Today, I saw Ethan the tweezer-physiqued, self-proclaimed ‘foodie’ typing up a freelance review of Bushwick’s own premiere forest-to-table restaurant called the Quirky Quail where heavily tattooed and bearded chef Mason Bedbuggio prepares the wild birds for the neighborhood’s newly arrived creative types. So I followed Ethan home and before he could blow his rape whistle I kicked him in the jaw and suffocated him with his Whole Foods messenger bag. End of story.