Welcome to the New Brooklyn
It’s all fun and games
Our parents give us what we want
Honey – you know our names
There’s Caleb, Josh, Stephonica
Hayden, Quinn and Reid.
If you got Midwestern money,
Then we got breast milk cheese.
[Chorus]
In New Brooklyn, welcome to New Brooklyn
Watch me raise my rooftop
B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b bees, bees.
I’ll always be a – hayseed.
Welcome to the New Brooklyn
We play with food and clay
If you want to grow a beard
New Brooklyn is the place
And you’re a very nasally herb
Get blown away by a breeze
You can have public pillow fights
But I’ll break your fuckin knees.
In New Brooklyn, welcome to New Brooklyn
I miss my, my, my mom’s Ovaltine
Ooh, I want to hear a nasal shriek
YAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Solo
Welcome to New Brooklyn
It gets better every day
Your pets are cage-free farm animals
Your straight but you act gay
If you have a liberal arts degree
You can work in a smug gallery.
You can play kickball all you want
Wear ski hats when it’s 100 degrees
[Chorus]
In New Brooklyn, welcome to New Brooklyn
Watch me raise my rooftop
B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b bees, bees.
I’ll always be a – hayseed.
And when you’re high you never ever want to call Mom, call mom, call mommmm. Like yahhhhh!!
Solo
You know where you are?
You’re down in New Brooklyn, Caleb.
You’re gonna tie dieeeee.
In New Brooklyn, welcome to New Brooklyn
Watch me raise me rooftop B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b bees, bees
In New Brooklyn, welcome to New Brooklyn.
Drink my, my, my Sunny-D
In New Brooklyn, welcome to New Brooklyn
My beard is full of f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-fleas, fleas
In New Brooklyn, welcome to New Brooklyn
Its where you dress like a clown, YAH!!
B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b bees, bees
I shit myself!
Amen, I’ll never hear the song the same again!
f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-fleas, fleas
Classic!
Holy fucking shit!!!! This is the best one yet!! You need to get into a recording studio & make a parody album then follow it up with videos. Absolutely HYSTERICAL.
b-b-b-bees!
Pure genius! Yes a parody album should be in your future, DH!
The songs are great, but I almost like the band names better than the songs. Bums and Poseurs. Men Who Don’t Work. Priceless.
ahaha I don’t know what it is, but I laugh hysterically every time I see the name “Caleb.”
Me too! Haha
This is the thing about Caleb. My sister in law is a Mennonite (PA farmers) and one of her son’s names is Caleb. That’s where the name is legit. Not these poseurs.
Did someone say ‘Caleb’?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/46896052@N00/7788879744/in/set-72157630543765852
Taken on N. 13th or 14th Street, Nieuw Olde Northside, Brieukeleen.
When they get around to reliving the Middle Ages, we’ll hear these names used by like ye aulde organic sods:
http://www.mybirthcare.com/favorites/pg1/Anglo-Saxon-names.asp
http://liveinthebadlands.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/img_82721.jpg
http://www.alivenetwork.com/images/bands/PatchARightRoyalFool-Jester-Somerset-1-Prof.jpg
So funny that the first name on that list is Aart.
Well, you know the old saying I just made up, “Aart imitates everything.”
Fetch me my broadsword, wench!
I wave mah private parts at your aunties – son of a window dressor!
If they’re going to go back to that time period, they’d better ring up up their old French tutors.
French would be required when they reach the post-Norman Conquest era.
Court astronomer: “Louis, everyone knows you’re gay and Elenaor will dump you for Henry, who will murder Beckett, offend the Pope, and spread VD far and wide. Do you agree to this marriage?”
“Oui, oui.”
Oh, it’s worse. I’m starting to wonder if Portland signed a decree stating that half of the current hipster spawn population has to be named “Anakin and Leia”.
And you’re a very nasally herb
Get blown away by a breeze
You can have public pillow fights
But I’ll break your fuckin knees.
Fuckin’ classic
Best. One. Yet.
You have to make one based on Born in the U.S.A.
The next one should be FELIZ NAVIDAD for all of the street thugs when the iPad Mini hits store shelves next week which coincidentally just happens to be the exact same weekend we all have to switch our clocks 1 hour behind thus resulting in early 4:45 PM sunsets and total darkness for all of the street thugs to come out and play in.
FELIZ NAVIDAD!
I WANT TO WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS!
“You’re gonna tie dieeeee” LMAO!! DH, you *need* to make a covers album. Hell, I’ll even design the album artwork for free, this needs to happen!!!
Indeed, lets make this happen!!!
Damn. You got really good at this. Respect.
NSR: http://www.thelocal.de/society/20121027-45817.html
Substitute “hipster” and it’s chillingly accurate.
“Introduced to Germany in Hesse in the 1930s, the non-native animal rapidly settled in, made itself at home and is now regularly spotted up and down the country.”
Unlike the hipster, the raccoon is a survivor that can adapt to nearly any environment, and will happily raid the trash cans for either Walmart-brand 75% lean meat or grass-fed steak scraps, while the hipster will spend more for marginally better food.
Who can forget about this precious little snowflake?
Like, Like, Like, Like, Like, Like, Yah!
How about someone a little more intelligunt and ejimukated.
I wonder if this fug and her d**cheb*g boyfriend are still here. Their gentrification bank accounts must be almost empty by now.
Another classic!!!! “I wanna hear a nasal shriek YAAAAAAAHHHHH!!” LOL!!!!!!!!
The Boys Do Jack and Lounge
By Thin Whimsy
Guess who just arrived today?
Them derided boys we mistake for gay
New York’s changed, too much we say
And man, those stinky fedora cats are lazy
They were askin’ to rooftop garden in town
How fish in the Gowanus Canal could be found
In Chicago, they’re ruining Bucktown
Driving all the natives crazy
Boys Do Jack and Lounge
Boys Do Jack and Lounge
(the ill-fed)
Boys Do Jack and Lounge
Boys Do Jack and Lounge
Boys Do Jack and Lounge
Boys Do Jack and Lounge
Boys Do Jack and Lounge
You know that chick that’s in a trance a lot?
Every day she’d be sleeping in, there’s no job that she’s got…
Man when I tell you, that she’s lost the plot
That Molly, she ain’t at all redeeming
And that time over at Hayden’s place
This pool-stick got up and he slapped Emma’s face
Man they don’t carry themselves with grace
If a chick don’t want to do blow, forget her
Boys Do Jack and Lounge
Boys Do Jack and Lounge
(I dread it!)
Boys Do Jack and Lounge
Boys Do Jack and Lounge
Boys Do Jack and Lounge
Boys Do Jack and Lounge
Boys Do Jack and Lounge
Spreadin’ bed bugs around
Guess who we’re putting down?
We dread that herd around!
Every night they’ll have voices shrill,
Down at some “edgy” Bed-Stuy bar and grill
The PBR will flow, poppin’ the pills
Ban these boys, they are a blight, dead-set against them!
That puke squawks, he’s “been in school for so long,
he can’t find a writing job, it’s so so wrong”
Won’t be long till another summer comes
Now that half of Illinois is here again
Boys Do Jack and Lounge
Boys Do Jack and Lounge
Boys Do Jack and Lounge
Boys Do Jack and Lounge
Boys Do Jack and Lounge…
(Inbred absurd clowns)
Boys Do Jack and Lounge
Boys Do Jack and Lounge
The boy’s do jack, the boys do jack!
The boy’s do jack…
They’re down on La-tinos
The boy’s do jack and lounge…
The boy’s do jack…
DH, this is your best song parody. Can there be a “We’ve been rentin’ from / Mister Brownstone…” on the B-side of this? Roof-top bees. Priceless.
LOL – Rentin from mr Brownstone.
Outstanding. I was just humming this tune the other day & now I have the DH version. B-b-b-b-bees, bees…haha
They have a place to buy freaking MONOCLES, take a look at this cliche:
http://www.warbyparker.com/monocle
What next? Powdered wigs?
Artisanally handcrafted dueling scars.
In the picture there is no glass in the monocle so it is WIDE OPEN for a Moe Howard (Real, ass-kicking Brooklynite) poke to the pupil
This shirt sums up the sentiment nicely
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_exQ3S7KVDWA/RwOnlE7rShI/AAAAAAAAANc/-3IEuS9yqzw/s400/kurwa.gif
All the practice they’ve had peering up each other’s assholes will come in handy.
If some one wants to finish it off – “A Hipster in Brooklyn, New York” (An Englishman in New York – Sting).
I don’t drink coffee unless it’s free trade my dear,
I like my toast organic and on the side,
And you can hear it in my nasal honk as I talk,
I’m a hipster in Brooklyn New York.
See me cycle down Greenpoint Avenue,
On my Penny Farthing, monocle on my eye,
I ride it to make people talk
I’m a hipster in Brooklyn New York
I’m a hipster, another fucking hipster,
I’m a hipster in Brooklyn New York.
I’m a hipster, another fucking hipster,
I’m a hipster in Brooklyn New York.
“Ever felt the urge to ‘Whac-A-Hipster?’”
http://www.bestofneworleans.com/blogofneworleans/archives/2012/10/26/whac-a-hipster-is-a-thing-at-the-2012-voodoo-experience
Too funny! XD
Warning: It’s long and if you’re a Yale graduate, you may feel a twinge of butthurt.
Still, I thought in the chance Needy Ned’s still lurking and his attention span is still informed by his ADHD drugs, he might have a slight chance of understanding himself, or at least why his illogic and that of the hipster gentrifier is made fun of, a bit better:
http://theamericanscholar.org/the-disadvantages-of-an-elite-education/
Oh, man. That is pure gold!! I,m going to casually drop this by my brother-in-law. He has his smug, entitled nose in the air 24/7 over the fact that he wasted his time and parents’ money on a Masters in Drama Studies at Yale. No, not Yale Med or Yale Law or Yale Anything Else. No, it’s Yale Drama School, which ANYBODY can go to if their wallet is big enough. Besides that, I have a friend who studied music and drama at Queens College, and gets more work as an actress on TV series, commercials and films in 6 months than he’s gotten in his whole life.
Needless to say, his family’s ROI has been nil. He’s been living off his wife’s family money, and acting like a complete d**che forever. He pretends he’s working, makes a great show of “going to the office”, but he hasn’t brought home a dime in years. He’s a part of the paranoid yuppie crowd that helicopter parents their Precious Snowflakes. His only contact with minorities is the Mexican cleaning lady(he’s too entitled to clean up after himself), and their West Indian nanny(because even though the helicopter mom didn’t work, for some reason she felt she needed extra help in helicoptering her kid).
Now the son, Precious Snowflake, is being raised in the same smug, entitled way. He’s been coddled, protected, sheltered from everything. He’s been given expensive prep schooling, expensive private college tuition, every iProduct that comes out, every piece of expensive camera equipment magically appears whenever he whines loudly enough, and he is constantly whining. This kid has so much money thrown at him, it’s mind-boggling. And NEVER have I seen so little productivity from someone who has been handed so much on a silver platter.
The funniest thing is, this kid feels the need to continually justify himself, even if it’s an outright lie. I overheard him at a family function telling some of Grandma’s octogenarian friends(who listen politely but don’t have a clue about what MacBook DJing is), that he plays all the instruments on his Minimal Techno tracks. They asked “oh how nice. Do you play guitar?” He said yes. “Do you play drums?” Yes. “Do you play piano, violin, clarinet, saxophone?” Yes. “Wow, you are so talented! We didn’t know you could play all those instruments”(He cannot play a single note on ANY of those instruments. I actually DO play in bands, asked him to sit in once, he couldn’t play anything for sh*t. Couldn’t get a note out on a guitar, can’t sing, couldn’t play the piano, drums or percussion). So I couldn’t take it, I had to jump in and correct that by saying, well there’s a button on the laptop that you push for “Guitar” “Drums” etc. that triggers samples. He pushes the buttons. It’s different than sitting down and actually playing an instrument. Snowflake walked off in a huff. But hey, I wasn’t going to let that bold-faced lie slide. It’s an insult to those of us who really learned an instrument to have this fool telling everybody he can play every instrument like he’s some kind of prodigy when all he does is push buttons and move slider bars. It’s funny to watch him squirm when you call him out on his bullshit/ask him to sit in and jam with the band. I said “well we could use a sax player, and you said you can play the steel drums, and hey wow a violoncello or samisen, that’d be cool”…The excuses come streaming out, and then suddenly it’s “oh I have to go meet my friends, we’re going to a gallery opening party in Bushwick”.
He is 22 and has never been expected to work. He made a half-assed effort at trying to be a clerk in a liquor store. a record store and even applied at the Apple Store, thinking all this entitled private school cred entitles him to any job he wants–nobody hired him. So his Grandma got him an unpaid internship a couple times a week at a museum by hounding, begging and being a general pain in the ass every day to the one person there she barely knows and hasn’t spoken to in years, and a month later–an unpaid internship materialized.
Unfortunately, it’s not just him, this is an entire generation we’re dealing with now. Snowflake doesn’t know how to talk to people other than white, entitled brats like himself, and he is even more arrogant than his horrible father is. Who knew that could even be possible?
People like Precious Snowflake and his Snowflake Daddy need all the butthurt they can get. Thanks for the link!
Your story makes me wanna puke. All I can think of is how just ONE of those privileges- private school, modern electronics, college fund, full time nanny- could mean a world of difference to low or middle class families kids. I would love my kid to get to go to the local private school, but it’s an entire normal persons salary. I would be thrilled with some childcare, or just some language lessons (being bi/trilingual is an enormous advantage). Luckily, the public schools here are pretty good, but still. How much extra can one family get, when there are homeless families all over the place. I bet they avoid paying taxes too. jerks.
You would think with all that money spent on Precious’ education he could do something other than play video games, smoke pot, and play at MacBook DJing in his skinny jeans.
Snowflake Daddy’s tax paying (lack of) is a whole other rant.
Oh, just wait until Precious starts showing off his skills at asking for spare change. I actually had that happen to me last weekend: my wife and I were going to a local bar to meet friends, and as we got out of our car, we had a visitor. Instead of the usual panhandler looking at least like he needs the money, this dweeb was a classic lingiuni-leg. Expensive jacket, fedora, four piercings, and sandals, having just marched out from the local hipster-heaven record shop. He hit us up for spare change, and when I told him truthfully that I didn’t have an actual penny on my, he sniffed “Thanks for nothing” and pranced off. You can imagine his surprise when we walked to the bar and discovered him sitting outside with two friends, smirking about how he “got my beer for free”. He bugged out immediately once he saw us; I don’t know why…
You should’ve treated this bamboo shoot-framed skell to a free, organic oak dinner by slamming his head on the bar teeth first.
The only reason I didn’t was because he scooted out of range. Actually, what would have been a lot more fun was coming up to him while he was trying to suck up to the bartender and ask “So…get enough change to pay for that PBR, or did you have to give a couple of blow jobs in the john?”
No butthurt here from a graduate of a similar school.
The salient point is this: You can live comfortably in the United States as a schoolteacher, or a community organizer, or a civil rights lawyer, or an artist—that is, by any reasonable definition of comfort. You have to live in an ordinary house instead of an apartment in Manhattan or a mansion in L.A.; you have to drive a Honda instead of a BMW or a Hummer; you have to vacation in Florida instead of Barbados or Paris….
Or you can eat Ghiardelli instead of Mast Brothers chocolate, have drinks at a McMenamin’s instead of Dig a Pony, or eat Thai food made by actual Thais instead of going to Pok Pok. It’s about doing the best you can at your job and enjoying life outside your job, not trying hard to impress people.
Keeping up with the Joneses is just as prevalent, and annoying, in Williamsburg or inner NE Portland as it is in the suburbs, and can be even worse; it involves spending too much money on common things with a very low return on the extra money spent. Seriously, what makes a Mast Brothers chocolate more expensive than, say, Moonstruck?
Moonstruck doesn’t contain gen-oo-wine, locally grown and specially selected Mast Bros. red beard hairs which are carefully harvested and hand picked from their beards by descendants of Inca farmers.
So *that*’s what the extra $5.75 buys! (Moonstruck’s bars are $4.25.)
Deresiewicz’s mistake is in assuming that everybody who goes to Ivy League schools comes from upscale and stupid backgrounds. In fact some good portion of us who were schooled at the Ivies were from tool-competent and working-class/blue-collar backgrounds. His failure to have seen us when we existed around him is his problem. Not the Ivy League’s.
Ned’s problem is more that he communicates like one schooled at the Useless Liberal Arts Emporia–the basket weaving degree factories.
Hi GBSD, Needy gave me a C- for my “Williamsburg Hillbillies” parody (if “Ned” is indeed “Northside Ned” and not a wannabe troll). I’d like to see if he can write a better one. Go ahead, Needy, write a parody of the “Brady Bunch” theme about Diehipster and we’ll see if you’ve got the chops to hand out grades.
This would make more sense if, in fact, the author had at any point implied that ALL Ivy League students came from exactly the same types of families. I don’t believe he did.
I think his more general point is that the culture of the schools themselves *combined with* an affluent upbringing, ( which many Americans beyond white collar could, technically, be accuse of having about any day of the week ), lends itself well to being the fertile soil of class arrogance to the point of a complete lack of honest self-awareness and analysis. From what I’ve seen, this fits most ‘gentrifying hipsters’ to a ‘T’.
Rather disturbing, I’d say.
“Kings of a Small-Batch Empire in Brooklyn”
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/28/nyregion/the-brooklyn-flea-partners-eye-a-bigger-future.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&hp
“Because the young professionals in Crown Heights will need a place to unwind, Mr. Butler and Mr. Demby, with separate investors, plan to create their Smorgasburg-branded beer hall in the adjacent 9,000-square-foot space, which will also house a kitchen for food vendors they select from the market. From the inside, it will link to the incubator, to become — pardon the expression, says Mr. Butler — “a real foodie hub.”
Will the building and the Whole Foods deal allow the partners to achieve total world domination with crispy pumpkin sage fritters and bacon-infused maple syrup? Hard to tell. But for now, Mr. Butler said, “we very much trust our guts in these things.”
I’m sure there are suicide bombers overseas willing to take on this assignment pro bono since it would benefit everyone.
As long as they move it off my waterfront, and take that wretched Brooklyn Flea Market mess along with it, I’m happy. Sorry, locals of Crown Heights, Williamsburg has reached beyond the tipping point.
I’m sure the Barclay’s Center will liven up the sports/entertainment scene in Brooklyn. It’s been a long time coming. But the food options representing Brooklyn neighborhoods are a bit…hipsterish & overpriced…to say the least.
A $9.75 “not” dog made from beef brisket?
Pork and bbq beef sandwiches for $13?
Organic Blue Marble ice cream for $8.75?
The only reasonably priced items are (surprise) Nathan’s and Spumoni Gardens pizza.
http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/eats/barclays-center-offer-culinary-greatness-brooklyn-article-1.1193611
Combine hipster food and arena food, and you get a perfect storm of gouging.
I think I eat before the game and wait three hours, thank you.
I hope this hurricane wipes out some hipsters….
http://thecaptainpower.blogspot.com/2012/10/you-are-too-fat-to-worry-about-hurricane.html
I just left Williamsburg for higher ground in Sunset Park and it didn’t look like the hipster hive was in least worried about the hurricane. People miling around leisurely, riding their bikes and basically going through their typical shallow pursuits.
They are the mammalian version of turkeys. Like turkeys, they will crane their No.2 pencil necks upward to stare at the storm and drown from the rain running into their noses,
DC storm story:
A few years ago a nasty hurricane came to town. The toney bistros in Georgetown that overlooked the Potomac became flooded, as was the norm since the first Indians camped on the riverbank and offered artisinal organic eats for way too much wampum. The bistro owners whined mightily afterward, and retractable seawalls were built to keep the Potomac in the Potomac and not in their artisinal kitchens (below grade, of course). I’m just imagining the river rising during the hurricane, the seawalls erecting, and the exceptional rainfall becoming impounded and ruining the toney, artisianal, below-grade establishments once again. Hopefully trapping the DC equivalent of the Mast Brothers in their bistro. BTW, DC has already declared a State of Emergency, and it hasn’t even begun to rain yet. With a bit of luck the hips and yups will be washed out to sea to infest, say, Newfoundland? Well, I can dream…
There will be an urban flood emergency party taking place on the GreenBushBurg side of the English Kills. Entertainment will include a body surfing/planking competition after enough contestants are blown into the water.
Mayor Bloomberg said a jogger had a tree fall on them in Prospect Park. Also, surfers getting citations…Unreal
Assault by tree reported on Freeman Street in Greenpoint last night. Too lazy too post link. I’m sure they’re kayaking on Clay St., too.
We’re throwing a Hurricane Party out at Rockaway to watch the hurricane pass by. We’ll have artisanal Hurricane cocktails and some games of Beach Kickball. All the cool kids are coming.
Ssssshhhhhh! Grown ups are talking, Stevie.
“With a doughy face and ginger scruff, the former graphic designer carries a soft, seemingly happy-go-lucky demeanor, which juxtaposes his otherwise serious look: black G-Star jacket, black shirt, and black-framed glasses.”
The Company is Hipstermatic, and it turns every mundane photograph into ART ART ART ART ART ART but just screwing up the color and adding distortion. Needless to say this idol of the lazy generation is about to go bankrupt:
http://www.fastcompany.com/3002103/intimate-portrait-innovation-risk-and-failure-through-hipstamatics-lens
Cave paintings are due for a revival.
Jeez, all that technology to make something I used when I was a kid. Just buy an old film camera and learn about aperture, shutter speed and film types. It’s actually quite a fun hobby if you have the time and you can learn a lot from it.
Just don’t go all “Look at Meeeeeeeeeee” over it.
what’s the difference between hipstermatic and instagram? NOTHING.
And a last one…
Lazy Zane, by Ozzy Manor-born
All aboard! The L Train….Ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaa!
Ay, I, I, I, I, I, I….
Lazy, but that’s how it goes
Millions of sheeple living as zeroes
Maybe it’s not too late
To remove the kid gloves
And beat down these light weights
A constant hangover I’m reeling
I’m getting no acclaim!
I’m getting awfully frail, I’m a Lazy Zane!
I’m getting awfully frail, I’m a Lazy Zane!
I’ve ignored teachers,
And gone to art schools
I’ve watched all us beansprouts
Try to make our own rules
All of us conditioned, to live a life with no goal
Social media sells it and we live the role!
Butt-hurt from DH reaming
Poverty, I’ll feign!
I’m getting awfully frail, I’m a Lazy Zane!
I’m getting awfully frail, I’m a Lazy Zane!
(Bridge)
I know it stings that there are throngs of me…
And no one reads my WordPress blog, like ya!!!!
Heirs who all cry poor,
That’s what we’ve become
Inheriting fortunes, yet we continue to slum…
Lazy, I haven’t a care!
I’m brewing a coffee that sometimes isn’t trade-fair!
My ipods, they’re stealing!
We all look the same!
I’m getting awfully frail I’m a Lazy Zane!
I’m getting awfully frail I’m aLazy Zane!
http://gawker.com/5955762/
Anyone here doubt this idiot is a hipster?
That’s a yup, seeking death. Note how he does the victory dance around 0:35; “I… am… a… MORON!”
He’s going to have lunch here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/28/georgetown-potomac-flooding-sandy_n_2035376.html
And only 17 robberies here so far today. Capital Hill must be locked down.
I’m really really looking forward to the drama queen videos coming next week.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvl5j_XSOBI
These totally useless fuckers stood in line outside Brooklyn Fare, on Schermerhorn St., and Key Food, on Atlantic and Clinton St., on Saturday for up to 2 1/2 hours to stock up on important shit like artisanal beers and Doritos. Those were the only two sections that were stripped clean.
You’re right about the drama queens blogging their asses off about how they survived Hurricane Hummus. It reinforces their urban survivalist creds that they had to call Northside Car Service in order to travel two blocks to The Lucky Dog in conditions not fit for man nor beast. I’m dying to see these intrepid me-monkeys get blown off their fixies and into oncoming traffic. I just hope their ice cream bar stick-like corpses don’t clog the storm drains.
Hey Hipsters, how about some Critical Mass today? Stick it to The Man! Don’t let those fascist pig rescue services tell you what to do.
Gowanus Canal now flooding:
http://observer.com/2012/10/gowanus-canal-flooding/
Like, yah, surf’s up!
I wonder if they’re running the R/C model boat fleet (a.k.a. the Cholera Fleet)?
It doesn’t look that bad despite the lousy pictures. The car ‘caught in the water’ just looks like it is parked and the water around it is barely a puddle.
It’s dissolving…
Maybe it’s this guy:
http://diehipster.wordpress.com/2012/02/02/dear-mom-and-dad/
http://diehipster.wordpress.com/2012/02/18/logan-the-horse-writes-in/
Wrong end of the horse…
I’ve been through more hurricanes than I care to remember and some rough times on open ocean to boot. Not fun. I hope those of you in the path of the storm fare well and are not without power etc for very long at all. Please remember to hunker down during immediate impacts, ( stay the F off roads if you don’t need to be out there, get your bathtubs full of water, have an alternate source of heat if possible, have extra drinking water nearby…all-a-dat! ), and be safer than sorry by not underestimating the ripple impacts foul weather can cause.
Re Hurricane Parties….it’s all fun and games until you or someone close to you gets hurt.
And if you get any birds eye view shots of hipsters with a ton of false bravado and a total subtraction of common sense, don’t forget to share them here!
What he said. I’ve had my share of run-ins with hurricanes, starting with Agnes back in 1972, and I’m just hoping that you guys are all right out there. And tell the beardos that they have a perfect space to wait out the storm, about 50 miles due east of Long Island. Best of all, all they’ll need are some pool noodles to get out there…
Beginning at 6 p.m. Monday, vehicular travel is banned in Baltimore. Nothing has been said about fixies…
Here’s a nice little educational video for disbelievers…
http://oceantoday.noaa.gov/hurricanestormsurge/
Submitted for your approval.
The Williamsburg Hillbillies (to the tune of “The Beverly Hillbillies”)
Let me tell you all a story ’bout a cat named Ned
A trustafarian poser with a fedora on his head
Like yah, one day he was biking down the street
On his cool Schwinn fixie while typing out a tweet
Twitter, that is, Facebook gold, hipster twee
Well, the next thing you know old Ned’s a hipster meme
His friends all said “it’s time to get extreme”
They said Olde Brueklynne is the place you wanta be
So he loaded up the Prius and he moved to NYC
Bushwick, that is, rooftop farms, chicken coops
Well, now it’s time to say goodbye to Ned and all his ilk
They’re busy making artisanal cheese from human milk
You’re all invited back to find the style you’re looking for
Even though you’ve prob’ly never heard of it before
Get some ink on, blog a spell, drive the rents up, y’hear?
Great parody, man!
Ned Armpit & Clan:
http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff149/SfanGoch/dtg_gardenwar_2011_09_07_bk01_scopy.jpg
Wow, you take the time to compliment me in the middle of a fucking hurricane! True class, Joe. Love the dog pissing on her leg!
C-
Damn, you’re up early, Nedlington. Now you’re giving grades? Speak up, I can’t hear you from way back in the remedial class.
STEEEEVVVVIIEEEEE!
Hello, Hipsterminator, and thank you for your support!
Anybody know if Williamsburg is flooded? I’m sitting out the storm in Sunset Park and hoping that my ground floor apartment off Kent avenue isn’t under water right now. Or with its facade shorn off in the wind like that building in Chelsea that I saw on the news just now.
Reports of 90 lb guys in skinny pants getting blown down the street in Brooklyn.
To be fair, that happens in a light breeze, too.
What do you get when you have a devastating storm, all the free time in the world, and the luck of somehow finding a news crew with cameras rolling? This:
JUST. LOOK. AT. ME.
This Megan even made it to the german news:
Hope “the old man’s friend” will visit her.
So some tranny didn’t want to leave Fire Island.
To be fair, that guy could also be a /b/channer or a GBS goon. They were WAY into the horse mask before hipsters were. And given that this guy isn’t rail-thin or wearing skinny jeans, I’m going to say he’s one of those.
I really hope so lol…
Seems to me that the ones craving attention in this little psychodrama are the hipster haters. Look at my witty commentary! HAHAHAHAHA.
So says Ned, the board authority on ‘psychodrama’.
Shhhhh Neddy sweety honey darling…
Adults are talking, k? You be a big boy now and go in your room and play with your plastic dinosaurs.
Thanks Fuwi, I slept too late to jump on this.
HERRO STEVIE!!!
(Finarry they put that video back up. Now my prans go back into action.)
http://gothamist.com/2012/10/29/bike_kill.php#photo-27
They don’t want a fest of San Gennaro but this is perfectly fine.
And here he is, the hipster mascot repping hardcore in the face of the hurricane. The ultimate mimbo gawking nyc as a shroom eating actor aspirant.
His internal dialogue: “If I just keep talking in this really, like, casual, unaffected tone of voice then everyone will see how courageous I am.” At one point I believe he mumbles that since he is present in Brooklyn, the hurricane won’t ‘do’ anything. “Nothing bad will happen because I”m here….”
He’s not lacking in a kooky colored fedora either. But it doesn’t come with the elastic chin strap for this nimrod like it should, so it’s sitting back with his baggie of shrrroooommmmzzzz..
Guess that Ron Paul gig didn’t work out Ian?
How’s that band thing coming on?
Of course he has to video tape himself and put it on youtube. LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME!!!!! MOMMY LOOK WHAT I DID!!! These people are the definition of arrested development
The 74th anniversary of Kristallnacht is coming up. Wouldn’t that be the perfect opportunity to round up the hipsters, destroy their businesses, and fire up the ovens?
• Thought he was an artist, when in fact he had no talent
• Came to a city for no reason other than to be “cool and artistic”
• Complained about the native people of the city when he himself was not one of them
• Had pasty complexion
• Had a deliberately ugly haircut
• Grew a stereotypical working-class moustache to make an ironic point
• Wore a large belt with an oversized buckle
• Deliberately wore clothes that were too small for him
• Claimed to be a vegetarian in order to sound good
• Was asexual for most of his life
• Liked the idea of sport because it sounded good, but never played it
• Constantly whined about the mainstream media
• Was scared of black popular culture
• Was obsessed with “twee” things and a stereotypical “retro” image of his country, and wanted to make a culture based on that
Do I really need to keep repeating this point?
http://hipsterhitler.com/
We need Broseph Stalin to send this hipster troll to the gulag for a vicious hazing.
Also add: Greatest Failure of the 20th Century (could be argued that title belongs to Josef Stalin but even Stalin wouldn’t have been nearly as powerful as he was without Hitler).
Let’s see:
Wanted to wipe out the Jews – Led to the formation of the State of Israel.
Wanted to wipe out Communism and Slavs – Communists took over 2/3 of Germany. Most of it they still haven’t got back (Silesia, Pomerania, East Prussia, Sudetenland) and won’t be getting back anytime soon.
Wanted to make Germany rule the world – Germany today is politically neutered and militarily useless. Google “Iron Curtain”.
Wanted to wipe out homosexuals – http://www.brunos.de Big gay chain in every city in Germany. Also Techno music is still popular there after it’s died out everywhere else. Most Nazis were gay.
Wanted to wipe out the Gypsies – Gypsies are still there same as before.
I love reminding any white supremacists I meet this. They get really pissed off when I tell them.
Comparing the attempted genocide of an entire people with the teasing of hipsters? Lame, weak and childish.
The 74th anniversary of Kristallnacht is coming up. Adolph, you should have been one of the recipients of the attention that night. Now go sit in the corner and color some more.
Well, it seems that a few grownups are concerned about the flooding of the Gowanus Canal:
http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2012/10/sandy-could-be-a-toxic-shitstorm-in-gowanus.html
Yeah, that’s right. Toss some clayballs at this one, kids. Then, when you discover that it has about as much of an effect as a fart in a high wind, you can move back to Dogfelcher Falls, Wisconsin, bleating “But at least we TRIED!”
Won’t someone think of the Mast Brothers?
Ha! Bet their basement is under 30 feet of Eau de Gowanus right now. Wonder how much their chocolate will cost with the new artisinal flavor added.
Flooding – next to a body of water? NnnnnnAHHHH!
The village idiots hopefully have gotten slapped down for once. They remind me of the amateur zookeepers who keep feral creatures as pets. In spite of the overwhelming evidence (like repeated maulings shown on The national geographic Channel) that keeping a gorilla or a pack of wild dingos in your apartment is not a good idea, they feel that THEY know better.
So like the 34 year old newsboys and butter churning Mollys who decide that a toxic waste dump is the PERFECT PLACE to live and open a business. And since said toxic area is a body of water, why not incorporate it into our lives? After all…WE think out of the box!
So like the imbeciles who spend the rest of their lives as recluses because their pet gorilla ate their face on a whim, the same is going to happen with hipsters. It’s bad enough NYC is going to have years of repairs to deal with, no these nimrods are going to want THEIR
street and THEIR ‘hood cleaned up because they’re special. When the city could be prioritizing man power and funds on more urgent matters.
Clayball, anyone?
A couple of bombing runs to drop some CBUs (Cluster Bomb Units) along the shores of Newtown Creek and the Gowanus would go a long way to improve the quality of life.
A W-32 wouldn’t hurt either.
I saw an Atomic Annie for sale in Hemmings Motor News.
Thankfully, my old, rattly building is still standing and dry. That’s pretty damn good. Especially after seeing that building in Chelsea with its facade blown away. It would have been pretty exciting to experience the wind on my block because I’m on the river. Also would have been amazing to watch the Con Ed building across the water exploding. Holy shit. There was one broken window in the building next door, but that’s about it. Glad to have power too! Very sorry about the folks in Breezy Point who lost their homes. That’s terrible shame. What a great neighborhood that is/was.
That dangling crane in midtown is pretty scary. Before the storm, I was wondering about the cranes on top of the Freedom Tower and found this NY skyscraper forum that has some really nice photos and commentary by some great New Yorkers.
http://forum.skyscraperpage.com/showthread.php?t=123628&page=1384
I was watching from South Jersey. I can tell you how many times Bloomberg got on TV telling Nyers that they are experiencing a high volume of calls because idiots are calling 911 for things like branches lying on their stoops.
I know full well that Bushstybillyburg was loaded with nasally Zanders and uptalking Mollys calling emergency numbers because their wifi wasn’t working and the bike lanes were flooded.
Oh and the annual self-absorbed halfwit was on TV last night. Flooding streets near the Delaware, a couple of beardos occupied a full rescue squad because they thought it would be sooo zany to film themselves floating down the street in inner tubes .
I place the blame squarely on the shoulders of the ESU members. They are equipped with, among other things, M4 carbines and/or Remington 700 sniper rifles. That would have taken care of the inner tubes most riky-tik.
DEATH TO THE BEES!
Honestly- a major effin hurricane hits NY and the concern among enlightened Brooklynites is that the rock climbing facility will be openb today and that hives at Brooklyn grange have been destroyed?
http://brooklynpaper.com/stories/35/44/all_hurricanesandyliveblogday2_2012_11_02_bk.html
Oh and check out thephot of the zany hipsters on the far right.
Yep in addition to the rock wall being open and the bee’s fate the other things this “definitive” live blog is concerned with are where you can buy coffee, if there will be emergency bike lanes, whether or not co-op volunteers will need to make-up missed shifts, a freezer for some yup’s lobster rolls, and where you can watch a movie. I don’t know a lot of Brooklynites, but these do not sound like the legitimate concerns of your average hard working American, anywhere.
Seriously who needs coffee so bad they need to go out and buy it pre-made during a hurricane?? Who wants to go watch Loopers while your neighbors are out trying to repair their city??
The level of self-absorption and outright cluelessness of some of these “brooklynites” is truly immeasurable…
That said, I know these are not real Brooklynites. We all know who they are. To the hard working people of BK and every other area effected by this storm I wish you all the best.
Real Brooklynites are worrying about how long they won’t be able to go to work and earn a living, that their children can’t go to school and have the people in Breezy Point, and elsewhere, in their thoughts and prayers. Real Brooklynites will also rip the head off of any neckscarf-wearing scumbag who interrupts them while they are cleaning up after this storm to ask for directions to the nearest organic market.
And zany lil’ subway-riding buddy Stefanie was at it again:
” …so the city must create emergency bike and bus lanes, according to the cycling and walking advocates at Transportation Alternatives. The group is calling on Mayor Bloomberg to implement “emergency bus lanes” and “emergency biking lanes” on popular routes, Dana Rubenstein of Capital New York reports.”
Like YAH! Put the bike lanes along the boardwalk. Or even better, combine them with the bus lanes – THAT would be entertaining for the bus riders. Fixie riders splattered like bugs on the windshield!
Considering the hipster shitbags in Portland who are advocating, seriously, that the city pay for a fleet of cargo bikes for disaster relief efforts, this crap doesn’t surprise me at all. I realize that Bloomberg has other things to do, but I certainly wouldn’t give him any grief if he went down to Brooklyn solely to find the “emergency biking lanes” assholes and break both feet off in their asses.
He won’t; because, this sawed off elitist is one of them.
One of the ubiquitous pieces of storm debris is the tin cap – a little coin-like roofing thingie with a freakin’ nail sticking out of it.
Bad enough to drive around with those things on the road, but worse to bike with them all over the place, not to mention other debris….
Careful, Burbs, they’ll be jumping on you for picking on the poor little orphan girl again!
I don’t think it’s going too far to call for the genocide of hipsters. They’re ruining our way of life and taking our jobs. And how dare they dress the way they do! Where do they think they are? I’m all for freedom of expression, as long as it doesn’t offend me. We need to haul their skinny asses to the work camps and teach them a lesson, a Brooklyn lesson!
Lame, weak and childish.
“They’re ruining our way of life and taking our jobs.”
They don’t take any jobs away. They don’t work. They’re parentally subsidized. That’s why they can sit in the same artisanal organic waffle lounge on Bedford Ave. for six hours at a stretch before heading to Mug’s Ale House for the pre-pre-pre-happy hour special. Then, they’ll go to Arlene Grocery for nine hours of alcohol consumption, hand clapping and merrymaking and a possible drug overdose, after shooting up some Drano, thrown in as a bonus. How could they possibly fit something as mundane, like this “job” stuff you speak of, into their already busy schedule?
Huh. Someone apparently heard about satire in school, and finally decided to try making some themselves. It’s just a damn shame that so many dabblers in the genre don’t seem to understand that you need a tiny bit of humor (well, actually, a truckload of it) to make it work, or it just comes off like a Jack Chick pamphlet.
Damn, Leroy, a blast from the past! I have a collection of these fundamentalist jerk rags from the late 90s. Here we found them on windshields stapled into sandwich bags. Horrible, venom dripping diatribes against anyone non-Christian, but the one thing I can’t forgive is that they weren’t funny!
Your lack of creativity in thought demonstrates clearly that you are a hipster. Check.
The best Reich name you could come up with next to Hitler’s was Mengele’s. Check, and mate.
You’re a moron Sport, that’s really all there is to it.
so I’m out in New Bushwick here… why the fuck are these people so incredibly arrogant?
what is driving these attitudes?
Yuppie entitlement and latent shame.
whats with all the loud mouth asian girls with thick rimmed glasses?
also: why are some of these people dressed up like theyre from the 19th century?
Getting their asses kicked throughout their teen years for being utter and total wusses. Mommy and Daddy’s monthly “Here. Take what you want, just don’t come back home” stipends fuel it.
Why is Brooklyn so afraid of these hipster people? I thought Brooklyn was tough guys but maybe now they’re just pussies?
Pussies? Stevie, you trolling little coward, come out from behind your crudely crafted sock puppets, pick one handle and stick to it. Or are you still afraid of Kaiser Soze?
BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART! BART!
Epic faillllllllllllll. It always will be when you argue with your own reflection.
Best thing to do in your case is pat you on the head and say,”That’s right Sweetie, you keep twying to argue wif dee adults.”, isn’t it? Just like Mommy used to do? So here ya go: Everything you say is right. All better now honeymuffinbutt? You feel betters and big and strong?
Oh-kay Champ. Now go put your widdle head on your Spiderman pillow and go sweepies. There, there, it’ll be okay bay-bee. You want your Spongebob squarepants doll or your Barbie doll?
Honey…why did you paste Mommy’s photo on Barbie’s face? Do you need to see the special doctor again?
Maybe they are actually more inately civilized than the hipster kidults preening around as 19th century gentlemen?
Just a guess…
Like, did you guys totes have a hurricane dance party???
That hurricane was sooooo lamesauce atop my parentally-subsidized condo far, far away from the flood zones.
http://camillavivianmayer.tumblr.com/post/34617451950/impromptu-dance-party-while-all-is-quiet-on-the
Nuke Bushwick.
Of course, what could be better than a dance party than some good old-fashion hipster smug: http://anjulikb.tumblr.com/post/34637444274
Yeah, Sandy ain’t got shit on you. People are dead, homeless, and without basic necessities. Please go on about how tough and resourceful you are being a dancer | choreographer | artist
Cunt.
This stupid turd shoulda got swept away into the ocean. Acting like an arrogant twat and taking pics of how she continues to live in her distorted illusion of reality while others suffer. Im half tempted to leave her a comment on her picture telling her what a waste of life she is.
She walks in ignorance like an asshole.
From the about me:
“Camilla Mayer is a native Chicagoan living in New York City attending the Fashion Institute of Technology in pursuit of Fashion Publishing.
Camilla hopes to change the world just a little bit by sharing THE ULTIMATE story of love with those around her. Camilla greatest desires to inspire and challenge those IN her world and those who only wish to take a peek.”
Welcome to New Brooklyn, where kidults change the world with dance parties while the city is in calamity.
Camilla hopes to change the world just a little bit by sharing THE ULTIMATE story of love with those around her.
in other words, she’s going to work as a stripper at The Cozy Cabin, on Astoria Blvd.
BAHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Best laugh I’ve had all day.
I could have sworn The Cozy Cabin closed. I still prefer its existence to that of the Kingdom Hall they built behind it.
As far as I know, it’s still open; although, I think the dancers only do “bikini dances” now. I was originally going to say Cankleen dances at Honey’s, on Queens Blvd., next to the KOC and Strauss Auto. Class joint all the way. You get a disinfectant wipe with your beer, to clean the bottle before drinking.
“Camilla greatest desires to inspire and challenge those IN her…”
$20
“…and those who only wish to take a peek.”
$5
If it weren’t for the beards I wouldn’t be able to tell the boys from the girls in that pic. You know, even with the beards, I still can’t tell!
There is such a thing as taking a calculated risk, and then there is such a thing as pure stupidity in a bid for attention, as we can see in this photo.
I would bet a large sum of money that these are hipsters. Even from a distance, you can note their skinny jeans.
http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2012/10/29/nyregion/20121029_STORM-11.html
You mean those people–who are using this state of emergency as a playground and putting at risk the lives of EMS, Fire, and Rescue workers who will probably need to help them–are self-involved, hipster twats???
IMPOSSIBLE
You’re right. I apologise.
RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!
Somebody from the Bronx told me that Brooklyn hipster-haters were in reality self-hating faggots, and I said that couldn’t be true because in Brooklyn all the men are he-men and comfortable with their sexuality, and the Bronx guy just laughed and laughed and said look, if you go to Brooklyn, just watch your backside, that’s all. Anyway, is it true that Brooklynites are self-hating, insecure faggots or is it a myth? I mean, the way you talk sounds kind of faggy to me, not that there’s anything wrong with it fags, as long as they’re not hipster fags, am I right?
You seem to be obsessed with homosexuality, “Bart”. I can just imagine you tangled up in your sweaty, unwashed sheets tormented by images of large, veiny cocks sliding in and out of moustashed mouths terrified of growing old and too unattractive to get the chance to do what we all know you want to. You are one HUGE tell.
Oh thtop it!
Needy, use your words. When you show videos without preamble it makes you look like the unorganized, slip shod little hipster we all know you are. Why do you insist on making yourself look ridiculous? That’s our job.
Hey just wanna say that i really like this website and cant stop reading all the post and comments. I find them hilariously entertaining, partially because its true. I cant stand hipsters and look at them as the dregs of society, and after exploring this website it further shores up my already strong disdain for them. You folks in Brooklyn have my sympathy, for it seems as your town is the hipster mecca as they flock to it in droves. Hopefully you guys find someway to kick them out and send them packing back to where they came from.
not enough hipsters in this one to warrant their interest though
http://dunwelldoughnuts.com/about.html
“But Christopher and Dan’s journey began long before ruminations of doughnuts. They met while in College in Ithaca New York, where they developed a passion for vegan cooking, and where ultimately the seed to create a compassionate business was planted. The two have traveled across the country by bicycle twice and toured around the world to raise money for affordable housing. Their bond has been formed both through friendship and survival.” … and ghey.
Look at that pedotoad earnestly explaining the value of his donuts to two chicks that are so stoned, they’ll wheel back outside giggling,”who WAS that old man? And what was he talking about?”
“I dunno. I thought he was my Uncle Ernie.”
Donuts->tripping hipsters->out of business
the authentic 19th century decor really felt like I was in another time…. you know, before homosexual communists from Cornell University took over Brooklyn by force?
srsly tho, what does this make you think of?
http://dunwelldoughnuts.com/images/u2349.jpg
“The Future is in my Mouth.”
Is that a Sex in the City reference?
Or is it from Girls?
I notice they don’t list the prices on the site. Are they worried about giving the Masturbation Bros competition?
Also, what’s with all those old-timey pictures hung all crooked? And all in the exact same frames. I bet they were downloaded and printed, not originals by a long stretch.
Oh, and don’t even start me on the retarded costumes and the lack of muscle tone.
Not gay. Just ghey.
Hope DH and followers (and yeah, even the hipsters) are hanging in there okay. Obviously a lot of work to be done and a lot of community needed. Take care… and anyone reading who isn’t in the aftermath, give to the Red Cross.
http://www.redcross.org/