New Orleans Craigslist Post

I guess somebody from New Orleans (which I’ve been hearing is also infested with cage-free Caleb’s) sent me this funny Craigslist ad. Now, compared with my Fishing for Hipster ads – if this ad got a serious response from some celery-physiqued beardo – it would be like catching Jaws and Moby Dick on the the same hook. Enjoy!

 

Hipster-ass Hipster Bike for Hipsters – $180 (Bywater)


Date: 2012-03-11, 12:47PM CDT
Reply to: cqcj2-2896467643@sale.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


 

I am selling my Vista Carrera 7 road bike. Perfect for the aspiring culture creator. I have recently become a Successful Entrepreneur and I no longer have the need for such trifling possessions. I drive a gigantic cargo van that literally pisses gas onto the road to mark its territory.

Do you want to be noticed? Do you want to stand out from the crowd? Sleeve tattoo didn’t do the trick? Dubstep bounce remix didn’t go viral? Look no further than this bike. Don’t even look past it in the pictures posted below. Import it into Photoshop and delete the background. I know you know how to do it, because you’re a graphic designer.

Orange body. Green accents. Pink handlebar wrap. Some silver. Black. Dirt. Are there even any more colors? There are awesome reflective stickers on the bike, too, which makes darting out in front of automobiles on dark evenings and asserting one’s absolute and total right of way even more self-righteously awesome. Dear motorist: Did you not see the stickers. Do you think I have time to just put stickers on things. I’m trying to save the world from people like you.

Just think of all the great places you could see and be seen on this bike:

1. An Obama rally
2. A Ron Paul rally
3. Rally’s
4. Miscellaneous

The possibilities are endless.

This bike will get you laid. If you ride this bike around Audobon Park at 1 in the morning without pants on, dudes will literally knock you off of your bike to try to blow you.

This bike is a freewheel fixed gear, because you’re a fucking monster and you have one speed, and that speed is +/- 15mph.

A seat comes with the bike, but is not pictured. If you want, you can ride the bike without the seat to simulate the stick you have up your ass about which Pavement album is best, which political cause that matters to you most intermittently, or about whatever it is that you “do.”

SAFETY FEATURES

This bike is Japanese and comes with four distinct safety features:

Safety Feature #1: front brakes only. Because you’re not about to conform to anyone’s preconceived notions of how a bike should stop.

Safety Feature #2: Quick release back wheel. I took this bike to Mike the Bike Guy on Magazine to get a tune up once, and he refused to work on it because of this Safety Feature. He said it was a “Frankenstein bike.” I asked him if he didn’t agree that Frankenstein was a literary masterpiece. I thought that after losing that argument he might be a gentleman and agree to tune up the bike for free, but he remained all pissy and still refused to work on it, even for money.

The next time I went in to Mike the Bike Guy on Magazine was to get air. I was all, hey MTBG, can I get some air? He was all yes. It was clear that we both believed that air is a free resource that should not be commodified. Common ground. He pointed me toward his air machine. Everything seemed cool. When I realized that the nozzle didn’t fit my bike’s tires, I was all, hey MTBG, how does this nozzle go on? He looked at me, turned around, took two steps toward the back of the room, and let out a loud SIGH. I couldn’t blame him. I work with people too, and sometimes they ask me questions because they don’t know things and I am the paid expert on the exact things they don’t know and I am standing right next to them, and I have to humiliate them in front of others before I answer them, too. It’s all just part of the job.

Safety Feature #3: Helmet. That’s my helmet. You can ride in a painter’s cap and pretend to be smart at the same time, but you’re not fooling anyone.

Safety Feature #4: Welding fix at seat joint. When this joint came loose, the bike was deemed horribly unsafe. When I welded it back together, it became safe again, therefore: safety feature. It’s supersturdy now; I welded it to fuck and back. I painted the welding joint green because I was feeling creative and I don’t have to explain my art to anyone.

Safety Feature #5: Apparently this bike has really nice rims. I am listing this under Safety Features because I feel that less-nice rims would probably make the bike marginally less safe.

Safety Feature $6: Earthquake proof.

$180 or best offer. Cash is fine. Your parents can PayPal me directly. Or see below:

I’m totally into creative trades (this part is actually serious). Musical instruments (serious – esp synths and pedals); original art (serious); US Currency (for srsly); leisure suits (I’m 6’1”, 180, with long arms and broad shoulders. Let’s stick with dark colors – I’m kind of pale and I don’t like to look washed out); real estate/underwater mortgages (4realz dogg); antique firearms (I promise I won’t trade you the bike and then shoot you with what was previously your firearm in order to steal my bike back and sell it again, although wouldn’t that be ironic, or would it, I don’t know, we use the word incorrectly so often that I’m not sure it matters); casual sex. Show me what you got.

My fishing days might be over.

The other day I finally posted another fake Craigslist ad for the Fishing for Hipsters section after having it blocked by Craigslist two previous tries before that. I had to use another e-mail address and computer. So what happens? Not even after it being up for 1/2 hour, either Stevie the 32 year old effeminate, scarf in summer wearing, vampire loving, web site design failure flagged it for removal or some hipster who I caught while fishing did the same as he now spends days upon days scanning Craigslist in revenge.

Anyway, I thought I’d share the ad because it was pretty far fetched. I believe the more far fetched they are, the more pathetic the try-hard hipster will be that get’s hooked. I guess I’ll have to put the thinking cap on and figure out a way not to get flagged so quickly. I once tried posting the “Artist Community” section on CL. Only got a few hits. It was a good one – I said I was holding an adult finger painting contest in McCarren Park where there would plenty of vegan treats and artisanal coffee. I don’ t think that section gets nearly the amount of traffic as the Women seeking Men section gets. Anyway, here was the flagged ad:

 

CAN WORKING TOGETHER LEAD TO LOVE??? – 30 (Billburg/G-Point/Shwick)


Date: 2012-02-24, 12:25PM EST
Reply to: your anonymous craigslist address will appear here


 

Hello out there! : )

My name is Fawndra. I’m posting this in hopes to mix business with pleasure. : ) I am a Portland/Toronto/Brooklyn-based artist, caterer, community organizer and writer. I have launched an idea/business that is taking off quickly so I need someone to help out over the next 3 – 6 months to keep up with orders. What I do is cater Brooklyn post-modern and progressive art events for up and coming artists in the Billy/G-point/Shwick area – with edible hummus statues. YES I said EDIBLE HUMMUS STATUES! It’s a zany craze that has caught on in our vibrant creative community. We do everything from scratch including buying locally sourced chick peas and other necessary ingredients and making it our selves and then finally sculpting it. The sculpture subject will be totally up to you unless specified by the customer. In the past I’ve sculpted people, animals, buildings, even a vintage type writer!

Pay will totally be negotiable upon our conversation after our emails. Please respond soon. I have an event in south east billburg next weekend that I need help with. You can email me some of your prior work for review. I look forward to hearing from you today! Please tell me as much as you can about yourself in your email such as hobbies, interests, favorite foods, books, films, etc. I hope this ends up more than just a work relationship!

Love & Peace – F

Fishing for Hipsters.

Yes. It’s time for another installment of Fishing for Hipsters where I pretend to be a spiritual, magical, artistic, care-free, hipster transplant girl looking for love in New Brooklyn on Craigslist.

Here was my ad:

Creative girl looking to DO THINGS! – 28 (The heart of Brooklyn)


Date: 2011-11-20, 8:08AM EST
Reply to: your anonymous craigslist address will appear here


I want to take doll sewing classes with you …I want to try and ride a penny farthing along the Brooklyn water front while the wind blows through our hair…

I want to have a 7-day morning and night nonstop art gallery hopping expedition and visit every last gallery in Brooklyn with you…

I want to incorporate hummus into sex with you…

I want you to recite 19th century poetry to me in the park on a chilly afternoon as we drink hot absinthe infused Peruvian tea.

I want to have tofurkey with you on Thanksgiving….

I want to visit OWS with you and fight for whats right…

I want to start a blog and document our lives in Brooklyn together….

I want to sell quirky art that we make together at a flea market….

I REALLY REALLY REALLY Hope the right boy reads this and responds. Please tell me a lot about yourself. My name is Zelda, Im 28 from Portland and live in Southwest Bushwick.

I wish us luck!

 

 

 

 

 

Here were the responses:

 
I don’t know anything about sewing but I am eager to learn

I love the brooklyn bridge and art gallery idea, though i don’t know brooklyn so much but carrol’s garden and bergen street.

Humus, OMG, never thought about it  !

Poetry has to with Beaudelaire or Appolinaire (we go for Mr Poe for the Americans, which i am a big fan of)

I am cooking a 17 pounds turkey two days from now and i getting exicted about it, though it will go with mushrooms (and not cranberry) and regular mashed potatoes (sweets are too sweet)

OWS is a complicated story (did you watch inside job ?)

And the flea market is about right a block from where i live.

To be conceived, i really liked your post, it was very charming, very well presented and now i am dying to meet you.

PS : I don’t care if you made the flower in the coffee cup, but i love the picture.

—————————————————————————————————————————————–

Hey I am loving, caring, respectful, loquacious, athletic, creative, musical, open minded and free spirited. I would like to mention that your name Zelda is the name of the princess in the Zelda games which are my favorite. I also got a kick out of when you said ” I want to incorporate hummus into sex with you”. Thats straight out of Zohan ! Anyway Write me back if you’re interested.

—————————————————————————————————————————————-

im ready for a creative girl who wants to sell things at flea markets/farmers markets, ect

—————————————————————————————————————————————-

Hey princess Zelda… From portland, always wanted to go to that voodoo donut place.. Mmm bacon maple bars… I digress though.. My name is jeff, chef, chef jeff.. Can u guess what i do? Seriously though i have a passion for food and cooking, i love music, im pretty artistic/bohemian very easy going.. Down for almost anything.. Like your list of ” things to do” very creative. Maybe change the 19th century poetry to 20th and the hummus to.. Chocolate ganache.. I dunno.. But anyway im 31 dark hair dark eyes, slim, but built.. Just lookin for someone to vibe with basically.. Hope to hear from ya

——————————————————————————————————————————————

Hey, hows it goin?  holy shit is your name really Zelda? Thats fucking awesome. Lol now that thats out of the way, a little about myself:

I play guitar, bass, piano, keys, drums, banjo, and sing

I went to school for music recording and work at a recording studio in Williamsburg.

I constantly write and record songs all the time

I tend to work a lot at the studios. I’m trying to make it as an engineer and so far my hard work is paying off a little….still need to bust my ass though.

I don’t mind the hummus thing as long as it’s spicy hummus ;)Speaking of spice, I love spicy things….my friends call me gross due to the amount of hot sauce I like to put on stuff

I like walking around and talking and connecting, whether it be in a park, THE park, or just around the city. Being active is fun =)

I’m not the most confident man in the universe….but I make up for it bc I’m a nice guy….

I actually did some field recording of OWS for a documentary. I was down there for 3 days and it was an amazing experience. The compassion and genuine nice-ness of the protesters there is really awesome. This was during the start of the movement right after the girl got maced. I haven’t been back very often because I have been working a lot, although the times I went it was jamming out on my acoustic. I’d love to bring my electric guitar down there and make some jammy tribal metal with the drummers to piss off the fat cats up in the buildings >=)

Physically, I’m 5’6 140is lbs, have semi long hair (it’s growing) and a few tattoos.
I’m not scrawny but I’m not huge either….I naturally have some muscle but you can’t tell bc I slouch and wear black t-shirts all the time. So yeah thats me in a nutshell….I don’t know what else to say. If I sound interesting I guess hit me back otherwise have a nice life.

—————————————————————————————————————————————–

Hi Zelda,

I really liked your ad and all those things sound so much fun.  It sounds like a great relationship with great adventures!

I’m a 25 year old artist.  I stand at 5’9”, weigh 140 lbs and have brown hair and blue eyes.  I’m very nice and friendly, but can be shy at first sometimes. 

 I hope we can do a bit of everything together!

—————————————————————————————————————————————-

I want to get arrested with you after being on the government ‘watch list’ for some time because our coexistence has proved too subversive for the good of America.

—————————————————————————————————————————————-

Hey Zelda,
I’ve never had an absinthe infused tea, sound great. Have you sewn dolls before?

—————————————————————————————————————————————-

You had me at sex and hummus haha. You sound really interesting and Id like to get to know you a bit more. Any chance we could start with a pic exchange and go from there?

—————————————————————————————————————————————-

Your ambitions with hummus drew me to emailing you lol I am also in Bushwick.  Check my pic and send yours.

Fishing for Hipsters

Welcome to another installment of fishing for hipsters. If you don’t know, Fishing for Hipsters is when I place a ridiculous ad on Craigslist Personals posing as the ultimate fauxhemian recent Brooklyn transplant female which leads to hooking the typical hipster male counterpart and having them expose just how phony they are. This time around, the responses got cut short because somebody (most likely this site’s mascot Stevie who combs through Craigslist day and night in women’s clothing, flagging and deleting anything anti-hipster related) deleted my ad pretty quickly. However I did catch a gem – a Jaws or Moby Dick if you will. The pseudo-quirkiness is just oozing out of his pores. It will be the first response you read.

First, here was my ad:

I ask of 3 things. This should be simple. – 27 (Williamsburg/Bushwick)


Date: 2011-09-21, 7:27AM EDT
Reply to: your anonymous craigslist address will appear here


 

This should be rather easy. First a little about me. My name is Zoey. I’m 27. From San Fran by way of Indiana. Currently living in Brooklyn. I’m an urban community planner, performance artist and coffee connoisseur.

I need you to answer these three questions along with a description of you and your life.

1) Are you creative, quirky, and artistic or indie?

2) Do you lead a green and sustainable lifestyle?

3) Do you consume local, organic, hand-crafted artisanal food and other products?

(hint: answering “yes” to these questions earns you points)

Your truly,

Zany Zoey

 
_______________________________________________________________________
 

Here were the responses:

 
 
Hi, I spend most of my time eating cheese.

key words: 70s soul records, leggings, Chex cereal, “Hannah & Her
Sisters”, toothbrush microphones , pervasive feelings of
self-loathing.

Are you still looking? Do real people use craigslist for things
besides roommates and secondhand futons? Is it wrong to eat peanut
butter out of the jar with your fingers? Do you find high scores in
arcade bowling even slightly attractive? These
are all appropriate questions.

I probably don’t qualify as a hipster, but I do like fruit rollups,
Albert Camus, avant-garde photography, The Delfonics, Seinfeld, and I
hate Republicans. I also once stole a copy of The New Yorker from the
dentist’s office. I guess I just figured the term was universal
shorthand for “jaded intellectual who owns a bicycle”. I graduated two
years ago from Generic State College That I Resent For Pretty Much
Every Reason, I’m a freelance writer, I’m really good at the air
piano. I like giving myself shampoo mohawks. I’m a supremely skilled
guacamole maker. None of that is probably relevant to your purposes,
but maybe you see all of it as stuff generally possessed by men
not-completely-incompetent at entertaining a woman. It’d be pretty
cool if you saw it as that kind of stuff.

I’m 6-0, 155, “athletic” (if you consider that a pejorative term I can
just be “guy who runs regularly”), and if you can ignore that I’m
borderline incapable of growing facial I think I’m pretty adorable. If
you’re bored and lonely this week and want to get pizza with a droll
guy who occasionally uses semicolons, I’ll be available. Gratuitous
ab-shot included because, well, yeah, I don’t really have much
explanation. I know it’s pretty incongruous given the content of this
ad, but I figured some assurance that I’m not disgustingly obese would
be appreciated.

Hopefully the other people you have met on here are horrifyingly crass
and borderline illiterate so I look way better by comparison. This is
the end of my ad and now I am telling you that you should probably
send me something.

———————————————————————————————————————————–

I have answered yes to all 3 questions. I am 25 years old.  I am currently an actor/filmmaker/theater electrician.  I am looking for someone I am compatible with, someone I can spend time with and discover life together.  I like doing a lot of different things, I am kinda eclectic and laid back.  I do have tats and piercings and I love them. I am not covered in tats though. I want to have a friendship with a possibility for a serious relationship.   I hope to hear from you soon. Halloween is coming up

————————————————————————————————————————————

1) Are you creative, quirky, and artistic or indie?- I am a writer, photographer, sculptor

2) Do you lead a green and sustainable lifestyle?-A significant effort toward this..also judge cities for national environmental/beautification contest

3) Do you consume local, organic, hand-crafted artisanal food and other products? – as much as possible/reasonable
Special coffee note: I must have great coffee..often drink Ethiopian Yergachaffe, Kona, Jamaican Blue. I want to try civit cat coffee

More about me:
I am a fun and funny white guy with an IQ higher than a medium sized kumquat. I also wash myself frequently, brush my teeth, and have a libido about 10 times what it should be for my age. I have one of those yin yang battles going on inside my head; the businessman type (have an MBA, was an executive, then entrepreneur) fighting with the artist, which seems to have won these days. I now work as a freelance writer and have written six books and do photography for those books and my lectures around the US. I also sculpt (metal, carve stone and wood) plus teach college part time when I can.
 
I am passionate about life and about everything I do. I love music, old rock, blues, and singer songwriters. I love great conversation including witty repartee. I am in decent shape and walk through the park many days. I am solid, more football player (I did play it years ago) than ballet dancer. I am a natural romantic.  Let’s get together and talk about life, or as a song says, “Live, Laugh, Love”.

 

Fishing for hipsters.

Here’s another installment of Fishing for Hipsters where I place a fake ad on Craigslist and post the desperate douchy replies on here. I’m going to have to change it up next time, I think. I get less responses than I used to. Maybe word got around the hipster community to be aware of not becoming a Fishing for Hipsters victim on Diehipster.com? Maybe hipsters have moved on to real dating sites as opposed to Craigslist? I actually posted a totally different kind of ad a few months ago in the Community/Arts section or something like that saying I was holding an adult finger painting contest in McCarren park and there would be plenty of organic snacks but you had to write a letter explaining why you, your art and lifestyle were helping Brooklyn thrive. I think I got only one response as I guess more people hound the personals. Anyway here is what I posted:

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/w4m/2525631773.html

A partner in the Shwick? – 29 (Billy/Shwick)


Date: 2011-08-02, 7:34AM EDT
Reply to:

Reply To This Post

[Errors when replying to ads?]


 

Hello potential scruffy boy.

I have arrived in the artistic wonderland of Brooklyn, New York after reading many a blog post and speaking with many friends. I moved from Michigan last month and am in the process of purchasing a small building in East Billy/Shwick to convert into a center for arts along with a rooftop garden for the community of artists. I would love to meet a super artsy, scruffy, talented, urban hot mess of a man to partner with for love, life,fun times, urban exploration and for help with this venture and bringing culture to Brooklyn. Serious replies only. And please tell me about yourself in some length. I won’t reply to “hey baby, got a pic?” or penis shots.

Love,

Megan
_________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Here were some of the responses:

 

Though I assume that your inbox is most likely flooded with hordes of
applications from eager suitors, I slightly suspect that the quality is less
than tempting.

I am 6’4″ 210 lbs. Sans tattoos, though heavily steeped in both wit & charm. .
or at least clever discordancy. Dreadfully poor at math. My velcro-wallet was
a mere 2$. I attempt to cook a gourmet meal nearly every night. Dive bars own
my heart. I am out in LES usually every night that I am out, and I am much less
interested in factitiously chichi venues as I am with the quiet elegance of presence. . .
Feel free to respond, lest of course, my asininity delivers me
straight to the bottom of the stack. I live and paint in Chelsea.

————————————————————————————————–

Okay Megan I’ll play! I live in B-wick with 3 crazy roommates. All ladies, messy lady’s in fact. It’s Brooklyn so we’re all crazy and everyone wants to be an artist. I do mixed media and just had a show last week. I get bored at work and search craigslist and I saw your ad, It sounded pretty great actually and even the fact I’ve never answered an ad before I figure if we don’t find one another attractive we could still do art together!
 
Don’t be crazy I promise I’m not.

————————————————————————————————–

Hey -

You sound great.  Art and rooftop gardening – love it.  Those are a
couple of my spheres of interest also – especially art.

  I live in Bushwick.  I’m a photographer.
Single. 

I’m from Vancouver.  Like it.  I belong to a
community garden and have belonged to a CSA – just today arranged
for another one.
How’s the arts center coming?

M

——————————————————————————————————

Hey,
I’m not a hipster but I am definitely the scruffy artist type.  I run a creative arts based program in bushwick and also work in education in bushwick. 
Aside from that I am an artist and musician myself and would love to get to know you better.  Tell me about you. Trade pics?

—————————————————————————————————–

This is funny. I actually live in East Williamsburg. I am a artist/performer of sorts and I own a small building. I have a vacancy right now and I’m desperately trying to rent it, so I’ve been on craigslist almost everyday for a few weeks. I saw your post and felt compelled to respond.
Anyway, I make my living as a musician, I’m really not that scruffy, but I feel I have lived most of my life outside of the status quo by being undercover and keeping a low profile. The energy in our neighborhood is pretty awesome and it keeps getting better. I’ve actually lived out here since 2001 and I can’t believe how much things have changed.
Good luck with your endeavors and write me back if you would like to know more about me. I would like to hear more about you too.
take care, N

———————————————————————————————————–

Hi,

 I’m a brazilian artist, who like most of other artist have a day job.(jobs!) :D
I’ve been in the US since 2000, have lived in Williamsburg/Greenpoint area for about 6 years, before moving to England and France (2007).
Have worked as DJ, building props for commercials/music videos, stage design, painter, carpenter, events designer,  as well as worked on my own music, painting, silk screening, etc.
I liked your ad not only ’cause you sound very energetic, enthusiastic, passionate and idealistic about arts and community. I believe I’m like that too…
I also love bike riding, walking, cooking, writing/reading, gardening, building “things”, remodeling/construction houses…
What part of Brooklyn are you? What do you love the most in NYC? Do you wear glasses? What’s your sign? :D
Hope hear back from you…
love, peace and harmony!

—————————————————————————————————-

(HERE IS MY FAVORITE)

go back to Michigan, or Detroit more specifically. you’ll find exactly what you’re looking for, i promise. Brooklyn doesn’t need any more people like you.

G.D.

 

Fishing for hipsters.

Fishing for hipsters is when I place an ad on Craigslist as a zany and quirky girl who just pioneered into Brooklyn and get responses from other hipsters looking for love.

Here was my ad: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/w4m/2184622509.html

Quirky F 4 Quirky M – 29 (WBurg/Bushwick)


Date: 2011-01-28, 10:16AM EST


 

I’m quirky and eccentric yet I can be tranquil and sedated. My fav activities range from gallery hopping to hide and seek to reading 17th century poetry to vintage clothes shopping to cooking yummy vegan dishes to rooftop films and much much more. I’ve been in Brooklyn for 8 months and I love the vibrant creative young adult scene it has to offer. Please have similar interests and live in the area. Describe yourself. I’m white, thin, heavily tattooed, 2 piercings, I work parttime in a healthfood store and host some nights in a new and up and coming restaurant in Bushwick. I totes hope I meet a great and creative boy on here.

  • Location: WBurg/Bushwick
  • 

And here were just some of the responses I got:

just moved to the area extremely bored….enough to look on craigslist…….24 smart insomniac inked…attractive definitely hardcore nerd (well disguised through vulgar confidence)…engineer w/ great job…….reads excessively…cooks exquisitely…lets go from there…

——————————————————————————————–

Maybe you’re looking for me: into all you mentioned (except not a vegan), creative, somewhat quirky boy. Used to work as a sound engineer, have played in various kinds of bands (one of the pics is from an old band), and currently in grad school for poli-sci/econ. In Bushwick as well.
Also me: single, white, tall, thin, tattooed, 32, glasses wearing, writer.

Write back if you’re interested.

——————————————————————————————–

There are a few things that are important if we’re going to meet. First, please be 30-33. I want to go out with someone more than once. I want to go out with a white girl. You should not have a regular 9-5, but you should keep yourself busy and be able to afford to do things sometimes. I’m looking for someone who I enjoy staying in with and not spending money together and also someone to buy flowers and other spontaneous things for. I’m athletic. I usually get 50 push-ups out of the way before I’m really awake yet.

Whenever I really think about it, I have lots of excuses why I don’t need a girl in my life, but when I really think about it, it would be good for me. This city is easier to do when you have someone to kiss. I need a girlfriend in my life who will let me and who wants someone to take care of her. It would be good if she rode a bike. The snow kept me home this morning, but I rod to breakfast yesterday. I’m tall with a shaved head and blue eyes. Scruffy short face hair. Sometimes I wear glasses. Tattoo on wrist and arm.

I hesitate to give myself the title of Artist, but I design, I draw, I write. I make things. I’m a generally creative person who lives in Brooklyn and survives without doing anything I don’t want to do. Let’s get together and talk about whatever you’re working on right now. I enjoy fine weed and strong coffee. Put that as the subject of your email. I look forward to getting together,

My name is Reed.

———————————————————————————————

I just read your ad on craigslist and I am interested in getting to know you. I am a 26 year old thin male who lives in Manhattan and works as a freelance writer, mostly in Northern Brooklyn. And just like everyone else in this city I would like to eventually be able to live of my creative endeavors. I’m new to this type of dating so I don’t really know what to expect. You seem like you would be right up my alley though. Let me know what you think.
Jesse

———————————————————————————————

You read 17th Century poetry and like vintage clothing.  I am reading Caeser’s history of the Gallic Wars.  Who is more anachronistic?

———————————————————————————————

handsome fit conservative bohemian/hedonist here in downtown manhattan. you sound like too much fun and frankly ive developed a weakness for inked up hotties with arty proclivities. i have no tattoos myself, missed the boat. but your company seems like it would be not at all a bad thing. pls send pics.

Fishing for Hipsters

Yeah it’s been a while so I got the old fishing rod out and went fishing for hipsters again. The responses were pretty good. May have been better in the past but still pretty good. I even got a couple of angry Brooklynites to respond and one person even knew it was me! So this time I pretended to be ‘Megz’ a woman from Oregon who used to sell her organic pet food out of a booth and is now beginning her Brooklyn gentrification vacation. Here was my post on Craigslist

Live and breathe art with me… – 29 (Billyburg)



 

Date: 2010-07-18, 9:08AM EDT
 



 
 

Hello potential artsy and cultured boy,

29/F. I’m completely amazed by the vibe and culture of Williamsburg and Bushwick. Ideas flow more freely when youre surrounded by such talent. I’ve been here for 2 months. I sold my little organic pet supply store, well booth really, in Oregon and moved here. I share a pretty spacious loft with my old college friend, she should be single soon too when her boyfriend moves back home to Michigan lol.

Im super into art and artisanal cooking. Would like a boy who knows some good local and sustainable eating places and music venues to show me. I’m currently an aid to an assistant events coordinator for this small start up art gallery in Bushwick. Yesterday I went to see if anything good was playing at Siren Fest in Coney Island. It was OK however we got off the train to get some liquor. I think it was Avenue U or something. Wow what a weird place and bland too. I was like, is this still Brooklyn? Just so many foreigners and people working and bustling through the streets with their families and going to stores. It just lacked the kind of culture you find up in the North section of Brooklyn. I couldn’t live there.

Please have roughly the same interests as me and be edgy and different and creative. You must tell me about yourself. Emails that just say Hi Baby with a picture will be ignored. If you sound interesting I’ll reply with a pic. Well I need to go down and get my latte. I wouldn’t be up so early but I have to pick up a friend from the airport. I await you .

Megz

Here are just some of the e-mail responses I got:

 
Hey,

I am creative edgy and artistic and work as a creative professional…What brought you to NYC?  Where in Oregon are you from?  Did you go to school? Can you describe yourself physically, tattoos?

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  Burning spear is playing a free show on Wednesday night, I saw him play last year and it was amazing.

 

I’ve been living in wburg for a few months now as well, I used to live in Manhattan and don’t know how I lasted there so long.  I’m 26; and moved into the city a few years ago to study yoga. 

Funny you went to the siren fest yesterday I rode my bike down there to go to swimming, were there any good bands? 

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hi, love the northwest and ny too.  seattle actually.  I sculpt and consult.   spent a decent time in oregon too.  i was planning to hangout in W’burg tomorrow to see some art and stroll — have a beer. I am 38 so not really a boy.  dark hair and eyes.  Like strong coffee, a good pint and food for sure.Until soon or your email back to me. 

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Hi my name is Henry. I know what you mean about ave. U. There are some great places in brooklyn. Have you been to down town brooklyn? It is great. I did send you my picture, but it was sent back because the file is too big for CL. I have black hair, dark brown eyes, dimples, and have an athletic build. Let’s see what things we can find to do together. Maybe we can talk and get to know each other over a cup of coffee. Thank you for reading. 

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How cool is it that you are in New York now? Welcome. I felt the same way when I first got here 7 years ago, was sharing a 1500 square foot loft with friends in Bushwick with friends, getting my degree in journalism and working for a literary agent. This is a wonderful place, with the best food art and culture you can find this side of Paris or Madrid. 

These days I work a lot and study for my M.A. at NYU. I try to get out for a jog or hit up a yoga class several times a week too — I guess I like to be on the busy side as it lets me know I’m alive. :) I’ll sleep when I’m dead. 

Today I’m going with friends to the 3rd ward pig roast to meet a ton of people and hear bands (they have the greatest parties), and then to the brooklyn waterfront for the free bands (and dodgeball!) and the best view ever. I’m not vegetarian or anything, but I am all about great food, and great living. In a month I’m going to Paris for 10 days to relax. I like to travel a lot and can’t wait to find a job that makes me do that, so I can snap a million pictures and do my silly writing or whatever it is that catches my fancy. 

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I elected to forward this photo because it makes me appear enlightened. I of course have little to no chance of eliciting any interest from you but your spirit struck me and I value spirit in others. I am on the endless quest for those that imagineer and envision a world – experiences – beyond their own 4 corner-ed universe. Never remain cornered. Break out, break up, break through.  I write but of course, in order to earn a living, I do the professional thing. I live outside Manhattan: another curse. I am a single and music-obsessed former radio disc jockey, drummer, guitarist and computer artist. All enormously fulfilling, none enormously great for feeding myself. Which is not to comment in any manner negatively on your lifestyle, which rather impresses me like a summer’s breeze through the sweltering weather of the stifling economy. I admire and credit you for being brave, leaving your Oregonian home and striking out in a manner few do in their lifetimes. Do not fear but pursue. 
So with those jumbled words of comment and commentary, I propose that on your ever-lengthening lists of friends in the area, perhaps you consider adding at least someone that’s not out for anything other than good conversation a few evenings every now and then, art wandering, cocktail tipping and a few laughs. I have zero ulterior agendas except for human and cool companionship every so often.  I’m actually blindingly busy all the time and drowning in work so these walks or talks or chat and chews would be a way for me to break the surface of the drowning pool to gulp in air of friendship and thinking and laughter… 

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Hi there, 

I just read your ad and felt intrigued by it and compelled to reply. I could go on and on about my likes and dislikes but let us start with a brief description and if it piques your attention then I will be more than happy to continue. I do not want to waste my time or yours. 

About me, 32 years old, inked, brown eyes, brown hair, yada, yada, yada.
I have been in NYC for almost 4 years now and loving it.
I work in the music industry

cheers 

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ex-organic pet supply girl,
well, you sound brilliant – !
 

i am a 37 year old single white male, with brown hair and blue eyes…
i am college educated, well-read and am a good conversationalist. i have traveled to many different parts of the world and have many interests, including art, painting, cinema, politics and sports, among other things… i have a dog as well!
 

i own a small design firm. my loft is right by union square. 

so – let me know if you’re interested-let’s meet and get to know each other a bit better…! 

cheers! 

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First off, good luck with your search for a boyfriend. Dating in New
York can be hard, especially if you’re misinformed and completely
ignorant to your surroundings as you seem to be.
 

Williamsburg/Bushwick have been hispanic neighborhoods for the past 50
years, before that it was polish. The pop- counter vomit of people
from Ohio and Oregon, people like YOU, has caused them to loose their
homes, raise their rents, and force out local family businesses
replacing them with “luxury condo lofts.” Maybe if you looked around
your friends Art Gallery in bushwick you could see some art with a
little more meaning? How about the save our home street art on
Knickerbocker and Myrtle… or the Bushwick Community Garden which
gives free clothes, and fresh organic produce to local families who
are struggling as a result of the struggling economy and this swift
gentrification.
 

To say that the neighborhoods Coney Island and Brighton Beach are
lacking culture is ridiculous, it makes you sound like a vapid little
brat. The people in those area’s are of mostly Russian Decent, most of
them are Americans! Many people prefer to keep their languages, art,
cuisine, and CULTURE intact. Do you think that “Hipster’s” shopping at
organic planet and buying old vinyl is much different than a Russian
Mother shopping at a fruit market with her children? You’re the
foreigner, don’t you get it?
 
If you weren’t so narrow minded maybe you could meet someone in
public. A lot of the of the more attractive, intelligent men in this
area appreciate a woman who is a lot more aware of her surroundings.
What makes you think you’re edgy, different, creative? You’re living
in the same community with a bunch of people who are JUST LIKE YOU in
most ways. Perhaps you’re different than the Russians, the Domincans,
The Puerto ricans, the suits in midtown, and the italians, but you’re
not different than any other vintage nuevo-art slave in the burg.
Don’t fool yourself. If you were creative you wouldn’t be so content
in your little box.
 

Explore
give back to the community you’ve stolen or
at least appreciate real culture
make yourself belong to something bigger
or go back to Oregon and sell dog food.
 

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Either that was written on purpose for laughs or you are really really clueless about Brooklyn and people.
 
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you got to be kidding me.  please, go back to oregon or some other hippie granola loving place.  the vibe and culture of williamsburg and bushwick?  you want edgy, different and creative, sorry kid, but you’re about 10 years late to the party. it disgusts me to see all the hipster wanna be artists and what they’ve done to those neighborhoods. you’re just every other sheep, go ahead follow the pack.

yeah, all you little american apparel kids really add lots of culture up there in north brooklyn.  i’d take the russians out in brighton beach/ coney island/ sheepeshead bay area over your kind any day.  if i had the same interests as you, i certainly wouldnt be different, and neither are you.  please, bitch, get ahold of yourself.  sooner or later you’ll realize that you cant make it in ny and you’ll be where you belong, someplace else.

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DIE HIPSTER! HA HA I can’t wait to see what kind of toolboxes respond to this!

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Hey There Meg,
 
     I found your post on CL interesting and quite amusing. Through your correspondense & musing’s I can tell your self absorb, a brat, culturally lacking and deprived intellectually.
 
     Native of Williamsburg with a complete grasp of the present and fully appreciative of all that life (Brooklyn) has to offer. Graham Avanue guy from the nieghborhood. Sane, sincere, for real…Unfortunately, my one bedroom isn’t a level playing field with your “loft”. 
 
     I think we can click (lol)!
 
     If you feeling me and can unhinge yourself from that “Latte”, we’ll do a tour of the bodega’s in the area. I’m almost positive you’ve never entered one.
 
     If you feeling me and want to prove me wrong, hit me back.
 
     Let’s do the “Apolo” on Grand street for a bluey?………(you probably never had one of those)
 
     You are such a B*tch, but I think I like you…………

Fishing for hipsters.

                          

As you may already know, Fishing For Hipsters is when I place a lure on Craigslist Personals of a typical hipster transplant girl living in Brooklyn looking for a hipster guy. Sure enough, I get a bunch of responses from these ‘artists, musicians, and creative type guys’ who think they’ve found their filthy soulmate.

Here was my fake post:

Oh Zany Boy??? Where art thou??? – 28 (Billyburg)


Date: 2010-02-20, 1:40PM EST


 

To the potential quirky zany artsy boy that I may find…..this weekend I want:

to ride bikes
to talk about books
to eat something ive never eaten
to get drunk
to go to a flea market
to see a live show
to get a new tattoo
to drink tea and listen to vinyl

Can you dig it? My name is Charlotte, I’m 28, an artist, originally from Illinois, moved to Brooklyn last year. Tell me about you and lets do this.

  • Location: Billyburg

Here were just some of the word for word responses:

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I wish I still had my bike, it got stolen outside of the Brooklyn library.  This summer might be time for a new one.
Right now I’m reading Chuck Klosterman’s Eating the Dinosaur.  Interesting philosophy comparing Kurt Cobain to David Koresh.
I bake and ice cakes at a bakery in Manhattan, I’m sure I could whip something together you’ve never eaten.
Brooklyn Flea?
Cage the Elephant is playing next week, that would be a pretty kick ass show to see.
My next tattoo is going to be the little girl in the pink dress from the cover of Animal Collective’s Feels.
Ween just re-released all their records so I can finally buy The Mollusk without spending $150.

Best,
Josh

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Hey Charlotte
I am kinda bored here at the record store I work at so I am lurking around on criag’s list.
My name is Brandon. I am 27. Been out here from LA about two and a half years.
It was finally warm enough for me to ride my bike yesterday, but it had flat and I was sad.
I go to a lot of shows. Play in a few as well. (got one friday)
Drink a good amount of beer.
Am an avid thrift store and flea market digger.
I don’t drink tea but have a good size record collection.

What brought you out here from Illinois?
Brandon

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i am 25…
i am 6’2″…
i like coffee…alot…maybe a little too much…or not enough…
i like doing ken kens…
i am a smart ass…
i like all sorts of music(yes, i know, who the fuck doesn’t?) from shoegazer and hardcore to instrumental indie and jazz
i have a degree in neuroscience and do research with underprivileged or “at risk” populations as we are supposed to call it in academia…
i was an editorial intern at SPIN…
i am apparently not capitalizing my I’s…
i busted my knee playing rugby…
i used to play guitarron in a mariachi band (and flute occaionally…and yes, I know you are a mariachi aficionado and will clearly retort that flute is not a mariachi instrument, we doubled the strings)…
i overuse ellipses…
I love my nephews(most of whom are half asian…why do i mention this?…i guess i must be racist)…
I slipped in an I instead of i there…
Here are an assortment of pictures, with my various stages of facial hair…except for the ill conceived period of the white trash stache…i spared you that… 

______________________________________________________________

Hi, there. You seem to have peaked my interest. A bit a about me, I’m 30, a whisky connoisseur, I’m back in school for graphic design, live in Williamsburg, love geeky things like vintage ghettoblasters and calculator watches. Musically I’m all over the map but lately I’ve been on a classic country binge. I  have a great sense of humor and have an opinion on almost anything!
Oh and I ride a bike and I love it!

Fishing for hipsters.

                          

Fishing for Hipsters is when I put a fake Craigslist post up and basically reel in a pathetic wanna-be, then post their replies on here for everyone to see what kind of parasites have taken up precious living space in Brooklyn.

Here was my post:

Run naked in the snow with me? – 29 (Billyburg/The Shwick)

 
 



Date: 2009-12-20, 8:44AM EST

 
 



I can’t believe the snowfall amount! It reminds of of back home in Minnesota. I’m a 29 y.o. female. Into anything vintage, artsy, indie. I work as a part time production assistant and part time dog walker/sitter. I’m also working on a project with a two friends in Detroit and Philly to create a 3-way art exchange program where young adults can swap apartments in those 3 cities and explore artisitc opportunities and try to spread some culture in urban environments. Looking to maybe meet up today with creative type guy into the same things I am. We can even play in the snow! I think I was kidding about running naked? Or was I ? Ha Ha. We can go to my friends art bar afterwards and have some of her famous Hot Rum Cocoa to warm things up. I’ve only met one guy from craigslist last year when I just moved to Brooklyn, he was kind of boring, worked as an EMS tech or something and we had nothing in common. Please only respond if you live in the Williamsburg;/Bushwick area. Please don’t just send a pic and say something like “hi baby”. I will not respond to that. Tell me about you, your hobbies, your goals, where you grew up, etc, etc…Waiting to hear from you!
 
Love , Sadie
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Here were a couple of actual word for word responses :

Detroit, RoboCop, Philly, Rocky, Bushwick???

Well, I suppose we’re gonna have to make a movie then, I’m racking my brain, and I can’t think of one.  I mean, Coney yeah, but Bushwick.  Oh, shit wait, Serpico is in Williamsburg.  Lets re-stage Serpico in the snow, you know, snow deals, and then we can have a snow ball fight like a shoot out, but don’t whiteface me. 

‘Hi baby’, this don’t make much sense.  I just woke up, time to make some coffee and eat some hummus.  Then write, on art, and then…? What you do?

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Next Fuckster:

Hope I’m not too late!
Just got back from flap-jack extravaganza at my good mate’s flat and am preparing mentally for the Dizzy Fizz Holiday Puncheon tonight.  If we meet far enough in advance of 7pm I could theoretically get you onto the guestlist… assuming you’d want to join in the festivities.
My apartment is known affectionately as “The Wormhole for Wayward Minnesota Souls” and I am involved in the USBGNY bartender exchange program.  I work as a writer and spirits educator more than anything, but have been known to pull a shift or two behind the stick.  Spreading artistic culture in urban environments is what I do.  I have recently teamed with an AMAZING artist as her NY agent, see her work here:
www._ _ _ _ _ _ _.com
While not technically in either Bushwick or Williamsburg, I am on the southern border of both, and as a cyclist, can be pretty much anywhere in a jiffy.  Going to your friend’s art bar for Hot Rum Cocoa sounds like a perfect outing to follow pancakes and buff snow running, and a perfect preface to the punch party!
Really?  You wouldn’t respond if I said “hi baby”?  Even a “hi baby” from me would have communicated how much your post resonated.  I’ll tell you all about me, my hobbies, goals, where I grew up, etc when we meet.
Wait no more,

JP

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 Next Douche:
 
 Hi, 

I’m xxxxxxx, 28 years old and live in Brooklyn.

I’m a  live sound engineer and tour manager. I tour with silly little bands around the world for a living.I fancy delicious worldly cuisine, the cooking of delicious worldly cuisine, different music, dogs, traveling, and falconing.Sometimes I have a beard, sometimes I don’t. I like lots of music and film…I just moved to Williamsburg from Austin, TX.

Its snowy and wintery and I just want to and hang out.

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 So there’s my catch for the day. I usually get more ridiculous responses from these space wasting, wanna be intellectuals. Well I guess it’s time for coffee and hummus, the breakfast of champion transplants.