Today’s hipster beating.

Today, as they left the flea market where they shopped during normal people working hours – I overheard 32 year old Walker tell 34 year old Hayden how he is trying to find a zany pair of 80′s vintage color-changing Freezy Freaky gloves for next summer’s trips to Rockaway beach. So I took the 1870 vintage kerosene lamp he just bought; smashed it over his androgynous hair cut and ignited him by rubbing Hayden’s bamboo stick arms together. End of story.

15 thoughts on “Today’s hipster beating.

  1. Hoping this site is a joke, atleast I know everything posted here is false.

    • As soon as these bearded children of the corn stop ruining our city by coming here and pushing normal working class people out of their own neighborhoods in an attempt to play kewl urban artist, then we can stop exposing them and spoofing them for the useless gentrifying little stick figured shitbags that they are.

      Until that happens, either get on board or find another site to lurk.

    • The only joke is the one that these wire framed, swizzle stick armed, humpty-dumpster diving organic mung bean groupies are playing on their clueless parents in order to keep the staycation checks coming every month.

      “Gillan”…..That’s one of those artsty, hip, kewl gender-neutral names used by skinny chick jeans-wearing, androgynous mochahalfcafalattechino foam whores from some shitbag little tract housing burg in the middle of NewBrasKensyltanagonoradofornia. Planning on OD’ing on Drano anytime soon?

    • What they said. ^

  2. Gillan, you didn’t see this story on CNN earlier??

  3. There is a bit of a p.s. to the story, and it’s this:

    I took what was left of the kerosene in that faux-vintage lamp DH used to reorient the hipsters he had come across, and sold it to this other leech:

    I waited, of course, till he was done blabbering on endlessly about his latest new huckster scheme and how no one talented should expect to be ( gasp! ) PAID for their work. Now he’s taken up being yet another creative commons gasbag. I’d poured the leftover kerosene in a small faux Civil War vintage spitoon and Sharpied the word ‘native muldavian beard oil’ on it, then insisted he try it before he buy it. Once he began rubbing the kerosene on his lice beard, ( the lice began crawling out, lucky them ), I quickly struck a match, reached out, and and lit his face on fire. As he began screaming and scratching at his face, I began yelling to the rest of the lice on his beard,”Jump you fools! Jump!”.

    Luckily, all the lice made it off alive but Ian’s “I’m such a pretty boy!” acting playcation may be on hold for a while.. For the bugs inconvenience, I promised them I’d transport them immediately to a vegan hipster-herd-hole cafe just around the cornor, where they would find a whole sea of other equally filthy hipsters with overblown ideals, ratty beards, and no common sense to infest. EOS.

    • Watched up until he started picking lice out of his eyebrows at about 2:30. He has taken his fondness of ‘open sores software’ to the world and we should help by drowning him in hydrogen peroxide.

    • How did this escape this site????

  4. You must DRIVE THEM OUT. We did. It took everything from the currently unpopular “bullying” to cattle prods and threats of death. Belittling sarcasm works pretty well, too.

    I’m sorry that these affectatious, useless little pukes landed where you live, but please finish the job that we here in Chicago and Milwaukee started: DRIVE THEM INTO THE SEA. Their parents will be grateful.

    If we can do it, you can.

  5. Worst hipsterish thing I’ve seen today. Was glad to come and read a hipster beating after this shit.

    What in the hell is this supposed to be?

  6. Why are you people allowing this to happen? Show these kids their position on the food chain. Make Nov 20 2012 assault a hipster day. Fuck the NYPD they can’t do shit they are useless. Walk up to a hipster and chin check them. wait will they make it a hate crime? NYC is dead folks move away

Comments are closed.