Today’s hipster beating.

Today I saw Cooper who practically overnight went from 28 year old Minnesotan newspaper delivery boy who eats and drinks Mommy’s Rice Krispy treats and Sunny-D to Bushwick art gallery curator who eats and drinks locally-sourced foie gras crepes and absinthe. So I beat him unconscious with an aged and hardened sopressata from A&S Pork Store and sealed him in an iron maiden. End of story.

20 thoughts on “Today’s hipster beating.

  1. Fuckin A!

  2. I LOVE sopressata, I hope it wasn’t damaged.

  3. That’s the only situation I can think of that would make an Iron Maiden gag.

    • “…the relatively low rent — $3,500 for four…” And yet DH takes constant shit from know-nothings who claim that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about when it comes to insane rents in Brooklyn. $3500 a month for a shithole like that, and a big waiting list of morons willing to burn through Mommy and Daddy’s retirement money to move in.

      • There’s a former factory building at 232-262 Taaffe Place, in Ft. Greene/Clinton Hill. The spaces are listed as loft apartments. In reality, they are subdivided work spaces. Some of the studio and 1BR apartments have only partitions instead of full walls. The materials used in this place are the same type a contractor would use when renovating housing projects. As a matter of fact, I did renovation work with an electrical contractor in this dump and another place not too far away on Waverly Avenue. This place is now called Clinton Hill Co-op Apartments. The reason this place looks like a housing project is because it was until 2002. the ignorant poseurs who live there are paying top dollar for projects-sized 1 and 2BR apartments.

        • @Leroy jenkmen-while the rent is ridiculous,sadly its pretty common.a few years ago i witnessed a phone call right out of the DH archives.I was sitting in a s-bux waiting for a friend.over the course of the hour i was there, a girl sitting next to me was desperately contacting everyone she knew in reference to a steal of a deal apartment in G-point.the rent was about the same as the place in the was a 3 bedroom apartment (supposedly….)with a roof deck…a huge selling point with the bed bug crowd.i watched as she described this opportunity to at least 8 of her friends with the emphasis that the deal would be gone in a week and that each person had to have roughly 3k-3.5k by weeks end as that was down payment per person(3 months rent plus security x’s 3???).

          I left before finding out if she had a taker on the offer but i do remember the orgasmic clit rubbing look that was on her face as she gushed about the roof deck and all the “adventures” they would have there,talking,drinking wine,listening to music and having “excellent conversations”………..I pray for violent home invasions for her and anyone that took her up on this.

          @Joe Fliel-I was born raised and live in that neighborhood now.again nothing new.the Hasidics pretty much own all the commercial space in that area and know their market as well as who they are about to fleece/exploit/rape.there are a ton of illegal lofts there as the “deathtrap” business is booming these days in our beloved borough.the biggest joke soon to come and that many are not aware of is the fort green projects are being renovated and turned into “luxury” apartments.they have half cleared some of the buildings and many of the residents are being moved to other areas….less convenient areas like the bronx and Far Rockaway.

          I was told recently that one of the buildings that is almost empty has a model apartment in it used to show potential buyers/renters.its basically 2 apartments combined with a wall knocked out.

          Fort green terrace anyone?

          • Yup, I hear you. What is really funny about the Clinton Hill Co-ops, and other renovated housing projects, is that the owners go out of their way to avoid mentioning that these are, in fact, projects. Check out what these scamsters wrote about the “history” of the apartments:
            Designed in the 1930s by Wallace K. Harrison (Rock Center, Radio City, Lincoln Center, UN) to house the Brooklyn Navy Yards workers, the Clinton Hill Co-ops is a 12-building complex split between two “campuses” along Clinton Ave. built between 1941-1943.

            Really. Wally Harrison. Big fucking deal. To house Navy Yard workers. Check. How about that they were constructed by the NYCHA as affordable housing to replace the dilapidated shacks and frame buildings which were bulldozed to make way for these mega-tenements? They’re still projects. The stupid flyover adventurers don’t even wonder why these buildings look just like Walt Whitman, Farragut and other projects around the city. I can tell you that the apartments here are exactly the same size as they were when originally constructed; no knocked down walls to combine two or more apartments. Check out the floor plans:


            These dumbasses could’ve applied for public housing and gotten the same apartments for a hell of a lot less. Scratch that. That would mean they would actually have daily contact with real, honest-to-goodness “natives”. Don’t worry about the puddle of urine or brooding gangbanger in the elevator. It’s part of making your New York experience authentic. We aim to please.

            Do they include complimentary bricks to heat up on the stove burners in case the heat goes out?

  4. You know what, I think this may be your best Hipster Beating yet. My blood pressure went from normal to “mildly aggravated” by the last word!

  5. Postscript: Cooper is back to Rice Krispie Treats and Sunny D and recovering in Minnesota where he belongs, where sopressata is made by Hormel.

    • Whiny complaints from Matthew Silver “fans” (actually wannabes who only wish they could get the attention Silver gets every day) in three…two…one…

      • “0 Comments, 1 Person Listening In”. And I’d bet money on that one person’s identity, but nobody would cover it because it’s too easy. It’s amazing how all of Matt’s sock puppets aren’t reporting for duty…

        • Needy is looking for one of those bras to accessorize his wardrobe. He’s heading down to W. 8th hoping Patricia Fields is still open.

          • Im not sure where I read it but I heard he got kicked out of Herald Square by security and I know he’s worn out his welcome at Union Square. Now that the iron work is done on that monstrosity at Astor the sounds of mega construction will force poor little Matthew to scatter like a rat once again. We should take bets on where his latest assault on humanity will occur. Judging by the prose of the article I believe the author is a DH fan. That’s what caught my attention.

    • Fuckin A !!

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