Beardsie Boys – Paul Revere (The Hipish are coming)

Now here’s a little story – I’ve got to tell
About three bearded hipsters – you know they smell
It started way back in 2003
With Chad rock, MP3 and me – Josh-y.
I had a penny farthing named Paul Revere
Just me and my farthing and a craft ale beer
Peddling across the land – scared of colored man
Teenage posse’s beat me up
I wear women’s pants
Living in a loft with 4 nobodies
The sun is beating down on my wool ski hat
The tofu’s gonna rot – the craft ales getting flat
I’m lookin’ like a girl – I ran into a guy
His name is MP3 I said, “Howdy” – he said, “Yah”

He told a little story – he reached into his murse
Four thousand for a studio – rent’s due on the first
He just had joined a band
His arms look like Q-tips
His voice was high, legs like french fries – he smelled like fuckin shit.
He said, “Where are you from?”
I said, “cornfield nation”
An upper class bum
Who just arrived at Penn Station
Quick with his scarf
Wrapped around his neck
He scratched the lice on his head and this is what he said:

“Now my name is MP3 – roof top pickles I dill.
My arms resemble scallions;
Body’s shaped like a quill
Now what do we have here – a transplant with craft beer
I’m half a man, I have no job, my schedule is clear.”
We stepped into the wind – we blew away like twigs
You’d think we’d act our age but we’re 40 year old kids.

“Now I got trustfund – you know this is true.
I think that I’m an artist – but really have no clue
It’s not a tough decision as you can see
I can blow you for coke or you can ride my fixie”

I said, I’ll ride with you up to the hipster beater’s border
If I cross the red line he said I would get slaughtered.
He beat me like this – He beat me like that
He did it with a major league bat
Soooo Brooklyn is fun – my hair’s in a bun
And right about now my coke is down to crumbs
The King Chad Rock – that is my name
And I know a fly spot to start a kickball game.”
We played for six hours until the kickball popped
Real Brooklynites were working while we were not
This dayuuuude was staring from the end of the bar;
He was drinking PBR from a mason jar
MP3 said, “Like yah, you know this guy?”
I said, “I do, he’s Josh from Bed-Stuy”
The Josh said, “Get ready, to try my local honey”
My name’s Josh-y and my parents give me money.”
He rolled up a ciggy – then began to cry
His parents cut him off back in mid-July
Rents went up and hipsters hit the floor
They played duck duck goose, like they were four.
“I’m Josh-y – the suburban reject,
sculpting oxygen is my next art project”
MP3′s a hipster – he’s out of place
The average Brooklynite wants to punch him in the face.
The Casio player’s out – the music stopped
Went to the rooftop farm to gather this year’s crop.
Josh-y grabbed the honey – MP3′s Chucks grew mold.
I grabbed two Megans, jumped on my Schwinn and rolled.

31 thoughts on “Beardsie Boys – Paul Revere (The Hipish are coming)

  1. amazing

    • Out of respect to MCA, the ‘creator’………
      I’m sure he would have approved of this parody message.

      I’m sure he would have also seen the Brooklyn Hipster for what they are.

      May he rest in peace

  2. Priceless.

  3. Wednesday night I was out having Pints, had to cut across 14th street on the L, there was a hipster douche next to me who had the outlaw Josie Wales look going on, Ponchho, bent and dirty cowboy hat, scraggaly facial hair. The only thing missing was the half chewed cigar and clint eastwood saying “dying aint much of a living boy”.

  4. Keen lyrics.

  5. Another fine rendition. Can’t wait for the DH parody album

  6. I went to Flushing to have Thanksgiving dinner with some friends last night, and while one friend and I were killing time at the mall because we’d arrived early, and I saw three of those fuckers in the food court. They looked so fucking out of place there, like the bunch of tourists they were. one of them, this mustachioed culdesacian with black-rimmed glasses, even gave me the stink eye. I seriously wanted to yell “fuck your mother” in Chinese, but my friend and I were in a hurry to leave.

    I bet they were thinking, “Like yah, we’re the only white people here, and this is like a totally authentic experience, eating fast food at the mall.” Then another white (okay, mixed, but I’m mostly Irish and look white) guy comes along to spoil their Instagram moment.

    • Was that the food court in the mall on Main Street? Thats a shame. I’m a blue eyed devil myself but I love eating there when I am in the area. Haven’t seen the beardos in there yet but I sure hope they don’t ruin it for the rest of us.

  7. This is excellent!

    “I’m Josh-y – the suburban reject,
    sculpting oxygen is my next art project”

    You’re giving them ideas, although it’s not like they have any of their own. When we see “Josh Von Soylatte–Oxygen Sculptures” at the next kewel FortBushSlopeBurgGardens gallery opening, we’ll know where this idea originally came from!

  8. yeah, that’s the one. I haven’t eaten there before, but my friend said it’s pretty good.

    It’s hard for hipsters to “discover” any activity or place without ruining it for us normal people, because that’s their whole MO: they assimilate every authentic, non-ironic thing they can and turn it into indie, organic, artisanal crap sold at a 200% markup.

  9. Was just listening to this song. Love the beasties. Amazing version. Destroy hipsters

    • Hi,
      How about we keep it to hipster hate? Sorry your guy lost but this election was not even close. Obama won by an electoral majority the Republicans haven’t seen in 20 years. Ironically (this is a hipster hate site) Romney will end up with about 47% of the vote. You want to vent about secession, blowing up the election process , birth certificates, Bengazi conspiracy theories head on over to Fox Nation, RedState or tune up the old AM radio. Plenty of Brooklyn Born rasied by Union parents folks around here


      • Don’t forget in addition to conservative blah blah AM radio in New York also gets you Lee Harris’ badass voice. :p

  10. Hipsters are some wierd hybrid of socialism/tribalism/hyper-consumerism/idioism.

    Politically, they are very GENEROUS with other people’s money.

    • You do know that the Red States generally receive a lot more back from the government than they put it don’t you? That sounds pretty socialist. Now did you learn that word on FauxNews? In case you haven’t noticed they make a lot of stuff up over there. They sold you a bill of goods about who would win the election and you are going back for more hate and lies?

        • To interject here, this country was created as a constitutional republic. The Founding Fathers were well aware of the dangers that democracy entails. Majority rule, with absolutely no rights or protections for the minority, among other things. Anytime anyone uses the term “democracy” or “democratic” to describe this nation and it’s principles is flat out wrong. You will not find one reference describing the U.S. as a nation with a “democratic” form of government. Look it up if you don’t believe me.

    • Sore loser. Comeuppance for 2000 and 2004. Suck it.

    • “Three months in the creative mecca taught me an important lesson about creativity: It’s not something you will find in a place.” Are these people the densest people on Earth??!!? Hello, I’m looking at you, Performance Art majors, Drama Studies, Film Theorists, Pay-to-Play Papier Mache Sculpture Curators-In-Training in your expensive private liberal arts colleges that also happen to offer art programs. Stop moving to Brooklyn because you think it’s going to magically transform you into a famous artiste just because you live there, and then cry when daddy cuts you off and you can’t pay the gentrification rents because you have no job skills at anything people actually NEED.

      “But the trip wasn’t a total loss. I learned how to roll a joint properly, cut hair, drink whiskey straight without gagging.” You mean you didn’t learn that in high school, like everyone else? Or were you too busy running away from the vicious attacks by the Anime Club?

      • “The success stories of Bowie and Nick Cave are the ones that we heard, because the stories of everyone else, like ours, aren’t worth telling. ”

        at least he finally got it.

      • That’s why I actually have more respect for the artists who are buying up abandoned schools in Iowa and Nebraska and converting them into art spaces. They’re right in the middle of an area where nobody gives a damn that they’re artists, where the random party people won’t stop by, and where the winters guarantee that you either focus on art or die trying. Best of all, none of the distractions, especially from “friends” who come out to visit solely because they know someone who lives there who will set them up with free crash space and booze.

  11. Yes, I hate hipsters. No, I’m not a troll. I just find the classic NY / East Coast ignorant parochialism on display here to be even MORE annoying than the bearded freaks crowding out the poor oppressed BK natives. What’s with all the gratuitous hating on the Midwest (or as you oh-so-cleverly call it, ‘Flyoverlandia’)? Since I’m sure most of you only observe hipsters from a distance and dare not engage them in conversation, how the fuck do you know what part of the country they’re actually from? News flash: the majority of trustafarians hail from places like Scarsdale, Westport, Oyster Bay, Short Hills, Brookline, and Bryn Mawr. It’s precisely because of their superior East Coast attitudes and wealth that they’re obnoxiously gentrifying scraggly neighborhoods in Brooklyn. So typical of native New Yorkers to spew on about how dealing with the hipster invasion is SOO UNIQUE to your experience, and then to blame it on other regions of the country. So yes, fuck the hipsters, but also fuck all you narrow-minded East Coast assholes.

    • Fuckin A!!!!!

    • Horse shit! Look through the multitudes of posts on this site and you’ll find an overwhelming number of hipsters from the midwest.

    • Wrong, Fucko.

      Most Q-Tip limbed scarves-in-the-summer-because-they-go-with-my-skinny-chick-jeans-and Dinty-Moore-lumberjack-shirts are from places west of Hoboken. A majority come from the Midwest, specifically Minnesota, Wisconsin, Ken-fucking-tucky, Indiana, Iowa, both Dakotas and other desolate wastelands unfit to venerate their utterly inauthentic contributions to art, culture and gastronomical endeavors. Almost all the useless Mast Bros. groupies living in my building are from some flyover state in the Great Plains. How do I know? I ask them where the fuck they’re from. A lot of the posters here, from the city, have no qualms about personally confronting a parentally subsidized, funemployed, stayctioning yahoo from the Corn Belt. I certainly don’t. So, Mr. Fucko, go back to sodomizing the farm animals in the barn behind your white clapboard farmhouse. Kaiser Soze sends his regards.

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