Over the weekend, a diehipster.com reader went for a walk in the historic Greenwood cemetery in Brooklyn. He says there was a Revolutionary War re-enactment going on when he got there. So who shows up with his vintage 8mm or whatever the fuck it is camera? Drake the Redbeard of course! Didn’t I tell you fucking pieces of shit to stay above the fucking line?? Well, technically it is above the line – BUT IT’S TOO FUCKING CLOSE!!!
There’s nothing wrong with collecting old things like that; we all know old stuff is cool – just don’t go out in public with your “look-at-me” disease and flaunt it like an asshole. Just look at the red beard and his Halloween Glow Stick arm! It’s fucking blinding! It’s just glowing in the sun like some radioactive pipe cleaner. Anyway, I got the message and ran down to Greenwood as fast as I could. Luckily for Drake he was already in a cemetery so I grabbed one of the grave digger’s shovels and beat Drake into a locally-sourced, organic plate of eggplant parmigiana and buried him next to Louis Comfort Tiffany who is also buried at Greenwood so the two talented artists can eternally discuss their successes up in heaven.