Today’s hipster beating.

Today, I saw Quinn the urban quail keeper heading over to Tuesday mid-afternoon sewing classes at the Bushwick Center for Transplanted Culture in his 1906 paperboy outfit. So I rolled up my tire iron in a newspaper and yelled “Extra Extra! Read all about it!” as I bludgeoned him. End of story.

24 thoughts on “Today’s hipster beating.

  1. That’s probably the most interaction Quinn has had or will ever have with an actual newspaper in his life.

    • Now, that’s not true in the slightest. Quinn probably has a long and established career as an unpaid intern for any number of alternative weeklies and ART ART ART Web sites. Film critic, music critic, culture critic, editor’s bunghole polisher…he’s done it all. He even learned his lesson when he watched co-workers demand payment for their 60-hour weeks and watched as they were replaced with more interns willing to do ANYTHING to get into journalism. Not only does he jam his tongue so far up the editor’s ass that the editor has calluses on the backs of his eyeballs, but Quinn does it for free…with a SMILE.

    • The thing is, a huge portion of hipsters and yupsters are well over 30.

      • Very true DH.

        I believe the article is accurate if only that the hipster has to start somewhere. Their choice of school will usually finish the job.

        I think #7 and independent thinking is right up their alley.

        • I agree independent thinking. They are molded by their fast access to blogs, Videos, social networks and the Internet overall. Go sit on Bedford and watch them interact or not interact to be exact. They have their faces burried in some type of Lap Top, IPad or their actuall phone texting or surfing. They dont converse with each other its the most bizarre thing, no human contact yet they are surrounded by thousands of humans.

          • This is why it’s so easy and tempting to bash them over the head and snatch their iToys and wallets. They’re easy prey.

      • Hipsterism is more of a mindset than an age. That being said, it is more likely found in those born after 1999. Hispterism traits, the whineyness, the look at me, the over-explain everything is creeping into other segments such as jocks, etc.

        I would even venture that generation x and y was a cross-road where pussification started.

        I was in a police academy in 1997 and during the PT week about six people, male and female, came in with doctors notes excusing them from the activities. There was one older guy, a vietnam vet, who was literally cyanotic with the flu, drinking chicken soup broth, downing saltines and ginger ale. He was beging people to keep him from lying down. At the end of lap running, guys were holding him pushing him.

        And even he was yuppified. He had a $200 thermos and organic saltines and ginger ale. And he drove an SUV. He had a laptop (in 1997). The people at Gall’s were on a first name basis with him.

        This whole yuppie and hispter me first counter culture started in the late 1950s with the beatniks. It is just mastastizing into all segments of culture.

        There are dudes in scooters along Cropsey Ave.

        18th Ave has a farmer’s market.

        There is a chick who blogs from Bay 28th Street about stores and shit.

        Everything is dying. The only chance is to nuke it from orbit and re-populate.

        • ‘Mastastasizing’
          [a portmanteau word made by combining `Mast Bros.' and `Metastasizing']

          (of a cancer) Spread to other sites like artisinal beardos.

        • I would have cut my d!ck off before I became a run drop out! Yet it was so common. Cry babies and the soft generation in the PA, made me sick

  2. Both the tire iron and newspaper were recycled. Quinn is bleeding with a smile on his face

  3. Has Special Ed been on lately ? Or Stevie? Trey ?

    Did they blow through the ‘rents’ retirement funds.

    That is where the slang “rents” comes from, people who pay the rent.

    • He/they are commenting on months-old posts as Tobi. He’s showing an unprecedented degree of subtlety, someone must be coaching him.

  4. Recent advert on UK TV:

  5. I wholeheartedly support any and all beatings of hipsters named Quinn. Nasally kazoo Ohio bearded shitbags.

    • I am not a violent person.

      I am even a beta-male.

      I always let the more aggressively drive vehicle in front of me. I hate competing.

      However, something about just seeing a hipster makes me want them to die. I never would act on that want. However, if one were pushed on the subway tracks, I would do nothing to save them. I would hold other people back from jumping down.

      • The hipster stare. Do they all they go to some site and ‘learn’ how to strike the right pose, the right disposition ( read: Corpse )? Or does Snob just factor into their DNA?

  6. Now THAT’S what I call catching up on the news!

  7. Or… breaking news!

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