They should’ve sunk this hipster boat.

derelictboatScore one for the FDNY and real New Yorkers. Last Friday, a derelict boat docked at 190 Morgan Ave in Bushwick that had between 20 and 30 filthy hipsters living on it had open fire pits; drum circles; and blue-grass band shows, was shut down by the FDNY after an anonymous complaint. Good thing I’m not in charge – I would’ve sunk it with a torpedo. These hipsters simply can’t get enough of the toxic waterways in Brooklyn: the Newtown Creek and the Gowanus Canal. Trust me, the Calebs, Ethans and Zooeys on this boat could most likely easily call Mom and Dad or dip into their trust funds to live in an over-priced Bushpointburg apartment but chose to live and play on this dirty vessel because they are the masters of pseudo urban grittiness. And we all know if something were to happen to these emaciated breardos during little their Bushwick boat adventure, Mommy Nasalworth back in Wisconsin would be suing the property owner and the city in a heartbeat for irresponsibly letting her talented little artist get hurt. These kind of stories - where fully grown adults who came to pussify Brooklyn, and have their fun ruined – make me so happy. Get the fuck outta here already. FDNY Shuts Down Hipster Party Boat

72 thoughts on “They should’ve sunk this hipster boat.

  1. Would’ve been a good time to call the usual suspects

  2. Lol lol lol lol lol lol. Excellent.

  3. Send Keyser Soze onboard.

  4. I’m currently visiting a normal friend in Wisconsin, and there are actually few hipsters here, percentage-wise to the population. Most of the kids are basically like Brooklyn folk

    They must ship 90% of the hipsters to NYC.

  5. Oh I don’t know, I have been to a couple of parties there. Seemed like nice people, not the lame sort of hipsters so well vilified here, and not the ones driving up rents. funny, it was across the street from the recently-shuttered Third Ward, which was the epitome of lameness and an overpriced kidult camp.

    But to argue a point, there is really nothing wrong with setting up a unique space on an old ferry. Granted, I was dismayed when I heard about the few massive parties there, and I declined attending them, but I visited at least 2 years after that stuff ended. All I can say is it was a nice place to hang out. I am a 10-year resident of Bushwick living in an old railroad apt, holding onto my reasonable-to-middling rent. I love the real Bushwick, but the Pirate Ship felt OK. We have bigger problems, like massive warehouse parties during Fashion Week, on the same block as the straight-edge hardcore punk shows. That is even more disturbing.

    • There’s nothing wrong with setting up a space on an old ferry, other than it’s not theirs and they are trespassing.

      Where did you live before Bushwick? Wiscohindiana?

      • Aaah, I smell a sympathizer. Don’t you?

      • It was their ferry, and obviously whoever owned the slip also explicitly approved of it, and was obviously collecting rent, since the article mentions the existence of a landlord. It was the fire department that shut it down. So learn how to read before making ignorant comments.

        Before Bushwick? St. George, Staten Island (cheap rent, big apartment on the harbor, right next to the ferry and an NYC public swimming pool). I left S.I. because it was full of right wing assholes, “normal” New Yorkers, not all of whom are normal.

        My point was that, if we are going after hipsters, we should go after the right ones. Artists have been in Bushwick for at least 35 years. The gentrifiers are another breed entirely, and began moving in 12 years ago, more or less.

    • “Unique space?” It’s a boat. There are millions of them all over the world. Many are used for parties — that’s basically the entire point of having a yacht. But if you have a yacht you’re just a yuppy. If you have a grime-covered piece of shit, you’re “unique.”

  6. If it capsized, a “Hipsteidon Adventure” movie could’ve been produced.

  7. Don’t shut the boat down, goddamnit!!! Get more beardos on board and in the middle of the afternoon (while they’re all sleeping) ship it off to Cuba. Get even for the Mariel boatlift in 1980.

    • Or better yet, give them a viking funeral.

    • As far as I’m concerned they were not harming no one. Obviously some people just refer to them as “HISPSTERS” whatever lifestyle they live as long as they are not harming anyone, should be okay. NOW with that being said what would judgmental, uptight let me stick a coal up your ass so I could get a diamond please be called? Self righteous fucks!.. Now you could put that in your pipe and smoke it..

      • Oh shut up. Sure they weren’t “harming no one” having their parties on the boat, but guess what — people on this site verbally bashing the hipsters on that boat aren’t harming anyone either. Get over yourself.

      • If they were real (non hipster) artists, they would have made sure that boat complied with all the rules and regulations.
        They could have obeyed the rules and still partied. They didn’t so they’re idiots.

    • Even Fidel Castro doesn’t deserve that fate.

  8. check how urban and gritty these hipsters are towards the end, surfing through garbage like they’re homeless artists.

    • For the hipsters sifting through the dumpster: just climb in already.
      Just think that there are so many people out there who use these filthy fucks as cultural barometers. They are cancer.

    • I love the way Zoey picks through the garbage at the end . obviously no intention of actually using any of the stuff , while trying to suppress her nausea .
      What I’ve noticed around here is hipsters use ”Well I do a lot of dumpster-diving , youknoww?? and only shop in thrift-shops , youknoww?? ” as an attempt to cover the embarrassing
      fact that they could not possibly pay their rent , the thrice yearly trips back to their breeding sites , the latest Apple crap and sustainable, organic , locally sourced food by working as an intern at an ” indy mag ”

      • You DEFINITELY have the most spot-on comments!!!

        The girls voices…with that gut-wrenching, wince-inducing inflection where EVERYTHING they say sounds like a question…worse than nails in a chalkboard for me.

        Whether it’s on their phone, yakking with their buddy in person – ANY interaction -THEY ALL SOUND THE @#$%/-< SAME!!!

        The daily onslaught is way too much to take already; combined with the granny dresses, robotically riding their fixies expressionless, with the tricycle bell & a cord of kale in their Almira Gulch basket – I TRULY CAN'T STAND IT!!! Beyond nauseating.

        Their male counterparts, to their credit, are usually pretty quiet, but seem to walk around with a "permagrimace".

        Perhaps even THEY can't take being "Mollied" to death?!?

        No wonder they self-medicate with PBR…

    • I love the guy talking about the importance of diversity, even as the Hispanics are all being driven out of the neighborhood by mostly well-heeled white people.

      • Yeah right…diversity my @#%…they love it in the abstract – i.e., as long as they don’t have to interact with them in any manner whatsoever. Ugh..

      • I can’t believe Megan with the “hair glasses” and Heidi look isn’t just holding up her sustainable “LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEE!!!” sign in the video.

        F**king hipsters, suck my d!ck.

  9. If one truly wants to live on something that floats there are plenty of places to do that shit legally.

    Bushwick is not one of those places.

    These disgusting pieces of shit ruin nearly everything.
    From DJing to boating and everything else in between.

  10. Torpedo? Why waste a perfectly good boat?
    Here’s a better idea: Sail it out to the ocean and send the hipsters seaworthy, one by one. Lots of hungry sharks out there.

  11. is this a fucking witch hunt??? or all these comments coming from corporate America whom are seeking to turn bushwick into another Greenpiont and Williamsburg???? (cowboys and Indians, all the way).
    All of you people whom love to pass judgment, take a biggg fucking course in cultural diversity!!!

    • A throat culture has more diversity…

    • Oh please. Hipsters are the most judgmental group out there and suck the diversity out of all the neighborhoods they invade.

    • Hipsters are not only a result of “corporate America” , but a willing tool of it. Who do you think pays their sky-high rent? Their parents! Where do their parents get the money from? Their parents sure as hell aren’t longshoremen, farmers, or truck drivers. No, their parents are the very people the hipster claims to be against.

      • Hmmm…the ultimate parental rebellion – where everyone has to share the suffering. Just lovely!

      • The whole hipster phenomenon is an Ayn Rand wet dream. Greedy landlords ousting the lowly plebs and bringing in money-clueless morons who make them rich at the expense of the city’s culture.
        How much more corporate do you want to get?

        1940s – Who is John Galt?

        2010s – Who Are the Mast Brothers?

  12. ha!
    think I’m wrong???
    this is the same reporter whom reported about the hipster ship.
    copy and paste this quote
    “Bushwick Luxury Rental Has ‘Speakeasy’ Music Studios and Vintage Pinball 450 sq. feet for $1750.” copy and paste that quote.
    show and prove….

  13. As far as I’m concerned they were not harming no one. Obviously some people just refer to them as “HISPSTERS” whatever lifestyle they live as long as they are not harming anyone, should be okay. NOW with that being said what would judgmental, uptight let me stick a coal up your ass so I could get a diamond please be called? Self righteous fucks!.. Now you could put that in your pipe and smoke it..

  14. simple solution wait till their asleep and ship the hipster boat to north korea when they wake up dennis rod man and his friend m’r jung un will welcome them to hard work and labor camp’s or scott’s dale arizona

  15. This is off topic but didnt want to make a post out of it because its pretty long and disturbing. Its filmed somewhere in NYC. Seems like mostly a Hispanic neighborhood with some hayseeds mixed in.

    Fast forward to 5:55. The lady asks Hayden why he’s filming this – instead of just saying “because I want to” he has to say: [cue nasal voice] “Whyyy? Because I’m a photographerrrr???”

    Yeah suuuuuuure you are Hayden….sure you are.

  16. Art….exciting and new
    On your parent’s dime, we’re expecting you!
    The hipster boat…smells like feces and unwashed feet
    The hipster boat….you’re in for an organic treat…..

  17. Just sit right down and you’ll hear a tale
    A tale of a fateful trip
    That started on the Gowanus
    Aboard this filthy ship

    The mate had a liberal arts degree
    The Skipper had big glasses
    When the cops showed up they evicted
    This gathering of dumbasses

    • The locals starting getting tough,

      The filthy schmucks were tossed;

      If not for a tipster who called 311,

      They never would get lost.

      The ship’s now clean & free of them,

      The list goes on & on;

      There’s Joshua,

      And Megan too,

      The Beardo Man,

      And his fife;

      The artist man, with his beer can –

      Here on Bushwickburg Isle!

  18. I’m born/raised in northeastern Queens. Brooklyn has always been a cesspool to us…but at least it was a NY cesspool. I’m 41, so definitely out of the loop on “cool” neighborhoods but I recently noticed some of these same nauseating, filthy, white trash mid-western immigrants also frolicking around parts of Astoria wearing gay like outfits and riding around on Morrissey-like bicycles that would have had gotten them a black eye in the 1980s where I was from, so I’ve been reading up on these vermin. The European, Hispanic and Black hard working class folks that built and made places like NY great are going away, forever it appears, and being replaced with this white trash as well as 3rd world dirty invaders. NYC, where did you go wrong?

    • I know…sigh…I know.

      Yesterday, there was one liltingly making his way down the street – usual combination spaced out/nasty expression – thin as a stop sign pole & wearing what I believe were sequined pedal pushers (kind of ironic, considering their preferred method of transportation).

      He made Liberace look like Sylvester Stallone.

    • Those ” hard working folk ” are the ones who built and nurtured your neighborhood into the comfortable , livable affordable place that attracts this vermin . Don’t let the infestation take hold or your ” nabe ” is lost forever ,.

      Little things I do : Tear down all posters for their crappy bands as soon as they are posted .

      Get all your friends to mutter insults at them as they walk by .

      Call cops about noise from their parties ,rehearsals , bands etc.

      Not much , but if you catch it early enough it might be enough to persuade them that your ” nabe is definitley not cool, man ” .

  19. (Somewhat) slightly off topic – I have to wonder: Will the Megans be lactating green-tinged milk from all the kale ingestion? Just a thought…

  20. I’d like to deny any allegations that any owners or users of this boat are in fact “hipsters.” Besides the fact that your post is full of grossly incorrect information nobody there identifies as a hipster.

    In fact we’re pretty sure that you are way more of a “hipster” than any of us. I mean really is there anything more “hipster” than having a freaking blog…..about hipsters. You have got to be kidding me. I think you win the largest hipster in the universe contest. You are essentially the same thing as Edward Norton’s character in American History X (an anti-semitic jew) I think its time for you to stop taking out the fact that you hate yourself on other people.

    • Also, I hope you fall into the Newtown Creek and dissolve like a fucking Alka-Seltzer you Brooklyn ruining hipster piece of shit.

    • Hey Sam “the artist living on a boat in Bushwick that has drum circles and fire pits who is NOT a hipster”,

      You forgot another reason besides having a blog (because every blog owner is a hipster) that makes me a hipster. I have a Twitter account just like those hipster’s George Bush, Oprah Winfrey, Martha Stewart and Alex Rodgriguez – those damn hipsters!!

    • right Sam. as long as you don’t “identify” as a hipster. We are all just dying to hear the 1-pager on how you all do “identify”. I’m sure it includes some real complicated, ambiguous, precious gems. gross.

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