Arty the Seal Critiques.

Translation: This isn’t art you mother fucking hipster piece of shit. This is using a fad created by wanna-be urban lumberjacks on estrogen to appeal to those wanna-be urban lumberjacks on estrogen. This is the product of a gentrifier who has a lice beard and has been riding on the Obama bandwagon. There is no HOPE in piss beer. There is no PROGRESS after drinking it unless of course you are a fly-over land try-hard who has an all expense paid playcation in Nieuw Breukelen – the land of art and whimsy. People who consider this to be art have made-up job titles, pay $4.00 for coffee, wear scarfs in the summer, pay $100 for a bag of groceries and have cupcake fetishes. Please remove all your bullshit art from Brooklyn and bring it back to your hometowns and see if farmer Sam appreciates it.

53 thoughts on “Arty the Seal Critiques.

  1. Dude I have some stuff to send you — can’t find your email address!

  2. Farmer Sam will use it for toilet paper.

  3. Farmer Sam will use their pencil-necked, celery-sticked bodies for toilet paper after he takes a big corn fed shit on their “art”.

  4. The person who took the picture of these “pieces of art” is more of an artist than whoever made these “pieces of art”.
    Andy Worhol they ain’t.

    • God I can’t stand the NYT. That article really made me sick. The woman with the 3-bedroom apartment who wouldn’t even take in stranded family members because “she hates houseguests” reminds me so much of my Precious Snowflake nephew and his uptight entitled yuppie parents. They probably wouldn’t take anyone in either. Believe me, you wouldn’t want to stay there too long anyway with entitled Precious whining about not having a new MacBook, his battleaxe helicopter mom screaming at everyone and the drunk, high, passive-aggressive dad oozing hostility from every pore as he checks out of life with his bottle of scotch. They’re absolutely horrible.

      The next time I hear them bragging about their $3 mil apartment and their co op board I’m going to suggest they make some of the apartments into Section 8 housing.

      Then there’s this winner:
      “Ms. Hunter, the graphic designer who used white Zinfandel to flush her toilet, chose that particular wine.

      “Hate white Zin,” said Ms. Hunter, whose husband, Jeffrey, a lawyer, supported her choice.”
      I’m willing to bet she’s a cankled meghan with a sugar daddy husband.

    • I’m with you. The Times should stick to just news. Their specialty sections (outside of sports) elevate the arrogant “trendsetters.” Flushing your toilet with white zinn? I would think that pissing and shitting is below these pretentious yups.

      • “I would think that pissing and shitting is below these pretentious yups.”
        They subcontract that.

  5. Let’s see about the ART ART ART – ripping off Shepherd Fairley and Andy Warhol – check.

    BUT – critique of hipsters for saying “look at meeeeee” instead of working to solve problems or get your candidate elected? Maybe.

  6. Art? Brooklyn? That looks like something some dude in the freshman dorm at Oklahoma State would have.

  7. I hate hipsters and I vote democrat. Why you gotta lump us all in together?

    • Me too. I think hipster hate transcends politics. The tryhards are apolitical because having a political affinity requires beliefs, values, and reading ability. Their kazoo voices are silenced when trying to fulfill these requirements. No irony involved.

    • Me three. I even support Occupy, even though I disagreed with them continuing to stay encamped instead of spreading self-reliance outward.

      But the whole concept of hipsterdom is reinventing the wheel, bragging about doing it, paying too much for simple things, making hideous ART ART ART and music, and having laughable fashion sense and grooming (that their kids are going to make fun of forever just like we made fun of our parents’ 70s “style”).

  8. The hipster fuck who created these must have *just* learned how to use the Live Trace feature in Adobe Illustrator and wanted to show of a new set of Skillz. Cause it’s just SOOOO hard to come up with original stuff, ya know?

    • It’s one thing to spoof Fairey (he is a derivative hack) in good humor. But I wouldn’t call this 5-minute Adobe Illustrator job “art.”
      Then again, I could recreate this and slap a hefty price tag on it easily. Separating the hipster from his (parents’) money is probably the best revenge.

      • I agree. All they basically did was take two high-res pics of Piss Beer cans, bring them in to AI, give them the Live Trace treatment, then frame them in with the background, add a layer of text and done. How the fuck is that art? Design, yes, I do that type of shit every day at my job for my design clients but I don’t call it “ART”. And Fairey, well, he may be a derivative artist but I’ll give it to him, he has talent as a graphic designer, he’s done plenty of decent skater/commercial work since the late 80′s.

  9. I love that DH set out to make fun of the Brooklyn art scene and the piece he picks looks like it came from Spencer Gifts. Stupid fucking townie.

  10. Yeah, I’m enraged. You’ve made fun of a piece of frat boy pop art. Stick to the townie shit you know.

    • Yes! Pabst SUCKS!! My dad, who unironically drank Bud, Schlitz, Rheingold, Piels, and Schaefer never touched Pabst. I think the only time he drank it was when my mom bought it on sale once, and he didn’t like it so we never had it in the house again.

    • What’s ironic is the continued use of “ironic” by ironic, hipster-hater hipsters who don’t know the definition of “ironic.”

  11. i hung out at art chicago several years ago when a friend of mine from soho had a booth and i happened to be in chicago. there was some amazing art there, and a great variety of art as well. then i came across two or three booths from new york city from williamsburg galleries. knowing the expense involved with coming to chicago and renting a booth at this fair, i could not believe the audacity as i looked at the most smug, amateur, poppy crap i’ve ever seen. it was all freshman art student garbage. it was sooooo pathetic and so obviously out of place. it was stuff on the level of the art above at best, more whimsical graphic design and pop culture references rather than anything substantial. i looked at these people contemptuously and wondered how it was they were able to afford to be at the show.

  12. The captions on the “art” are fine; the graphic is all wrong. Six cell phone charger-armed tryhards blindfolded and standing upright in front of a steam roller can be “Hope.” A corresponding graphic of them flattened would be progress.

  13. I love it when Arty the Seal posts.


  14. It’s funny, Obama was someone who grew up with a lot of disadvantages and adversity, and he worked his ass off and made something of himself ( he’s PRESIDENT of the US of A for gods sakes, and even now still catches shit for whatever). These “artists” likely we’re born and raised with every opportunity handed to them yet chose to waste it on derivative unoriginal stuff like this, but is somehow celebrated and praised for reasons that will never be understood.

    • The assholes that praise it do so because they are afraid they are missing something, so they praise it to be on the safe side. Better that than to miss the “meaning.”

    • Obama is a self made man who worships his creator. Name one disadvantage he had to deal with. Obama is the patron saint of hipsters. He didn’t live in poverty. He had a fairly privileged life. He attended a private school in Hawaii. He never worked in a real fucking job in his life. “Community organizer” is a bullshit job description, like latte foam sculptor, macaroni artist and artisanal rooftop farmer. He’s a media-created personality that every useless neckbeard can identify with. Everything about him is contrived, just like what one sees in the Zacks, Zoes, Meghans and Stephonicas who live on their parents’ dime while playcationing their asses off in that magical, whimsical land of Nieuw Bruekelen. Obama epitomizes the ultimate level of inauthentic poseur. For all his pretensions, he lives the same elitist lifestyle of the One Percenters that he and his Kool Aid drinking followers villify. To paraphrase some graffiti found on a wall in Berlin at the end of WWII, “Enjoy the war. The peace will be hell.”

      • Tell us what you really think, Joe!

      • And what is Mittens Romney then? Like Dumbya Bush, born on third and thought he hit a triple.

        • FYI, Romney donated every penny of his inheritance when he turned 21 and worked for a living. He earned his wealth. Re G.W. Bush, he had better grades in college than Biden, Kerry and probably better than the empty suit in the empty chair who makes empty promises. But, we won’t know until somebody gets his hands on his sealed transcripts. You don’t go through the trouble of sealing something as mundane as college transcripts unless you have something to hide. Mr. Transparency, right? Quote, which has been at various times ascribed to, among others, Winston Churchill, “If you’re not a liberal at twenty you have no heart, if you’re not a conservative at forty you have no brain.”

          • if you describe it as “something as mundane as college transcripts ”

            why is it so important that folks see them? please get over it. you lost again, live with it for 4 more years and give it another shot in 2016

          • Obama may be a douche, but he’s a douche with good intentions, and he supports the rights of all people. At least he isn’t a homophobe who opposes gay marriage and the rights of women and LGBT people.

      • You’re probably a poor retarded republican who doesn’t realize that republicans hate poor people. Fuck off and die.

        • You’re a fucking parasitic tool conditioned into believing that the gubmint is supposed to provide for your needs from cradle to grave, while waiting for your entitlement which is paid for by working people. You are bought off by the Democrat Party and are nothing more than a slave to them, you utterly useless piece of shit.

        • And you’re Northside Ned.

  15. Where can I pay $7 for a beer that tastes like shit in the Jersey area? I got a nice new pair of trust funded crotch chokers to show off….

  16. YOu can’t make this stuff up. The Brooklyn Hipster….er Brooklyn Paper is has a story about the L train being back tittle “L Yeah!” Here is an excerpt from an interview:
    ““I’m almost happier about this than Obama’s reelection,” said Comic Book Legal Defense Fund executive director Charles Brownstein, who lives off the Graham Avenue stop. “Almost.”

    Comic Book Legal Defense Fund executive director? If DH put this into a Fishing For Hipsters ad no one would believe this wasn’t a troll. I’m beginning to thing the Brooklyn Paper made that one up.

    anyway, comments are open

  17. In honor of Arty’s resurfacing, I offer this new magical bunch of suck.

    “Dude, I’m SO gonna rip off Nick Cave.”

    Between their kindergarten versions of ‘street ART ART ART’ and their sophmoric attempts at music, (which seems to me to be all about sounding like average film scores, at best). it’s obvious these priviledged children have NO FUCKING TASTE!!!

  18. That crap wouldn’t fly in flyover country either. These douchebags were loathed even in the towns where they were spawned (they got their asses kicked a lot in the ‘burbs). They are the unwanted crotchfruit looking for someplace to rot.

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