Today’s hipster beating.

Today, I saw Logan VanArtisan; the 29 year old Wrigley’s Doublemint Gum shaped, cupcake blog creative assistant’s assistant intern, apartment hunting in a $2000-$2500 a month homogenized section of Brooklyn with his visiting enabling parents from Iowa. So I gave him a right cross to the moustache, strapped him to his long board and tied it to the back of a cruelty-filled Boar’s Head truck. End of story.

117 thoughts on “Today’s hipster beating.

  1. Anybody remember the wanna be Zoe Deschanel (complete with bangs) I mentioned a few posts back. The one who after her 2 year whimsical world travel stint was moving to New York to “make it”.
    Well she’s got her new apartment. Guess which none stereotypical hipster non gentrified neighborhood she is moving to. I’ll give you 3 guesses and you will only need one.. that’s right..
    Williamsburg.

    • Yep, remember that article, and there was never a doubt in my mind where she was going. I give her about 2 weeks until she buys her first ukelele, and 3 weeks before she’s acting quirky on the Bedford platform.

      LIKE YAH!!

      • And I’ll give her 3 months until she’s writing a whiny article about how she couldn’t make it in the big bad city on a blogger’s salary (if there is even such a thing) and had to move home with Momy and Daddy. Kind of like that one guy who wrote that extremely whiny and utterly disrespectful NY times article about how he had to move cause just working as a journalist wasn’t paying the bills.

        • That’ll be in six months. In three months, she’ll be throwing a fit about how she doesn’t qualify for food stamps, which she DESERVES, because her allowance is too high to qualify.

    • Yeah, tried to figure out how she could afford to move anywhere she wanted on a whim. I’m just not buying you can afford Williamsburg on a bloggers salary. COuldn’t find anything so I can only assume she is parentally funded. So I guess if someone else is paying….you can make it anywhere

  2. “Cruelty-filled Boar’s Head truck” haha – the only way I like my deli meat. Jammed in a pen, stuffed with grain and just dying for the privilege to leap onto my sandwich.

    • Oh, like, wow, my life has changed since reading one of his poems. The type of stuff I wrote at 15, not like this drip who’s 29 feaking years old. I get the teenage trauma he endured, can relate. But why not take some creative writing classes, or actually make an attempt at developing something relevant, by exploring and expressing those issues? But no, he takes the easy way out and sits on the damn street with a vintage typwriter, spitting out drek that a third-grader could compose. That’s the thing. These people can’t deal with any “art” that requires effort. It’s just to hard. So sit on the street with shit for sale. I’ll bet a lot of people in Denver (or wherever he plants himself) pat him on the head, and say, “What a nice little try-hard..Sure, I’ll buy a nice little poey-woem from you. So neat!” Why did I look at the article via his blog or whatever. I was having a good day. Damn it!

      in the eyes of design
      your oblivion is masked
      the situation of beauty
      formed closer to a task

      the comfort of knowing
      the ability to prepare
      a form of expression
      with materialism you dare

      fare formalities of style
      your energy is unique
      brave your own creation
      don’t forget about your feet.

      • That is one of the worst poems I have ever read. If not THE worst. None of it makes sense.

        This reminded me of watching MTV news back in the late 90s when Jewel wrote a book of poems, and Kurt Loder actually broke down one of her lines and told her it didn’t make sense in the interview. Instead of explaining herself, she just got all mad and threw insults at him.

        • This self-important dingleberry on the ass of literati everywhere writes “poems” that can be found in the notebook of any aspiring 8th grade thespian wannabee. The arrogance of his self-promotion hits its apex when he appears at “The Absinthe House”, wherever the fuck that is. Real absinthe would make this gerbil cry.

          • How’s this for “poetry”:
            There once was a hipster named ROry
            Who moved to the “‘Schwick,” seeking glory,
            When Die Hipster found out,
            He gave him such a clout
            That he landed back home. End of story.

          • HAHAHAHA! Perfect!

          • So simple yet so profound. I love it!

          • Amazing. Keep the sun off your legs, grow a dustbunny on your chin, sport a fedora (and a scarf–can’t forget that in the summer heat), and you can tour Union Square with Matt Silver if you want to! You may have to take your “art” very serious. After all, you’re a non-conformist who has found the same way not to conform.

            Great satire.

    • So Mister ” I use a typewriter because it keeps me in the moment” wants me to pay for his 30 journey across the country to “post” from every farmers market? WTF? HOw does this work? How can you “post” from a typewriter? Oh, you can’t. The typewriter is to pose behind while someone takes a picture with an iPhone and then the poem and his other musing have to be transmitted to us? What is the point of using a typewriter if it can’t do the things you need it to do? Just a fucking prop for him to pose behind

    • Oh, he says he is an “Artist”, I guess so, he has the fingerless gloves to prove it:

      ART ART ARTART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART!

    • Huh. I’ve seen this presentation before:

    • Well I couldn’t understand why I should pay for his train trip so I dropped him a note and he responded. Problem is, I still don’t understand why I should pay to send this guy across the country. He will only come back. Anyway. His response:

      “What don’t you understand? The typewriter is the medium. I write poems on it for people to keep. The font, the sound, the flow, and the imagine are all relative to the experience. The purpose of recording it all is to just that, record my experience and interactions. It is all about character and interaction…. how do you not understand?”

    • There’s a shitload of MUCH better doggerel on byways all across the flyover states; some of the best of it can be found by Googling “Burma Shave.” As usual, almost a century late to the party. Moochy twat…

  3. Matthew Silverman, (1979 – 2012), Goodnight Sweet Princess.

  4. Why, why, why must be endure these pathetic creatures? And why the hell would anyone sponsor this talentless spank sock and encourage him to continue this folly? It would serve a greater good to all if he just took that $215 and put it towards tuition at a trade school – at least that way he may have half a chance of making an appreciable contribution to society. If those who can’t, write then what do those who can’t write do? Apparently, move to Brooklyn.

  5. I saw that Boar’s Head truck going down Manhattan Ave in Greenpoint this morning.
    The guy on the longboard was passed out and drooling…

  6. I love writing crappy poetry, I mean artful, artisian poetry…

    holla holla holla motherfucker
    you bedbug
    scroobius pip is not your daddy
    your underoos are full of poo poo

    the end

    • You know some lurking, perpetually butthurt hiptard is going to plagiarize that. What you created off the top of your head is what can take them several months.

      • Several years, actually. They have to “hone their craft” by spending more of their parents’ money by getting a useless Masters degree in Poetry, then using their gentrification allowance to live in Brooklyn. Because apparently they can’t write shitty poetry anywhere else in the world but Brooklyn.

  7. “cruelty-filled Boar’s Head truck” That is funny!

    • How can you not love The Boar’s Head turck? that’s downright unamerican.

      • Was up on Arther Avenue in the Bronx today. There is no artisinal bullshit of any sort up there. Check out Mikes Deli. This, my friend, is New York.
        http://www.arthuravenue.com/

        • That is a cruel bit of temptation torture there SY. I just decided I’m going to ‘staycation’ by flying over night to NY, head to that deli, eat everything I can in there for 3 days, then return and work out for six weeks. Which I’ll have to put off because I’ll be eating whatever I ship back for at least four.

          (wipes drool off chin, passes out…)

  8. Cruelty is nature’s tenderizer

    • Tell me about it. I keep waiting for everyone to take the hint and leave Portland alone, but for every trustafarian who sulks back home because “I just wasn’t appreciated” (i.e.: “I was so much of a self-important asshole that even the poetry groups in Powell’s kicked me out. Hell, the Portland Science Fiction Society thought I was a douchebag, and that takes work.”), you get five more who know about the crowding and underemployment in the city and figure that they’ll beat the odds. Worst of all, as I’ve noted before, I’m seeing people who watch Portlandia and not only don’t get the joke, but think that it’s an ad to emigrate.

      • “I’m seeing people who watch Portlandia and not only don’t get the joke, but think that it’s an ad to emigrate.”

        Wow, pretty scary that there are people so stupid that they don’t realize that they are the butt of the joke. Must be the same living brain donors that insist “there’s no such thing as hipsters.”

        • You got it in one. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. The hipsters who think that Portlandia isn’t directly mocking them are identical to the Cat Piss Men who watch William Shatner’s “Get A Life” speech and laugh their asses off because it obviously applies to someone else.

  9. yeah right… you’re too pussy to confront anyone in real life! this shit is really pathetic… this blog is an embarassment…

    • which one of us here wants to go to jail for punching your pathetic face into a wall?

      (crickets chirp)

      that’s right, none of us. It’s not worth the lawyer fees or the bruised knuckles to meet up with you in person.

      • hahahahha pathetic… you wouldnt even say anything to anyone’s face! you resort to whining on a blog… you pathetic piece of shit! you should be ashamed! i could walk up to you an wipe a booger on your forehead and you wouldnt say shit! none of you would! talking shit like this anonymously without posting your own pictures… this shit is just pathetic whining… i shit on you.

        • I see Mr. Silver is back here again today. lol

        • Hello Matthew. It seems you have failed to take my advice about not being a bitchass.

          Remember this:

          http://normalbobsmith.com/amazingstrangers/142.html

          http://vimeo.com/44641806

          We already saw your true colors (the various shades of yellow common to urine) when that dude tossed your props. We also saw how incredible weak your one-trick-pony “Village Idiot” schtick is. Real artists take risks. In the vimeo link, you’re playing REAL safe — especially when that old toothless dude was damn near ready to light that ass up.

          • I want to thank you for this link. I think I’ve mentioned before that I worked at The New School and Parsons back in the 90′s. I was in that park a few times a day for years. Mostly to take the train but on nice days some of my co-workers and I would have our lunch there. Between the chain stores in the background and these so called “artists” it’s good to know there’s still people like Dusty to keep things real. Is there any public park they haven’t infected yet? Jesus!

          • I love that video. I can always appreciate genuine “freaks” or “weirdoes” like Dusty. The dude simply stole the show from Mr. Silver. If Silver was everything he portrays himself to be, he would’ve rolled with it. It shouldn’t be hard to improv with an act like his.

            You asked the following question:

            “Is there any public park they haven’t infected yet?”

            Perhaps the question “Is there anything they haven’t infected yet?” should be asked. In terms of art and anything subcultural, they have infected. They’ve infected those things to such a degree, that things are now associated with them.

        • “you wouldnt even say anything to anyone’s face! you resort to whining on a blog…”

          Isn;t that what you;re doing right now?

          • you people are hopeless… i didn’t create a blog to jerk off to people that annoy me. enjoy the circle jerk you pieces of dog shit. while you sit here sucking each others dicks i hope these hipsters run you out off town with their artisanal fart juice. i’m sure they’ll raise your fucking rent you fucking morons since you don’t own any property and you’ll have to leave town and start another blog to whine about how you had to leave NYC. fucking embarassing…

          • You must possess either:

            Beard, painted on jeans, or on-purpose bed head hair.

            Also: You definitely do not own property. Your ass is bleeding from a few words on my stupid little website. Fucking cuntrag hipster.

          • ahahahahahahhaha… wrong on ALL counts… PUSSY! Enjoy the circle jerk…

          • Nope, turdhead, you’re using ours. Die!

          • You have a very unhealthy obsession with penises, feces, and urine. I suggest you go get some mental help.

        • Really Shlong Sucker? You shit on us??? It looks like you on shit yourself. With your soiled yellow and brown stained underoos and all. You should also consider taking down that photo of you foaming at the mouth, dripping onto that gross bedbug ridden beard(or maybe it’s semen from sucking a shlong?).
          http://www.maninwhitedress.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/524003_10150937184958027_1017758031_n.jpg

          None of the hipster apologists and NPR journalism interns have been able to satisfactorily give us a reason why this is Art. I don’t want to hear “he’s expressing himself, he’s free, he loves people” bullshit. The only thing he’s expressing is the fecal matter in his bowels. HOW IS THAT IS ART???

          “Fart, I’m a clown fart clown fart infinity clown. Fartttttttt, I’m a farttttttt head. Fart fart fart. Chicken, I’m also a chicken!” You’re going to be so ashamed the day you wake up and realize you’ve made a huge ass of yourself and did absolutely everything in your power to piss people off for your entire life.

  10. oh yeah…. like you’d confront any of these people in real life… or anyone for that matter… this is pathetic…. embarrassing… whining on a blog…

    • Matti’s back. Funny, after yesterdays expose and beatdown you’d think he’d be a little shamed…guess not.

    • Many of the people here actually have something to lose. Here’s the scenario:

      - You run your mouth
      - You get punched in it
      - You cry
      - You call the cops

      People with something to lose (especially in this pussified age) can’t afford to get arrested. People lose jobs over lesser shit.

      The people you need to worry about are those of us who are more impulsive and inclined to say “fuck it” before hauling off and punching you in the face. Some of us will add insult to injury by snatching your iPhone, throwing it to the ground as hard as possible, then kicking the pieces into the nearest sewer/storm drain.

      Some of us will do much worse.

      I’ve caused a few of your snarky hiptard brethren to have flashbacks to the bad old days of High School where even the nerds were chin-checking them. Each time I’ve had to leave the scene because like clockwork, the pussies call the police.

      You hipturds are pussies in the extreme. Even your girlfriends know it. That’s why they’re so quick to get between me and you (that is, if you haven’t pushed her between us you pussy) when it appears some shit is about to pop off.

      • AHAHHAHAHA… i like your avatar… is that supposed to be you? you fucking pussy! hahahahaha…. yeah i’m sure you have so much to lose… you know… you can tell people you don’t like the way they are dressed or the way they are carrying on in public…. that’s not a crime you dumb shit… i shit on you. you’re too scared so whine on here like an idiot cause you can’t do nutting… you can’t do nuthing… you can’t do nothing… i stand on top of the empire state building and shit into your mouth

        dudes,

        this blog is truly pathetic… i’m sorry… at least show that you are confronting hipsters by calling them out verbally on video… or interview them or post your pictures saying i’m a real new yorker and i don’t approve of this shit etc., i mean cmon … this shit is an embarassment… seriously…

        • Matt, your butthurt is as apparent as your poor hygiene and lack of actual talent.

          Yep, that avatar is me. I’m a biker that lives in Los Santos, San Andreas. I’m enjoying a little whiskey after sparkin’ a leño in Dillimore, north of Los Santos. I can’t get anything past you. Sharp as a katana you are.

          When I’m not bashing hipsters online, I’m either racing across the deserts of Bone County on my chopper, or getting my drink on and watching strippers at at Jizzy’s Pleasure Dome in San Fierro. I’ve lived in Vice City, Liberty City and even lame ass Stillwater (3rd Street Saints, you guys are a joke,) and I have to say none of them come close to San Andreas. The place is straight loco.

          • If I remember right I think this avatar and the one up a few posts “ShlongSucker” actually belong to Edd the amazingly talented and not parentally funded at all vidjagropher.
            But they might belong to Stevie the confused vampirish Canuckster. It’s getting harder and harder to keep all the sock-puppet masters straight.
            Partially because there are so many of them now, but mostly because I don’t care about them.

          • It’s very possible. These people are literally interchangeable. I just noticed a serious spike in hiptard defenders every since “Hans” and “Molly L” were revealed to be Matthew Silver.

    • How many imbecilic comments composed of the exact same butthurt boohooing are you going to post under all of your little sock puppet names?

      • i’d ask you the same question you fucking piece of shit. this will be my last post… i’ll leave you nim rods to it.

        • Stop pretending this is a first or last post you fuckin beardo bitch. You come and go like a little cuntrag. Just go for good if you can’t explain the importance of hipsterism for our societies.

  11. I just spewed my coffee on the monitor earlier reading about how Mr. Silver feels that we are like the KKK.

    HAHAHAHAHAHHA

    Well I feel that Mr. Silver is like a douchebag.

    • How about a haiku?

      Union Square hijinks
      Edgy! but Brotha foils me
      World sees my butthurt

      • You need to post that to his blog and Facebook.

      • LOL!!!!!!!!!

        Mr. Silver doesn’t take kindly to criticism of his “art” – but other artists take the kind of criticism dished out here and more, real artists, because that’s part of the job. I think my biggest criticism about Mr. Silver is how sloppy he is. He takes no pride in crafting his presentation board (that nasty dirty piece of cardboard with his name on it) or his props – it’s all sloppy trash. If he wanted to be quirky, creative and dada he could do that but it requires some level of craftsmanship, which he either doesn’t have the ability to do or is just so damn lazy he doesn’t care.

        • You would think that an [sarcasm] artistic maverick [/sarcarsm] like Mr. Silver would wear his negative criticism on his sleeve like a badge of courage.

          Matt has all of the characteristics of a hipster “artist”. THe’s a thin-skinned, attention whoring (positive attention only!), one trick pony who is more concerned with being perceived as an artist rather than actually BEING one. Despite his pretense of being controversial, he actually tucks tails and runs like a little bitch in the face of real controversy. These people want to be thought of as artistic/cultural trailblazers but don’t want to deal with the negative aspects (negative criticism, “haters”, setbacks, lack of success, frustration and so on) of being such.

          • and Mr Silver has gone absolutely apeshit on his own site today after the whole die hipster feature on him. all he can seem to do is repeat fart or variations of that word over and over again. it really is like a 4 year old that thinks fart words are funny.

          • He’s DEFINITELY a psycho. Absolutely no doubt. Deeply, deeply disturbed.

          • With all his talk about farting he must be scoring tons of pussy.

    • The only answer to that is:

  12. Yesterday while I was having a bit of fun making those t-shirt designs of Our Hero, one thing I noticed right off the bat while examining and working on the images was how soiled Mr. Silver’s green speedo looked. It’s not something you would really get up close to and examine unless you were making an image and had to use magnification tools – but it sure looked to me like Mr. Silver doesn’t wash his speedo very often.

    • IMO it doesn’t look like he washes ANYTHING very often.

      • Watch out – rumor has it that today’s blue plate special in Billyburg will be artisanal dick cheese!!! Filthy cockrags!!

    • He keeps repeating “Brown in front; yellow in back… Wait, how does that go again?”

  13. Today I saw a bunch of pieces of dog shit whining like pussies about hipsters on a blog. I pissed on their faces while they looked up at me in gratitude. They wanted me to fart on them but I declined.

    • ah yes, Mr. Silver will be spending his Friday and the rest of the weekend here soaking up all of the attention he’s getting.

      • He sure has a thing about excretion, doesn’t he? I’m surprised that he hasn’t moved into the lucrative semen painting market and demonstrated another “talent”.

        • Usually males pushing 40 years old who are fixated on pee pee poo poo thinking were sexually abused by their fathers with the additional unconscious knowledge that Mommy not only knew about the abuse, but was indirectly satisfied and approving of it.

          It explains both Matthew and Stevie perfectly.

    • Today I saw a sustainable artisan pencil dick beardo complaining on a blog about people complaining on a blog. I laughed heartily at him and his pathetic butthurt attention whoring.

  14. Everyone go to Mr. Silver’s website – http://www.maninwhitedress.com/ and drop a .01 donation into his paypal box – they’ll charge him a fee for the transaction. rotfl. lol

    • LOL

    • AHAHAHA! You reminded me of why I keep a 1.00 credit on my Bank One Visa. They burned me so i paid the entire thing off + 1.00.

      So Now they have to spend money on postage, paper and man hours to send me statements every month.

    • done

    • He’s 33, from the Jersey burbs, has nice parents who are still married (who must be mortified), wears white dresses and dirty Speedos. I’m still trying to figure out what about his “performances” makes him an artist of any kind.

      Hell, GG Allin would fight with the crowd & take dumps on stage but no one accused him of having any artistic talent and he didn’t claim to be one. He knew he was a crusty, drunk, drug addicted f*ck up and nothing more. Matthew hasn’t come to the same realization yet.

  15. I am so grateful for the training this blog has provided me. Today on 9th Avenue in Manhattan, I saw with my very own eyes a “formidable chap” in his late ’20′s or early ’30′s, wearing riding boots that could have been original Royal Mounted Fusiliers issue, sporting a full beard — including waxed and curled moustache tips! — and smoking a pipe! In the past, I might have put it aside as an eccentric fashion choice. But with your help, I knew to recognize a full-out looook-attttt-meeeeee onslaught. Thank you all!

  16. Art Warning!!!
    ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART

    Some dumb ass hipster created a website predicting the tempreture of the L train platform at all of it’s stops. WTF? At his barista job it’s always going to be hot behind the espresso machine.
    ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART

    http://www.l-degrees.com/

    • Wow…so resorting to blatant lies, near slander, and BS is what’s hot in the streets?

      I can’t even believe this…I just can’t.

      • Correction…borderline libel. Cause it’s written/typed.

    • I’m not giving that cocksucking vampire another gratuitous hit.

      • Now that’s some sane thinking. Besides, why cross the street to his place if he’s crossing, and he clearly is, the street to this place? Fug ‘im.

    • It’s always impressive when they start using words like “KKK” or “neo nazis” – always any criticism of their activities and “art” must mean that you are KKK or troll neo nazi sites.

  17. When grown people push little kids out of the way to get their mugs in front of the camera, which is what hipsters do literally and metaphorically with their lives, there’s no way to look at those kinds of adults and feel even the kind of respect that makes you want to at least tolerate them. Shorter version: Hipsters make themselves intolerable to anyone except hipsters.

    It’ll probably take another five years before this shit starts to die off, but it will. Many of them are already ‘old’ in the traditional, middle aged sense and when they start hitting late 30′s and 40′s MOST of them, not all, will be wearing loafers and talking about their retirement issues around the grill on Sunday. Which will, of course, be a fashionable and hip, not conventional, thing to do.
    So they’ll sound exactly like the amateurs they do now when talking about anything.

  18. Now that would be funny MD. Get yourself a DI hat, head to Matt’s Outdoor Theater of Horseshit, and get in his face doing your best,”I’m not your mother you candy assed little boy!” grizzled sergeant routine. The video of piss running down his legs to the pavement will be priceless.

    As for the seaman Lam there, I wish her the best of luck but she might want to reevaluate her answer for why she’s joining the Navy. And if colleges of engineering are now producing graduates who thought they would be ‘working with gadgets…’, then the standards for entry have so seriously declined that I’m, for once, left speechless. I cannot even comprehend any EE grad giving such a disturbingly unintelligent explanation for a chosen vocation.

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