A few weeks ago I posted some really good deals on apartment rentals like $4995 per month in Williamsburg as advertised on the website Brokelyn.com – the website for newly arrived, money-conscious hipsters struggling in the magical land of Brooklyn. Well the other day they wanted to reach out to those certain poor strugglers who eat brunch between Monday and Friday during working hours and point them in the direction of some real bargains such as:
Cafe Ghia in Bushwick – Vegan Scrambled Eggs with Kale and Tofu – only $10. Wash it down with a $7.00 bloody mary. Just be careful though, if the hipster beater sees you eating that pretension-on-a-plate you might be using a Louisville Slugger as a toothpick to get the kale out of your teeth.
Robertas Pizza in Bushwick – Ah yes, good old Robertas. Here you can score a bacon egg and cheese on a roll for a mere $9.00 instead of $2.50 at a regular deli. Why are you going to pay more at Robertas? Because the sandwich is ‘hand-crafted’ by a fucking beardo from Chatanooga you dumbass, that’s why. Ask your waiter about their local rooftop kale – the offical vegetable of the Brooklyn hipster.
Egg in Williamsburg – Put on your all-season scarf, your darkest indoor shades, and your tightest jeans because you are about to eat $9.00 pancakes sprinkled with Vermont maple syrup baby! Coffee has been reduced to only $3.00 a cup! Fill’er up Cadence!
Now remember, don’t thank me, thank the team at Brokelyn.com: helping funemployed poor gentrifiers find $17.00 brunches at 1pm on Tuesdays.