So zany, odd and quirky, maaaaaaaaan! Like, like, like let’s leave our quiet apartments to go read and not socialize in a bar! It’s like like like going to be sooooo opposite deeeeeeed! It’ll be tough and challenging but we’ve been in Brooklyn for a long 4 years and we can do this! We’re the real thing! Oh, I know what else we can do! Add a harpist!!! Nobody will out-zany us!!!!
But why a have a silent party with other people? Why not just read quietly in a bedroom? Burns explains that her motivation was twofold: “I often wished I could marry my social life with my desire to keep reading whatever I’m reading. If it weren’t weird, I would just invite friends over to just read and drink at my house, but that never really happens.” A silent reading party is a way to have the best of both worlds—friends, and the hobby that unites them. “It removes all of the pressure of a regular party and encourages non-verbal socializing.”
HUH? Can that paragraph be any more contradicting? These interlopers just mumble anything that they think sounds ‘smart’ but when you actually break it down they sound like complete attention starved phony fucks. They sit around and simply try to think of things that “have never been done” for the sake of it – no matter how childish or impractical. And that’s the true definition of try-hard, kidult, rent-raising, Brooklyn-ruining hipster.
Today, I saw Terrence and Beckett; the Hatfield and McCoy re-enacting, trust-funded beardos from Ohiasottasconsin waving their smelly hipster feet in the air as they were putting together their $80-a-jar of local Zebra urine brined pickles business plan to sell out of an abandoned zipper manufacturing factory on an unnamed street in Bushwick. So I put more pine tar on my Louisville Slugger than George Brett did in his entire career and beat them so hard that when the ambulance arrived, it looked like two eggplant parm heros were being carried out on stretchers. End of story.
Watch as “London” who is somehow able to survive in the most expensive place on earth as a “crochet artist” uses her infinite leisure time to “yarn bomb” her favorite train – the L. People are bustling around, trying to go home or work and London is just silently yelling LOOOOOOOK AT MEEEEEEE on her whimsical Brooklyn playdate. Yes, this is what Culdesacian hipsters do with their $100,000 art school educations. Notice how she says she made all those pieces for other uses like hats and scarfs but never ended up using them yet they are all exact perfect fit for a train pole? Yeah, she didn’t premeditate this AT ALL. And if we all close our eyes and focus all our energy really hard - then it will rain cupcakes and magical rainbows and unicorns will appear too! Hooray for London!!! She made it to Nieuw Breuckelen!!!!
Some hipsters up in Canada, where they probably say “like, eyyy duuuude” instead of “like, yaaaa duuuude” have found yet another way to play woodshop while incorporating it with the beverage they’ve destroyed: coffee. Yes, you can now own your very own block of wood with a hole in the middle for only $65! Yes Parker, Sallinger, Hudson, and Langston have come together with their 16 + combined years of liberal art school education to bring you this whimsical coffee filter. Look at this video from their site – its come to the point where hipsters simply make fun of themselves because there is no escape from the ridicule anymore, yet they still in the back of their dirty skulls believe they are discovering things and helping the world.
How stupid can this city be? Didn’t they notice how empty all the unnecessary bike lanes were prior to the CitiBike program? You can stand in one of the hundreds of bike lanes for up to an hour sometimes without seeing one bike. Wasn’t that the ultimate indicator that we don’t need these unused, space-wasting, bike rack monstrosities all over the place? Well I’m glad to see one of Bloomberg’s babies failing. I saw this one failing from the day it was announced.
I hate when left wing hips/yups try to convince politicians to implement programs for this city and country that work in socialist European countries 1/20th of our size and population. Some things will just never work here like they work in Sweden, Denmark or The Netherlands. Now of course, backers of the Citibike program are looking for taxpayer bailouts for this “LOOOK AT MEEEE” program. Fuck that shit! You are not using my tax dollars so some playcationing fauxhemian can rent a bike to go to Whole Foods to buy locally-sourced hydroponic arugala and cage-free chicken stock.
And lastly, didn’t the city realize that we actually have WINTER here in the Northeast? That you can’t really ride a bike comfortably when you factor in the wind once the temperature goes below 40 degrees? That we get SNOWSTORMS? That plows pile snow up along the same side walks as these ugly bikes are parked? That in that snow is WATER along with corrosive salt and chemicals that will probably damage the bikes as they sit buried for days or weeks at a time?