El pleaso turno downo the el musico in mio neighborhoodo. Grassy ass, Caprice.

These are the kind of stories that really show how self-entitled and disrespectful these fly-over state fauxhemians are. Caprice Esser the hair artist flies in from Michigan (according to her website www.capriceesser.com) and moves to Moore St. in”East Williamsburg” or as real New Yorkers know it - Bushwick – and wants two Spanish record shops that have been there for over 40 years to stop playing their music on the street because it bothers precious little Caprice. She complains that they are playing the music “eight hours a day”. Hmm, sounds like business hours to me; the hours where Caprice shouldn’t be home everyday to hear it. Sure, anybody who sleeps until noon on a Wednesday would be bothered by the loud music, but hey, she’s entitled. Never in four decades have complaints been filed with the city about these stores until she arrived – now they’ve been fined.

A few years back I posted about Midwestern hipster marching bands walking up and down the streets of Williamsburg in the middle of the night waking up old people and children on weeknights with their tubas, banjos, and drums. I swear if I lived on one of those blocks I would have my whole family piss in a bucket and dump it out the window on those mother fuckers. Now, if a bearded Mason and granola Molly opened up a “Nebraska lob cabin themed” bar/restaurant right under Caprice’s apartment and used the back yard for seating, smoking, music, and loud nasal conversation about 19th century poetry, 1980′s trivia or this year’s Bushpointburg indie film festival – she would be happy as a clam; happy that the ‘nabe’ is finally changing for the better. But what’s a good hipster story without some irony? The thing is, she’ll soon be gone to another stop on the L Train or back home to Michigan leaving nothing but more hipster hate in her wake.

Link: DNA.info – Record Shops anger new comers on Moore St.

329 thoughts on “El pleaso turno downo the el musico in mio neighborhoodo. Grassy ass, Caprice.

  1. as a native new yorker from the bronx presently living in brooklyn, i have to say this chick is really in the wrong. there are people here talking about LAWS. laws exist for a reason on the books, and i am glad that they are there, but laws are blankets that exist to codify a reality of subjective situations, and their application is not morally and ethically justified by the fact that they exist ‘on the books.’ they are easily abused and this is a case in point.

    i just moved to a block in the bk where there is a seventh day adventist church across the street. they have their doors open during their saturday morning services so as to ‘welcome the community,’ and quite frankly i am not a fan. but guess what? that church has been there for decades. i have been there for two months.; i have nothing to say in this situation. i chose to move to this block. there is a sort of ‘seniority’ going on here that i have to respect. if dozens of decent churchgoers are made happy and i am slightly inconvenienced, i am a better person for accepting it. but again, in the end, i moved to a PRE-EXISTING COMMUNITY. i am not bashing them over the head with LAW and pretending that i am morally in the right because i can cite a LAW. that would be morally selfish and unacceptable. that is what caprice esser is: selfish. her presence in nyc is UNACCEPTABLE.

    i moved to this block and there is some asshole with two dangerous dogs which he can barely control on my block. he lets them shit anywhere on the block and doesn’t clean up after them. he can barely constrain these dogs and they have killed other dogs on the block. one of them literally beheaded a chihuahua on my block because the chihuahua and its owner had poor timing in leaving their building.

    if i catch him not cleaning up after his dogs in front of my building, i will say something! this is right! his dogs are dangerous and he doesn’t clean up after them! ever! he is a bad person! he was here before me, but he poses a danger to the block and engages in what is clearly regarded universally by the by-laws of common sense and decency as anti-social behavior. me? i don’t give a fuck. i WILL step to him even though he was here before me. i wouldn’t step to that church because they were here before me and their behavior is POSITIVE. i am not into religion but they are DECENT people. this chick just wants to abuse the law for her own means. there is a difference that, though subjective, most people can see.

    so, in the end, to be rude, bitch if you don’t like it, fuck off! what do you mean you can’t move? people break leases all the time! go back to suburban whitelandia! we don’t need you here!

    i grew up hanging out in a squatted building on the lower east side that has punk and hardcore shows. at this point, it’s been about 25 years of alternative anti-establishment culture there.; so some chick moves into the building next door and starts filing noise complaints. bitch, you don’t have the right! bands from all over the world come here! the building is all about art and alternative politics and culture, and all of a sudden you move to nyc and you don’t like it? really? an entire community should devolve because of you? FUCK YOU!

    so, in conclusion, the law doesn’t make it right, but we all know what is universally unacceptable and what is just some whiny, selfish transplants telling us what to do. so caprice, fuck off. seriously, get the fuck out of my city. go style fashion hair in los angeles. we need traditional working families from other countries moving here, not people like you with your shallow bullshit professions which are an extension of your shallow, bullshit, empty life, we need people who would be more likely to accept or talk it out and not go crying to big brother government, what a fucking ass kisser rat. not whiny law citers and authority mongers. keep nyc real! that is all.

    • Omg, thank you so much for this post.

    • Excellent post.
      I was thinking about a church down the street from me where the parishoners double park during their Sunday service. Guess what? It’s against the law, but they never get tickets. You know why? The police know the neighborhood and are respectful of its culture. And the church goers are respectful too- they don’t double park outside of church hours and don’t endanger the safety of the neighborhood by blocking hydrants and crosswalks.

      So here we have a hipster who ISN’T respectful of the culture of the neighborhood that she moved into because she had to be in a “cool nabe”. She complains loudly and part of the culture of the neighborhood is lost. Repeat that times 10000 all over the city and you understand why we hate hipsters.

      • If it helps, i’m willing to bet one of the reasons she left Michigan was because she was like that there, too. You’d be amazed at the number of yups who make a big deal about moving to the country “to get back to nature,” build a monstrous McMansion right next to a working farm, and then spend the rest of their lives bitching about how unFAIR it is that the farmer does things they don’t like. Oh, the smell of fresh cow and pig shit is offensive! Oh, Farmer Bob turns on his big combine to harvest corn or wheat at 4 in the morning! Oh, the farm roads leading to the McMansion are too narrow, so either they’re stuck behind Farmer Bob’s combine in their SUVs, or Farmer Bob is desperately trying to get around them when they’re riding their racing bikes down the middle of the road! It’s just so unFAIR! Why can’t Farmer Bob make concessions to US?

        I realized recently why so many hipsters look like goats, and it’s because they’re the same. Both goats and hipsters have the ability to terraform any place and any habitat into their natural habitat. With goats, it’s turning jungle, rain forest, or grassland into semi-desert. With hipsters, it’s turning once-thriving cities into suburban homogenous sterility. Both also keep moving to find new forage, leaving nothing but stripped remnants and lots of shit behind. The difference is that goats are edible.

        • In most rural counties, the tractor on the road always has the right of way. Nobody cares too much what outsiders think of that and their complaints, if they make them, fall on deaf ears anyhow.

          Send your goats to the countryside where the coyotes will take care of them in that good old coyote way that is both horrific to watch and horrific to hear.

          “Clarice, tell me when the screaming of the hipsters stops, won’t you?”

    • You need to feed those dangerous dogs some antifreeze treats…..

      • No, not the dogs, the owner.
        The dogs are merely doing what they’ve been trained to do. Give them the bullet to the head. But the owner? No, let him feel the slow, painful death of poisoning and whisper in his ear as he dies that if he believes in reincarnation, things will be much better next time around if he learns he’s not the only animal on the block with a central nervous system.

        In fact, I’d not kill the pits if they’re in decent enough health. Unlike hipsters, most dogs can be, with time, retrained to be civil. Pits take tremendously unfair publicity swipes because, like Rotties, they look scary and that plays better on the evening news.

        • you know, i honestly have to say that i’m not happy that what i wrote inspired comments like this. it’s really a shame that anonymity grants some people license to write stuff like this and i disassociate myself from it. this website would be so much better if it had more intelligent yet angry comments and not so many extremely violent, hateful rants that add nothing intelligent to the conversation. it’s kind of embarrassing to like this website at times. bullets to the head? poisoning and torture? seriously. grow up

          • Well, I have to say, upon further reflection, you are right. The comments have taken a violent turn and add nothing to the dialogue.

            NOT!

            Get the fuck out of here, you mamby-pamby, lameasstic, ball scratching wonderwienie. If your less than manly sensibilities are offended by the tone of the commentary here, don’t visit. Go look up “Becoming Brooklyn” on Facebook and you can exchange marzipan recipes with the steam shovel toothed transplant who runs the page.

  2. OMFG, I knew caprice esser had barely started drinking when I left for work….I’m back now and LOFL……

  3. FUCK YOU having your stupid moment at 31. This is not only the apex of your career, but your life, hahaha, you fucking loser. Put a Puerto Rican flag in her casket. That was all.

  4. These are the same Hipsters who cry when they get a summons for riding their bike on the side walk, the law is the law! The same Hipsters who cry weed should be legal when they get arrested for a little iddy bit of weed on them, the Law is the Law.

  5. I’m sure if it were some music store run by a smug, wool hat in summer wearing, bearded, nasally invader with the muscle mass of a tadpole, then the same complaint she had would be replaced by cheers for how they are bringing culture to the neighborhood. “The locals are so lucky! If it wasn’t for our arrival, they wouldn’t get to hear Drew and the Medicinal Pen for 8 hours a day. Like yah!!”

  6. Lets have a flash mob, drive by this cunts apartment at night and blast the horn and music !!!!!

  7. Hey Caprice,
    I am curious how much research you did of the area?

    I only ask because, as I mentioned in a comment above, a friend of mine who moved from Lansing to Bushwick gets to hear a lot of salsa music on her block from neighbors/stores. She has lived there for three years now and has never complained because she knew what the neighborhood was like when she chose to move there.

    Even though there are times the music is inconvenient, that was part of the reason she wanted to move to nyc in the first place! (I understand your reasons might be different.) She wanted to experience that sense of culture and neighborhood community that Lansing/Michigan just does not have.

    I also say this, though, because I feel that if you had asked anyone who lives in your immediate neighborhood or walked around there during the day, you would have learned very quickly that music is common and has been that way for a long time now.

    The main reason why a lot of people here and in your neighborhood are being defensive is because, from their point of view, your request to change something that everyone else likes and has liked for quite some time appears to be disrespectful. I am not sure what your intentions are but I know that you moved away from Michigan for a particular reason and hope that you did not move to nyc just to turn it into a cooler version of Michigan.

  8. her fb description kinda love it: Once a young professional but now a struggling artist. Waiting and working for my big break. Til then learning to bend with wind and fly by the seat of my pants.
    Lives in Brooklyn, New York

  9. Wow, so I e-mailed this girl. I wasn’t very nice at all “I like your work, it looks like a combination of what wind and a four year old with safety scissors would do.”, there was more, and I did feel kinda bad about it, but thought that she would be intelligent enough to just stop reading before it got bad, and professional enough to just delete it and not reply. Nope. Whilst not knowing if I’m a ten year old just randomly crank-e-mailing people or a potential employer testing to see if I want to ever deal with her after her new-found publicity, she fires back a somewhat coherent, explitive-laden response claiming she has loads more “courage and purpose than (I) could ever imagine”. She fed the troll in me. I had to respond, and so I did. Her next response was that I should “except a letter from her lawyer”. Except it from what? I do not know. I did wish her the best on her journey towards maturity and wisdom in life. I feel less bad about taunting this one grown-up child than I might another, but still feel a little bad.

    • Interesting that Chevy Vega can afford the rent in a not cheap at all apartment in a newly designated “kewel zone” and retain the services of an attorney. Pretty fucking good for a starving artist.

      I notice any further responses from her. Too early for her to be awake, I guess.

  10. Feels almost Onion-like:
    Suburbanite Decries Hustle & Bustle of Big City Life.

  11. “What is the law?”

  12. Dear Cimmaron,

    I lived in a dicey part of Trenton from 1989 to 1996. The hood was Italian. Parking was almost non-existent. Three blocks away, on the edge of my neighborhood,on the other side of the local church, was essentially a DMZ: Drug dealers, shootings, stabbings and prostitution.

    around the corner from me was a wholesale produce distributor, two wholesale bakers and an Italian club. needless to say – there was noise all day long: Trucks in the morning and the music and chatter from the club until 10PM or so.

    Oh and my block was ground zero for the yearly feast of the madonna.

    And you’re complaining about long established businesses plying their trade? I’m surprised you can walk because you must have balls the size of Alpha Centauri.
    , before signing anythingI scoped out my neighborhood – at night and during the day time. I understood there would be noise, traffic, etc.

    Only a fucking mole would be so blind as to see two goddamn record shops on the same block and NOT think they would be playing music outside.

    One morning after a 25 inch snow fall I was having difficulty digging out my car. My shovel broke.
    I went to the produce place around the corner to borrow a shovel. The owner’s son gave me the once over (I was wearing a suit) and said, “you live here?”

    When I told him I did and that I had a presentation that morning, he called one of his guys in and told them to get their small front end loader (my car was plowed in- to the roof)and dig me out.

    he sent three guys in to dig my car out…while he offered me a cup of coffee and a chair.
    needless to say I paid them back. Every week. with a bottle of wine.

    They helped ME because I LIVED THERE. they broke the ice (no pun intended) and from then on I was one them. Too many cheapskate hipsters and yuppies would park their cars in my neighborhood to avoid paying for parking at the train station three blocks away. so when the douchebags came home, they were on their own.

    After that, the old lady across the street would collect my mail and have me over for Sunday gravy. the one next door to her introduced me to her daughter. Her son tutored me for free so I could pass my strength of materials final. The Costa Rican family next door would invite me to barbeques. agained I reciprocated. when I was away, my sidewalk was shoveled by the 13 year old next door. The Jamacian family behind my house would leave fresh veggies from their garden in a bag and hang it on my front door knob.

    What I’m getting at is this: The people who live around you – regardless of their culture or economic background will always have your back if you’re a kind pleasant preson who understands that THEY WERE THERE BEFORE YOU.

    Because if you continue to act like some toffee-nosed prat, one night some drunken reprobate might drag your ass behind a dumpster in the alley in an attempt to do some unimaginable things to you.

    And the only sound you’ll hear will be blinds and doors closing because all your neighbors
    will turn a blind eye to what’s about to happen.

    neighbors..in any neighborhood – can make your life pleasurable or a living hell. It’s your choice.

    • Fellow former Trenton resident here and I can’t agree with you more. Chambersburg is a wonderful neighborhood one of my favorite parts of the Trenton to walk in. I lived in all different parts of Trenton (Mill Hill, South Trenton, Wilbur) in the 6 years I lived there and never had any problems. It wasn’t until I moved to the suburbs that I had my car broken into on multiple occasions.

    • great post. you painted a great picture of a functioning, diverse neighborhood. ha, i just recently finished statics and strength of materials ii. don’t know how much more ce classes i can take…

  13. WTF kind of idiot comes to a site that is hating on her, and proceeds to post a million comments?
    If that was me, I would be so embarrassed I would hide in shame and never look at the hate!
    But, Im not a hipster.

  14. Camaro the attention whore gets stoked some more:

    http://vanishingnewyork.blogspot.com/2012/11/everyday-chatter_30.html
    “In Williamsburg, brand-spanking newcomers complain about a pair of 50-year-old record stores: “owners of the shops…insisted they have done nothing wrong and that they never received complaints until a recent batch of new young people started arriving on the street. ‘How would you feel if somebody came to your block and started telling you what to do?” [DNA]”

    http://www.dnainfo.com/new-york/20121126/east-williamsburg/longtime-latino-record-shops-noise-angers-new-moore-street-neighbors#ixzz2DQlut0nN
    Record Shops’ ‘Illegal’ Music Angers New Moore Street Neighbors Updated November 26, 2012 10:02am

    Like YAH…

  15. 4Finger, when you coming over again? I miss you.

    • Like I’m hiding from you, Needy? Some of us don’t have the unlimited time to post, but you’ll find I’ve answered you back. Miss me? If you addressed me directly you wouldn’t have to feel so lonely.

    • By the way, you misspell my handle the same way Needy does. Dead give away.

  16. I hope none of the folks on this thread have reproduced or have plans to reproduce. For the sake of the human race, please get yourselves sterilized.

    • For your musical enjoyment.
      How’d ya, oh how’d ya, hey how’d ya like to bite my ass?
      How’d, ya, I say how’d ya, how’d ya like to bite my ass?
      Oh you can bite it on the side, you can kiss it on the crack
      And you can save all the hair for a midnight snack
      How’d ya, oh how’d ya, hey how’d ya like to bite my aaaasss!

    • @SeeYa, while most of these comments are a bit over the top, you have to admit that you don’t just move into a neighborhood and then bitch and moan. I live in Chicago and this happens ALL the time. Gee, why is do homeless people come out at night? This was a comment I heard as I was passing through such a neighborhood as I was walking to the train.

      If Caprice had chosen to move here, she could easily have tried the same shit. So I can understand the tone of most of those that comment.

    • Spoken like a true racist. It was people like you that kept lawful sterilization on the books well into the 80′s in some states in this country. The mistake, then, was laying it on the poor instead of laying it where it really belonged: on the helicopter parents of the 80′s and 90′s who were willing to spend outrageous sums of money to produce good little twatwaffle hipsters but not RAISE decent human beings. IOW shawty, it should’ve been YOUR parents who were sterilized.

      Lucky for you they slipped under the radar. Unlucky for you, your kids might not. Careful now. Kids have a way of turning on their ‘rents…

    • Too bad your parents weren’t sterilized.

    • Please gas and abort yourself, shithipster.

  17. @jonalgiers – agreed, Caprice should have been a lot more discerning prior to her move. That said, how could she have known that she’d end up in proximity to such a pit full of vipers. Rest assured that I am not referring to the owners of the music stores or others playing music in the neighborhood. The tone & content of most of the posts reflects all too clearly the limited thought processing capabilities of the posters themselves.

    @phooey & 4fingersuphisass – I rest my case.

    • Sure, and Smartcar and Carmen Santiago are rocket scientists, right? Crawl back into your asshole, troll.

    • Go and be a bohemian professional underdog somewhere else, and take your indie-twee-pop and your “alternative standards of beauty” with you.

    • Finally! A hipster troll with a sense of comedy. Great riff on my user name, I can forgive an insult if it’s funny.

  18. That noise….is the echo of infinite emptiness in the minds and lives of most of the posters here:

    MDBlurts, 4fingerslikesfisting, Jackandjill, phooey, wedgiehammer et al

    you know who you are

    • When I look into your eyes I see the light streaming in through your ears. Sleep well, dumbass. Recess is over.

      • Really? Rrrrrrrilly? Is this the best you can do? Maybe yer boyz’ll back you up. Hope springs eternal.

    • Yes, even better! I’m sitting here LMAO at 4fingerslikesfisting. At last a worthy opponent, looking forward to your next message. After months of childish bullshit from Needless Ned it’s a delight to meet a troll with wit and humor.

      • @4fingerscanextractslimefromthedarkestplaces….Wit and humor are sorely lacking in here. And your lyrical response to my first post is duly noted.

        That said, MD fARTs needs help. He can’t seem to return whence he came…a deep, dank, slimy hole. Pray render him immediate assistance, lest we are forced to endure his fetid stench ad nauseam.

        • Sorry, unlike you I had some big people things to do, rather than haunting this site. I must admit, you are mildly amusing. Now go back in the corner and color some more with Needy. And don’t disturb the adults, or the attendants will come and medicate you again. Unless you *like* Thorazine…

        • That one’s a little too contrived, keep it simple. Don’t try to come up with a new name each post, it gets stale quickly. Also, not so good riffing on the other’s user names, C+.

  19. Ear plugs? What the hell are they?

  20. @ Joe Flie- “Chevy Citation with breasts” Fucking classic!

  21. I like this place and it cracks me up. Even though I am not living in NYC I can’t stand hipsters as they are in any city.

    So, just a FYI for you all.

    I am from the Detroit area (actually was born in Detroit, lived there until I was 6 or so, then moved to the suburbs). Sterling Heights is an east side Macomb County suburb and is beyond bland and boring. Flat, white and working class. It is the place where the cream of the factory workers who made it “big time” as some kind of foreman or manager moved to one of the cookie cutter colonials with a yard but no trees and a cookie cutter strip mall a mile away. This is also the area where the Reagan Democrat was born – you know, the stupid racist white working class guy who fought so hard to support the white rich executive only to have his own job shipped overseas. Locally the nickname for Sterling Heights is “Sterile Whites” (they can be funny in Detroit).

    GIven where she is from, either her parents worked hard and/or she worked hard to get her college degree at Michigan – it is not cheap and a very good school. Meanwhile, the snobby entitled brats from Grosse Point, Birmingham and Bloomfield Hills, the true source of obnoxious entitled trust fund hipsters, would look down their noses with disgust at the mere mention of Sterling Heights and wouldn’t give our friend Caprice here the time of day. She is, to them, the slightest step above pure white trash. Her name says it all. The Bloomfield Hills girls would be named Portia and Mercedes.

    So, while she may not have handled the music complaint the best way, I think it’s more than safe to say she isn’t living on a trust fund and is paying her own bills. That she is here defending herself shows a little spunk, perhaps due to here working class lineage (the Grosse Point girl would have daddy’s lawyer on the phone while escaping in pure terror to the summer home for safety). I know you guys have it out for the hipsters and I can’t stand them either, but you may be taking a little too much out on this one. Why a guy from Sterling Heights on vacation might put it this way, “Going after Caprice is like shooting at a two point buck when you got eight pointers all over the place right over the next hill.”

    • Full Disclosure, LW: I’m not big on a lot of these posts, and I’m the one that located her in Sterling Heights. (Zabasearch with a name and a state does wonders and it is free). I did that to prove she wasn’t from Detroit. I lived in Chicago until 1999 but I never wrote a “hear fear” line like she did, because I never lived in Englewood or any other truly bad neighborhoods.

      Regardless of if she is a “rich” or a “trust-fund” resident, as far as I see it, she still finds herself to be privileged white. (Your Grosse Point is our North Shore suburbs.) For my part, I proved my point about where she came from, and I agree with you on how she should have handled the music. Personally, I believe she should just shut the fuck up about anything at this point. Hipster or trust-fund or not, you don’t move into a neighborhood and start complaining when you know full well what the block was like (music, etc.) before you moved in. The same shit happens here and I know when a friend has suddenly become a hipster through new boyfriend or girlfriend because of how desperate they are to say my definition of the word hipster is wrong.

      • Where is it written that someone who plays music outdoors should be allowed to do so if it annoys people? I don’t live in Brooklyn, or Detroit, or wherever this happened, but JFC, who wants to live in a neighborhood where people have made noise foreverandeverandever by blaring their speakers outside?

        Good for whatever her name is. Live, hipster.

    • She deserved every bit of scorn that she got. I don’t go into other people’s homes and start demanding changes to suit my life. Hopefully she learned something from this that she obviously didn’t learn growing up from her “hard working” suburban parents.

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