Today’s hipster beating.

Today I saw this guy arriving to Brooklyn:

So if you combined a highlight reel of every Mike Tyson knockout and every Jason Voorhies Friday the 13th kill it would not hold a candle to the fucking beating I gave this out-of-place, Brooklyn-ruining, attention-starved, 2-note guitar playing, filthy fucking hipster bedbug chauffeur. End of story.

 

97 thoughts on “Today’s hipster beating.

  1. Ah, yes, that’s good ole OJ (Ohio Josh), king of McCarren puddle canoeing, and professional Spin Doctors playdoh action figure expert. He’s very quirky and creative.

    I heard he tragically got run over by the L train the other night; apparently after running Josh over, the conductor got out to see what he hit – when he saw it was OJ, he threw it into reverse and ran him over again.

    • lolllll !!

    • His talents include clearing a room, honking the most nasaly, and fitting into his 12 year old sister’s vest.
      The beer cans was just an accident.

      • This is what happens when people with NO STREET SMARTS move to NYC. They want everything changed for THEM. During high school, I took the subway from Bensonhurst to Lower Manhattan from 1979-1983 — arguably the most dangerous period of the NYC subways. I was 13-17 years old and was never pushed in front of a train or fucked with in any other way.

        • It is just unreal – I get the same feeling when I heard that the cops were going around on subways and waking people up so they wouldn’t get robbed. Couldn’t even count how many thousands of times I’ve ridden the subway, and no matter how tired (or drunk from time to time) I was, I have never once fallen asleep. Jesus, how fucking stupid can people be? Do we really need the city acting as our fucking babysitter because people have no common sense or street smarts?

      • Chicago does NOT have platform doors ANYWHERE in the city as he claims… And how hard is it to not fall onto the tracks?? Must the government babysit grown adults like that??

        • We want smaller government… except when we don’t so that we can protect our idiot kids or have beep-beep backup alarms on heavy equipment so that we don’t get run over by a 30 ton Cat D8 that we can see and feel from 100 yards away.

          If you die from falling on the tracks, we all benefit from keeping the gene pool clean.

  2. I would love to pour battery avoid over his ugly face.

  3. Hey everyone, look at me.

  4. This blog should be renamed Righteous Guido.

  5. Why does society allow people like this run loose in the streets ?

    • Because they closed all of the mental institutions back in the 70s. They have to go somewhere. Sorry it is your city. But I am glad they are confined to some place where I don’t live.

    • Bellevue was full that day.

    • Because you can’t have Star Trek conventions open during the week?

  6. I used to think Capitol Hill in DC was the epicenter of this shit. But reading this blog has proven me wrong. What the hell is wrong with these people? Let me guess, this guy plays in a kickball league?

    • Capitol Hill used to be where they went when they grew tired of NYC. Now it’s Arlington and Bawlmer.

      When I was younger we used to shoot beer cans for target practice. Step right up – three shots for a quarter. Trophy to the first one to make Ethan’s head explode…

    • I think Portland Oregon is tied with Williamsberg for epicenter of hipster idiocy. You should have seen this one I saw today! wish I had my gun, so I could’ve bagged him and had him stuffed, he was hilarious. Kidding of course, a camera would have sufficed….
      My husband said I can’t use the word hipster anymore, he hates it, and them, so much he cannot stand it.

  7. Now, let’s be nice. He got that photo taken on his 40th birthday, just before he broke out the Rice Krispies treats his mom mailed him along with his allowance. He’s had a hard life: can’t you tell from the coke-induced premature balding?

    • We need to revitalize the Brooklyn Navy yard. That way when they go with the double hull design we can get these cultural graverobbers and use them as ballast.

  8. Trying so hard to look working class for someone who barely works. Replace a champagne bottle with this clown and christen a ship with him.

  9. OK folks, here it is, the greatest punch ever thrown. Hit Man Hearns vs Roberto Duran. Hearns was all over Duran from the first round. Hearns was about 6’1, 154 and looked skinny as a rail. However, this one punch, the greatest punch ever thrown, was all Torque from the hips on up. It is perfect. You hear the phrase “out before he hit the mat”. Well here it is:

    • Jump to about 1:40

    • classic, classic,classic, but i have to disagree that this was “the greatest punch ever thrown” i can think of a number that were more devastating.

      on a related note, here is one of my favorite recent ko’s by kick: (it would be awesome if that beardo head replaced etim’s head

      [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zv-gBMBErC4&w=420&h=315%5D

      • yikes! Thats gonna leave a mark!

      • If you can’t see a spinning back kick from a mile away, you deserve to go down for the count. Where the fuck is your situational awareness?

        I’m gonna be controversial, here, but I do not care for MMA or cage fighting or whatever new faux fighting shyt. There needs to be rules. Boxing, Kyukoshin, Muay Thai, etc.

        MMA is, as one comedian called it, 5 minutes of boxing followed by 20 minutes of awkward spooning. MMA is like mixing random sports like swimming and archery – mix and match whatever. If you just want to see some beat down, go search on “fight at McDonalds” on YouTube. You don’t race IMSA against NASCAR and F1.

        • Yep, if I wanted to see two men nearly nude and writhing all over each other for 30 minutes at a time, I would go down to the leather gay mans bar……

          • HA! I got kicked out of a joint that was showing MMA on TV because I said the same sort of thing. The bar owner is now doing federal time (along with his Yooper hillbilly GF) for trying to extort John Stamos.

          • the “mma is gay” thing is so tired. Can’t you do better than that?

        • when you said “There needs to be rules” that IMMEDIATELY said to me that you know absolutely nothing about MMA/UFC.

        • and then to say it needs rules like Muay Thai or Kyukoshim and in the same response act like that no one has ever gotten knocked out with a spinning back kick is more evidence that you have never seen a match in either style of fighting.

          • Actually, I trained in Kyokushin all through the 80′s and 90′s. I have fought in tournament several times. My Sensei was Saiko Shihan Shigeru Oyama. Allow me to rephrase my previous statement. There needs to be structure, boundaries. One man sitting on top of another pounding his skull is not sport. There is no honor or glory in that. And I didn’t say no one has never got knocked out with a spinning back kick. I said you should be able to see that from a mile away. It is a powerful kick because of the momentum it generates, but it is too easily telegraphed because the whole body has to wind up. If you can’t see it coming, it’s because you are asleep at the wheel and deserve to get knocked out.

        • As someone who grew up watching, engaging in, and breaking up bar and street fights, MMA does nothing for me. If I want to see a bar fight, I know of more than a few bars where one will usually break out.
          I agree wholeheartedly with the comment about rules and Fed Up’s comment below about sport. If bar fighting were a sport, I’d be an olymic gold medalist…

          But people do love that shit for some reason.

    • i HATE it when that happens…

    • Be careful what you wish for. You have some tough competition there.

      Or these guys. They look tough. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

  10. Sweet Jeebus…someone call Gorlock Jones and give him coordinates for an artillery strike.

    • No, you don’t need to call in ARTY to squish this bug. That would be a waste of expensive ordnance. You need the right tool for the job:

      • Fi’ty cal BMG round can cause you to have a serioulsy bad fucking day.

  11. Please tell me that is not a real photograph. it is too painful to imagine someone like that really exists.

    • I wanted to believe that too (maybe… it was a Halloween costume!), but then I noticed the tattoos. They look real.

  12. For crisssakes when a hipster gets to this point, doesn’t the government come in and take him down?

    I think this wizard was an extra in “The Hunger Games”.

  13. HA! I just discovered the DieHipster channel on YouTube.I used to make cartoons of Sarah Palin farting on Xtranormal. I didn’t know they had hipster characters to work with. Excellent work.

    • “Please wear that unique fedora hat that you found in the garbage.”

      OMG. I can’t stop laughing. BRAVO.

      • I was walking down Bedford Ave today and my girlfriend pointed out a brand new straw fedora
        hat in the trash can. Remnant of a hipster beating?

      • I am laughing so hard right now I am crying and can’t type……….I have tears in my eyes,,, oh christ, thanky ou, I needed that. I can’t stop now, ROFLMAO!!!!

  14. Wouldn’t he qualify more as White Trash rather than Hipster. Regardless, I want to punch his fat face with a shovel. Repeatedly.

    • “Wouldn’t he qualify more as White Trash rather than Hipster?”

      It depends on whether or not he is being ironic.

    • Nah. He’s rocking that look for “irony” purposes. He looks too soft to qualify as white trash.

  15. Did you take the photo of the beer can guy? because its labeled something else in the corner.

    The images at this site almost define a new genera of art. Hipster Shaming, it is the Die Hipster Collection

  16. And then the Mast Brothers harvested the shit in his tighty whites for their chocolate.

  17. Yo…it’s ya boi Ripshop aka Johnny Blaze! (WordPress is being a pain and due to a bombthreat at my work I have to comment from my phone)

    So, it looks like y’all have some new neighbors in Greenpoint. Some friends I know just moved down there and got a place. The sad thing is, they don’t have jobs, they just they’re not

    working in the area, they all ride fixies, and basically just smoke weed and do coke most of the time. Yea, you could call them hipsters.

    Meanwhile, ive been busting my.ass to get my degree and got a job offer out in

    • NYC. Basically I’m there to work and live. Its one moment where I kind of am ashamed to know them considering we’re the same age.

      Where the hell should I move to? My buddy is out in astoria. Im trying to go somewhere low key and not hipsterfied/yuppified out the ass.

  18. If I ever saw this guy, I’m thinking Tyson/McNeely 2 would happen.

    • Actually it wouldn’t, but I just wanted to say “Tyson/McNeely 2″

  19. I have no idea what the rail thin boys were doing there, but it is beyond sad. Why didn’t any of the men around tell them to get to their damned feet and stop taking the fight to the ground?

    Probably because they’re the same group of wannabe tough guys who don’t have a clue why boxing is considered a sport and they’re the same group who think MMA is better and the WWE is credible as a sport. So mixed up it’s insane to believe there’s a drop of real fight in any of them. So now we have useless excuses for boxers who deteriorate into undisciplined idjits that fight at press conferences, hit with the damn palm of their gloves, and have to dress and do ever increasing PR stunts just to draw some crowds in at all. How do you compete against thumping music blasting around the arena, laser lights, and masked wrestlers wearing satin diapers or yoga pants?

    “Hipster fighting”. An oxymoron like ‘organic chicken’.

    • Speaking of fighting and hipsters, anyone know of any videos where hipsters are catching beatdowns? I saw the one vid where one was humiliated near a cafe in Williamsburg by a Black or Latino dude, and another where some hipster dudes got beat up by hipsterettes on the subway.

      • I saw one of a hipster chick in a tophat catching a verbal beatdon on a train. I’m sure it’s made the rounds, but here it is:

        • LOL! Thanks. I forgot about that one. Not a “beatdown”, but satisfying nonetheless. Beneath the “playing it cool” veneer (silence borne of fear), she wanted to rage or say something snarky.

          • **edit** not a “physical beatdown” . .

          • From what I could tell from the comments, she put herself in the middle of the bench so nobody could sit next to her. Guess she’s all precious and shit…

          • That’s the thing about hipsters. If they had any common sense, much of the trouble they find themselves in could be avoided. I’m surprised the Meghan didn’t blog about it or post it to Vice.

          • “You are cornball”

          • He was right! That’s exactly what a hipster is before he/she/it leaves flyover country and gets an “urban/quirky/artisanal” makeover — a common cornball!

          • I hate to see girls get beat. But at the same time, don’t go into another hood looking all out of place. If you have to transit, dress down and be low key. Do not attractt attention. Be cool… But if shit comes your way, assume a defensive posture and be prepared. Don’t punk out.

          • HAHA! Thanks!!! Knowing what I learned from observing the behavior of hipsters in my area, the Meghan probably asked for it.

          • The Meghan did deserve it. The woman said she scratched her son in the face. She’s lucky all she got was a hair pull.

            I was riding the subways as a kid in the 80s-still a pretty dangerous time to ride them. Chain snatchings, muggings, Bernhard Goetz in the papers every day, etc etc. My dad always told me “don’t draw attention to yourself, walk like you have a purpose, know where you’re going. blend in, and there will be no trouble”. Not once in all these years have I ever had a single problem.

            These pasty idiots come here from their sheltered special Cul De Sac lands and 6-figure liberal arts colleges expecting this to be a quirky freewheeling extension of their college campus. They try to be as “unique” as possible, (the exact opposite of what my father told me) while stereotyping themselves into a demographic that everyone knows is synonymous with pretentious gentrifying douchebags.They’re so ashamed of that stereotype they won’t even admit to being a hipster, even if they fit every possible hipster cliche. I bet that sweaty douche beardo in the Hipster Beating photo wouldn’t admit to being a hipster either, but look at him! There’s no way he’s white trash. Not with his little sister’s shirt on and PBRs in his ironic beard. And they wonder why there are Hipster Beatings.

  20. God, that fucking picture of Ohio Josh with his fucking PBR beardo holder and his pasty skin just makes me more and more angry. Of everything that there is to hate in the photo – and there is fucking plenty – I think the thing that actually pisses me off the most is that fucking douchebag smile on his face. It’s saying ‘like yah’, ‘I’m whimsical and quirky’, and ‘loook at me pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease’ all at the same time.

    I pray that I don’t actually run across this fucker; I really don’t feel like getting locked up, but just can’t see any way to avoid involuntarily unloading lefts and rights until he isn’t moving any more.

  21. And now the perfect soundtrack to fit this photo:

    As I keep telling people who ask why I can’t stand local radio, “If I wanted to spend my day listening to constipated hipsters crying about how Mommy won’t let them buy heroin with her credit card, I’d move back to Portland.”

    • See Gorlock’s post above.

    • It’s not just the whining. These alians – diversity minded and tolerant are the rudest and most self-centered being on the planet. Want an example? Try getting a parking spot in a Whole Foods parking lot.

      I turned fifty last week. I spent the day at The University of Delaware with my nine year old.

      After his swim meet we went out for burgers – one of those places that serves a huge burger and then takes your photo if you finish it.

      Now fat and happy we head for the door.

      And there he is.

      Zack McCanklebait. Sandals, beard, tribals tats, scarf and a ski cap (it was around 75 degrees out)..standing in front of the door, whining into a cellphone about needing money for something I’m sure he can live without.

      We can’t go around him.

      After 5 or so polite requests to move, my kid gets fed up, elbows the guy in the ribs and yells “MOVE!”.

      The d**che lets out this pathetic, girlish whine and we push past him.

      Best birthday present my boy ever gave me.

      I pity anyone who lives within spitting distance of a University. I went into the Starbucks next door for a coffee and three carbon copies of the guy my kid nailed were hogging up a table – each one had a wireless on their ear, Macs, I-phones and I-pods.

      All three were sitting- barefoot on the chair..in the lotus position.

      What pigs – barefoot?

      • Your kid has the right idea. What annoys me just as much is coming into some goofball “Look at ME!” event by accident, and trying to turn around and leave. No matter the excuse, five or six of them will be at the door like Rajneeshies, nickering “Don’t you owe it to yourself to stay for the whole show?” Your son had the right idea, because nothing else, up to and including telling the beardo “Get out of my face before I puke on your shoes,” seems to get through to their microscopic little minds.

      • They revel in being disgusting. It is a perverse and perverted pleasure for them. You should see them on the subways. It’s enough to make you puke.

  22. Ready to get your hate on? Hipster cyclists taunt the police. My favorite is the douche in the yellow sweater:
    http://www.streetsblog.org/

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