate pauls d**chiness, here’s what some folks on Yelp.com had to say:

    “..As far as the owner goes, both times we were there, he was annoying and borderline inappropriate. Dude, I get it, you’re excited to have your own restaurant. It’s cool, definitely not something I couldn’t do. But still, don’t be such an ass. Both times he was drunk (one of which you could clearly smell the whiskey on him), using foul language (which to be fair, I normally don’t have a problem with as I make Andrew Dice Clay look like Bill Cosby, but there’s a time and a place) and being forward to the point of rudeness. He needs to get his act together.”

    “Here’s the deal dude – if you’re doing a crap job of keeping your business basics together, at least appease the customers so they can leave happy. I won’t come back to your restaurant not because the food isn’t good, it’s because you’re a douche bag that told me about how the chicken is organic and expensive instead of just fixing the problem. Your rusty tables left orange marks all over my pants.”

    “I would give it 0 stars if I could.
    Shitty chicken fingers, shitty owner.
    I would never go back. You can get better quality food from a chicken spot in the ghetto.”

    *****AND MY FAVORITE****

    “Seriously? How is this place still open. My fiancé and I came in for a late night bite and were immediately accosted by one of the co-owners who was drinking beer on the sidewalk with a couple of others. He told us he’d been on mushrooms all day. The food took way too long to prepare and while we waited uncomfortablely he turned on way to loud music and started banging around on a keyboard like a child.”

    • In addition – the rent is 6K/mo.

      • Exactly…you guys should check out the Food Network Blog about that show! The comments on that episode are AWESOME! people are totally laying into that owner and his cohorts, complaining to Food Network about wasting their time w/ douchebag hipsters and how humiliating and shitty that show was…it’s awesome…also included are the troll comments from that crazy dude himself (paul)…it’s so funny.

        • Right. Again – you’re drowning and looking for a lifeline and fate hands you one of the most competent and successful chefs around (and gives you a ton of media coverage)
          and you p*ss it away.

          One of my favorite parts was when the marketing things was supposed to happen he called in some food writers to check it out.

          The next day he posted their remarks on the walls.

          The best one was “THIS GUY IS WALKING INTO A BUZZSAW”.

          • This basically sounds like what would happen if Baby Matthew the kidult attempted to open a restaurant.

          • I doubt that botched-abortion would have even made it that far.

          • Agreed. Baby Matthew wouldn’t have gotten further than getting together with friends people who like watching others debase themselves, and talked about how great his idea for a restaurant was. The party ended either when the beer ran out, or when sunrise struck and they were still trying to figure out how to train hamsters to bring the food to the customers’ tables.

          • But you must remember, people—it’s ART.

          • I think the best thing Bobby could have dome with that episode was to empty “cast” out, board up the front, and burn the place down. At least the backer would have gotten insurance back, and NYC would have been spared the embarrassment.

    • There’s a taco place that looks like this one on Madison and (i think) 26th. I believe it’s called Chorzo? or something. You walk in and it has a couple of counters on the walls, a long sideways counter and a kitchen the size of a small bathroom. Tried it once, they slapped some tiny soft tacos together, charged me $8 for blech food and I never went back. Not sure if they’re still open.

      It reminded me of this Paul idiot’s establishment.

    • Tell me: is there a restaurant deadpool for places like this? I ask because I’ve seen a lot of restaurants like this. One of the biggest ones I can remember was a once-successful pizza place that was bought out by a couple of Paul clones, and turned into an absolute mess. A basic cheese pizza took 45 minutes, but they had trivia games and a big flatscreen for baseball season! (That place didn’t die within six months. It was dead within two, because the new owners figured that their rich uncle was just going to give them more money to pay the bills when their costs went overboard.)

    • Days away from opening and they’re still experimenting with recipes? Idiots. And the investor is an even bigger idiot.

      • I remember reading an article way back about big sports figures who related all sorts of stories about family members hitting them up for money for “sure thing” business ventures. One said that his financial advisor told him “If you’re going to lend money to a nephew so he can start a restaurant or club, you might as well put that money into a bag and throw it into the ocean, because you’re never going to see it again.” That childhood best friend might as well have tossed his cash into a tree mulcher, because that place might have made more money if it had opened as a bookstore. (And yes, this is deliberate. Bookstore customers are usually a lot more forgiving of rude, arrogant, and drunk owners and employees, and the owners are less likely to get butthurt when someone points out that they might want to get on the ball. Just as with these twits, they won’t do anything, but they also won’t go public with half-assed rebuttals and general whinemaking.)

    • God I hate grown adults doing that up-talking shit.

      Yeah? Like if I totally talk like I’m 12 years old? everyone will think I like, LOOK 12 years old n stuff? Yahh..totallyyyy…yahhhh…..yahhhh?? wowwwwwwwerrrrrrr derrrrrr hurrrrr hurrrr….hurrrrr?

    • I like how Bobby kind of looks away when he tells them this restaurant has a great future ahead.

    • Oh, god.
      I saw a commercial for this episode on The Food Channel a couple weeks back and felt a bit sick.
      I routinely watch the travel themed cooking/restaurant shows and I’ve noticed that more and more of them seem to be championing hip/yup run or pleasing places…They’re even running a commercial about a large scale rooftop garden in Brooklyn (though said garden appears to be run by an Indian immigrant).

      • The biggest offender is “Diners drive ins and Dives”. I don’t mind the host to much. But after watching a few episodes you noticed that they all have the same trend – Outre’ burgers, tacos, BBQ…all hipster foods. if anything this shows how small their world is.I think it’s hilarious when they do the little clips of the patrons fawning over the food and there’s always one hipster who bleats, “like yah….it’s sooooauthentic…just like in the old country”.

        Another thing I noticed is the Network, and the NYT all fawn over Foei gras, giant burgers and hipster gluttony. But the same people – Anthony Bourdain included – will bash americans for eating deep fried cheese cake at a state fair. Meanwhile, some chi chi Italian joint in NYC serves fried ricotta balls with a dipping suace and everyone fawns over it. So what’s the difference – besides the price?

        • Yes, I agree with everything you wrote.
          I always know to cringe when they travel to Austin. Bourdain bitches about hipsters all the time but he’s such a fucking hypocrite. He’s incredibly self important, loves projecting an image of “cool and authentic” and is an obnoxious bleeding heart liberal; making money off visiting the poverty stricken countries he loves highlighting on his how.
          I’m very supportive of Andrew Zimmern. He seems like a genuine guy and, even when he tours hipster establishments, always seems to be well aware of what they are.

          • Yea, but Bourdain’s just a crude old prick. However, did you catch the episode where he went to Joshua Tree? it’s overrun by hipsters now. The whole town…it’s like Children of the Trust Funded Corn. It’s awful. He catered and celebrated that shithole of a town, and it’s so hipsterfied, that the Ace hotel (the hipster hotel in palm springs) held a viewing party for that episodes airing….gross gross gross

      • Read the comments on Yelp. what’s really pathetic is that the food (they have 3 1/2 stars out of 5) is not bad. The main complaints are about the owner and the staff being rude and drunk all the time.

        • Even better is reading the owner’s snide, smarmy comments. No restauranteur is going to make everybody happy, and he’s never going to make friends with every disgruntled customer. I actually have a hell of a lot of respect for owners willing to stand behind their food, particularly if the customer is point-blank wrong. The comments here, though, just cement that ol’ Paul here has a raging case of butthurt every time someone dares give him a negative review. (Same with the comments on the show’s blog. I swear, he has more sockpuppet accounts than Stevie and Special Edd combined.)

    • LOL The one time I might agree with Jones on something, and it’s hipsters. I’m glad it’s at the beginning of the video because all that’ flouride is evil’ crap is more than I can tolerate to hear anymore. Really Alex? So, um, every single PhD since that study in the 20′s that consumed flouride means, what?

      Besides, too many hipsters follow Jones like cult members, and that’s more than enough evidence for me the guy’s on the deep end of ‘the truth’.

      • It’s almost funny to watch him rev himself up until he froths at the mouth. Over just about anything. One of these days he’s going to give himself a stroke, and crate a conspiracy rumor about it.

        • Wish that stroke would come soon, and be televised.
          But he is right on about hipsters, as even a broken clock is right 2x a day…

    • “Messin’ With (Wannabe) Sasquatch”

    • “Stupid in Public” will get ya every time.

    • In the comments section there is mention of people wearing camo in public (a fashion statement here in Ohio). My old friend Don Knueven,one of the truly hep (he was too old to be hip) had a great technique for dealing with them. When they spoke he would look around exclaiming “Who said that?” and look past them talking about ghosts or ventriloquists.He loved winding them up!

  6. This reminds me a lot of “LaMont The Hipster”

  7. Saw a TV commercial the other night where a hipster is prancing down the street breaking things with an umbrella…and then a piano falls on him.

    Fucking brilliant. Can’t for the life of me remember what product is being plugged. Help me out.

  8. Why have a beard in August?

  9. I just realized that the birth date on the tombstone is April 1st, hahaha. Nice touch.

  10. Why is EVERY hipster a photographer? I don’t get it.

    But this video from SNL pretty much sums up the hipster approach to art/photography/anything else.

    • Wow. That was so brutally accurate it was as sad as it was hilarious.

    • Because it’s the easiest “art form” to fake when all you have to do is point your little parentally purchased camera at something, take the pictures, and convince yourself that you are an incredible artist without ever having to fully learn the craft or rely on creative skill. Also, it’s easy to do in public where everyone around them sees them. That’s important. Add some half-assed editing and post it on their blog showing everyone their “creative” talents. Too bad the outcome 99% of the time is total unoriginal, talentless crap made by half-assed wannabes.

      • I agree. A lot of photography is horrible as is a lot of poets and screenwriters and actors and directors and pretty much everyone in the art world including myself. I suck harder than most.

    • “How’s your relationship with your parents?”

      “My parents are my 2 best friends and they always said how great I was at everything.”

      “Is that why you’re so sucky and you don’t realize it?”

      “Probably, yeah”

    • Ha. Every hipster is a photographer but never a wedding photographer, as that’s far too uncool, you have to actually answer to clients and it’s a necessary service.

      I just caught this execrable Two Broke Girls show. My god, ripped right from the pages of the hipster handbook. Two white girls slumming it, pretend-poor in a gritty urban nabe.™
      and “the worst television show currently in production” according to a New Zealand newspaper.

      • If you think that’s bad – just wait until the HBO series, “Girls” oozes its way toward you. It’s enough to make you want to put your foot through the TV screen.

  11. WOW!! That SNL skit hit it out of the park! Someone should do a bat signal projection of that skit on every exterior wall in Williamsburg!

    Who wants to bet that every butthurt hipster in the world who might’ve seen that will also deny ever having seen it? LOL

    “Did you see that hipster skit on SNL? One of the characters kind of looks and talks like you.”
    “No, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t even know what SNL really means anyway. It’s probably mainstream.”

  12. Making money off hipsters:

  13. “I sourced it from that tap myself.”

    “As you can see, I’ve written some philosophical shit on the back.” ROFL

    And the guys “I’m totally serious about everything I say” deadpan delivery is brilliant.

  14. Inte3resting point about the line,Greenwood would still be north Brooklyn ,But i think Hipster scum should also be excluded from all areas of Coastal Brooklyn.So from Coney AND around the bend up to Sunset Park,Eh,they get their ass kicked around dem parts anyway

    • Watch out – hipsters are sneaky. After all, they can make money off of artisanal mayonaisse and pubic hair-infused $10 chocolate bars. They may open up a regular NY-style pizza joint in south Brooklyn and then when comfortably ensconced, transform it overnight into a Chicago deep dish place sponsoring a kickball team and open mic night.

      • It’s not really a matter of sneakiness which allows them to make money off artisanal mayo and $10 chocolate bars, but a matter of consumer stupidity, with the “consumers” being other hipsters or clueless “normals” who buy into the hiptard’s creative/whimsical/artistic facade. It’s strange brew that consists of a warped variant Social Darwinism (smarter, sharper hipster exploit lesser brethren) and a “no honor among thieves” mindset (i.e. A hipster stealing a friend,s iPhone and pawning it is not a bad thing if the friend doesn’t find out) which best describes the hiptard social pecking order.

  15. THIS post and comment thread had me rolling!! Thank you so much! Having a crap morning..til now. As an aside..I had the pleasure of pulling a shotgun on a stupid Caleb and his Meagan last week..now granted I live in Jerkson, (typo and it stays) Wyoming (by way of NY) and you can drive around with shotguns in your truck here. I made Caleb pee himself while riding a bike with a banana seat!!

  16. Why are so many of their beards red?

    I guess I could ask the same about all of their similar physical attributes (pasty skin tone, skinny-fat-zero-muscle-tone grover-shaped bodies, nasal vocals, premature balding, cankles, bad eye sight, tone-deaf).

    • The midwest vomited its vast collection of nerds upon NYC and this is what stuck. And they’re procreating now so expect further mutants to become “anchor” baby Calebs and Megans eating artisanal PB&Js and taking crappy pictures with toy cameras.

    • It could be a Scandinavian thing (wild guess) since a lot of hipsters hail from Minnesota and N. Dakota (many move from Nodak to Minn then to NY).

  17. Yeah the red-beard guy looks like he is visiting from Iowa or Ohio. Not that it matters. But interesting pointing out his pale glow stick arms. The way his hands are holding the camera is with the utmost try-hard precision. In his world, he is filming a ground-breaking historical discovery. The New York City borough of Brooklyn is at his command. This fucking dude discovered the place. It looks like he is the star of the show. It is as if holy light is shining on him – not on the re-enactment of the battle. All eyes are on him. This historical cemetary in Brooklyn wasn’t shit until this red-beard showed up last week. He is a special superstar. He should recieve an award or something. He should be given a cemetary historian job so that all his talent does not go to waste..


  18. Show us on the doll where the beard touched you.

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