Can this Gowanus Brooklyn Whole Foods article have more hipster cliches?

wholefoodshipstersKIDULT DRINK ‘N’ DRAW DUUUUUUUDE! Let’s list the incredibly irritating amount of hipster stereotypes found in this gentrification cheerleading article - but first – check out this link to see just how fucking stupid the average Whole Foods hipster is when they are overpaying for what they think is “organic”. I’m telling you, its so easy to part these pretentious naïve interlopers from their money. How Whole Foods lies to its idotic hipster customers.


Now let’s count those hipster buzzwords:


Gowanus; art projects; band album-cover art; skateboard designs; industrial loft; Gowanus Whole Foods; five arty friends; communal tables; local beers; grass-fed burgers; [$40] pies from nearby Four & Twenty Blackbirds; a record shop; roasted coffee with origin stories; a bike-repair station; Brooklyn foodie vibe; artisanal food community; rooftop greenhouse space; drink and draw; local artist; Gowanus Canal; Kentile Floors sign; Urban Outfitters; air-chilled poultry; slow-dried whole-wheat dinosaur pasta; bronze dies cast in Brooklyn; locally made bitters; Arcade Fire; recycled record jewelry; Nathan 37; your flannel; gourmet vegan-cheese cooler; Mason jars; home pickling; stylish fedora; Zachary Conner in a knit hat and tattoos down his arms; coffee machine called the Steampunk; not here to rush in and rush out; they’re taking their time; sriracha popcorn; grocery-based dating; West Villager Josh; Urban Green Energy; The Drink and Draw crowd.



45 thoughts on “Can this Gowanus Brooklyn Whole Foods article have more hipster cliches?

  1. NYPOST Article ; “The brightly lit store plays to every Brooklyn stereo type with a record shop, a juice bar, in-store-roasted coffee with origin stories on the package the length of a Proust novel and, naturally, a bike-repair station.

    Juice bar ? In store-roasted-coffee ? and NATURALLY, a bike-repair station ?

    I never knew those were “Brooklyn” stereo types……..

    • What part of Flushing are you from? If you’re not from North Flushing near Bowne Park area, you’re not legit.

      • Good to see Flushing represented on here.

      • 153rd and Northern.

        If you’re Italian or Korean you’re a piece of shit.

        • I agree with the latter, you fuck twat. You’re probably a transient…or just another Asian who has forced all the Irish, ITALIANS, Germans and Hispanics out of Flushing. Or worse – you’re a fucking hipster from whogivesashitville. I’ve started to notice a handful of you fucking Revenge of the Nerd glasses wearing scumbags slowly trickling into the area. Figures. 7 train is a close ride to midtown. If it were 1994 instead of 2014 I’d have the local TMR roll up on your ass. But I know you have NO idea what I’m talking about because you’re either a transient scumbag or a 25 yr old virgin mad because all the Italian girls made fun of you at Bleeker.

  2. ahh, what would these fucks do without their corporate masters selling their lifestyle to them. This is just bringing that old, comfy, suburban mall setting to them. I gotta hand it to Whole Foods for their brilliant, if incredibly irritating, marketing plans. It’s just amazing to me that these bearded fucks can’t realize what’s staring them right in the face…..which is their idiotic lifestyles being parodied and sold back to them for immense profit.

  3. Please don’t make a habit of linking to “Natural News.” Mike Adams is the ultimate “LOOK AT ME” whore. He regularly mis-reports issues to create false outrage (and get tons of page views for his ads). I’ve busted him several times and not once have I gotten a reply from his site.

  4. Idea, start an underground “speakeasy” that lures hipsters in by giving them a felt mustache on the street, with the address printed on the back in old-timey font.

    Then when they arrive, quickly lash them to the supports and take their phones.

    After they’re all corraled in there, open the fake ceiling so the REAL patrons of your New York speakeasy can pelt them with rotten fruit and garbage. I’m sure some “leftovers” would love to pay back the favor by getting some stress relief.

    Oh, and serve some fucking real drinks with hard liquor. Maybe serve wings? They could throw the bones on them too.

  5. Please kill me? Please?

  6. Communal dining? Why the fuck would anyone want to sit across from or next to some bedbug-infested pasty beardo?

    As for “Dena” I’d SIIHPAPP :-)

    • Meanwhile, restauranteurs are laughing all the way to the bank because communal dining means more seats in the same space.

  7. C’mon, DH! I found the article to have more than just a little bit of a sarcastic tone.
    I can’t believe I am defending the Post here, but that article is so fucking condescending it has to be a contrived yet veiled piss-take.
    They actually did well to highlight what a cliche joke the hipster is, in what has to be a payed-for advertorial by Whole Freaks. The Post is pissing all over WF’s customer base in an article they payed for!
    Now that’s fucking funny!

    • I get that but I’m trying to piss of the author of the article. He also writes of the site that claims to be looking out for struggling North brooklynites yet advertise $3000 rents and $12 peanut butter. I know he reads my site and probably already saw this. 

    • It’s yet another example of hipsters in denial mocking hipsters from what I can tell. Pretty much every fucking “writer” and “journalist” from the suburbs does it.

  8. It’s getting so bad in Philly that even my normally, quiet, well behaved 11 year old wants to kick them in the yambags.

    • Shouldn’t it be BB bags? I highly doubt their testicles are anywhere near the size of yams…

    • Tell your kid to not even pay them any mind. Besides, his school is probably full of future hipsters if you live in the Jersey suburbs so he’s going to have to learn to live and let live. I went to school with them too, and no matter how tough they talk, it’s their lawyers, the media, and the police who will be the ones fucking you up in the end.

  9. Ugh. Those hats! The last time I saw hats like that was at a farm equipment auction.

    ..and there are women who go after misfits like this?

  10. And 20-something’s? Really, those first two assclowns, Caleb and Meghan, look older than me and I’m 50. Can’t wait for the summer when they start getting run over by trucks on Ten Eyck street and Morgan Ave. again while on their Wizard of Oz witch bikes.

  11. This is nothing several well-placed drones couldn’t fix

  12. F these skinny guys. This is the BK yo, get the hell outta here with your record players and fancy lettuce. I’ll run yo ass ova.

  13. I’m no fan of mass shootings, but in this case, I think one is not only justified, but called-for.

  14. I refuse to go there, EVER. I have my key food on 69th and 3rd….

  15. How do these people look at themselves in the mirror every morning and not laugh hysterically?

  16. Nathan 37 and Zachary Conner in a knit hat and tattoos down his arms… hahahahaha

  17. Oh shit I thought that picture was from the 80′s but no its from the present.

  18. “The cold didn’t deter about two dozen people from piling into the Roof for the first drink and draw, where a local artist gives a quick, free lesson before letting creativity — and $5 beers — flow.”

    A ‘local’ artist? Yeah, I’m sure he grew up over on Union St. If that local artist grew up anywhere between Hoboken and the Nassau Coliseum, I’ll eat my copy of the Post. And by ‘grow up’ I don’t mean coming to NY as a 33 year old to play wannabe artist.

  19. Look at their heads. Wouldn’t they look great mounted on a plaque over the mantle of my fireplace!

    • In that case, please make sure to use locally sourced, sustainable firewood!

      Unless it’s a fake one, of course – which would be most apropo, considering what’ll be mounted above it…

    • That’s me barber!

      And AGAIN I forgot to go in today, for what will probably be one of my last haircuts there.

      A shame for that entire corner. Hopefully it won’t be too much of a monstrosity. The north side of Park Place there is all brownstones, & thankfully falls within the Historic Landmark district.

      Heaven forbid a small business should be allowed to flourish.

    • Speaking of pussification, you’re also correct unintentionally: That intersection, like many others on the Flatbush strip – forms a TRIANGLE!

      I guess you can say the pussification is growing into it’s rightful place.

      That, together with some shrubbery & benches courtesy of the Greenstreets program & presto – a public pubic triangle – perfect for a quick stop on a summer’s eve!

  20. A good drink’n’draw is a wonderful thing. We have them around here once in a while. However, our participating artists are either legit professional artists, or admitted hobbyists who have day jobs, or students (or some combination of the above). And they’re held at night, because most of them work in the day.

    And no one seems to think they’re taking part in some Great Creative Revolution that The World Has Never Seen. They just think they’re getting to hang out with friends, meet some new people, have some beer or coffee, and do some drawing.

    • Which would be fine if they could just keep it to themselves like a shameful activity like seeing a therapist or needing a crazy hooker to get your rocks off. Do it, but don’t tell they whole fucking world about it. Why you all need every bowel movement written up In the neighborhood paper is beyond. It’s the narcissism of the hipster that is so insufferable. Get drunk and paint, but making a thing about it is beyond douchey.

Please comment but stay on topic and don't post like an incessant, excessive, obsessive moron. Thanks

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