Yet another “Off the assembly line” try-hard artist.

I’m simply baffled by how these carbon copied, off-the-assembly-line, try-hards are not embarrassed to emulate one another year after year after year. How can you bare to look and act exactly like your gentrification neighbors in Apt. 2A, 2B, 2C, 3B, 4C, etc, etc????

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Just look at this fucking Ethan: dorky hat, bird nest beard, skate board and umbilical cord arms – right off the assembly line. He goes by the name “Wizard Skull”, oooooooooooo, and his art??? Ronald McDonald wheat paste cartoons showing French fry pubes. Tee hee hee! You did it Ethan!!! Congrats on being the 884th transplanted wheat paster douche roaming the industrial, gritty, “YET SAFE NOW” Central East Upper Bushpointburg streets and gaining attention on blogs that also post dog shit as art and on Bushwick gentrification blogs.

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Kidult hipster kickball league evicted from school grounds.

30_38_kickball1_zScore one for the natives and normal people! A kidult kickball league that was playing alcohol-fueled kickball games on LES school grounds and not allowing actual children to use the space has been banned from playing. GO BACK TO YOUR FUCKING CUL-DE-SACS you spoiled, out-of-place pussies. Just go.

Hipster beardo transplant running for Brooklyn office.

Nick Rizzo: sounds like a Brooklynite right? Wrong. Probably some made-up name to sound authentic.

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Link: Reddit – Hipster Beardo Transplant running for office in Brooklyn.

Williamsburg/Greenpoint has the youngest Democratic primary voters in the city. Superficially, I look and behave very differently from almost all politicians. I have a beard and a tattoo, I never campaign in a suit, I ride my bike everywhere, and I smoke hand-rolled cigarettes.

We cannot let this fucking hipster beardo or any sort of hipster get into any political position. The consequences would be catastrophic. I mean, look at the damage already done by these homogenizing transient try-hard fuck bags: rents are beyond ridiculous; coffee is averaging around $3.00; practically unused bike lanes have been painted everywhere; our long time neighborhood small businesses have been replaced by either some kidult “themed” shops that never last or by some large corporations that have targeted gentrified neighborhoods.
Don’t let this fuck fool you. His secret agenda is to have kale cupcake stores on every corner and to have bearded Midwesterners roaming our once great streets. VOTE NO TO BEARDO.

Today’s hipster beating.

Today, I saw Mason the fly-weight fauxhemian, red bearded, ChapStick-armed, hardcore drug dealer of ‘The Shwick’ selling dime bags of kale to other organic sustainable interlopers during their 2 1/2 year gentrification playcations in Brooklyn. So I filled his Breuckelen Industries murse with dynamite and gun powder that leaked a long Wile E Coyote style trail back to his $3800 studio that I lit and blew his 106lb MichiWiscOhian body to pieces. End of story.

Tornado rips through McCarren Park; sweeps away hundreds of hipsters.

I can only wish the headline of this post was true. But over the weekend, a ‘dust devil’ appeared on a baseball field at McCarren Park – home of the infinite leisure time hipster. So this Grover-voiced and Grover-physiqued hipster whipped out his phone and caught it on video. Notice the video he uploaded to YouTube is titled “Dirtbag Hipster Twister” as if he hates hipsters. Yet this is him:

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Now, you tell me he doesn’t sound like Grover?

Welcome to Brooklyn, Linus McGentrifuck.

scared-boyHere is a shining example someone sent me from Reddit.com of a whining, out-of-place, transient hipster fuck. Now, I’m not saying I 100% approve of people getting drunk, stoned and being noisy in front of my home – but for some reason, I’ve managed to avoid that during my life-long existence in Brooklyn. Hipsters seem to delusionally think that wherever they go in search of that gritty, artsy urban experience, that everything and everyone will conform to them. Then they go to online forums for advice from other interlopers like themselves. Here is Linus’s Bushwick complaint:

I just moved to Bushwick from Sunset Park about a week ago. I’m living off of the Gates Ave J on Bushwick Avenue.

I know the neighborhood is relatively safe, with the application of some common street smarts and I also understand that it’s rapidly changing. Last night I had a bit of an issue though and was looking for some feedback/advice.

Last night when I got home from work there were two guys hanging out on the stoop. At first I thought nothing of it, but as the night went on they were still there, smoking weed, drinking and soliciting those walking by for money.

Around 1AM one of my neighbors came out and asked the guys to leave because they were making too much noise and didn’t live in the building. The guys surrounded my neighbor and intimidated him until he walked away and went inside. They then went back to the stoop and continued.

This made me feel extremely uncomfortable, as I thought they may have been casing the apartment building, or that there would have been some violence outside.

My question is, does this happen often in the neighborhood? What should I do if it happens again? Do I have the right to call the local precinct and have them deal with it?

 

Caught on film: Enabling parents visiting their kidult.

Thanks to the person who snapped this picture and sent it in. By now, you’ve probably heard that Austin is another city that has been infiltrated by the hipster plague. And here we see a typical transplanted lemming in his flood jeans, plaid shirt, thick frames and child molester moustache sucking on his PBR as his enabling parents stop by to check up on their talentless tampon and most likely to replenish his bank account for another year of gentrification and homogenization. I can only imagine how many times this “scene” has taken place here in Brooklyn.

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