76 thoughts on “Today’s hipster beating.

  1. I like it! Now come get the guy nearby whose swapped that outfit for a sons of anarchy impersonation. He’s still a hipster inside.

  2. Did his friend have a vintage singer sewing machine and sewing on 1970s style patches to the knees of his jeans?

  3. That’s funny every time!

    • I don’t get it. Neither does my friend Kaiser Soze.

      • “Funemployed.”
        It’s hilarious because it’s the coining of a new word, combining “fun” and “unemployed,” meaning unemployment is fun if you’re a hipster! Ha ha ha!

        “Fauxhemian.”
        Side-splittingly funny! It means “fake Bohemian!” Which is a redundancy, but who cares when the wit is this compelling?

        “Artisanal.”
        Stop, stop! You’re killing me with this bold and original verbiage!

        • Of all the things in the world you could choose to defend, why hipsters? I know most of them don’t wear big boy pants (more like 10-year-old girl pants), but still — I think the bearded noodle-limbed rooftop turnip farmers can defend themselves.

  4. I think I saw the Sons of Anarchy impersonator. Earlier this week I had to walk across the Williamsburg Bridge to get to work. There were lots of bikes….a guy wearing a Sons of Anarchy outfit was riding a bike welded on top of another bike, putting him waaaay up there. If you fell from that height, you’re gonna be in a world of hurt….

  5. One of my friends is currently working on an application where one can use Mortal Kombat characters to perform fatalities on various popular culture icons. So I specifically asked him to include hipsters, yups and gentrifiers in the game and replied to me “no problem” “will do”

    Hopefully this will be completed by early next year so we can feature some clips of the hipster and gentrifier fatalities on the front page of this blog.

    • They should do VLES Doom. Combine one of the awesomest shoot-em-up games with the most expensive failure in the history of video gaming. A Second Life type deal where you can be a virtual hipster and meet asexual characters from Stevie/Needy’s jerkoff fantasies. The only things missing are guns, bazookas, chainsaws, knives and flamethrowers. (Either that or they should have turned it into a virtual pr0n world).

      VLES

      Doom, on the other hand was open sourced so people were able to override the images with anything they wanted.

      BARNEY DOOM

      • I am a fan of any game or application where the object of the game is destroying hipsters, gentrifiers and yups.

      • If they can do Homer Simpson and Ned Flanders duking it out likr this, I’m sure a hipster beating wouldn’t be outside the realm of possibility.

  6. I saw two of these fucktards picking up chunks of snow yesterday and taking iShit pictures of each other and giggling smugly at 2:30 in the afternoon. I gave the girl (I think it was a girl) the stink eye and a disapproving “Your a dick!” headshake, and she quickly looked away. The beta male refused to make eye contact because I wanted him to say something smartassy so I could bust him in the mouth and fist his throat. Apparently these two flyover refugees had never seen snow. Someday a hard rain is going to come and wash all the scum and filth off the streets of this city. Someday.

  7. thehoodup.com/board/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=55917&hilit=Lettin+Niggas+Have+It#.UJ09QWdB5kgLopez possibly considering City Council run

    ChiTownKrazy – “firebomb the yuppies and hipsters houses and condos. the land owners wont care, they get insurance money out of it. but the corn balls will be out joe. beats these muhtha fuckas up for walkin through any turf we want to keep hood for our underprivileged brothers and sisters. make they life living hell. every day and night squads of mutha fuckas should be hittin missions on yuppie and hipsters and all they’re hangouts that our in our hoods.” August 2nd, 2011, 5:20 pm

    Seems like the young boys are catching on as well.

  8. thehoodup.com/board/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=55917&hilit=Lettin+Niggas+Have+It#.UJ09QWdB5kg

    ChiTownKrazy – “firebomb the yuppies and hipsters houses and condos. the land owners wont care, they get insurance money out of it. but the corn balls will be out joe. beats these muhtha fuckas up for walkin through any turf we want to keep hood for our underprivileged brothers and sisters. make they life living hell. every day and night squads of mutha fuckas should be hittin missions on yuppie and hipsters and all they’re hangouts that our in our hoods.” August 2nd, 2011, 5:20 pm

    Seems like the young boys are fed up as well and are coming up with practical means (that by which I do not recommend of condone due to legality) of defending “theirs”.

    • Don’t be a hater. Etsy is going to save the US economy. Like Ya, it’s the hipsters’ backup plan in case Obama didn’t get re-elected.

    • Good find ! these etsy people are full on caricatures of themselves- clearly not limited to the US. I thought this blog and the big etsy expose was a mock- just look at the pictures of the presenters, no additional satire needed…

  9. Should have jammed his face into the carriage of the machine and typed on his face.

  10. Have you guys made a fake username and checked out http://www.williamsboard.com? That shit has been a hoot & a riot for years. They cover everything from what they had for lunch, to a hummus cookoff, to ” sorry to gank yr thread yo, Im in Egypt it sux” to finding pictures of their nabe in the 1980s and going on bike quests to artfully photograph the exact spot in the present day (and failing), to ” yo….I made a documentuary, I guess”

    • Most of the threads go on and on, however I noticed the 9/11 thread got 1 (singular) reply. This shit is really as bad as everything that gets reported and commented on here, and there they are in their very own words. Its disgusting.

      • Btw, I am a 27 y/o female from north jersey who has lived in albuquerque since 2004. People out here are so authentic and the real deal in life. A few months.ago I saw a 3 real and actual hipsters at the casino, it was like seeing something in real time that I only read about. They were so SO out of place! I have loved this blog for years but do refrain from commenting bc a lot of posters here are really on their overshare/ignoramus status bullying, and seriously I do not want to draw.attention to my actually authentic place in america, mostly free of this bullshit!

        • Are their coffe shops with outlets in this land you are in now?

        • Even in the Heart of Whiteness (Portland, OR), there are oases of sanity – like the Portland Winterhawks hockey games – you can count the hipsters on one hand, and see tomorrow’s NHL stars today (and it’s the only game in town if you live in an NHL city like Vancouver, Edmonton, or Calgary)….

    • Always be leery of people who use terms like ‘fabulous’ and ‘brilliant’ to describe their impressions of anything. If they’re not a gay Brit, they’ve no reason to be using such terms except to prove they are the thoroughly F-A-K-E dungnuggets they truly are.

      • Don’t forget “awesome”. That word has lost all impact due to overuse in describing anything from finding organic sea kelp chips at Khim’s Millenium Market to an agreed upon time to meet for handcrafted pisswater.

    • I thought kickstarter was for creative projects.

      If something blocks all ads from the internet, and I doubt that is possible, then we would have to pay for it.

      • I’m applying for kickstarter bonus bucks to market clay writing boards. They’ll come with a locally produced wooden stylus so that all the Ernest Hummusways of the blogosphere can jot down their musings without having to drain the batteries of their iCrap devices when in coffee shops with taped up outlets. I figure that I’ll sell’em for $713.04 each. The quirky price is enough to appeal to these stupid fucks.

      • No now its for non free versions of Pop Up Blocker. D:

    • Most of the pictures show them making the box. That should tell you something right there.

    • tftp + netcat = PHUN with dumbasses! Sorry…

  11. “funemployed” Like!

  12. Was the chainsaw a diesel engine converted to run on used cooking oil ?

  13. Proof that $200,000 art school degree paid off.

    ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART

    • Hi there – thanks for the above, it’s now in my head for the rest of time. BUT although I abhor all things hipster (thankfully there aren’t too many of them where I live, having moved from San Francisco which is overrun with the little bastards), this is taking the piss out of them not celebrating them.

    • That is disgusting. She basically claims to have artisinally reinvented hot sauce. Heresy! And she looks much better with the bandana, even though she looks like she’s going to a Seven-Eleven holdup.

    • http://www.etsy.com/shop/loveofjojo

      It’s sold on Etsy.
      It costs $12/jar.
      It’s probably the Vietnamese stuff from the supermarket repackaged when the cameras are not looking.
      She studied at the Masturbation Bros School of Business.
      Also, if you went to the farmers market on Union Square (the most expensive place you could possibly source vegetables from), and spent the whole morning there, WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE ROTTEN PEPPERS?

      • “WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE ROTTEN PEPPERS?”
        Dumpster diver. Keeps costs down. Chip off the ol’ Mast Bros block.

    • “Brooklyn artisanalism” ???

      More like “Brooklyn” Art is Analism

    • I’m now tempted to buy that stuff as a Christmas gift to myself to see if its better than the stuff you can get in the supermarket.

      I love hot sauce. >:V

      • There’s no difference, really. The only addition to the store-bought stuff is the addition of xantham gum for cohesion. It’s no real trick to making your own, and the fact that this shitheel got a writeup about doing so means that it’s just a matter of time before we see the New York Times doing an ecstatic writeup on a hipster who claimed to invent the wheel, fire, and belly button lint.

        • Now I’m in the mood for Tabasco sauce. For the price of two of Jojo’s jars you can get a gallon of Tabasco.

          She certainly isn’t competing with price. :V

  14. Presenting – B.I.K.E. The Movie.
    1 hour, 32 minutes of pure doosheyness.

    Watch as a new generation of middle class, middle aged kids living on the edge (while living on their parents), building deadly bikes and criss-crossing the country like Huckleberry Finn meets Easy Rider.
    Watch as a 31 year old explains his bike gang adventures to his aging parents and how they support him from their pension fund because he’s the most creative person they ever met.
    See doughy people naked.
    Watch as a real (though not convincing) heroin addict freaks out while the cameras are running and how his girlfriend calls him from the UK, as the camera rolls and the lighting is dim and atmospheric.
    See creative people dumpster dive for food and share it with each other in their clubhouse.
    Remember: 45 is the new 20 and 35 is the new 15.

    Try to watch it all without puking and win a free bar of Masturbation Bros chocolate. You might even win a free beard hair.

    • Oh, and I forgot to mention. If you have an iPhone (you’re like, not deck if you don’t) you can download the Bike Games app.
      http://bikeclubgames.com

    • Thank god for fast fucking forward.

    • 20 min. was all I could take. I have a theory about white people with dreadlocks from the Minnesota suburbs after watching that: the longer the dreadlocks the bigger the trust fund.

      I’m sure they all have tapeworms and all sorts of parasites after a few weeks of living off dumpster food. Bedbugs, lice and flea infestations go without saying.

      Sounds like artist douche is going to let his wife have their baby alone while he fucks off to Germany for 3 months. He didn’t say he’s taking her with him, so it sounds to me like she’s on her own with the new baby. Way to go, Dad Of The Year. I turned it off after that.

    • I am not an angry person but something about the pretentious smugness about these people provokes primal urges in me.

      • Primal violent urges. A feeling like I need to eliminate that culture.

        • Please correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t this filmed during 2004? A rush to the end reveals that the primary trustafarian, Ben, is now teaching down in New Orleans ( big surprise, snark ). Guess his little art school project didn’t bust numbers the way he was hoping and the ‘rents finally said,”Enough of your Lou Reed reinactment nonsense. I mean honestly honey, haven’t your father and I been milked by you enough in Life? You MUST get a job Ben darling. We raised you, paid your way through school for four years, paid for your films and hotel and airplane tickets and drugs and funcations. Enough is enough honey…”

          So now ‘Ben’ probably is giving the ‘rents the silent treatment until his pouting gets them to release more funds.

  15. Love the alliteration. A poetic beating…poetic justice.

  16. Hipster lack of creativity is definitely reflected in their product choices. And it’s rubbed off on Apple, who recently settled with the Swiss Railway for the new clock design that they stole from them. No kidding! To the tune of $21 million. See http://www.geekosystem.com/apple-clock-sum/

    • Oh don’t get me started on s/w legals. Too late. You could easily go back 20 years on any of ‘the big players’ and wade through thousands and thousands of lawsuits like this. A lot of people have no idea how typical this actually is.

      Recall when MS’s lawyers actually managed to convince the judge over-seeing the suit between Sun and MS about internet exploder that,”…a computer’s really not very functional without a browser yer Honor.”. Which is a bit like saying a car can’t run without a DVD player in it. And the judge was, again like a lot of people, confused by geek obfuscations filtered through legal eagles..geebuz…if there’s NOT a tech-suit of some kind going on, that’s more a sign of any kind of End Times than Limbaugh becoming governor of Vermont…..Oh don’t get me started!! LOL

    • The comments are precious.

      I’d almost suspect a Diehipsterite wrote this one below, except for the fact that we’ve seen over and over again how real hipsters inadvertently live up to the Diehispter “stereotypes” –

      “molly fixitfixitfixitfixit • 6 days ago −
      I agree that the word “hipster” is used too much. We have half of this stuff, but I wouldn’t call myself (or my husband) a hipster AT ALL. I think it’s just the decorating style that is popular and trendy right now.”

      • “…I wouldn’t call myself (or my husband) a hipster AT ALL.”

        Denial is a sign of guilt. Nasally voiced, asparagus spear-framed, urban exploring deep dumpster divers vehemently deny that they’re hipsters. Using “decorating style”, “popular” and “trendy” in one sentence cinches it.

        • Not only do hipsters all look the same on the outside i.e. patchy lice beards, thick eyeglasses, Dinty Moore lumberjack shirts, fedoras, scarves, dumpy meghans in granny dresses etc., but all their apartments look the same on the inside too.

          • WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THE DAMNED GRANNY DRESSES?!!

            I KNOW I’M SHOUTING BUT I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE GOD DAMMIT!!!!

            I see them co-opting stuff that actually MEANS something to other people who are not try hards. If these fukknutz saw antlers in your average rural house they’d leave snickering about ‘rednecks’ and ‘hillbillies’ and [insert other shit they'll never comprehend or be able to do], but place them in Hipsterville and suddenly they’re kitschy and ‘cute’.

            Their little pea brains would start sizzling and smoking if they came across a legitimate skater who doesn’t own decks from the past ‘ironically’ or a hunter who doesn’t display antlers ‘ironically’, but rather in respect to the animal ( and good luck trying to get them to wrap their gawker-soaked brains around THAT one! With one ‘trendy’ blog post they think they can shout down millions of years of hunting traditions and techniques ). That the dresses they ironicallly wear now were the only damned things the women of those times HAD or could afford and a new dress ONCE A YEAR was a big deal for folks back then, or Dad a new pair of boots.

            Their disrespect says everything about them that the kids coming up now already suspect: they are shallow little frauds.

    • Slaughter the chickens and donate them to displaced Staten Island residents.

    • I bet they can find just what they’re looking for soon. In Albany. Hicks…

      • You mean in Albania, right?

      • please, don’t send the hipsters in albany.
        sometimes they make week end trips north of the tappan zee to show off their knowledge of obscurity, or show the other mollies where they went to college in the hudson valley, but albany is a free zone.

        sadly, i fear they will be drawn to lark street and over run arbor hill.

  17. “The natural human instinct is to create things, beginning with the toddler who is amazed that he was able to create such a fascinating product out of his butt, the difference is most toddlers grow up and sublimate that drive and create other things. You have not gotten past the poop, strike that, you have regressed to the oral stage, hence the emphasis on organic foods. Yes, the anal stage comes after the oral stage.”

    Hipsters on Food Stamps

    http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2012/11/hipsters_on_food_stamps.html

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