In parts of Brooklyn like Sheepshead Bay or places in Queens like Breezy Point and Rockaway - where people’s homes and businesses are destroyed and/or still flooded; as people have no clothes, food, electricity, water, etc - Hannah the hipster/yupster transplant from Washington State has a massive dilemma: Where will she find a place to live in a “kewl nabe” that’s still acceptable by her smug transplant hipster friends AND a place that will have room for her quirkily named chickens? You poor thing Hannah – working so hard and diligently with New Brooklyn real estate agents to accommodate your needs.

How fucking self-entitled and pathetic do you have to be knowing you are about to give a story – a type of story that’s been run a hundred times if not more, just with slightly different names and neighborhoods - to the New Yup Times, one of the largest publications in the world – and that it will probably be angrily read by people who are really suffering or by people who know others that are suffering. Fuck you and your chickens and your cage-free, organic, cruelty-free fucking eggs. If I were to fry up two eggs from a styrofoam container from an evil supermarket like Key Food – you wouldn’t know the difference you fraud. Why do these hayseeds from the middle of nowhere insist on coming here and farming in Brooklyn? Because some nasally fuck named Ian or Zachary that you went to liberal arts school with told you the coffee is good here? Because you read a blog about a cupcake revolution happening here? Because you want to make your horrible art that nobody with ever know about with other trustfunded kidults?

Yeah I get it: Their home in Red Hook has flooded and cannot be lived in for now or maybe never. But using the word “displaced” just doesn’t seem to fit these people. It’s more of an inconvenience if you ask me. If you still have an office to sleep in or friends and family to stay with while you search for a new place in the most expensive parts of Brooklyn that will accommodate your fucking chickens and has a kitchen good enough so you can continue your Quarterly Recipe Publication (wtf?) while you get interviewed by the Times, well,  then you are just asking for people to hate on you. I would bet a million dollars that right now if they were offered a decent one bedroom with no chicken coop or garden; that’s not near any organic food store, in a neighborhood like Bensonhurst, Marine Park, Dyker, or Gravesend – basically where normal Brooklynites live – they would refuse it. And that’s just the way I like it. Go back to your farms you out-of-place, annoying, wanna-be Brooklynites.

Link: The New Yup Times – Hannah and her chickens.