I know hipsters love riding around on their rickety old bicycles, fixed gear Penny Farthings, and 12 foot long boards – but this car ad may change everything. Act now Caleb!
It’s time to hit the trust fund. For a mere $18,000, you could be driving the most authentic, urban-chic whip in town. All your friends will know you have been through interesting hardships when they see the mangled wiring reaching out of your empty dashboard. Your Brooklyn cred will go unchallenged when your passengers have to push shattered glass off their seats to get a lift to their loft apartments.
Of course there is no stereo anymore, so you can listen to all your newly emerging, obscure, independent music right from your MacBook on the way to your favorite foreign film cinema. How convenient is that? Everyone will know how fervently you reject consumerism when you never have to lock your doors, because everything worth stealing has already been stolen, and the most expensive window is already broken. Your vintage combat boots and thrift store plaid shirts will look even cooler when they are accentuated by cigarette burns that cover every inch of the upholstery. You can tell people they all came from American Spirit cigarettes.
You know you are too cool for the lame “mainstream” brand-new cars available in this price range. This 15-year old Pontiac has a burnt orange finish that nobody has ever seen before or even wanted! The exterior is marred by so many scratches and minor accident damage that no one else will ever have anything like it again. Think of how ironic it will be when your tailpipe is held on by a shoestring. A Doc Martin shoestring. Plus, there is so much dirt in the trunk you can get started on your own traveling organic garden.
So put down your micro-brew, button up your skinny jeans and head over to Bushwick. Get this car before everyone figures out how cool it really is.
ps – I am including a picture of the guy who stole your stereo, so if you see him, you can thank him for the unique appearance he brought to the interior.