Today’s hipster beating.

Today, I saw a baguette-legged, parentally-enabled, Rolly Fingers-moustached hipster nasally shrieking into his phone for all to hear about his new concept of painting art on the yoga mats of the infinite leisure-time Megans of Williamsburg for only $125 per hour. So I removed his Sunday night North Brooklyn Thai food exploration hand-carved ivory chop sticks from his murse and punctured his lungs. End of story.

52 thoughts on “Today’s hipster beating.

  1. Last weekend my wife and I (both 44) decided to walk around the Village early, hit Washington Sq park, enjoy the weather, catch 1st half of Giants game, than a drink on Bleecker sitting outside watch the people walk past. “People watch”. The young waitress comes out takes a pint order, end up talking to her she tells us she is from Brooklyn. Oh really what part? Greenpoint. Oh, did you go to Automotive HS? I knew the answer,Shes makes casper look Dark Latino along with her Mid West twang. Of course she just moved to Brooklyn last year while she pursues her art. Whats your art? Actress. Of course. We tell here were from Brooklyn and shes asks where did we live before Brooklyn? BROOKLYN! BROOKLYN FOR CRING OUT LOUD! I tell her Im from Coney Island my wife is from Bay Ridge. IM not kidding she said wow I never met anybody really from Brooklyn. She was nice enough but what Key Hole does she live in that she has no inter action with Original Brooklyn People. Unreal


    Guys, I give up, I see grown men scootering on the sidewalk in my nighborhood. In 1982 no grown man would do that anywhere w/o suffering ridicule.

    There is a Farmer’s Market now. Bay ridge is yuppifiend…now a Farmer’s Market on 18th Ave.

    It is on Yelp, there is a guy that thinks it is cool and awesome, and he gets herbs for $3 instead of $5, well yes, if you have no overhead of a store like Walbaums does you can sell it cheaper.

    So let us close all stores, forsake their jobs and taxes and accountability and set up markets everywhere, invite the gypsies, invite ourselves to scams and thievies escaping in the night….no stores, just street markets.

    Yaaaaay. I am in.

    • Farmers
      Divine Brine Pickled products and chutneys from Suffolk County, NY
      Francesca’s Bakery Breads and baked goods from Middlesex County, NJ…

      Growing up spending weekends on the family farm in Brazil…

      Jeebus, what a JOKE! Time for a mysterious fire…

      • “Divine Brine Pickled products and chutneys from Suffolk County, NY”

        Please tell me this isn’t based on experience because who in their right mind would waste gas money going all the way to Brooklyn to sell food grown in Suffolk County? >:V

    • Holy fuck, Brooklyn’s inbred protectionists and xenophobes are against farmers markets too? FARMERS MARKETS?

      • Looks like the restraining order was finally lifted, huh Needy?

      • Verbal Kint.

      • How many tatoos do you have?

        How many awards did you get in school?

        I wish you painful anal rape one day, Artie Mayo, PAINFUL anal rape. And then you live and watch everyone you love slowly die a horrible death. That is what I wish for you.

      • I wish and pray for all hipsters and yuppies dying a painful death. Is that enough blathering of protectionists and xenophobes?

        Did you pass your iphone to one of your smug fake friends to show them this?

        Pansy. Coward. Loser.

      • “Inbred Protectionists”?

        Why do you all so desperately want to come here?

        We’re not against farmers markets, just you.

        • See the classist leanings there? Calling us inbred and shit. We ain’t hicks yo. Protectionists? That what gangs were for sucka. Xenophobes? Hell, I am technically a spick so….

  3. Bobby I read your Link look below at what a person wrote on the Yelp review of the Farmers Market, way to push out the mom and pop stores that offer these goods. Also these Yuppiie/Hippie/Granola fuckers dont pay taxes or rent. There was a time on 18th Ave they would be paying protection while kicking up a Vig

    “I am so glad Bensonhurst / bath beach finally got its very own farmers market. The selection is small; two fruit and veggie stands, a baker, and a seafood stand. It barely covers the block but man is it a welcome addition! Last Sunday I got eggplants, tomatoes, peaches, orange cauliflower, romanesco, and tuna steaks….can’t wait to come back again this Sunday 9 am- 4 pm”

    • Free enterprise bad! More big government, please.

      No wonder New York is bankrupt and anyone with a brain has fled your high-tax nanny state. Hey bub, can you spare $12.50 for a pack of cigs?

      • Kaiser Soze.

      • Hipsters, meet your new partner.

        HERRO STEVIE!!!!

      • If we really had “big government”, 100% of New Yorkers would have electric power right now!
        You and your right wing propaganda. If you don’t like it, go home to your fucking red state.

      • Artie, you pathetic fuck……don’t you roll your own smokes because it’s keeeewwwwl?
        And NY is not bankrupt you silly pencil dick fuck.
        Get a REAL job and pay some REAL taxes you waste of sperm.
        Crawl back to daddy Rufus and mommy Veronica in your homeland of nobody gives a fuck.

      • No on the money for the cigs. After all, you’re still not finished spending your parents retirement money this month. Wait till then and ask again so we can laugh at how weak you are, as usual.

    • Why not have an outdoor medical center?

      Set up tents with doctors and nurses.

      They dont have to pay rent or taxes so they can charge less….

      How about unlicensed and unregulated everything. Every possible good or service under a big tent on 18th Avenue…..instead of the building that about it…..just outdoor markets. The buildings will crumble because nobody rents when you can be in the outdoor market for $15/day. And with these merchants not paying taxes….the roads will crumble….so lets just set up tents and open markets, very retro, like middle age retro !!!

      Lets have no governments. Just feudal territories.

      • Feudal territories……There’s going to be a huge demand for neckbearded jousting dummies, wool cap-wearing crossbow targets and linguini-limbed ammo for the ballistas.

      • Cool! I’ll be a feudal lord.

      • If fArtie and his buddies could set up a creative commons government, they would. That’s because they actually think they know what freedom is LOL

    • In other words, the dining critics didn’t get the hand jobs they expected. One absolute you have to remember about most critics, particularly music and film critics: give the new ones the tiniest bit of attention, and they’ll follow you for life. With the ones who have been there for a while, though, a mile of hookers and eight-balls are nothing compared to a good sincere asskissing. Don’t even get me started on the critics who demand lots of freebies and exclusives in exchange for any coverage at all, and who then savage the venue because they got everything they wanted.

  4. Fuck farmer’s markets !!!

    That whole organic bullshit.

    Fuck flea markets.

    Anyone see that documentary on shoplifting. Much of those great deals you get on new items at flea markets are really items stolen from chain stores !!!!


    (and this is coming from a usually easy going guy…)

  5. How many other readers know who Rollie Fingers is? I love these beatings!

    Thanks for the nostalgia.

    • Roland Glen Fingers would have:
      1. punched every one of these half-men right in their fuckin’ necks
      2. ripped their Cap. Crunch whiskers off by the roots
      3. spit Beechnut in the fuckers eye and
      4. stepped on his nuts, left in a pile

      end of story

    • Unless one is a real baseball fanatic and knows the history of the game, nobody born after 1965.

      “He’s like, uh, the most awesome cigarette roller on all of Powers Street, maaaaaaan.”

      Smigvar Nasalsson, proprietor of Smig’s Organic Water Parlor

    • Where the Hell are a million bees going to get enough nectar to live on? It’s better they died quickly.

    • I know humans>bees but still these bees didn’t ask to be brought to Brooklyn. If its not hipsters bringing them into places they don’t belong its that stupid colony collapse disorder. D:

      • I want it on record I didn’t read that article before commenting.

        For ($%^s sake stop bringing bees into Brooklyn. God damn it. >:-V

      • I agree. That’s why I thought this original article was particularly annoying. It’s full of twits whining “Okay, so lifting the ban on beekeeping in Brooklyn was a bad idea with the hurricane and all, but what are we gonna DOOOOOOO?” Well, sorry, Chuckles, but we’ll focus on the bees’ plight shortly after we worry about those of the humans who are equally homeless because of the hurricane. In the meantime, if the hipsters who want their beehives back want to move back to Dogfelcher Falls in the meantime, we’ll let you know how your bees are doing in the interim.

  6. At least this should continue to keep them out of Three Guys From Brooklyn.

  7. Rolly Fingers Moustache!!! I just pissed myself laughing!!!!

    • I keep hearing radio ads for a bullshit craft beer show, and the only joy I get from it comes from the idiot reading her script. Either I hear it as “Love crap beer?” or “Lovecraft beer?”, both of which promise a lot more fun in the watching than what we’d actually get.

  8. You had me at the Rolly Fingers reference.

  9. Pay-To-Play in Berlin. Another way entitled hipster brats can burn through their inheritance on a whimsical journey to Nowhere, right after Bankruptcy Court.

    Forget the admission requirements section. The only real requirements are ability to pay.
    Program Fees:
    • 1 initial deposit of 720 EUR
    • 3 monthly payments of 770 EUR


    • I’m honestly amazed the University of Phoenix isn’t offering a course on art curatorship yet. Talk about stealing candy from the severely autistic…

    • Let’s see 1×720 + 3×770 = 3,030 euros = $3,856.86 for absolutely nothing.

      For the same money, you could stay home and study practical philosophy. Equally useless.

      • The Plato Week seminar sounds interesting. Do they teach you to be philosophical about the $200, non-refundable deposit? Philosophy= talking ballocks for dollars.

  10. leave the Thai food allloonnnneeee! I happen to have become addicted to Thai iced tea and I dont want anyone fucking with my supplier until I figure out how to make it myself.

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