Today, I saw an antler-shaped, Brooklyn-sterilizing, red-bearded hipster transplant selling $12.00 a cup cruelty-free, locally-crafted eggnog to his fellow infinite leisure time, thick eyeglass framed gentrifiers. So I painted my Louisville Slugger like a candy cane and ran around Williamsburg bashing everybody’s faces in before they head back to Culdesacia, USA for the holidays to recharge their trust funds, credit cards and checking accounts. End of story.