If You’re Anorexic – FishingRod Stewart

Lyrics begin at – 00:35 ENJOY!

She sits alone; waits for Mom’s donations.
He’s from the midwest, the ultimate Caucasian.
His arms are frail; her art’s just not astounding
Don’t you just know that they’re only gentrifying?

If you’re from Ohio, and you think you’re sexy
Come on let me break your jaw.
If you really eat meat, don’t say you’re a vegan.
Why do hipsters like to sew? Why do they sew?

He’s acting high, looking for attention.
Come on Holly, let’s protest the election.
Now hold on a minute, you remind me of my brother
Can’t pay my rent, so let me phone my mother
They catch a rickshaw to his Williamsburg apartment
At last he can show her, where his dad’s 401k went.

If you have the body – of an anorexic
And you are from Ohiooooooo
Then I really need to, just reach out and punch you
Come on Caleb go back homeeeeee, just go back home.

He’s on Bedford beating his drum
’cause Brooklyn is all about fun
Relax Caleb, this ain’t really home.


They wake at noon ’cause both iPhones are ringing.
They should be working, but that ain’t what they’re thinking
Outside the loft, it’s misty and it’s raining
Perfect weather, for Gowanus Canal sailing
He says, “How ’bout some soy milk and some fair trade coffee?”
Never use sugar – only rooftop honey.

If you have the body – of an anorexic
And you are from Ohioooooo
Then I really need to, just reach out and punch you
Come on Caleb go back homeeeeee.




10 thoughts on “If You’re Anorexic – FishingRod Stewart

  1. Holy fucking shit, DH, this is just fantastic!!!!

    “Never use sugar – only rooftop honey.” LOL!!!

    • Thanks Tommy. Yeah, this one is kinda hit or miss depending on the average diehipster.com reader. I always thought it was a catchy tune and the story is perfect to describe a modern day hipster couple struggling to be Brooklynites – fake ones of course. Happy TG!

      • Well, this song is especially effective for me because it takes me back to my young guido/disco days in Bensonhurst in the late 70′s. So there’s the juxtaposition of old and “new” Brooklyn going on here with this brutally hilarious parody. I know that many of your other readers will know exactly what I mean!

        • I AM in AWE! This is top quality satiric parody. I amuse a few folks with my efforts but DAMN, you’re good!

  2. Brilliant, DH. Not a fan of Rod or the song which makes it even better.

    “Come on, let me break your jaw.”

    Love it.

  3. Ahhhh, it’s nice to be proved right even if it is coming from the mockable target.

    Winds up Hipster Ian has confessed he is, in fact, a rich, white kid pretending to struggle. Of course, to find this out, someone had to buy the book he shitted out in his bed.

    The turkey will taste even better today.

  4. Sweet!

  5. “the ultimate Caucasian” Nice.

  6. wow. this is fucking brilliant!

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