This F.A.Q. page was suggested by somebody recently and I think it’s a good idea. Every so often an out-of-place, gentrifying, try-hard stumbles on to this site to defend themselves and their community of kazoo-voiced, spoiled, pseudo-creative types that have morphed over the last decade or so in small town USA and invaded large urban parts of this country, namely Brooklyn. So here are some frequently asked questions and the answers to them so us normal, non-attention seeking, non-herd following, unpretentious real city people don’t have to keep answering them in other comment sections.
1. Q - “You people are such ridiculous ignorant townies! So what you’re saying is we should give back Brooklyn and New York back to the native American Indians right?”
A -Wrong you stupid fuck! Although it is kind of sad how Europeans came here and took away this land from the native Indians – it was part of world exploration. Way different than gentrification. People in the eastern hemisphere didn’t have much of an idea what they were sailing towards and that it would eventually lead to masses of others flocking here for various reasons. There was no media, electricity, cars, planes, internet, phones. It was simply a huge moment for humanity and the exploration of this planet.
Now hipsters on the other hand know exactly what they’re getting into and where they are heading. They know they are hopping over their white picket fences back in suburbia, pretending to be artists, and invading true working class parts of this country all in the name of a false sense of creativity and pseudo urban-ness. They are displacing normal non-attention seeking working people in a modern world. Flying into JFK from Wiscotuckysota and making “local bean tacos” and “post-modern art” is in no comparison to a boat sailing across the world and discovering an entire continent. Hipsters are doing all the things that have already been done in our cities in the past decades and delusionally thinking they discovered it all. How can you even begin to compare hipsters gentrifying neighborhoods to Europeans taking land from the Indians in two very very different eras.
Lastly, this has been said millions of times on here already. Many New Yorkers will agree with me that we don’t hate all transplants. We don’t hate all people from the mid-west and west coast. I gladly welcome anyone that wants to come here and be a productive member of society. Want to work construction, fire, police, EMS, teacher, sales, administration, etc??? Be my guest. I don’t care where you’re from. It’s just easily distinguishable hipster transplants that I hate. The attention starved people that have made the word ‘creative’ meaningless.
2. Q – “This is a blog isn’t it? And some of you use i-Phones, Facebook, Twitter, computers and the internet – doesn’t that make you hipsters as well?”
A - Absolutely not you piece of shit. That is so laughable. Hipsters did not create any of those things. This is a sheepish attempt to unwillingly recruit people into the most pathetic and narcissistic subculture, if you will - ever! I’ve seen a 70 year old Dominican grandma with an i-Phone among all other types of people. All of whom were not wearing any kind of hipster uniforms or accessories. All of whom you can tell are just non-attention seeking, normal New Yorkers not living out some kind of urban fantasy as they destroy the greatest city in the world before moving back to Mommy and Daddy and their Leave it to Beaver lifestyles. People who use Twitter are hipsters too? You mean like, Sarah Palin, Barack Obama, every one in ‘relevant’ (not cupcake blog) media, countless professional athletes? Yep, all hipsters.
3. Q - “Like yah, but I moved to Williamsburg like 9 years ago before the real invasion came. I’ve even had to move to Bushwick now to escape so I can concentrate on my art and fusion dining.”
A - Are you serious you motherfucking hipster??? You ARE the original problem you fucking emaciated bearded thick framed piece of shit. You and your emails and phone calls back then to all the Joshes and Megans of Minnessota, Wisconsin, Oregon, and Ohio telling them how amazing and diverse the “scene” is here made more and more hipsters come until it got out of control. There is no ‘scene’ here. There is nothing kewel about it. It was off the radar and a normal, affordable place to live until you naive narcissists came along. When you realized you couldn’t afford Manhattan back then, you should have went straight back to Mommy and your Voltron collection and not ruined Brooklyn for us.
4. Q - “You guys are wrong. People don’t hate hipsters as much as you claim they do.”
5. Q - You’re just jealous of the young vibrant adult scene, aren’t you? That is why you’re so angry and bitter.
A - Ahhhhhh you’ve figured it out. Trying to make us normal members of society feel as if we missed the boat of coolness – resulting in bitterness. Ok then Sherlock (and you might actually be dressed in tweed as I type this, oh the irony), if I’m so jealous, why on earth wouldn’t I simply put on a wool ski cap (in the summer), grow child molester facial hair, get a sleeve of meaningless tatoos on my arm, lace up a pair of moldy Converse, skim through a few art and literature websites, leave my house and blend in with the infestation??? Why??? It would be so easy to do that if I were jealous wouldn’t it? And if you think I and many of the readers and commentors are spending hours and hours in front of our computers, pulling our hair out in a bitter rage you’re sadly mistaken. We don’t have time like you nasally fucks do. I’ll speak for myself – about 75% of the material (links, articles, videos, etc) you see here is sent to me – leaving me to do very little research. The posts I then put up take me anywhere from 5 – 20 minutes every other day. So please continue to think we do nothing all day but march around our homes with our fists in the air raging in jealousy against hipsters as you sip your soy based beverage and stroke your gentrification beard you hipster fucks.
A list of common statements the average hipster or hipster defender will say in the comments section of this site after reading it and feeling hurt since they have no way of actually defending their ridiculous costumes and attention seeking lifestyles:
You’re racist! You just use “hipster” to mean white people. If you talked like this about black people, it’d be hate speech.
You’re just jealous of cool, creative young people. You attack hipsters out of spite because you wish you could be one.
You’re overdoing it. No one really hates hipsters that much. Why can’t you just laugh at them and take it all as a joke?
You can’t give a 100% concrete definition of what a hipster is, so therefore hipsters don’t exist.
The hipster beatings are nasty and horrid. You mustn’t make light of violence.
You’re misogynistic! You can’t accept women who aren’t conventionally attractive.
Having a blog and a Twitter account, or liking anything countercultural, makes you a hipster too.
Americans can’t complain about being driven out of “their” cities, because Native Americans were driven out to build them.
You’re elderly grouches who hate youth culture. You just use “hipster” to mean young people.
You’re probably a hipster in disguise, running the site as an ironic joke.
You’re biased against Midwestern people. You can’t make rules about who should and shouldn’t move to New York.
I may be 90% the same as the people you describe, but I’m not a hipster and you insulted me by making fun of me. Say sorry.
Why don’t you actually go out and kill hipsters in real life, if you hate them so much? Otherwise that makes you a hypocrite.
Circular logic / pseudo-intellectual rambling / disjointed ranting.
You’re mundane conformist jocks who can’t accept alternative culture! You probably bullied me in school.
You’re homophobic! You just use “hipster” to mean gay people.
You don’t understand art / music / cuisine / fashion / writing / coffee / farming. You’re all uneducated knuckle-draggers.
You’re some kind of conservative right-wing group. You don’t like hipsters because they support liberal causes.
These are brave, romantic young underdogs rebelling against The Man in an eccentric way. How come you don’t like them?
You can’t single-handedly get rid of the whole hipster trend, so what do you expect to achieve by running this site at all?
You should be grateful to hipsters! Before they came along, your city was a crime-ridden ghetto.
Waaahhh! You hurt my feelings! Why are you so angry and mean?
You can’t argue against hipster businesses if people willingly pay the prices they charge. That’s how capitalism works.
Why don’t you complain about corporate executives / Wall Street people / people who aren’t like me, instead?