Arty the Seal says…

artytheseal

Yet another irritating and pointless Kickstarter campaign has been launched; this time by Howard (the female) and Bland (the kazoo-voiced male) to install art chairs attached to all the scaffolding around the city. Let’s hear what Art the Seal has to say about this:

LINK – http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1335098906/softwalks-the-pilot-project?ref=category

TRANSLATION: This is not ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART you infinite leisure time interlopers. This is absolutely stupid and even potentially dangerous. What kind of real New Yorker (human or seal) has the time or desire to sit on a chair attached to a scaffold in the middle of the day??? We don’t. The only people that would are staycationing Calebs, Harrisons, Quinns, Mollys and Megans as they stroll from latte shop to gallery to overpriced boutique without anything to do during normal working hours or on break during their ‘creative jobs’. This is not art. If I simply dumped a couple of old chairs that I didn’t want anymore near a scaffold – would anyone say “hey look, it’s art!” NO! Because it’s not. Just listen to that video as they talk about this project with such importance as if they are going to restructure the entire subway system. The sense of entitlement is sickening; they want to change how we look at our city. THEY WANT TO CHANGE IT FOR US! THEY THINK THEY KNOW WHAT WE WANT! Just listen to them. And for pledging $5.00 you get a virtual hug! These perpetual and ceaseless kidults make me so sick with their projects and mentalities. Please go back to your one-horse towns and play with art over there. You have homogenized this city beyond belief already.

87 thoughts on “Arty the Seal says…

  1. Ah, yes, another Kickstarter campaign where the try-hards Photoshop the images until the pixels scream, but they can’t be bothered to proofread the copy. I have to admit that they know their audience: that $500 planter, remarkably similar to any number of similar planters available from Lowe’s or Home Depot for $30, is perfectly suited for houseplants “and perhaps vegitables”, so sponsors can pretend they’re urban farmers.

    The really sad part? I can see applications for this sort of setup, where they’d actually make sense. Instead of simply promoting that, though, it’s all about “liveability”. Admitting that one of the biggest issues with these seats and scaffold bins is liability might help explain why they’re going to Kickstarter to beg for money instead of getting real investment partners to make these things.

    • Kickstarter is a haven for PT Barnum types. It allows every dipshit Caleb who silk screenprint (badly) some sort of activist messageor idiotic graphic on a t-shirt and then beg for 75,000 for start-up costs and a live/work loft in Bushwick.

      The hucksters on Kickstarter really take the Ron Popeil concept to heart – which is no different than what mobsters do: Create a problem and then offer a solution.

      Problem: scrambling an egg requires six bowls and those darn eggs keep flying all over the place!

      Solution: The Egg Scrambler

      Problem: New Brooklyn pizza shop all of a sudden can’t buy flour, tomatoes or cheese.
      Solution: Vinny stops buy, hands you a card says he can broker a deal – for a fee.

      Problem: A woman named Howard needs to prove to her parents back in Cow Lick, Indiana that her degree in post modern industrial design was worth 120K of her parent’s moneyand the monthly 10K stipend.

      Solution: design chairs that allow people to sit in construction zones and near speeding traffic.

      • what exactly do you GET from ‘investing’ in one of these campaigns?

        you can call these people dumb, but the people who give their money are even dumber.

        • For a five buck donation, you should have the pleasure of schlamming both of them with a length of 3″ galvanized pipe. Why don’t they design a lumberjack shirt wearing beard oil consultant-friendly ass park in the middle of the eastbound GCP? Fucking humps.

  2. Oh, and I just can’t WAIT until these twits try pitching this elsewhere. I can see the City of Portland paying for the whole city to be done up with these, so the junkies and crusties living in downtown can have a place to sit between recreations of key scenes from The Walking Dead.

    • Like everyone here, I have a few questions. maybe I’m not enlightened enough to understand the true concept of these things, but:

      1. What would compel people to sit in a sidewalk construction zone – between speeding traffic and potential falling debris – not to mention a conga line of pedestrians – when they would sit there under normal conditions?

      2. Two bolts hold these things together. How long before they develop legs and walk off?

      3. Why use wood? why not a synthetic material?

      4. What headaches will this art project present for those who are responsible for maintaining cleanliness, law and order? As someone mentioned already, it will only be a matter of time before these things are covered with piss, shit and misc. bodily fluids, and become sticky with soda and half opened condiment packets.

      5. Why are there no trashcans near each chair? Shouldn’t the chairs have Wifi and a fold away top to hold my i-Shit?

      This shit annoys me to no end. we all know it’ll be a matter of time before these chairs become magnets for cupcake graffiti and flyers/stickers promoting every half-assed art gallery and three chord wonders that are the life blood of the twee set.

      And finally – what sane construction company wants people sitting in their construction zone? Who will pick up the tab when Caleb’s parents sit down after a long day of shopping and some thug rides by and relieves them of their shopping bags?

      Kickstarter is proof that PT Barnum’s ideology lives on. People today have way too much money, too many conveniences and so few problems. I wish I could come up with a concept dumb enough for them. The problem is – you can’t just take the money and run.

      Still – I do have a smidgen of respect for these beardo entrepeneurs. They really took the Ron Popeil concept of “create a problem and then offer a solution” with these chairs.

      • If it helps, I’ve seen similar idiocy, from similar idiots, all over the country. Dallas recently had a gaggle of our own beardos “take back the streets” by sodding over parking spaces in downtown on a Saturday and braying about “liveability”. In Portland, you have various hipster restaurants and bars illegally taking over parking out in the front to build “miniparks” and decks; they’re illegal according to city ordinances, but since the outgoing mayor and the new mayor only got in because they fellated the hipster community, nobody’s allowed to do anything about it. In every last case, there’s that attitude about making workspaces “fun again,” but not once do these twits ask why those spaces weren’t used for kewl ideas in the first place.

        • Don’t even get me started on the concept of fun workspaces. It’s a concept offered to dimwitted employees – the kind who dance with their tie around their heads while brandishing a bottle of beer….you know the type – the dweeb who always imitiates the dance scene from “Animal House” every time the DJ plays “Shout”.

          I interviewed at a place like this a few weeks back. Of course the amenities of a soft serve ice cream machine, hawaiian shirt Friday and “theme” happy hours and a ping pong table do not offset a 30% reductionin salary. And if I’m your paying me you’re gonna expect at least 8 hours of solid work from me. I have a family. So excuse me if I don’t hangout until 9PM just because you forced me into a game dodgeball on the factory floor at 2PM.

          WHEN ARE THESE TURDS GOING TO REALIZE THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO RETAIN EXCELLENT EMPLOYEES IS TO PAY THEM A VERY GOOD WAGE, BE HONEST WITH THEM, OFFER BENEFITS, a GOOD 401K and TREAT THEM WITH RESPECT ?

          • I worked for one of those types of companies. Guys would brag about all the time they put in,without ever mentioning the daily pool, dart, froozeball tournament. Come review time, my chucklehead boss criticized my lack of commitment because he never saw me I the office past 6 pm. When I countered with the fact that I never used the game rooms, worked at full steam all day, and was a grown man with kids at home to play with, and a wife who was happy to see me, he questioned my team spirt. Luckily, when you have skills you have options and I now work for grownups.

  3. Is a dog taking a dump in the street art? Neither is this.

  4. Reblogged this on HipsterApproved.net and commented:
    I don’t know…this looks kind of cool to me.
    Maybe DieHipster should think of this less as ‘art’ and more of a community service?

    • Community service implies that the service benefits the community more significantly than serving the server’s need for some kind of gratification. I think this strongly qualifies as the latter. And it ain’t art either- sorry.

      • I didn’t look too deep into their business proposal, but I’m sure they aren’t going to make this stuff to give away for free, right? I mean, they gotta eat.
        Who’s to say if the makers of this product benefits more in sales income than..say a Bakery Shop that this gets this installed out-side their door? Good for business?
        I agree it’s not art.

    • Good. I’m glad you like it. I’m thrilled. YOU pay for it.

  5. I run a nonprofit arts organization (it’s 35 years old; I’ve been managing it for 24 years) and we’re constantly being told by consultants that Kickstarter is a good way to raise money, as opposed to the good old days when corporations and foundations gave grants. BUT IT’S NOT. I loathe Kickstarter with all my heart.

    • I’m not surprised at the consultants, and I’m very sympathetic to your situation. In other words, the consultants want to play around with twee animations and dopy presentations, instead of getting out there and trying to get real grants.

      • You nailed it, Leroy. Consultants are the hemorrhoids on the ass of humanity. Foundations love to pay them to tell us how to do what we’ve been doing successfully for decades, instead of just giving us the damn money that we will use to PRODUCE SOMETHING USEFUL. And boy do they love to shill for social media sites and garbage like Kickstarter. Someone’s making a mint on this bullshit and it isn’t me or my organization.

  6. I bet they won’t be so keen on these “seats” when someone installs one in front of their building and a homeless person claims it.

    • I can’t wait until the seats all start smelling like piss and shit, lol

      • my thoughts exactly- just waiting for folks on the nod to rest their bones a while

        • Oh, I’m just waiting for the budding young beardo sociopath who thinks it’s incredibly clever to smear these with shit, glue, semen, or whatever comes to his tiny little brain, and then watch people react when they realize what they just sat in. At bare minimum, I want to know who’s going to be responsible for cleaning these arrangements, especially with the dipshits who seem to think that any flat or concave surface is a place to leave their trash.

          • Installing these at the Bedford Ave. L train stop and having a sociopathic beardo smear them with shit and Krazy Glue would be an awesome Performance Art piece for unsuspecting LOOK AT MEEEE’s! And of course everyone would have to Instagram the photos of the LOOK AT MEEEEE’s facial expressions when they realize they are a now a permanent part of the ART ART ART ART ART ART.

    • Sounds just like the downtown civic centre in area where I live. Practically every bench there has been taken over by some homeless person. In fact the bench area near the County Recorder’s Office is for all intents and purposes a permanent homeless camp.

  7. Don’t they do construction work around the scaffolding? Will people be pelted with tear-off and other debris? Hopefully it will be the Hipsters on these seats getting crap all over them…

    • That’s what I was thinking. You’re supposed to walk under it so you don’t get hit by falling debris. Sitting on the outside and playing in the fake grass in the middle of a busy street doesn’t seem like a great idea.

      • When did a hipster ever come with with a great idea much less an original idea?

      • Right? I try to avoid walking under scaffolds when I can. A scaffold means people are working above you and it’s best not to sit there.

        Dopey bastards.

    • The site does address this, it says that only passive sheds will be used (scroll all the way to the bottom). Passive sheds are put up to circumvent a city regulation requiring facade inspection every 5 years. Instead of doing the inspection, the building owner just puts up a shed so people don’t get injured by falling debris. (This might not even be legal, who knows.)

      So if you think about it, the only possible market for these chairs would be building owners who are so cheap or apathetic that they can’t be bothered to get a facade inspection done, yet ARE willing to pay for chairs for people to sit around outside their (probably unoccupied) buildings.

      • I have a sneaking suspicion that they aren’t expecting the owners to pay for the chairs and racks, but instead to get the city to do it. After all, considering the cost of bike-only lanes and all of the other bright shiny toys the hipster community demands, how much could chairs and racks on passive sheds be? Heck, why not pay for bike racks on those passive sheds, too?

  8. I guess some of this silly geese don’t realize that the scaffolding also protects people walking in that area from falling debris. I can’t imagine needing to sit around anywhere in the city long enough to need a seat (I work 9-5, pick up my kid from school, do laundry n shit) so if I have time to sit around anywhere and contemplate the universe with a cup of cruelty-free coffee, I probably have enough time to go get laid or sleep. Also when I go under one of those scaffolds I walk very quickly through it or else risk the very real possibility of being cracked by whatever shit they are pulling off the building. Or a wrench. Actually, no! Let these motherfuckers find some success with this venture. Let them sit under the scaffolds. Let them get so bored of that they eventually try to attack elevator chairs to the side of buildings. It will be a process of natural selection. A few hipster casualties won’t hurt anyone.

  9. Sidewalks in this city are thoroughfares, you fucking morons. The scaffolding already causes congestion by making the space to walk narrower, and these twats want to make it even worse by installing a bunch of seats that jut out where people are trying to get by?

  10. ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART…..

    SERIOUSLY. FUCK THESE TRANSPLANT GENTRIFIERS AND THEIR STUPID FUCKING BULLSHIT IDEAS.

    JUST GO THE FUCK BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM AND STOP COMING TO OUR CITIES AND RAISING OUR COST OF LIVING.

    ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT ALREADY.

  11. $1K for a fucking lamp or a planter or a lamp/planter.

    What the FUCK?

  12. http://www.wmata.com/fares/purchase/passes.cfm

    $14 fucking dollars for a one day pass on the subway here in DC.

    It used to cost $5 as recently as the year 2000.

    WHAT THE FUCK?

    THESE FUCKING PEOPLE ARE RUINING EVERY GOD DAMN THING.

  13. OMG BLAND HOKE is from Jackson, WY. Son of 1%. OF COURSE he is asking people for money on Kickstarter. No job (ever) travel, art, travel, art THANKS mom and dad. makes me stabby. FWIW he has a pink fixie and when I see him riding around town I’m going to back over him with my diesel truck.

    • I kinda figured, but thank you for confirming it. I fully expect that he went to Kickstarter because his parents finally told him “No, we’re not going to pay for your latest bright shiny object,” and every possible investor said “And what’s in it for us to pay for you to jack off in public?” Even better, I expect that he’ll respond in a classic Etsy artist fashion when he reads this, by crying “Well, at least I tried!”

      • I can’t with that kid..urgh!!!!! His parents are entitled douchelords too..as in they send out Christmas cards with the note included, letting all the plebs know how money life is for them. How they support all their chirruns (even though they are all over 21). How the trip to Paris/Staad/Belize/Hawaii/Private Cruise was so awesome. PUKE.

        • UGH I have cousins like that. They don’t even lower themselves to actually sign their Christmas cards, they just include a note printed out, a form letter. “Yes, this year was such a wonderful year. We all went to Vail for a month, then flew to Nepal, then back to LA to put a new wing on the house. We’ve been soooo busy picking out window treatments and installing the home theater, it’s exhausting, then we bought a restaurant! The children (in their 20′s) are doing such wonderful things, too. One splits her time between Cannes and Paris, the other moved to Australia for a year but now he’s back and life is just so wonderful when you have your own jet and have more money than you can possibly spend in your life” blah blah blah every year.

          Well, these kids had every opportunity to become spoiled hipster Brooklyn-ruining dreadlocked pierced tatted trustafarians. They have massive parental subsidies. Their parents’ house is so big they could live at home forever and nobody’d notice. They went to very expensive private colleges and majored in Drama Studies or Music Production or something. They worked at unpaid internships. They go on very expensive family vacations to exotic locales.

          The one big difference is, these kids are actually very intelligent and they do have real talent and job skills. They got into those expensive colleges because they were in the 97th percentile in the nation based on SAT scores, not because of some insane hippopotamus Helicopter Mom was waving her bank account statements in the Dean’s face(as was the case in Precious Snowflake’s mediocre instance)

          The older girl found a paying job and actually is doing well in France. She’s never been a LOOK AT MEEE type. She just does her thing, works hard at it and stays real. She doesn’t ride a Schwinn with a basket of daisies on it, she’s not a rooftop kale grower or a self righteous bee keeper. The boy was brilliant right from the get go. He took up piano when he was 8, and by age 13 was rattling off Rachmaninoff concertos off the top of his head. By 15 he was playing jazz piano in the school jazz ensemble. By 18 he had a paid internship with Ryan Leslie. He got a little lost for awhile, but he’s back on track. There was’nt any LOOK AT MEEEism going on with him either. No fedoras, no tatts, no disgusting carefully tattered pants, no lice beard, no skinny skinny girls jeggings, no attention whoring fixie riding with cellos, no fugly Lena Dunham elephant girlfriends for him either. He has fun but doesn’t get into that whole Nieuw Breukelen idiocy.

          Can’t say the same is true for privileged Precious Snowflake who is just waiting for his grandparents to die so he can get his inheritance to buy drugs, iProducts and expensive camera equipment and continue to play at being a MacBook DJ without having to answer to Grandpa. He’s exactly like every other spoiled cul de sac Minimal Techno MacBook DJ with a label maaahnn … except he’s not living in Williamsburgh….yet.

          In spite of their hipster-enabling background, their intelligence and brain power won out for my cousins, and they are not hipsters. They are not lazy. They don’t sleep til the crack of 1pm and then go plunk down in some arteeesanal coffee shoppe and pretend they’re writers until 4pm weekday kickball practice rolls around. They are actually productive, have jobs, and are slowly weaning themselves away from the immense parental subsidies, because they understand they need to make their own way-as their father did- and so far it’s been working for them. I am very proud of them!!
          /rant

  14. I thought diehipster was kidding about the names–Howard and Bland–until I watched that wretched video. They’re (soft)walking cliches!

  15. I fucking hate Indiegogo too. I’ve had to site through that stupid video at “social media seminars”. Love Portlandia though.

  16. The lawyers are salivating over this…can’t you hear them?

  17. Haha, you retards are all bent out of shape about something that is never ever going to happen.

    and Pat I, get a job and stop dicking around on the onternet you deadbeat.

    • Needy, it would be so easy to say “you first,” but I understand your employment plight. Considering your skills, most available positions for you involve putting on a bunny suit, stepping in front of a Webcam, shoving your head in the toilet, and getting worked over with a six-foot sandstone strap-on, don’t they? Sorry about that: I apologize. You do that as an unpaid intern.

  18. What I don’t understand is won’t this crowd the sidewalks? The chairs are jutting out into the sidewalk, meaning walkers will need to go around the person sitting in the chair. And how comfortable/relaxing will it be to sit in a chair where people are practically running into you because you are, essentially, sitting in the middle of the sidewalk. Even the counter idea just seems to defeat the entire purpose of a sidewalk which is to, you know, walk.

  19. Was just thinking that Mickey. The slams against cities for numerous reasons is going to cost them way more than any failure-to-launch, hipster votes.

    Did I miss where they indicate the MAX WEIGHT? They look like they could bear the strain, with two bolts in that positioning, of a these meth-boy bodies flitting here and there like little birds. But, not their opera-sized girlfriends. So, they’re already saying,”Hi, we’re here to DEFINITELY discriminate against anyone overweight, for any reason. Unless the first name’s MeganMax.”

    Then, what little kid or baby is going to wind up rolling off one of these things? At least benches have enough length to handle the wobblies or parents carrying a billion packages beside their kids.

    While i don’t particulary like the design, I DO like the idea that, more than any other group, the disabled and older folks would be provided more opportunities to rest their limbs. THAT I fully support because, to me anyway, that is ACTUAL ‘liberality’ towards citizens vs pseudo-liberalism ( which I detest fully ). But we all know that’s NOT what these spoiiled jagoffs have in mind. They have one, and only one, thing in mind when it comes to ‘design’: themselves. Even what they CLAIM to be for their kids isn’t really about their kids welfare or interests so much as their own. Any opportunity to brag, any at all will do.

    The inherit facism in their anti-septic thinking, (Thou shalt have grass on sidewalks every 1/2 mile! ), is something, like most facists, they are perfectly and poetically blind to.

    As for referring to work as ‘outside home’…geezus christos…sounds an awful lot like ‘work camp’. Hmmm, sounds horribly familiar to something else rather dark and brooding that eventually erupts into public displays of insanity. (Honey? Are we sending our son, Zyborgious, to work camp this year? ).

    BTW, if you don’t think they hope for the extinction of anyone over 40…lol…just check out the hiring practices of someone like Yelp. Look at the pictures of employees. Ah, but tech moves ever faster, boys and girls, and you too will be left behind but even more rapidly than your ‘rents, aunts, or uncles. And I have seen many, many comments from hipsters on job boards who don’t even insinuate when 40+ workers post their frustrations with increasing employment gaps: QUOTE “Too bad for you old man. You’re just easier for us to knock out of the way. Go whiine to one of your broke down pals that can’t remember why he has a Viagra prescription.”[/QUOTE]

    • And here we have an absolute to the hipster personality: the assumption that while everyone else gets hit with a problem, “It Won’t Happen To Me.” In the obverse, I’ve heard lots and lots of screaming about companies that would rather hire someone older with an actual track record than dipshits who can’t be depended to come in to work before noon. What’s even better is the whimpering and whining from the little man-children who actually scream “reverse age discrimination”, even as they show up to interviews in flip-flops and shorts.

  20. I still cant get over how kazooish and nasally Bland is. Perfect example of what’s always mentioned here.

  21. I’m surprised they racked up almost $3,000 already.

  22. “Innovation Lab is a one hour session where we will skype with you to develop an idea you have! The results will be mapped out using custom mind maps Softwalks has developed so you can explore them afterwards, at your leisure.”

    I want to Skype with these two. Have Megan Peg Caleb with a rusty metal strap on dildo. Watch his ass bleed.

    “Softwalks hovers over many lines—legal liability, structural soundness, durability, public versus private property—the list goes on. However, rather than run from these obstacles, we have continued to network and establish meaningful relationships with innovative BIDs, enthusiastic scaffolding contractors, and forward thinking developers.

    The biggest risk Softwalks faces is exposure to liability. New York City is infamously litigious. A very small percentage of pedestrians slip, trip, fall, and run into things, and a smaller percentage decide to file lawsuits for compensation. Acknowledging these risks, we are consulting with specialists in streetscape design, volunteer lawyers, and are investing in event insurance for the pilot project.”

    Who are these enthusiastic scaffolding contractors and volunteer lawyers?

    • Coincidentally, a scaffold partially collapsed in Bensonhurst last night. The remainder almost ended up on the news crews reporting the story earlier today.

  23. His name is “Bland.”

    I am not a violent man, but, why do I want to kick his ass ?

    This is retarded. Some deviant will occupy the seats all day. The homeless, people looking to victimize, etc.

  24. People will steal the planters and seats at night….

    Is it me or does Manhattan look silly with the seats and chairs out in the middle of traffic ????

    Would anyone in 1985 think that would happen? Ever?

  25. Real working people are a novelty to these bearded cul-de-sticks, so it’s not surprising that they come up with something where they sit around a worksite while doing nothing.

    ART ART ART – LIKE YAH!!

  26. http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/smartdeco/smartdeco-furniture?ref=live

    Look…I can’t fault this guy’s idea.The prices are reasonable. But to make it sound like he’s some sort of innovator becuse he’s making desks and cabinets out of corrugated fiberboard (AKA cardboard boxes) is nonsense on stilts. Folks have been making furniture out of cardboard for almost 50 years. In fact, making a load-bearing piece out of the stuff is one of the first projects (along with building a bridge out of toothpicks) you undertake in a design class.

    There’s a reason why, after 50 years, cardboard furniture never took off. In the end it’s not durable. It punctures. And Uline sells cardboard filing boxes for less.

    Then there’s the video. Jesus christ….

    • It’s right up there with the bottom-of-the-class design graduates who become obsessed with gluing cardboard boxes together to make big structures. The first twenty times I saw it, I figured “Great. Wonderful. Good use of otherwise wasted cardboard.” It’s just that every one of these artistes thinks that, by making an easy chair and ottoman out of blocks of glued corrugated, that they now shit gold bars. They’re not finished, and they sure as hell aren’t waterproofed so they can actually be used, but somehow the world is supposed to manhandle them for more, just because their previous work got a writeup in ReadyMade a decade ago.

  27. next they should hang swings from every traffic light. its about time we create a practical use for those things. hang the seat about 3ft off the ground. just picture a greasy turd whimsically swinging from a traffic light while a delivery truck comes careening towards him at 35mph.

  28. And here’s another useless piece of crap. The video is precious too. How humanity ever progressed without this thing is beyond me. And to think we thought civilization started with pre-sliced white bread.

    BTW the guy’s name is Justin and he’s from…wait for it…wait for it….BROOKLYN!
    He reminds me of the guys you see getting escorted out of comic conventions for disruptive behavior.

    I’m certain the executives at Ikea will shit their pants if this thing makes it to production.

    http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/678965703/furniture-launch-tilt-by-gologorskystudio?ref=live

    BTW the guy’s name is Justin and he’s from…wait for it…wait for it….BROOKLYN!

    • I didn’t see “comic convention” off him. I definitely saw “Nice Guys of OKCupid”, though.

    • Couldn’t bear more than a few seconds of that video, but I did see this:

      “The rocking motion of TILT allows the body to gently rock, building strength and flexibility. Being able to fidget has been shown to increase student concentration, especially among students with (wait for it…..wait for it….)attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).”

      He probably designed it for himself. He has that silly-string physique from growing up on Adderall.

  29. “Softwalks transforms sidewalk sheds into functional public places for everyone to enjoy.”

    Sidewalk sheds are already functional sheds. Not everything was built for YOUR enjoyment.

    • *already functional. I typed sheds again by accident.

      • Not to mention they are now erected to every construction site in the city by law because of pedestrian deaths by falling debris. I’m sure changing the structure in any way shape or form will most likely be an insurance liability issue for the property owners and contractors.

    • I have that in front of my building right now. Sorry to burst nasally Richie Rich’s art bubble, but it’s not Art, it’s scaffolding. They’re doing work on the building exterior, and no, you don’t want to spend much time under it. In fact, the other day they had part of the sidewalk underneath roped off so you couldn’t walk under it. You know, with the possibility of the flying bricks and all.

  30. as someone who used to study urban planning i take a strong interest in what is called ‘street furniture, and i have to say that it is really interesting to see what is ideologically hipster street furniture. i admire the idea in passing, but to actually attempt to go through with this shows how stupid and clueless and frankly self-centered these two are. their idea revolves in a world of child-like fantasy. sidewalks are for walking, kids, not sitting. not everything in the world is pink clouds and unicorns, keep it moving, you’re blocking the fucking sidewalk. the next thing you know they’re going to push for laptop charging centers on lamp posts to accompany their scaffolding chairs and latte bars. nyc is not leisurely sitting and a slow place of life. i would love to see the reaction of an old school nyc politician like bella abzug to something like this. i can’t believe those are really their names, btw, it just makes it more ridiculous. seriously, go back to where you came from with your design degrees. go ‘dream your dreams’ somewhere else.

  31. You know what is true art? When all the transplants go home over the holidays and our city goes back to something fairly normal.

  32. 49 other imbeciles contributed. Are we sure the world isn’t ending today?

    Didn’t read the other comments, so might have been said, but it should be a real hoot when one of Brooklyn’s finest sits their D&D or MC’D ass on one of these and not only does the chair snap right off, but the entire scaffolding comes crashing down. Wonder if they’ve consulted an attorney about this, among other legal ramifications. Those scaffoldings are generally commissioned by the building they are erected for, usually local 11 repair work. If I were on a coop board in a building that were having work done and I saw one of those outside, I’d get bolt cutters and cut it off. Then what? They have zero recourse, other than, of course, to possibly cry. I paid for that scaffolding to be there in theory, correct? If I see it as an insurance issue or just plain stupid, I think I would be justified in doing so. Go to REI and buy a compact/folding camping chair if you require a “break” during your activities. And that’s another thing; let’s make an already constricted space a hang out spot? Really? Who keeps them clean? I.E. when they become inevitable landing spots for empty soda cans and other trash. Does the super of that building now have to maintain them or are Howard and G-Boke going to come around with a bottle of Mr. Clean and a shammy every day? That’s the shit that pisses me off the most. They are so transplanted that they entirely neglect to consider the inner workings of almost anything, let alone how a building is maintained and who is responsible for what. I’m dealing with one of these yoyo’s right now for business and I seriously might choke him soon. I so wish I could share the story on here. It would be hipster hate with a pitchfork.

    I read the blog all the time, never comment, but this one was just F’ing stupid. All these two idiots did was manage to compose a short video with their two useless mugs and photos of “New York City streets” to send home. “like don’t you get it — look, here is me and here is New York – all in one video” This was just an advanced version of show and tell.

    At least they managed to video a Manhattan block near 15th, so I guess give them credit for that. It wasn’t the same ironic Bushwick Brooklyn rendition.

    Only 20 days to go!

  33. When all these clowns go back to the midwest for the holidays, it’d be a good time to go out and confiscate/trash/destroy their “public art.”

  34. Diehipster,
    I love your website but I hate your fans. The same five guys post the same shit over and over again. They are cramping your style. Please limit their posting!!!

  35. Been reading this blog for a while.

    Thing is about these hipster people, it’s not just ONE thing. It’s really a COMPLEX of things that are the result of new programs and ideas, most of which were generated in the sixties. For instance the changes to how education is financed and managed resulted in all these Art Major assholes(hipsters are typically college grads with some kind of liberal arts degree). Or Feminism, most hipster women bought into these ideas heavily. So it’s not really so easy to say WHO these people are- it’s probably better to look at some of these trends and see the commonalities.

  36. Are you kidding me?? Have you ever walked under one of those things when the streets are crowded mid-day in midtown? Oh, i forgot, these asshole kidults never have to hustle and go to work in say, midtown all week at an office and walk the streets and rush hour. Thats right, they hang out in coffee shops all day on mommy and daddys dime. Having those useless and stupid seats (so what? People can enjoy the scenery of a construction site??) Will clog the fuck out of the already pretty congested sidewalks!! I wish these people would stop trying to turn our city into Portlandia for fucks sake. Get a life.

  37. I spoke with a young dude the other day, maybe 21, about his aspirations and such. Just general chit-chat, but he clearly wanted to talk about himself. No hipster at all this one. Quite the opposite.

    He lives in a rotten part of the closest city where cops openly deal on staked corners at night. He only spoke of his mother who works insane hours as a nurse’s assistant to keep them both going. Meanwhile, he drags off to school every day but not by anything except a bus line that does not run on time. Miss one bus and the other won’t be along for an hour or two. He’s putting himself through trade school to become a blacksmith. ‘Up there’ in the filtered, organic air of Olympus dwelling hipsters is not where this kid’s ever gonna be.

    His big aspiration beyond finishing college is to be able to send HIS mom back to college. “So she can get her RN someday.” There was an odd twist of sadness when he said that, but as I a near stranger I can’t ask why and watching him quickly recover to a cheerier disposition was like watching a little kid pick up a warrior’s shield and head towards Goliath.

    Not one hipster I’ve ever met had half the heart, or resolve, of this individual. He’s younger than most of them and already twice the man.

Comments are closed.