mugger-63571228It’s been a while since I posted some North Brooklyn i-Stole reports from the Brooklyn Paper. This week had some gems of clueless culdesacians getting their shit jacked. When will they learn they aren’t in an Iowan Dairy Queen parking lot any more? Here we go:


A thief walked into a Bedford Avenue restaurant on March 28 and stole $20 in cash from the tip jar, police reported.

The manager of the eatery between N. Sixth and N. Seventh streets said the thief came in at 9:30 pm, grabbed the cash, and skedaddled.

The manager chased the rapscallion and caught up to him at Metropolitan and Union avenues, where the bandit flashed a knife, prompting the boss to give up his pursuit, cops said.

Like a kid stealing a cookie from the cookie jar while his Mom isn’t look; except I’m pretty sure thief looked straight into Caleb the counterboy’s face and took the money.


A prowler crept into a N. Seventh Street home on March 28 and stole a purse off of a kitchen table while the victim was sleeping and her boyfriend was watching TV, according to cops.

The victim’s boyfriend reported he was watching television in the living room of the home between Kent and White avenues at 11 pm when he heard a noise in the kitchen.

He went to investigate and found his girlfriend’s bag — which held her hat, credit card, and books — missing.

These people fucking amaze me! Two of them home – one sleeping and the other awake watching TV with the FUCKING FRONT DOOR UNLOCKED AT 11pm!!! How stupid can you be??? Oh yeah well, look who we’re talking about.


A pair of scoundrels stole a laptop out of Franklin Street store when the clerk was distracted on March 29, officers said.

The victim told police she was working at the store between Milton Street and Greenpoint Avenue at 9:55 am when two lowlifes came in.

While the clerk was helping someone else, the jerks grabbed the laptop off of the counter, put it in a duffel bag, and ran out, a report shows.

One Macbook – comin’ right up!


A burglar stole $23,000 in cash out of a N. Sixth Street cash machine on March 23, according to authorities.

The manager of a business center between Berry and Wythe avenues stated that he went into work at 1 pm and found the dollar dispenser damaged and all the money gone.

Cha-ching! Homey got paid! It’s ok though – Mason’s daddy will fill that machine back up in no time straight from the Bank Of Minnesota.


A lowlife cyclist snatched an iPhone out of a woman’s hand as she was walking down Olive Street on March 27, police said.

The 33-year-old victim said she was walking at Devoe Street at 8:45 pm when the bandit rode up behind her, grabbed the device, and kept riding.

The woman used an app to track the phone to Stagg Walk, but then the signal was lost, according to authorities.

LOL  I can just picture this Molly screeching into her iPhone back to a suburb in Cupcake County, Oregon about how great the magical land of Nieuw Breuckelen is when: Whoooosh! Vrroooooom! Later!


Two stealth bandits walked into a fancy clothing store on Grand Street on March 28 and walked out with a number of high-end items, cops said.

The manager of the store between Roebling and Havemeyer Streets said the devious duo came in at 6:50 pm, grabbed a designer jacket and three sweaters, and left without paying. Together, the items were worth $1,021, a report shows.

Two stealth bandits??? I don’t believe you need be be stealthy at all when trying to rob these naive interlopers. Just walk in and grab what you need!