You can now represent the fact that you hate hipsters by wearing a DIEHIPSTER.COM t-shirt right in front of them. However I will need to get a minimum of 100 people (or 100 shirts ordered) to order one by March 10th using this website I found called teespring.com. You can place an order with a credit card but it won’t get charged unless the goal is reached and you’ll get the shirt a couple weeks after the end of the campaign . The shirts are $19.99. Please spread the word via Facebook, Twitter, email, etc. If the goal is reached prior to March 10th, you’ll still be able to order one up until that date. All personal info securely goes only to TeeSpring.com. If the goal is reached I will begin another campaign. I thank you ahead of time for your support!
Today, I saw Hamilton heading to the Mast Brothers Ye Olde Chocolate Shoppe to buy a $900 box of sustainable chocolate with Mommy’s Midwest Mastercard to celebrate his first Valentine’s Day in New Brooklyn with Penelope the performance artist. So I slid a Hefty bag over his basketball pump frame and beat him with a bowling pin until his helium voiced cries for help stopped. End of story.
The fucking beards (and moustaches) have to end already. Yes hipster, we see you! We saw you! It’s played out, dirty, old and embarrassing to see you trying so hard to be different when you’re all the same. You’ll never be Sean Connery or Tom Selleck. You’ll only achieve the incredibly low status of being a scraggly out-of-place wanna-be urban gentrifying hipster piece of shit.
So here we have a new beardo to burst onto the scene for his 15 minutes of facial pube fame: Pierce Thiot. Yes, Pierce. These hipsters always have to have one of those names. There’s only one person who should be allowed to be named Pierce and that’s Pierce Brosnan. Well, Pierce of Utah seems to think he made art by inserting objects like spaghetti (which they seem to call noodles out in Pierce country), lollipops, birthday candles, lit matches, toothpicks and Q-tips into his filthy beard. The only thing I enjoy about that is that I’ve actually used all those objects to describe the typical hipster’s arms and legs in my daily hipster beatings. There’s one picture of Pierce inserting scissors into his lice incubator – too bad Pierce didn’t pierce his jugular during that “performance”.
On his website you’ll find his resume, his very short resume where his title is – you guessed it - ”ART DIRECTOR”. Who would’ve thought, right? You know that an attention-starved beardo who sticks Q-tips in his dirty beard is not going to be a fireman, accountant, architect, or athlete. But here is the creepy part: it says he is a cub scout leader. Are you kidding me? Who would let their kid near a child molester-looking hipster beardo who sticks scissors and lit matches in his disgusting beard? How long is it before Pierce packs up his Mac and beard grooming supplies and heads up here to the whimsical land of Nieuw Breckelen to teach us style, art, and urban living? YOU ARE NOT AN ARTIST PIERCE! THIS IS NOT ART! FUCK YOU BITCH! STAY AWAY FROM BROOKLYN!
Here are some links…
Link: Tumblr – Will it Beard?
Watch as these two hipster beardo brothers re-create pictures from their early childhood. Who would have known back then that two innocent little boys would grow up to be typical standard issue bandwagon beardo sheep. I’m guessing their names are Mason and Logan, or Keegan and Maximillian or Reid and Cord. These photos are just creepy to me – except the dog photo.
Aww, an underground (literally) “zine” stand at the Lorimer G/ Metropolitan L station had to close after only seven months of hipster douchbaggery. How shocking. Just look at that pic! I’ll kinda give the middle guy a pass (although he’s looking pretty smug) but the two ‘uniquesters’ in the foreground and background are so fucking irritating and punchable – sitting there, looking identical to the 100,000 hipsters who arrived to Brooklyn before and after them in their ironic “zine” stand in the year 2014. Just look at that vapid staring redbeard (named Lele) and the tattooed-neck turtle with child molester moustache.
How did they manage to pay the $4000 rent for that friggin walk-in closet selling: “self-published,limited-run periodicals; artisanal snacks; art; and gizmos, including a condom dispenser re-purposed to vend tiny pamphlets“, and then still have enough money left over to pay all their outrageous $2700 apartment rents, $90 a day coffee/craft ale tabs and $18 kale ‘n egg brunches??? It’s a mysteryyyyyyy!
I love this: “Goldfarb declined to say how much the stand made.” – Of course she declined! Because they’re in the red. This “operation” had to be a total loss as almost all hipster ventures are.
I’m so glad this out-of-place kidult playhouse is closed. But alas, the article says “Saveri is now planning a similar operation in Los Angeles”.
So you’re fucking telling me that this 35 year old thick framed glasses redbeard can simply just pack up anytime he wants and move 3000 miles away and open another failure hipster zine stand??? THANKS MOM AND DAD!!!!! I’m telling you – I hate these hipster motherfuckers with such a passion. All they do is continue their “cool crusades” and temporary stays in cities around the country; fucking it up for the native, normal, unpretentious, non-attention seeking, working families. When they’ve had enough or in most cases FAILED, they whip out Daddy’s AMEX and book a flight to the next city they read about on an art blog.
Today, I saw Wagner the smug, gentrifying, kale-eating fucking yup signing for a FedEx Tube delivery containing blue prints for his new condo building being built on a working class block in West Greenpoint Gardens. So I gave him a quick right cross to his sunken-in face; stuffed his marionette-shaped body into the FedEx tube with a few cups of gun powder and fired him like a Roman Candle over the Williamsburg, Manhattan, Brooklyn and Verrazano Bridges back to Wisconsin. End of story.