Real Estate in “Brokelyn”.

This is too funny. You may or may have not heard of or stumbled upon the website www.brokelyn.com. It’s supposed to be a site dedicated to finding good deals in Brooklyn. Before I list some of their “good deals” on real estate, read their About Page Statement:

And so we present Brokelyn.com, a web mag founded in May 2009 in celebration of a place we’re endlessly enthusiastic about, no matter how [synonym for crummy] the [synonym for economy] gets.

We’re not going to dwell on that part around here—we’ll be too busy finding new ideas for bargain obsessives, stoop-sale sartorialists and wallet-aware foodies. If you have ideas, tips, lavish praise, or fully conceived and photographed articles about budget-friendly Brooklyn, by all means, please send them our way.

***Bonus material***: On that same About page they list everyone associated with running that “Brooklyn” site; from the founder, to some freelance belly dancing video editing contributing correspondent - none of which are from Brooklyn. The closest person to being from Brooklyn was some guy who was born in Canarsie and then moved out to Long Island. Amazing isn’t? What a joke Brooklyn has become; purely a label for transient failures pretending to be in the media or creative class – and at such saturating levels!

So let’s check out this week’s real estate deals (only ‘kewel nabes’ are featured of course) on the wallet-conscious “Brokelyn.com”:

Link: Brokelyn.com Real Estate Section for great deals!

Williamsburg: 2BD – $4,995 per month

Park Slope: 2BD – $2,750 per month

Greenpoint: 4BD – $3,400 per month

Williamsburg: 1BD – $3,200 per month

Crown Heights: 1BD – $1,800 per month

Hysterical that these are on a site that helps you find great deals in Brooklyn right? Now, someone might say “hey DH, don’t turn them on to our still normal, non-hipster, relatively more affordable neighborhoods”. I say, don’t worry: I’m very confident these suckers will never focus their attention on places that are more than 25 minutes from Manhattan; that don’t have a snooty coffee shop with heavily tattooed baristas; and where there is actual culture from around the world. Plus they must’ve seen the RED LINE posts on here that threaten them having the hipster beater lodge a tire iron in their skull.

127 thoughts on “Real Estate in “Brokelyn”.

  1. 5 Thousand for a 2 bedroom in Williamsburg….Holy Shit!

    • I could understand $5k for down payments. But if it’s just the rent – WTF???
      What kind of a fucking retard pays over $2k for rent? And even then, I want a jacuzzi with a personal masseuse (female with big tits only) and servants for that price.

      Bet the building quality leaves much to be desired too. Remember those waterfront apartments with the shitty construction from a few months back?

      • These fucking gentrifying pieces of shit have managed to ruin everything.
        Stupid fucks.

      • Masseuse? I should be getting a daily hummer for that kind of rent! Holy shit!

      • i know someone that pays 7k per month for rent. He works for a hedge fund and is refuses to buy an apartment. Paying that is fucking beyond stupid

    • Holy crap! that’s insane. I had a 2BD/1BA in S. Williamsburg for $750 in 97′, I cannot imagine paying more than that to live there.

  2. I really wish Brooklyn just floated into the see and there were only 4 boroughs that made up New York City. No other place in New York City harbors and/or facilitates such AIDS that is hipsters.

    Overlook the whole money issue and

    Bart = New York City
    China = Brooklyn

  3. What kind of a fucking retard pays over $2k for rent?

    That’s easy – Mommy & Daddy who will pay anything so little Joshie doesn’t come home.

  4. 10k for a 2BD in Carroll Gardens.
    Ohh its a duplex. * rolls.eyes*

  5. The four bedroom for 3400 in Greenpoint is definitely a moldy, “renovated”, ex-plutonium warehouse.

  6. And don’t forget – this is on Brokelyn the website for broke people on the cutting edge in Brooklyn.

    • Clearly – judging by the complete lack of it on your hate mongering diatribe blog – you don’t know how advertising works. There is no editorial decisionmaking involved in the real estate section; brokers list the apartments, not Brokelyn’s editorial staff.

      Where did your family come from, btw? Everyone who lives in Brooklyn came from somewhere else. That’s America buddy. Just because your people got here before theirs doesn’t give them less right to build a life here. It’s appalling that you want this place that you claim so much pride in calling home to be a place where people even talk about inflicting physical violence against others based on where they come from or how they dress. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

      • 1. Brokelyn decided that they are going to allow those ads to run on a “save money for Brooklyn people” (transplant hipster) website.

        2. Read the FAQ about the “who is from where” defense.

      • He can’t run ads. To do so would require him surrendering his anonymity. And there is a poetic justice that this site with 2mil+ hits, which will in all likelihood be the biggest accomplishment of his sad townie life, is so toxic that not only can’t he make money off it, he can’t even sign his name to it. haha.

        • In the grand scheme of things, you don’t even qualify as as a footnote or occasional passing thought. You’ve probably told your circle of friend (that’s not a typo) to check out the site and marvel at your complete lack of wit and humor. Isn’t that right, Needy? You always cease to amaze.

        • Stevie’s fantasy – gets a visit from diehipster.

          Stevie gets a visit from Special Edd. – Edd forgot the sock puppets.

          Stevie’s rearity – minus the BDSM dungeon, the palace and the WMDs.

        • Ned, the truly hurt person is the hipster who keeps returning to prove his point – that would be you. I mean, it doesn’t get more obvious.

          Regarding the ads. I have not gotten one request to advertise in over 5 years even with a decent amount of traffic. Know why? I speak too much truth here for it to be associated with any product or service. And that’s what’s pretty fuckin awesome ain’t it soy boy? Hahahahaha transplant!

        • Ned, you are a fart in the wind of history. Drop dead.

        • Get a girlfriend, you pointless little man.

        • Hey, coward! Come talk to me, you won’t have to give up YOUR precious anonymity, just post under one handle, or does your vagina hurt too much?

        • Of course, the instant diehipster starts running ads, you’ll be back here sneering that he’s a sellout.

          And who the fvck throws the word “townie” at a New Yorker? What “Northside” is this guy posting from, Boston?

          • The Northside of Shithole, Wisconsin. Population: 1 needle dicked hammerhead named Stevie Lam/Northside Ned and other multiple uselessnames. They’ve all been Sozed.

          • And yet they keep using the same ploy over and over even when caught by their own method. But their butt hurt shines through illuminating their ignorance for all to see. Thanks for acknowledging 4finger’s victory, Joe. Kaiser Soze wants to buy you a double shot of Bookers!

      • Here’s something you should know, you malignant tumor who metastasizes over whole neighborhoods until they’re sucked dry and turned into yuppie playgrounds: It’s not where you’re from that makes you a hipster, it’s your attitude that makes you one.

        Lots of people in this city aren’t originally from here. But the ones who do come here fall into two categories: Those who wouldn’t even think of coming here without a real, full-time job lined up or plans to immediately find one because they don’t have rich parents to support them, and who also do everything humanly possible to read the local culture, assimilate it and become a part of it; and then there are the ones like you, who come here thinking you have something to teach this city and its inhabitants, whom you view as a bunch of uncultured hicks starving for your artistic, creative ways and morally and intellectually superior lifestyles.

      • And you should stick both thumbs up your ass and walk around on your elbows. It would amuse me.

  7. Target audience must be the same broke people who pay “Love Conductor” Erika Christensen between $39 and $456 a month to find the Megan/Caleb of their dreams for them:

    “I’m using the subway as this great recruitment tool,” she says. No surprise: The L train, with its contingent of single hipsters, is one of her more fruitful stomping grounds.

    Sarah Nisbett, 30, was riding the F train sketching other passengers last month when Christensen approached her. Nisbett was instantly on board, hoping the Love Conductor would help track down her elusive dream man — a funny, artistic lumberjack.

    “It’s a totally natural idea for New York,” she says. “There is that little nugget of hope that makes commuting more exciting.”

    http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/brooklyn/this_is_where_you_get_off_jMHP7A9R26iv7zQ47QvShI

    • “Jay Leno called. He wants his chin back.”

      HAHAHAHA

    • Hey Hipsters, there’s some totally, like, deck new sports out now. Sign up now before it goes mainstream. The No Pants ride is soooooo last week.

    • “Christensen, who grew up in a small West Virginia town with a one-room schoolhouse, has been fascinated by the subway’s underground culture since moving to New York in 2004 to work for a financial company.”

      That all sounds about right. Some hillbillie broad from west bubbafuck is an expert on dating in the big city because she’s been there for almost eight whole years!

      I’ve not spent much time at all in NYC, as I’ve said on here many times, and I have never rode the subway. Have rode the El in Chicago a lot though, but that’s totally different because it’s “Elevated”. What I’ve heard time and time again from people who moved to NYC for any length of time and commuted on the train is that it was really hard for all of them to get used to spending so much time underground. I think the majority of the transplants don’t like the train because it takes you away from the sun and stars and everything else that’s so great about seeing the sky. But of course the trendy hiptypes all love the “underground culture” of the train.

      • Subway’s underground culture? It gets you from point A to point B and if your lucky the food at the stations doesn’t suck.

        Since when does the subway have a culture to it?

  8. Hipster chicks are such such massive hypocrits. They don’t mind banging about every cock they can tug out of a pair of “guido/dad jeans” or screwing their roomies whiny hipster boys on any given day, but when the holidays roll around they want either the PhD Asian guy (less so) or, more preferably, Ivy League white boys named Ethan to show off to The Fam’.

    “See Dad? I’m on a qualiy path with a quality guy. Oh, but could you help me out on rent a little longer till Ethan’s ten year internship is done?”

    Back in the city, Megan quickly dumps Ethan in favor of a Parisian junkie named Raquet. They use Dad’s money to take a whimsical trip to Ireland in search of leprechauns that they do find, and then blog each other to death.

  9. Stay beneath the line you overweight, underemployed, downwardly mobile, blowhard TOWNIES!!!

    • Needy, Needy, Needy, it’s been over a month since you met Kaiser Soze and ran away like a little bitch. Since then you haven’t grown the balls to address me or Verbal Kint directly, you just show up shouting TOWNIES! and giving orders. And you call us blowhards? Weak, lame and childish.

    • STEEEEVVVAAAAAYYYYY!!!!

    • Ned, to the latte sipping soy boys like you and the other invading bearded sticks, anybody who has an honest blue collar job is ‘underemployed’ and to be looked down upon. It cracks me up that you Calebs think you’re enlightened and superior to people not hip enough to be into the narcissistic adult playtime that define you and your hipster buddies.

      A smug 35 year old kidult whose rent is paid by daddy in Ohio and rides around on his fixie & plays artist all day after getting up at the crack of noon despite not having legitimate artistic ability is admired by you Buddy Holly glasses wearing clones. But a hard working guy who gets up at 5:30 every morning and works on a construction crew to pay the bills and feed his family is an ‘ignorant local’ who should just move with his family out of the neighborhood you occupied because he’s not quirky enough. After all, Xander and Harrison are way more Brooklyn, and as soon as they land in JFK from the suburbs of Des Moines they should have that space being wasted by the working class family.

      Everyone who is from here knows that you are all full of shit. The reason you surround yourselves with other hipster clones is that deep down you know damn well that you are all full of shit too, but the insulated hipster colony can convince each other how important a contribution your existence makes. It’s the hipster’s defense mechanism for dealing with the fact that they are attention starved adult infant pussies.

  10. $4995/mo for what is really a large 1 BR with a 12 x 12 room, a 7 x 3 convenience kitchenette and 17 x 12 combination LR/DR/artisan foundry. Check.

    $840/mo for fair trade organic coffee (4 cups/day @ 7 bucks each) purchased at Stephonica & Llargdwynnfindihwn’s (pronounced to rhyme with “shit”) Ye Aulde Nieuw Breukelen Natural & Like, Expensive Cofi Haus und Kickball Klinik. Check.

    $1650/mo for groceries consisting of various items made from soy bean scum, organic, locally grown, PCB-infused rooftop vegetables, non-wheat artisanal bread substitutes and a case of Fruit Loops (in case the playcation check is late). Check.

    $2700/mo for handcrafted, riiiiiilly obscure, artifully and whimsically bottled piss water (@ $9 per) at favorite piss water lounge with a quirky, non seqiuturial moniker. Check.

    Estimated total monthly expenditures for useless, non-working, funemployed, transplanted, bargain obsessive and wallet-aware foodies……..

    $10185.

    This total doesn’t include incidental spending on necessities like $25 comfort food sandwiches and take out Thai/Aborigine/Minoan fusion food @$40/1 pint container (usually ordered 6 times per week).

    I pray that the Dow drops to 600.

    • OK, so what this tells me is that anyone NOT FROM NY who can put around 150 words together and get them to the NYT can be published. Rilly??????? Jeez…

      • Well, it’s more than 150 words, but the idea that we ridicule these assholes because we are the same cracks me up. Lady, is it possible that we have other, more heartfelt, reasons for hating these ironic dicks? How about what they do to the real estate values?

        Justaposing her article with the link from DH opens up a great argument against what she claims.

        She does admit to not liking the hipsters, though.

    • I took out of it that hipsters have learned to expect failure, so they live lives of failure to soften the blow.

      • Lowered standards beget lowered expectations which, in turn, makes the most basic activity seem like a success. Breathing, for instance.

    • She’s wrong right in the first paragragh. Hipsters may labor under the delusion they’re “discovering” things the mainstream hasn’t latched onto – Yet hipsters are a key advertising demographic, it doesn’t get more mainstream than Gap ads and iShit targeting them specifically.

      It’s all bullshit, all they actually accomplish is driving up prices because they (or bank of mom and dad) will pay ANYTHING in order to be on trend with their peers. They are rent-raising fucktards.

      F’rinstance. Williamsburg flea market, this past weekend. Junk – not “antiques” not “Antiques Roadshow” type OMG! finds — JUNK priced not at flea market prices but for the big score. We’re talking t-shirts pushing 40 dollars. “Flea market” loses it’s meaning, it’s all gimme gimme gimme with hipsters

  11. Five grand for a 2 bedroom in kewel Williamsburg. I’m curious to know who the new tenants will be. A dreadlocked Molly from a Minnehiowasota suburb and a bearded stringbean faux lumberjack Caleb from Oklacaliflorida on their paid staycation?

  12. I thought we were supposed to stay out of the non-kewel neighborhoods, because you guys wanted them to yourselves? Because we would ruin them? With dark chocolate fingerpaint and organic Care Bears and things? And you guys wanted a place in Brooklyn where you can build your own Hurricane Sandy relief center for real brooklynites, right? I JUST FEEL LIKE I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU ANY MORE.

    You’re right about one thing: all of us are entirely pretending to be in media and definitely do not have real media jobs whatsoever.

    • Tim,

      You sarcastically try to tell us you “really are in the media”. But you’ve stooped down to commenting on diehipster.com – a website full of knuckle-dragging, no-culture brutes. Now I know you really are a nobody. Stay broke my friend.

      • I knew it!

      • I stopped dragging my knuckles.

      • Well, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he actually really is “in the media” in a real function, instead of being a glorified mailboy who’s occasionally allowed to freelance a few movie reviews. I can’t tell you how much fun it is watching some of these journalistic pity fucks stomp around, screaming “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?” at the top of their lungs at the proles. It’s fun because sooner or later they throw the wrong tantrum at the wrong person, that person makes a quiet phone call to the publisher, the publisher chews the editor a new asshole, the editor calls the brat for a quick talk, and the brat is now back at his old job of giving fifty-cent blow jobs behind the 7-11. Or back to that dead-end insurance filing job, which is pretty much the same thing.

      • Hey, I can type with my feet!

    • An asshole with a ” real media job ” is still an asshole.

    • Wow its like you are a hipster and you are tired of being called out. Pulling all the usual counter-punches and shit. Totally missing the whole point of this funny as hell blog. Its like you are in the 7th circle of hell or something. Fascinating.

    • A lot of you ARE pretending. Your own bio says you’re a “contributing editor” (i.e. freelancer) for Brokelyn who freelances for Inc. and the NY Post and anyone else who will take your stuff. And then you lounge around in coffee shops.

      So no, it would appear you don’t have a “real media job.”

      • You’re right, working for the NY Post is definitely not a real media job. Maybe one day this kooky startup paper will catch on.

        • Oh, I want to see the look on your face the moment the editor at the Post hears you considering yourself “working” over there. I imagine he’ll have an expression on his face exactly like the one he gets when he steps in dog shit in the dark and needs to scrape it off his shoe.

        • “Write freelance stories for Inc. Magazine, the NY Post and anyone else who will have me; lounge about coffee shops.”

          Wow, sounds like you’re a regular Carl Bernstein! There’s a difference between freelancing and having a real job. Not sure if you knew that.

  13. Unrelated to this post, but check out this “kewl indie film” about acting like a jackass during a hurricane: http://vimeo.com/53653749#

  14. Lest we forget, one of the Brokelyn contributors is the rhinocerocanklesaurus who applied for food stamps as a social experiment. Brokelyn? Not so broke.

    • Good catch!

      That chicks whining and sideways insinuations that her being a white chick, ( hipsters adore
      claiming they’re victims of ‘racism’, reversed ), had so much to do with being rejected for food stamps. No sweetie, maybe it’s because your college and rent had been paid for by your parents well into adulthood and you STILL couldn’t make it. With a greater edge over the far more socially and economically downpressed people who really NEED help or it’s a future under the nearest bridge, maybe they were trying to tell you what everyone else probably has:

      “Move someplace AFFORDABLE with less competition in your chosen vocation to get your start in life. Behaving like some spoiled artist who thinks they should go from obscurity to Madison Square Garden in one leap, based soley on the college level merit of their ‘talent’, is your REAL problem. Get out of NYC, get a clue somewhere else, and if you’re viable down the road then you maybe you’ll be able to realistically, ( not whimsically and not artistically ), afford to move back, ya little precious Molly McMeganhead.”

    • Now, now, be fair. She didn’t apply for food stamps as a social experiment. She applied for food stamps because she felt she deserved them, what with being a broke-ass writer living in Brooklyn and all. One day, she’ll find her audience, she’ll be crushing her opponents beneath her feet, and then YOU’LL BE SORRY. Or, more likely, you’ll be laughing and pointing when she moves back to Dogfelcher Falls after she’s evicted.

    • But how will she ever be able to afford her $16/lb. coffee?

    • She applied for food stamps so she’d have more money to go SHOPPING SHOPPING SHOPPING and lesbian chubby chasing. I wonder if she’s milking any of them broads for money?

      Her work is on her blog. Broadist: for broad broads. Guess it makes her feel good about herself.
      http://www.broadist.com/

  15. I wouldn’t be so sure… A friend of mine said the little bearded tumors have already trickling into Bensonhurst and colonizing parts of Sunset Park, and the rents there are already starting to go up. I’ve even seen a few of them in Gravesend. Granted, these neighborhoods tend to be more family-oriented, with more homeowners, but it won’t be long before Sunset Park is being featured as the latest “kewel nabe” in The New York Times and Wall Street Journal.

    • Excuse me, but Sunset Park is now – ahem – Greenwood Heights. And it’s like totally kewl.

      • I’m not Chinese, but most of my friends and boyfriends are, and I love going to that area with them to have Fujianese food and do karaoke. If the whole place is about to go fucking artisanal, I might have to kill myself.

      • Please don’t tell me that! Sunset Park was my next refuge. Ah then, on to Plan B…

        • I love that neighborhood because it reminds me so much of being in China, more so than Chinatown or Flushing – even the interiors of the restaurants look almost identical to the kinds of places you’d see in China. The fact that hipsters ruin every neighborhood they invade is bad enough, but I would take their ruining Sunset Park personally, and it’s honestly heartbreaking to imagine.

  16. These try hards will pay anything to achieve urban cred.

    So I consider it an honor calling them out on being inflated rent paying, transplant, pieces of shit.

  17. Even funnier than that site is this “Brooklyn” site (I put Brooklyn in quotes mainly because it’s obvious it’s a site by transplants for transplants.)

    http://bushwickdaily.com

    If someone didn’t know about Bushwick or Brooklyn in general and just went by this blog, they would think that there were no Puerto Ricans, Dominicans, and Black folk that lived there at all.

    • *or* sorry for the typo.

    • That’s because so many of these knuckleheads are actually racists that tend towards socio-political thinking that supports division, not inclusion. They don’t have the balls to actually speak openly about their bigotries, so they try to mask them in conspiracy speak. They’re anti-Semitic and anti-anything that wasn’t, essentially, white and suburban. When they talk about ‘inclusion’, they are really talking about themselves, not other groups in society. And their bent towards conspiracy theories that are overtly anti-Semitic is, frankly, frightening. If they could get a new Hitler to rise from amongst them, they would go bleeting after him lockstep without a second thought. All he has to do is drop a bunch of buzzwords and speak in simplistic historical terms about present day problems. Listening to any hipster try to pontificate about world events is both hysterically funny and also horrifying, if you entertain for even a second that they would implement the squonk-eyed ‘solutions’ they bleet about to each other.

  18. I’ve been a lurker here for a while. I’ve got a question – I visited Bushwick almost 10 years ago as a sort of tourist (my gf was a primary teacher there) – I’m from Australia.

    I thought it was a pretty rough neighbourhood – not dangerous but a bit dodgy. Whereas you guys treat it as basically a joke full of hipsters.

    Was it ever a rough area ? Or did I just have no clue ?

    Keep up the hipster hate – we need it squashed in NY so that the local hipsters here have no-one to follow.

    • Long story short, parts of Bushwick were considered affluent between both world wars. That came to an end after the breweries closed and demographic changes which occurred post WWII. Rough doesn’t begin to describe what Bushwick was like if you would’ve visited in the late 1970s-mid 1990s, You would’ve dodged bullets and thought you were in Dresden after it was firebombed in 1945. That’s also the time period when Bushwick was a hotbed for drugs and related violence. These nasally, French-cut string bean limbed, lumberjack shirt wearing, artisanal bullshit artists started infesting the neighborhood only after major anti-crime initiatives eradicated most of the threatening elements.

    • Bushwick was one of Brooklyn’s murder capitols in the 80s’. Now it’s a joke.

  19. “The closest person to being from Brooklyn was some guy who was born in Canarsie and then moved out to Long Island. ” – Amazing observation. I feel like you should submit a packet to Fox News. So according to you, in order to be “from Brooklyn” you need to have spent your whole life there, with no interruption? So which schools did you go to, growing up?

    • I’m going to open this can of worms because ($%$ whiny Islander fans from Nassau.

      BUT WAIT A MINUTE! BROOKLYN IS PHYSICALLY PART OF LONG ISLAND~!!!!111 So still technically Long island. >:V

    • Read the fucking FAQ you stupid fuck. How many defensive hipsters am I going to have to direct there? Don’t worry what PS IS or HS I went to. All in BK. Now go write an article on the new concept of coffee.

    • Thumbs. Ass. Elbows. Amusement.

  20. Shit hipsters say:
    “I’m so broke I had to settle for an $1,800 per month one bedroom in Crown Heights.”

    Translation for Normal People:
    “Even my delusional enabling parents looked at me funny when I said I needed them to pay for a $3,200 per month one bedroom in the Magical Land of Billy, so I ended up in Crown Heights. Fortunately most of the scary brown people were already priced out of that neighborhood when I got there 6 months ago.”

  21. Jesus, every last one of their staff is an obnoxious Williamsburg stereotype. Won’t revisit the same points everyone else here already made, too tired for that. Instead, enjoy my latest attempt at song parody, inspired by these douchebags:
    “Josh the Hipster Beardo” (to the tune of “Puff The Magic Dragon”, w/apologies to Peter Yarrow)
    Oh, Josh the Hipster Beardo lived in Billyburg
    And kayaked in Ye Olde Canal that smelled like a rancid turd
    Meagan Cankle Tatoo loved that beardo Josh
    And baked him cupcakes filled with hair and breast-milk cream ganache!

    They owned a store of clothing made from wool and pubic hair
    But rent was too expensive — Joshie cried, “It isn’t fair
    How can you pay your rent on time when blogging is your trade?!”
    So Josh called Dad in Kansas and — voilá! — the rent got paid! (Chorus)

    One sad day it happened, Dad’s rent checks came no more
    So Meagan sold her chicken farm, and Josh closed down the store
    He moved back home to Kansas, and tries to understand
    Why Meagan dumped his ass to find a real authentic man (Chorus)

  22. Jesus Christ, that bio list goes on for fucking ever. Like any of it is remotely interesting. The self-absorption is mind boggling.

  23. The building across the street has rents at $9,000.00 a month. Yes, NINE THOUSAND DOLLARS A MONTH. For a one bedroom with sterile, office cubicle-like rooms with a tiny terrace thing jutting out like a rip-off hamster habit-trail. I, on the other hand, have four big rooms with 11 foot ceilings and a private back yard for $900.00 a month all to my little lonesome. Yeah, it isn’t perfect but it sure the hell isn’t 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 fucking thousand dollars a month.

  24. Random sampling of the Brokelyn bios:
    “I’m a sucker for second-hand and vintage clothing stores”
    “Thinking up Kickstarter ideas.”
    “belly/fire dancing”
    How delightfully unique, care-free, zany and quirky. Nobody is into astronomy, chess, fishing or say, the Orlando Magic. It’s amazing how like-minded all these unique, care-free, zany and quirky people can be.

    • The care free, zany and quirky hipster activities I would highly encourage are canoeing, kayaking and swimming in the Gowanus. I would love to see a Marco Polo league there. A Marco Polo game in the Gowanus would be so perfect on those long hot summer days. There’s nothing better than a nice swim after a strenuous weekday afternoon of kickball, and what better place than the Gowanus? They can swim, bring awareness and nasally announce “like yah, I’m from Brooklyn!!” as they splash around! They can wear cruelty-free organic handmade artisanally silk screened t-shirts that say Gowanus Marco Polo Team. Maybe Eric Silver or Tim Donnelly can put the word out at their freelance media jobs.

  25. What’s even funnier is some vanilla hipster boy with no serious Life experience other than Parents house–>university–loafing on friends couches–>Parents house—>more loafing, talking seriously about social problems and the answers to them. And they’re pseudo-liberal rhetoric is nothing more than social conservatism dressed up in skinny jeans and nasty beards, because most of them have deep seated fears and insecurities towards the opposite sex (that would be women, in their case ) and usually tied to their lack of skills in the love making department ( so they blame women in some fashion rather than their own ignorance and failure to, like, learn something about the female anatomy from, um, WOMEN lol – no, they’ll turn to Maxim for that and so the blind lead the blind till they all wind up at the same gay magazine stand ); or they blame their failures to launch financially on ‘the Bilderberg group’ and ‘corporate control’ from one side of their Alex Jones fanboy face to everything ‘becoming socialist’ – which shows their historical ineptness ); to blaming ‘those people’ with ‘ghetto mentalities’ ( any non-white ) who can’t ‘adjust to a higher level of thinking’. BTW, all the words I’ve marked with apostrophes are things I’ve actually heard them blabber about or read from them. It’s like a bunch of stoned toddlers taking turns trying to flush a toilet and then guess where the poopy goes. But even children wouldn’t take themselves as seriously as some of these blowhards do.

    The more overt hypocrisy surfaces when someone like O’Reilly says something anti-woman or anti-gay or whatever his usual fear mongering cack is, they go apeshit up in arms about what a backasswards racist homophobe he is. But when some turd like Bill Mahr ( King of the Limpdicked Noses ) says something equally homophobic or sexist or bigoted, it’s ‘intellectually witty and insightful’. It makes you just want to grab them by the collars and shake them hard enough for all the styrofoam peanuts to fall out of their skulls. Israel protecting their interests is ‘bad’ but Apple products exploiting holy hell out of fearful workers is ‘more complex to explain so it’s not bad but it’s not good but it’s not bad’.

    What they all seem to have lacked, across the board, is getting their backsides whipped as they were coming up. Instead, they were bribed into good behavior and now expect to be continually bribed/bought/coddled. Too bad ‘Debriefing Camp’ isn’t on their list of quirky activities to take up. I know several well versed men and women who could deprogram the nonsense their parents plugged into them, set their heads back on straight, and send them back into the world with eyes wide open, beards shaved off, neo-hippy speak eradicated, good manners inserted, and shoes shined, tie donned, and ready to get down to the business of working and being productive in society instead of floating through the haze of their perpetual playground mentalities. I mean, come on…some of these guys really ARE in their 30′s and they cannot speak nor act like grown MEN.

  26. So I live in a faraway place called Flagstaff and I have a shop space in an alley. Just recently some new people moved in to the compound directly across the alley from my shop ( I’m a steel worker by the way ) and I swear to God the most annoying one out of the bunch of annoying people is seriously named Caleb! No shit! He really does wear some sort of ski hat all the time regardless of the weather and he always seems to have some new puppy.
    Should I tell him he is lost and that he missed his target by about 3000 miles or do we just have him sedated and shipped to your zip code. The last one being the preferred choice. Anyways he needs to be with his people, so he’s on his way I guess. To Brooklyn. Sorry.

    • Ram an “I” beam up his ass, attach wheels to it and roll him into the Grand Canyon. Only then do you tell him he is lost.

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