A little joke.

2hipstersTwo bearded, thick eyeglass framed, Converse-clad hipster transplants were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new hand-crafted, artisanal pickle and DIY butcher store in Greenpoint. As of yet, the store wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves and display racks set up.

One said to the other, “I’ll bet that any minute now some native that’s still lingering in OUR ‘NABE‘ is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we’re selling.”

Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious real Brooklyn gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and tapped on the glass. Then in a loud voice asked, “What are you sellin’ here?”

One of the celery-legged gentrifiers nasally replied sarcastically, “We’re selling assholes.”

Without skipping a beat, the Brooklynite said, “You must be doing well. Only two left.”

73 thoughts on “A little joke.

  1. How did the Hipster burn his mouth?

    He drank coffee before it was cool.

    • What’s the difference between a hipster and a US Savings Bond?
      The savings bond will eventually mature and start making money.

      • About ten years ago a friend of mine was in an upscale foodie store wearing the classic T-shirt with Daffy Duck saying “Every day I have to add another name to the list of people that can just kiss my ass!” A yuppie in his thirties walked up and said “I just noticed your shirt and that offends me!” My friend said “Oh, say what’s your name, man?” “Bill” he replied. My friend put his hand gently on the yuppie’s shoulder and said “Bill, you just made the list.”

    • (rim shot)

      • [SHUDDER]

        • Yeah, Burbs, can you imagine that at 50? Eeeeeeeessshhh!

          • I can’t. If I were her, I’d try to get tattoo-removal once I hit the big 4-O.

          • She’ll more likely be trying a vat of acid.

          • You have to go through several treatments to get the tatts off, and sometimes you look like you’ve got some awful skin disease in the end. I know somebody in her late 40s, lives in Williamsburgh, pale white skin tone like skim milk, from Minnesota(SHOCKER), dreadlocks, with a chest tatt from 20 yrs ago that’s all sagged and colors bled. Whatever it was, it’s indecipherable now, it just looks like a horrible 3rd degree burn. IWO she looks like SHIT. Let that be a warning.

      • Ehh…Fuck it, I’d bang her

      • I don’t get the tattoo thing at all. Hipster or not, I find women with tats a total and complete turn off.

        • Totally agree. Why pretty girls ruin their looks irretrievably with shitty tattoos is beyond me.

          Only Marines, ugly biker dudes, indigenous peoples and a few others have the right to wear them. A tattoo is for life, unlike a bad hairstyle or bellbottom pants.

          Again, what I don’t get about these hipster chicks is why do they throw their looks away faster than they drop their granny panties? I mean, I remember girls from every previous “movement” since the late 60s. Sure they would chase the Rastas or hippies and smoke pot while they were young, but underneath it all, they were smoking hot and watching the biological clock, just waiting to marry some rich banker before the big Three-O. I can’t imagine any non-desperate heterosexual male finding that even remotely attractive.

          Do hipster chicks have any plans other than moving back in with mom and dad at 45 when the trust fund runs out? Or do they think Carrie Bradshaw is a real person and they’ll snag Mr Wall Street at 50?

          • I’m convinced the vast majority of hipster chicks who move here from Wiscominnehio came here because of some Carrie Bradshaw fantasy they developed while watching Sex And The City growing up in their whitebread suburban cul de sacs.

            Tatted up hipster girls probably think they don’t need a Mr. Wall Street at age 30, because they still have mom and dad’s allowance coming in and “F— the System, maahn”.. At age 45 they wake up to find that they look like shit from eating all that vegan dumpster food, smoking whatever they can find to smoke, and all that drinking like fish at gallery parties.

            At age 45 those kewel hardcore edgy tatts are faded and saggy, and they wish they had a Mr. Wall Street, because their trust fund is gone, they’re too old to live hardcore on the streets and the barista job doesn’t cover many bills. So they’re stuck with 45 y/o “undiscovered indie film maker” aka unemployed slacker Josh from Michigan.

          • Chicks with tats don’t bother me at all. I don’t know where you put your dicks, but I tend to put mine right up the middle. Maybe I don’t get around enough, but I’ve never met a woman who’s tatted on her cooch. But, to each their own. I’ve met some really beautiful ladies with incredible artwork on their skin that they paid thousands for.

            But my neighbors cousin, whom she says got most of his tats and body metals in the 90′s, looks every bit the meth head. I think he’s only in his late 30′s, but he could be mistaken for older. I’ve never seen him over with a lady, so maybe the aging tattoo thing works both ways, eh? I just thought it was a trend that had seen it’s time and was over now. But based on the running display of hipsters here, I’m clearly wrong about that.

    • Nothing says KIDULT like wearing an adult size romper suit:

      • This song and video is actually a great send-up of dumbshit hipster ‘culture’. While I’m sure hipsters love it because they love everything — even parody — when it’s about themselves, it’s still funny as shit.

        • Sorry that isn’t hipstery at all.It’s more white trash dudes who think they’re sweet. Still funny though, just not at all related to hipsters. Hipsters don’t go to clubs. Hipsters don’t rap. Hipsters don’t know that many black people. They also don’t make music that is tolerable to listen to!

  2. LOL – great joke DH

  3. If a tree falls in the woods, and nobody’s around to hear it, will a hipster buy the soundtrack?

  4. How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Lightbulbs are like so 20th century, man. We light our loft with organically harvested whale oil, yah.

    • How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb?

      It’s a really obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it before.

      (That’s not my joke, by the way, but rather something that I read somewhere.)

  5. oh and BTW, DH, love the joke :) Too bad it didn’t end with a hipster beating, but that’s just something I can imagine on my own :P

    • Don’t know if anyone noticed this from an article linked to the one Stacey posted, but this one is utter horseshit (it’s 4th in a 5 item list answer of ‘what is it like to live in nyc?’). What is it with hipsters and fucking itemized lists?

      “4. DON’T HAVE YOUR PARENTS STAY WITH YOU WHEN THEY COME TO VISIT
      It’s just weird. Tell them to stay at a hotel. Also, don’t bring them out with you. We don’t want to know you have parents, dude. We don’t want to talk to your dad at the bar. This rule bends now that I’m older and parents are more in the scene, but in your 20s, just leave your parents in their hotel room eating a porcelain bowl full of chocolate ice cream from room service — where they belong!”

      Someone needs to smack the taste out of this idiots mouth. Right, boss your parents around.
      As if.

      • Parents that pay all the hipster’s bills can’t come to the bar….that the parents are paying for??? Because “when yer in yer 20′s yer parents are nawt in thuh scene, maaahhhnn. It’s rilly nawt kewel, noh buddy wants tew tawlk tew yer Daaad at the baaarr. It’s just weird, maahn.”

        That’s how they thank their soon-to-be-broke-parents for their Brooklyn staycation. These ungrateful vermin need to be stamped out.

      • Hipsters are shy, insecure little people who are still ashamed to have their parents around them, like they’re still 14 years old? Who’d have guessed?

      • And what is this “scene” that their parents are cool enough to pay for but not cool enough to hang out at? The one at the Nebraskahio log cabin themed dive bar, where bearded stringbean Josh tries to grope tattooed hippopotamus Molly but fails miserably, to the beat of a Mommy Look What I Can Do With My MacBook Minimalist Techno soundtrack? The parents who paid for all of this aren’t cool enough to go watch the kewel indie Brooklyn-based Playskool toys band at the gallery of crappy art? The parents want to see their return on investment, and the little shitheads are embarrassed that there is none.

    • NO ONE from Brooklyn calls sauce “gravy”. That’s a Jersey thing. What a douche canoe. I would link this to my FB and let the natives have at him but just like I never feed the trolls here, I won’t give this guy any traffic to his pathetic circle jerk of a site.

  6. Mmm……….scarfs.

  7. u guys r gay

  8. super duper gay

  9. i guess I mean, extremely gay

  10. I mean, what’s your problem, anyway?

  11. for real, what the fuck is your problem?

  12. anyone?

  13. hmmmmmmm…..too busy blowing eachotther to respond….

  14. is there a good glory hole in sheepshead bay?

  15. I know one of you fucking neckbeards is awake. type quietly, so you don’t wake up your parents

  16. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

  17. boooooooooriiiiiiiiiiiiing

  18. I LOL’ed when I read this.

  19. Did anyone watch the Simpsons today? It was about fucking hipsters invading Springfield with their organic artisinal vintage apple loving life style. Homer thought he was cool until one of hipsters talked behind his back. Fucking hipsters.

    • Yep – Portland is played out – go somewhere else!

      And Homer was right – if you’re a cool parent, your kids are NOT going to ape your pretentious lifestyles when they’re teens – they’ll unironically listen to Van Halen and eat McDonald’s, just like Bart was corrupting T-Rex into doing.

      And Lisa is NOT a hipster. Lisa would likely be criticizing them as dilettantes while she explored her academic or artistic interests sincerely (and heading into heartbreak as people listened to the hipsters instead of her sincere work).

  20. Lisa’s never been funny. She could be mistaken for a hipster in a guilt by association way, given her penchant for poetry, art, etc. The difference is, because she’s also an intellectual, ( read: not pseudo-), her choices will tend towards consistency in taste vs randomness, as hipsters do. Not only that, but she’ll actually understand both the art and the artist. The hipster makes sure they understand neither. Being able to bullshit is good enough for them because none of them really listen to each other anyway.

    I hate to say it but I will never, not ever, be a Van Halen fan. I detest them, utterly.

  21. Lisa is a hipster she uses apple products which are called mapple or crapple in the Simpsons world also she converted to buddhism, eastern theology is popular amongst hipsters, like a hipster Lisa is articulate and well versed in academic mia as well as being intellectual. Last Lisa is an eviornmenttalist like many hipsters. Lisa is a hipster. Lets not forget the episode when Homer wanted to be a hippie.

    • You also have to consider that Lisa is 8 years old – there’s plenty of time for her to grow up. She probably plays kickball unironically.

      Josh and Meagan don’t have that excuse….they’re 30 going on 8.

  22. I want to argue about Lisa the cartoon character all day. Ready? Set?

    Go!

    • Lisa – 8 going on 30. Hipsters – 30 going on 8.

      The Simpsons isn’t cool anymore, and what they think is considered cool (hipsterism) is weird and scary (and stupid, as well). To get bagged on by The Simpsons means that hipsterdom is jumping the shark – pretty soon, some baseball team is going to have a Hipster Demolition Day.

      • Back in the early Nineties, various celebrities joked about “The Simpsons Curse”, where actors (and, in one big case, baseball players) who did cameos on the show watched their careers go to shit immediately after. Dustin Hoffman does a cameo, and his next movie pretty much killed his career. Michael Jackson does one, and the child molestation stories got out. Of course, that’s when people were actually watching the show, as opposed to it running only because developing a new show to fill the spot would be too expensive. (To be honest, riffing on hipsters just proves that the rot within the show’s writing team finally hit terminal velocity. It’s been going downhill since the mid-Nineties, when Conan O’Brien took over as head writer and started hiring nothing but his buddies from the Harvard Lampoon. By about 1997, it was impossible to get on the writing team at The Simpsons without being a member of “the Harvard Lampoon Mafia,” and it showed. Now, they’re eating their own, while Matt Groening impersonates Jim Davis and only puts pen to paper when he’s endorsing his latest royalty checks.)

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