derelictboatScore one for the FDNY and real New Yorkers. Last Friday, a derelict boat docked at 190 Morgan Ave in Bushwick that had between 20 and 30 filthy hipsters living on it had open fire pits; drum circles; and blue-grass band shows, was shut down by the FDNY after an anonymous complaint. Good thing I’m not in charge – I would’ve sunk it with a torpedo. These hipsters simply can’t get enough of the toxic waterways in Brooklyn: the Newtown Creek and the Gowanus Canal. Trust me, the Calebs, Ethans and Zooeys on this boat could most likely easily call Mom and Dad or dip into their trust funds to live in an over-priced Bushpointburg apartment but chose to live and play on this dirty vessel because they are the masters of pseudo urban grittiness. And we all know if something were to happen to these emaciated breardos during little their Bushwick boat adventure, Mommy Nasalworth back in Wisconsin would be suing the property owner and the city in a heartbeat for irresponsibly letting her talented little artist get hurt. These kind of stories – where fully grown adults who came to pussify Brooklyn, and have their fun ruined – make me so happy. Get the fuck outta here already.

LinkDNAinfo.com: FDNY Shuts Down Hipster Party Boat