With many options as how to transport this upright bass, the attention-needing hipster chose to display it to everyone on his bike ride.
“LOOOOOOK AT MEEEEEEEEE!!!!”
Somebody grab that fucking thing and smash it over his fucking head like, like, like, like, like, like a real New Yorker from back in the days would have done.
please get me some feta for my salad, i fucking hate these assholes
I’m glad I was on the toilet when I saw this. Otherwise I might have shit myself in rage. Not only is this patchwork roughage scum hoarder so desparate for attention that he is pretending to play an upright bass, he’s touring around the city showing off how little he knows/respects the instrument itself. No doubt he could dip into daddy’s pocket to purchase another one, but for fuck’s sake just get a case! How was it so much harder for him to think “I should buy a case” than it was for him to think “I should be able to ride a bike with this” ?
And look at how wet the pavement is. If I witnessed this guy have an accident, I would point and laugh.
And I’m really not that type of person.
Taking it around a bending turn also……….pathetic cry for attention.
“…for him to think ‘I should be able to ride a bike with this’”. So now your saying they mutated enough to think? Mankind is doomed.
Yeah, my first thought was how disrespectful of that bass, ridiculous, really.
I’d honestly have more respect for him if he were stealing that bass, and I don’t feel good about that. Damn hipster is making me a worse person.
I shall overcome.
or whatever it is.
Aren’t those things heavy? How is he even doing that?
He had his Sunny D and Flintstone Vitamin that morning.
Yes, they are! Granted that he’s a pizzle-wit for treating that beautiful instrument like a gut-bucket guitar but this has got to be the strongest hipster in Christendom. Check out the hands and forearm development, his might be the only hipster beating to actually REQUIRE weaponry instead of it being a fun-filled option!
I’m questioning if this may in fact be a true local that just couldn’t be bothered with a bag for this bass and it looks like a normal 10-speed
Yep, just a normal ten speed with no derailer and no breaks. Not a “LOOK AT MEEEEE” bike at all…
Yeah, I missed that. What’s with the no brakes in a busy neighborhood? I guess it will thin out the herd
Natural Selection at work for mankind…
They’re not really that heavy — usually 20-30 lbs. But obviously they are very cumbersome — and not cheap. I used to play a beat up one. The one in the pic looks too nice to be some thrift shop buy. The dick should have a case for it.
Even a hefty bag tied around each end would prevent scuffs, but this douche obviously wants the attention.
Profound lyrics. Looks like Special Edd is back.
This guy should win the 2012 look at me award.
The prize? A swift kick in the ass!
With the cost of upright basses running into the thousands of dollars, this picture makes me wince. Besides the wet pavement, his pants appear to be held together by a scarf belt and chains (for keys and bike lock). One string hanging from his tattered cuffs caught in a chain and it’s all over. I don’t condone violence, but in this case, if he fell, I’d stand by and watch kids from local public schools whose music budgets have been slashed pummel him with their useless bows and broken drumsticks.
i want him dead.
Him and his fucked up mother for having him.
What a waste of tasty sperm.
I wish there was some way to have Ohio Quinn wipe out, smashing every bone in his body, but still have the Bass left undamaged to give away to a public school for their music program.
And the number one way to tell someone doesn’t give two ($%^s about the safety of the instrument they play goes to that guy. : /
made me think of this album cover, this how a NYC bass player rolls http://jazzalbumcovercrypt.blogspot.com/2010/08/paul-chambers-whims-of-chambers.html
haha… amazing personnel on that record too!
Dear Hipster beater, please grab that thing and reenact Pete Townsend smashing that thing to fucking pieces using his face as a imaginary stage. That’s what I call “performance art”
note the front and back wheels of the needs-to-be-fixed bike – no brake calipers, and no evidence of internal brakes. He should be buried in the smashed wood, put into a trash compacter and placed in the local art gallery for all to see.
It would be perfect time to have 2 people jog along on both sides of the bike and try to play catch through the front wheel with a tire iron.
FUCKING YUPPIE GENTRIFYING PIECES OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I played viola and later bassoon in school, and I treated those instruments like they were the fucking Mona Lisa – not just because they belonged to the school, but because they were such treasures to me. When you’re a musician, even a student musician, you respect your instrument like a samurai respects his sword.
Watching this guy treat such a beautiful instrument like that just disgusts me. Not only does he risk destroying it if he falls over or its it against something, but the temperature and humidity can damage it as well because it’s not protected by a case or carrying bag, which he could easily purchase for cheap.
It’s pretty fucking amazing; there are literally thousands of people in NYC that play large instruments, but do you ever remember seeing any of the asian musicians toting around their uncovered instruments? Cause I can’t remember even once seeing it. And I’m sure this child of the corn can barely play that thing – it’s definitely a prop for attention, or else he’d take way better care of it.
See my post below. I’ve taken my kid to the Philly Orchestra several times. You should see the how the musicians take care of their instruments – especially the violinsts and cello players.
It would warm my heart to see a t13 year old Puerto rican kid drop a brick from on overpass when weedy McTurdblossom was riding by.
At least he’s not wearing women’s jeans
Hey Caleb, show a little respect for the instrument. Don’t make us beat it into you.
It’s a given, but he probably doesn’t even play. That instrument would be better off donated to a school or sold sold to someone who would treat it with respect.
Yeah he can ride around with the bass on his fixie because it’s just a prop. Just like the carefully tattered bum pants, the too-small vest, the smug look that is no doubt on his face all the time, and the fixie itself. He’s got nothing invested in it or any of the other props, his parents almost certainly bought it for him, and he can’t play it. So who cares if it gets damaged or stolen? Just another story for the book of urban adventures he’ll talk about for the rest of his life but never write…
Even more reason to run a tire iron across this asshole’s skull is the fact that he could still have put the damn bass in a cloth case. But noooooo…look at me!
This abslutely fucking drives me insane a cheap upright bass made by prison labor in Trashkanistan runs about 850 bucks. A good American or european bass runs into the thousands.
And this attention-starved pogo stick is treating an expensive muscial instrument like a piece of lawn furniture.
As would the bike and the Ed Norton vest-and-white-T-shirt combo.
Hope he never sees this clip – fast forward to around 4:00.
Great flick. Virgil passes stickup not to teller – “That looks like gub. That doesn’t look like gun.” “No, it’s gun. That g-u-n.”
As a musician, I could only think of this:
A few weeks ago I saw a Caleb with a whole piane mounted on wheels and he was pedaling around Phiily. Saw him in a park. I was there for 30 minutes all he did was talk to people. At no time did he ever tickle the ivories. What and ass!
I don’t know if he’s still around, but in Seattle, there was a guy who would play his upright piano on sidewalk corners at the Pike Place Market. Unlike that desperate dweeb polluting Philadelphia, he was a performer with real skill. There was another guy who would play guitar with his pet possum on his shoulder.
His cargo-style capris can easily get caught in the chain bringing him and the bass to the ground and causing Brooklyn’s largest Sunny D spill on record.
I think this scene needs a “Breaking Away” moment. Where’s the Cinzano team when you need them?
No doubt he is looking for attention.
The road is wet. He has a no brakes “fixie” bike. Artisinally hand thrashed “workman” pants. Easily sustainable child like bed hair (achieved with locally made rooftop ingredient infused hair product), and the bass is surely made from leftover wood from part of the Mast Bros Ye old time sailing vessel.
Oh my God, those basses are incredibly expensive! What the Hell is that guy thinking? I knew people who played the bass in my college’s orchestra on music scholarships who couldn’t even afford their own basses!
“LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
At least he’s not riding a unicycle.
Of course the carefully tattered made-to-look-like-he-pulled-them-out-of-a-dumpster chic $300 jeans wearer doesn’t play the cello. This guy is a total poseur. Does anyone think that a REAL cellist, i.e. someone studying at Juilliard or playing in an orchestra would do stupid sh!t like that if it really was their cello? I come from a family of musicians-from a former NY Philharmonic cellist to the high school music teacher to the heavy metal guitarist-we’ve got them all in my family. Never would it occur to a single one of us to pull this sort of LOOK AT MEEEEE douchiness.
Hey, fixie riding LOOK AT MEEE idiot: there are cases for cellos that have a wheel on the bottom of them. Since you feel it is the utmost importance that you show us all how rilly kewel you are on that bicycle your parents bought you for your 30th birthday, it is possible to roll the cello alongside you while it’s inside the case. That way, we still *get* that you’re a kewel and unique snowflake just like your mommy said, and you don’t have ruin a perfectly good cello in the process.
Like one of the other posters here said: get over yourself and donate the cello to a public school. Nobody’s impressed here, douchebag. You’re a total fake.
Garbage bag and a taxi. Easy and safe.
Apply garbage bag to head and tie securely around neck. Apply taxi to ass swiftly. Donate instrument to local school first.
^ THIS!!!!!! So much THIS!!
oh my god, please tell me that isn’t a real picture….seriously…
The big problem with pictures like this is whoever takes the time to point a camera and push the button is giving the attention to these fuck sticks whose only aspiration is to get attention. If you really want to break their spirit, look the other way.
Look away after you fire a liter bottle of soda/water at the bass, causing the other-than-arms-with muscle tone me-monkey to lose his balance; thus, making him loose total control of fixie and bass and ending up in a crumpled, splintered and bloody heap at the end of a long red skid mark on the ground, right? Otherwise, it would be only a symbolic gesture of your disdain and disgust. I’m not into symbolic gestures. No substance, just like attention starved neckbeards.
Yeah, I’m sure you resort to physical attacks every time you see a hipster. And I’m sure the cops never do anything about it either, right?
“Yeah, I’m sure you resort to physical attacks every time you see a hipster”
Picking your opportunities makes the difference. Knowing when to do it makes it possible. I can, and have, clotheslined and body bumped neckbbeards bicycling on the sidewalk. And yeah, the cops never do anything except issue a ticket to the dope for riding on the pavement in the first place, if they were in the vicinity. I have stomped the shit out of a fixie and tossed what was left in the path of a truck, whose driver happily compacted the remains, after the rider plowed into me and my kid, because he was riding the wrong way in a bike lane at full speed and blowing a red light while turning the corner where we were crossing. Thanks for asking.
You haven’t done shit. Thanks for asking.
Needy, Needy, Needy, what have you done except run away like a little bitch?
Hipster Crippler……more like Crippled Hipster. Get to the back of the line. Santa Soze is coming to town.
Hmmm… Needy must have finally gotten his replacement iPad. His last one was stolen while he was leeching wifi in McDonald’s (right before he was arrested for loitering).
Ya better not blog
Ya better not Tweet
Ya better not troll
Or yer gonna get beat
Santa Soze’s comin’ to town!
Excellent! But move the bullseye 4ft down and catch the bass when it falls then donate it to a school music program.
One boring cliche after another:
“People’s Pops is another new business working out of the Pfizer building. It sells ice lollies made from locally sourced fruit and herbs and employs up to 25 people in its peak summer months.”
Where can I get a Brooklyn-sourced orange?
That’s not just one boring cliche after another. This is a deliberate fishing expedition for investors with more money than brains, looking for “the next big thing”. I swear, watching room-temperature-IQ MBAs sniffing around artsy areas, looking for a sure thing in which to launder money, is like watching the beginnings of the dotcom boom. And we all know how that turned out, don’t we?
It was a resounding success!
for all the snaky MBAs who pumped and dumped these stocks…
Hey guys look at this, the gothamisg via wnyc has a map created by the census department which shows where the most out of town midwestern canklesaurus transplant live and dwell.
The data for North Brooklyn is in no way accurate. Some areas have an accuracy margin of +/- 25% for the total population and anywhere up to +/- 120% for the total of interloping transplant move-ins. And, as is pointed out, the information is based on census data from individuals who actually bothered to fill out or answer questionnaires. Most of these fucking reverse pioneers aren’t accounted for because they don’t fill out census forms and don’t have hard lone phone connections. They are the American-born equivalents of illegal aliens, who are in plain sight yet don’t technically exist because they fly under the radar in the official records. The equally useless census takers and WNYC staffers deserve a special DH beating for even allowing a +/- 89 margin for movers in cemeteries to be annotated.
Since I’m in rant mode, fuck that “East Williamsburg” bullshit. A large chunk of the area listed as such is part of my beloved Greenpernt. The historical East Billburg was actually in Queens, just north of Ridgewood:
http://www.bklyn-genealogy-info.com/Map/E.Wm.html Sanford St., Bklyn, NY
Just one well-aimed stick through the spokes and…
In related news, take a look at this beta male and his fixie “rolling coffee bar”. It’s enough to make you want to bend the frame around his fucking neck:
Nice beanie, wonder how many times a day it gets knocked offa his dome.
“Kickstand Brooklyn, Brooklyn: As its name implies, the owners of this rolling coffee bar are serious cycling enthusiasts.”
Can we get “Brooklyn” into the copy a few more times? Just in case anyone missed it the first 20 times. Cycling enthusiast? That guy has matchsticks for legs. Have you seen what REAL cyclists’ legs look like? Giant quads, glutes, gastrocs, actual serious muscle tone…the polar opposite of this silly string limbed dope. That’s the difference between a stupid poser and a real cyclist.
I see this jackass isn’t in one of the against our wishes, taxpayer funded street destroying bike lanes him and his yuppie elk keep crying for. So if this ass gets hit by a car or doored for whatever reason he will sue and yet another street will be converted to gridlock central all so he could say look at meeeeeee. Assholes.
Speaking of bike lanes, isn’t it funny how for over 100 years, kids and adults were able to ride their bikes in the streets, along with horses, wagons, streetcars and automobiles without any difficulty? All of a sudden, people lost the capability to think and act in a responsible manner. Then, this bitch with a Star Trek character name, Sadik-Khan, and the plutocratic nanny troll who hired her, decided that New York should be more like Amsterdam. If you want Amsterfuckingdam, move there. No brakes on the fixie, Xander? wait for the first opening car door on the street side.
Looks like he’s just begging to be set on fire.
My bad if it’s been posted here before, but:
My wife had a friend of Facebook post that one. The insane butthurt from that friend’s hipster friends was glorious. Every last one of their whinings confirmed the article’s thesis, over and over.
Found this like via the Jeremiah Vanishing NY FB page. It’s most likely parody but, what the hell.
It’s probably a fake story, all right, and I’d be willing to bet that the editor’s idea of factchecking was to pull the coke spoon out of his ass before going “Uh huh. Run it.” However, like that bullshit piece a few years back about the hipsters living without heat so they could live in a kewl nabe, I fully expect any number of clueless twits will suddenly start selling chamberpots on Etsy, chirping that “it’s the new environmental thing!”
‘Let’s just say it was summer when we moved in,’ he recalls. ‘We don’t have or ideologically support air conditioning…”
It’s a close call with those jerkoffs; it’s a spoof, but not out of the realm of possibility for them.
I know this is not politically correct but why did that guy have to shoot all of those innocent children in Connecticut? Would the next mass murderer with an assault weapon PLEASE come to Brooklyn and make some GOOD use out of those banana and barrel clips by mowing down AT LEAST a few dozen hipsters??!! PLEASE COME SOON!!!!
The scary part is that the kind of people who go would go on a shooting rampage actually have quite a few things in common with hipsters: namely an inordinate need for attention. And in many ways gunning down twenty innocent schoolchildren before turning the gun on one’s self is the ultimate form of LAMism (Look at Meee-ism).
That should read “…the kind of people who would go on a shooting rampage”
Like yah, cruelty-free cocktails in Bushwick, of course. You couldn’t make this up.
The bike: It is a fixed gear rig. It has only one speed, cannot coast, and has no brakes. It is the pinnacle of hipster cycling, after a pennyfarthing. Read here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fixed-gear_bicycle.
All I see is a disrepect for ones persoal property. First, that beautiful instrument. Not cool. And second tha bicycle. It’s not enough that they strip it of all efficiency ( brakes and multiple speeds), but you can see that he took a perfectly raked fork and tried to straiten it to be more like a track bicycle. It’s a perversion to bend the steel that way. Unless of course he already rear ended a garbage truck; which Im sure he’s capable of doing.Idiot!
Maybe he stole it.
Sorry DH but i may have you beat though sadly with no picture to go with it =(
Last sunday waiting for the 52 bus at green and vanderbilt.very cold icey rain storm in progress.
“colby” UNICYCLING towards down town brooklyn with a 60lb(roughly) laundry sack on his back while wearing a derby hat.
If spotted please kill violently.
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