Welcome to New Brooklyn – by Bums and Poseurs.

Welcome to the New Brooklyn
It’s all fun and games
Our parents give us what we want
Honey – you know our names
There’s Caleb, Josh, Stephonica
Hayden, Quinn and Reid.
If you got Midwestern money,
Then we got breast milk cheese.

In New Brooklyn, welcome to New Brooklyn
Watch me raise my rooftop
B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b bees, bees.
I’ll always be a – hayseed.

Welcome to the New Brooklyn
We play with food and clay
If you want to grow a beard
New Brooklyn is the place
And you’re a very nasally herb
Get blown away by a breeze
You can have public pillow fights
But I’ll break your fuckin knees.
In New Brooklyn, welcome to New Brooklyn
I miss my, my, my mom’s Ovaltine
Ooh, I want to hear a nasal shriek


Welcome to New Brooklyn
It gets better every day
Your pets are cage-free farm animals
Your straight but you act gay
If you have a liberal arts degree
You can work in a smug gallery.
You can play kickball all you want
Wear ski hats when it’s 100 degrees

In New Brooklyn, welcome to New Brooklyn
Watch me raise my rooftop
B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b bees, bees.
I’ll always be a – hayseed.

And when you’re high you never ever want to call Mom, call mom, call mommmm. Like yahhhhh!!


You know where you are?
You’re down in New Brooklyn, Caleb.
You’re gonna tie dieeeee.
In New Brooklyn, welcome to New Brooklyn
Watch me raise me rooftop B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b bees, bees
In New Brooklyn, welcome to New Brooklyn.
Drink my, my, my Sunny-D
In New Brooklyn, welcome to New Brooklyn
My beard is full of f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-fleas, fleas
In New Brooklyn, welcome to New Brooklyn
Its where you dress like a clown, YAH!!

187 thoughts on “Welcome to New Brooklyn – by Bums and Poseurs.

    • Won’t someone think of the Mast Brothers?

      Ha! Bet their basement is under 30 feet of Eau de Gowanus right now. Wonder how much their chocolate will cost with the new artisinal flavor added.

    • Flooding – next to a body of water? NnnnnnAHHHH!

      The village idiots hopefully have gotten slapped down for once. They remind me of the amateur zookeepers who keep feral creatures as pets. In spite of the overwhelming evidence (like repeated maulings shown on The national geographic Channel) that keeping a gorilla or a pack of wild dingos in your apartment is not a good idea, they feel that THEY know better.

      So like the 34 year old newsboys and butter churning Mollys who decide that a toxic waste dump is the PERFECT PLACE to live and open a business. And since said toxic area is a body of water, why not incorporate it into our lives? After all…WE think out of the box!

      So like the imbeciles who spend the rest of their lives as recluses because their pet gorilla ate their face on a whim, the same is going to happen with hipsters. It’s bad enough NYC is going to have years of repairs to deal with, no these nimrods are going to want THEIR
      street and THEIR ‘hood cleaned up because they’re special. When the city could be prioritizing man power and funds on more urgent matters.

      Clayball, anyone?

  1. Thankfully, my old, rattly building is still standing and dry. That’s pretty damn good. Especially after seeing that building in Chelsea with its facade blown away. It would have been pretty exciting to experience the wind on my block because I’m on the river. Also would have been amazing to watch the Con Ed building across the water exploding. Holy shit. There was one broken window in the building next door, but that’s about it. Glad to have power too! Very sorry about the folks in Breezy Point who lost their homes. That’s terrible shame. What a great neighborhood that is/was. :(

    That dangling crane in midtown is pretty scary. Before the storm, I was wondering about the cranes on top of the Freedom Tower and found this NY skyscraper forum that has some really nice photos and commentary by some great New Yorkers.


    • I was watching from South Jersey. I can tell you how many times Bloomberg got on TV telling Nyers that they are experiencing a high volume of calls because idiots are calling 911 for things like branches lying on their stoops.

      I know full well that Bushstybillyburg was loaded with nasally Zanders and uptalking Mollys calling emergency numbers because their wifi wasn’t working and the bike lanes were flooded.

      Oh and the annual self-absorbed halfwit was on TV last night. Flooding streets near the Delaware, a couple of beardos occupied a full rescue squad because they thought it would be sooo zany to film themselves floating down the street in inner tubes .

      • I place the blame squarely on the shoulders of the ESU members. They are equipped with, among other things, M4 carbines and/or Remington 700 sniper rifles. That would have taken care of the inner tubes most riky-tik.

    • Yep in addition to the rock wall being open and the bee’s fate the other things this “definitive” live blog is concerned with are where you can buy coffee, if there will be emergency bike lanes, whether or not co-op volunteers will need to make-up missed shifts, a freezer for some yup’s lobster rolls, and where you can watch a movie. I don’t know a lot of Brooklynites, but these do not sound like the legitimate concerns of your average hard working American, anywhere.

      Seriously who needs coffee so bad they need to go out and buy it pre-made during a hurricane?? Who wants to go watch Loopers while your neighbors are out trying to repair their city??

      The level of self-absorption and outright cluelessness of some of these “brooklynites” is truly immeasurable…

      That said, I know these are not real Brooklynites. We all know who they are. To the hard working people of BK and every other area effected by this storm I wish you all the best.

      • Real Brooklynites are worrying about how long they won’t be able to go to work and earn a living, that their children can’t go to school and have the people in Breezy Point, and elsewhere, in their thoughts and prayers. Real Brooklynites will also rip the head off of any neckscarf-wearing scumbag who interrupts them while they are cleaning up after this storm to ask for directions to the nearest organic market.

    • And zany lil’ subway-riding buddy Stefanie was at it again:
      ” …so the city must create emergency bike and bus lanes, according to the cycling and walking advocates at Transportation Alternatives. The group is calling on Mayor Bloomberg to implement “emergency bus lanes” and “emergency biking lanes” on popular routes, Dana Rubenstein of Capital New York reports.”
      Like YAH! Put the bike lanes along the boardwalk. Or even better, combine them with the bus lanes – THAT would be entertaining for the bus riders. Fixie riders splattered like bugs on the windshield!

      • Considering the hipster shitbags in Portland who are advocating, seriously, that the city pay for a fleet of cargo bikes for disaster relief efforts, this crap doesn’t surprise me at all. I realize that Bloomberg has other things to do, but I certainly wouldn’t give him any grief if he went down to Brooklyn solely to find the “emergency biking lanes” assholes and break both feet off in their asses.

        • He won’t; because, this sawed off elitist is one of them.

        • One of the ubiquitous pieces of storm debris is the tin cap – a little coin-like roofing thingie with a freakin’ nail sticking out of it.

          Bad enough to drive around with those things on the road, but worse to bike with them all over the place, not to mention other debris….

      • Careful, Burbs, they’ll be jumping on you for picking on the poor little orphan girl again!

  2. I don’t think it’s going too far to call for the genocide of hipsters. They’re ruining our way of life and taking our jobs. And how dare they dress the way they do! Where do they think they are? I’m all for freedom of expression, as long as it doesn’t offend me. We need to haul their skinny asses to the work camps and teach them a lesson, a Brooklyn lesson!

    • Lame, weak and childish.

    • “They’re ruining our way of life and taking our jobs.”

      They don’t take any jobs away. They don’t work. They’re parentally subsidized. That’s why they can sit in the same artisanal organic waffle lounge on Bedford Ave. for six hours at a stretch before heading to Mug’s Ale House for the pre-pre-pre-happy hour special. Then, they’ll go to Arlene Grocery for nine hours of alcohol consumption, hand clapping and merrymaking and a possible drug overdose, after shooting up some Drano, thrown in as a bonus. How could they possibly fit something as mundane, like this “job” stuff you speak of, into their already busy schedule?

    • Huh. Someone apparently heard about satire in school, and finally decided to try making some themselves. It’s just a damn shame that so many dabblers in the genre don’t seem to understand that you need a tiny bit of humor (well, actually, a truckload of it) to make it work, or it just comes off like a Jack Chick pamphlet.

      • Damn, Leroy, a blast from the past! I have a collection of these fundamentalist jerk rags from the late 90s. Here we found them on windshields stapled into sandwich bags. Horrible, venom dripping diatribes against anyone non-Christian, but the one thing I can’t forgive is that they weren’t funny!

    • Your lack of creativity in thought demonstrates clearly that you are a hipster. Check.

      The best Reich name you could come up with next to Hitler’s was Mengele’s. Check, and mate.

      You’re a moron Sport, that’s really all there is to it.

  3. so I’m out in New Bushwick here… why the fuck are these people so incredibly arrogant?
    what is driving these attitudes?

    • Yuppie entitlement and latent shame.

      • whats with all the loud mouth asian girls with thick rimmed glasses?

        also: why are some of these people dressed up like theyre from the 19th century?

    • Getting their asses kicked throughout their teen years for being utter and total wusses. Mommy and Daddy’s monthly “Here. Take what you want, just don’t come back home” stipends fuel it.

  4. Why is Brooklyn so afraid of these hipster people? I thought Brooklyn was tough guys but maybe now they’re just pussies?

    • Pussies? Stevie, you trolling little coward, come out from behind your crudely crafted sock puppets, pick one handle and stick to it. Or are you still afraid of Kaiser Soze?


    • Epic faillllllllllllll. It always will be when you argue with your own reflection.

      Best thing to do in your case is pat you on the head and say,”That’s right Sweetie, you keep twying to argue wif dee adults.”, isn’t it? Just like Mommy used to do? So here ya go: Everything you say is right. All better now honeymuffinbutt? You feel betters and big and strong?

      Oh-kay Champ. Now go put your widdle head on your Spiderman pillow and go sweepies. There, there, it’ll be okay bay-bee. You want your Spongebob squarepants doll or your Barbie doll?

      Honey…why did you paste Mommy’s photo on Barbie’s face? Do you need to see the special doctor again?

    • Maybe they are actually more inately civilized than the hipster kidults preening around as 19th century gentlemen?

      Just a guess…

    • Of course, what could be better than a dance party than some good old-fashion hipster smug: http://anjulikb.tumblr.com/post/34637444274

      Yeah, Sandy ain’t got shit on you. People are dead, homeless, and without basic necessities. Please go on about how tough and resourceful you are being a dancer | choreographer | artist


      • This stupid turd shoulda got swept away into the ocean. Acting like an arrogant twat and taking pics of how she continues to live in her distorted illusion of reality while others suffer. Im half tempted to leave her a comment on her picture telling her what a waste of life she is.

    • She walks in ignorance like an asshole.

    • From the about me:

      “Camilla Mayer is a native Chicagoan living in New York City attending the Fashion Institute of Technology in pursuit of Fashion Publishing.

      Camilla hopes to change the world just a little bit by sharing THE ULTIMATE story of love with those around her. Camilla greatest desires to inspire and challenge those IN her world and those who only wish to take a peek.”

      Welcome to New Brooklyn, where kidults change the world with dance parties while the city is in calamity.

      • Camilla hopes to change the world just a little bit by sharing THE ULTIMATE story of love with those around her.

        in other words, she’s going to work as a stripper at The Cozy Cabin, on Astoria Blvd.


          Best laugh I’ve had all day.

        • I could have sworn The Cozy Cabin closed. I still prefer its existence to that of the Kingdom Hall they built behind it.

          • As far as I know, it’s still open; although, I think the dancers only do “bikini dances” now. I was originally going to say Cankleen dances at Honey’s, on Queens Blvd., next to the KOC and Strauss Auto. Class joint all the way. You get a disinfectant wipe with your beer, to clean the bottle before drinking.

      • “Camilla greatest desires to inspire and challenge those IN her…”

    • If it weren’t for the beards I wouldn’t be able to tell the boys from the girls in that pic. You know, even with the beards, I still can’t tell!

    • You mean those people–who are using this state of emergency as a playground and putting at risk the lives of EMS, Fire, and Rescue workers who will probably need to help them–are self-involved, hipster twats???



  5. Somebody from the Bronx told me that Brooklyn hipster-haters were in reality self-hating faggots, and I said that couldn’t be true because in Brooklyn all the men are he-men and comfortable with their sexuality, and the Bronx guy just laughed and laughed and said look, if you go to Brooklyn, just watch your backside, that’s all. Anyway, is it true that Brooklynites are self-hating, insecure faggots or is it a myth? I mean, the way you talk sounds kind of faggy to me, not that there’s anything wrong with it fags, as long as they’re not hipster fags, am I right?

    • You seem to be obsessed with homosexuality, “Bart”. I can just imagine you tangled up in your sweaty, unwashed sheets tormented by images of large, veiny cocks sliding in and out of moustashed mouths terrified of growing old and too unattractive to get the chance to do what we all know you want to. You are one HUGE tell.

    • Oh thtop it!

    • Needy, use your words. When you show videos without preamble it makes you look like the unorganized, slip shod little hipster we all know you are. Why do you insist on making yourself look ridiculous? That’s our job.

  6. Hey just wanna say that i really like this website and cant stop reading all the post and comments. I find them hilariously entertaining, partially because its true. I cant stand hipsters and look at them as the dregs of society, and after exploring this website it further shores up my already strong disdain for them. You folks in Brooklyn have my sympathy, for it seems as your town is the hipster mecca as they flock to it in droves. Hopefully you guys find someway to kick them out and send them packing back to where they came from.

  7. not enough hipsters in this one to warrant their interest though

  8. http://dunwelldoughnuts.com/about.html

    “But Christopher and Dan’s journey began long before ruminations of doughnuts. They met while in College in Ithaca New York, where they developed a passion for vegan cooking, and where ultimately the seed to create a compassionate business was planted. The two have traveled across the country by bicycle twice and toured around the world to raise money for affordable housing. Their bond has been formed both through friendship and survival.” … and ghey.

    • Look at that pedotoad earnestly explaining the value of his donuts to two chicks that are so stoned, they’ll wheel back outside giggling,”who WAS that old man? And what was he talking about?”

      “I dunno. I thought he was my Uncle Ernie.”

      Donuts->tripping hipsters->out of business

    • “The Future is in my Mouth.”

      Is that a Sex in the City reference?
      Or is it from Girls?

    • I notice they don’t list the prices on the site. Are they worried about giving the Masturbation Bros competition?
      Also, what’s with all those old-timey pictures hung all crooked? And all in the exact same frames. I bet they were downloaded and printed, not originals by a long stretch.
      Oh, and don’t even start me on the retarded costumes and the lack of muscle tone.

      Not gay. Just ghey.

  9. Hope DH and followers (and yeah, even the hipsters) are hanging in there okay. Obviously a lot of work to be done and a lot of community needed. Take care… and anyone reading who isn’t in the aftermath, give to the Red Cross.

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