Arty the Seal on: The Bushwick Beardo Buttsniff


Let hear what Arty the Seal has to say about this:

artythesealTranslation: This is not art – at all. These are simply worthless and talentless transient hipster beardos (along with the try hard audience) begging to be edgy and raw but not succeeding. These are just dirty and disgusting, liberal art school, suburban rejects who have no other choice but to look identical to each other as they vacuum and dissolve Brooklyn’s real charm and identity. Can you imagine being on your knees with your finger up some filthy fucking beardo’s ass for hours and the climax of your fame for it is being destroyed on Thanks to hipsters and their never-ending attempts at ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART – real art is dead.

Diehipster’s missed connections.

So yesterday – overheard in Greenpoint – I swear.

Approximately 28 year old, Olive Oyl-physiqued, helium-voiced, transplant says to some Molly in the most infinite leisure time tone:

“Yah, soooo I found this sweet $1,800 a month 1 BR in, in, uhhm, “Gonowus”??? I think? It’s like, umm, North East from here [Greenpoint] with no trains. They mentioned it’s like a super fund site. But yah……… yah.”

You can’t make this fucking shit up. I felt like snapping every one of his coffee stirrer bones in half.

Today’s hipster beating.

Today, I saw red bearded, Triple-AAA battery limbed Tristan loudly proclaim in a bar full of part-time vegans and 38 year old skate boarding baristas that he’s FROM Brooklyn. So I had no other choice but to beat him with a 2 X 4 for so long that all that was left in my hand was was a toothpick. End of story.

The King of Infinite Leisure Time.

This hipster beardo jerkoff just might be the king of infinite leisure time – more than any other hipster we’ve ever seen. (And boy, do they have a lot of leisure time) Watch as this lice chauffer runs around Manhattan slapping [mostly] real New Yorkers high-five as they try to hail cabs and get on with their day and JOBS!!! Oh Kyle, you’re so zany and quirky! Yes, I know, these people who are on their way to places and are not jumping around like toddlers in a hipster uniform are very strange and need to lighten up on responsibility and follow in your footsteps, right Kyle? But you know what Kyle? I actually want you to continue doing this as much as I hate it because you are increasing the chance of you getting flattened by a bus or truck. Enjoy your playcation in New York you fucking bearded pile of shit.

Winner of the September 2014 “LOOOOK AT MEEEEE” Award.

Another pic sent in by

Yes Zelda, it’s deep. Deep performance art that the average visionless, uncultured, knuckle-dragging native NYer can’t see or understand. Only your transplanted fellow millennial peers from liberal art schools in Oregon and Wisconsin can understand your art and your statement. Zelda, it must feel good that you can stand upside down in a diseased garbage can for your much-needed attention while your $2400 studio rent in Bushwick is being payed for by Mommy and Daddy VanNasalthroop. Congrats Zelda, you win the September 2014 “LOOOOOK AT MEEEEEE” Award. Yes, we see you.


Today’s hipster beating.

Today, I saw Evan & Hayden walking to the gentrification gluten-free muffin shop in Bed-Stuy for a quick $16 breakfast before a long and hard day of being “creative”.  So I gave them a much needed bath by Krazy Gluing their foreheads to the curb and and running them over with a street sweeper. End of story.

Today’s hipster beating.

Today, on the opening Sunday of the NFL season, I walked by an overpriced gentrification “craft ale” bar in Bushpointburg full of kazoo-voiced, baguette-bodied, Ohio transplanted hipster fucking beardos cheering as all TV’s were only showing Browns and Bengals games. So I stole a wrecking ball that was about to knock down an affordable building for normal Brooklyn families to build more condos and passed the ball through the bar – splattering interloper brains everywhere. End of story.


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