Category Archives: Today's hipster beating.

Today, I saw Keegan and Logan stumbling back to their $2800 a month loft in their 19th century barber and paperboy outfits after celebrating another year of funemployment and Brooklyn homogenization by drinking cruelty-free champagne in which the grapes were … Continue reading →

Today, I saw an antler-shaped, Brooklyn-sterilizing, red-bearded hipster transplant selling $12.00 a cup cruelty-free, locally-crafted eggnog to his fellow infinite leisure time, thick eyeglass framed gentrifiers. So I painted my Louisville Slugger like a candy cane and ran around Williamsburg … Continue reading →

Today, I saw Ethan the tweezer-physiqued, self-proclaimed ‘foodie’ typing up a freelance review of Bushwick’s own premiere forest-to-table restaurant called the Quirky Quail where heavily tattooed and bearded chef Mason Bedbuggio prepares the wild birds for the neighborhood’s newly arrived … Continue reading →

Today, I saw Terrence the Vienna sausage-limbed, funemployed redbeard walking to his $3,200 apartment to eat locally sourced cupcakes and style his hair to look like he just woke up for tonight’s community vote on chicken coops in the ‘nabe’. … Continue reading →

Today, I saw Quinn the urban quail keeper heading over to Tuesday mid-afternoon sewing classes at the Bushwick Center for Transplanted Culture in his 1906 paperboy outfit. So I rolled up my tire iron in a newspaper and yelled “Extra … Continue reading →

Today I saw Cooper who practically overnight went from 28 year old Minnesotan newspaper delivery boy who eats and drinks Mommy’s Rice Krispy treats and Sunny-D to Bushwick art gallery curator who eats and drinks locally-sourced foie gras crepes and … Continue reading →

Today, I saw Palmer the Virginia Slim 120-armed urban cupcakeologist heading over to the Greenpoint 30 and over hide and seek tournament for creative types who are helping improve Brooklyn. So being that I didn’t have any of my hipster … Continue reading →

Today, I saw a 39 year old, fly swatter shaped, bearded transplant long boarding to the over priced farmers market to buy kale that was sustainably delivered by Schwinn from Iowa. So as he rolled by, I cast my fishing … Continue reading →

Today, I saw Ian and Harrison, the transplanted, lo mein-limbed beardos skipping their parents’ expired credit cards like rocks along the kayakable Gowanus Canal as a U-Haul was being unloaded into their new toxic superfund site waterfront property. So I … Continue reading →

Today, while I was flossing Colby’s teeth with barbed wire for exploring Coney Island with his Polaroid camera, I saw Cameron the crusty, down on his luck, smelly-dreadlocked, pseudo freight train hobo sitting there with his malnourished pitbull and $3500 … Continue reading →