Today, I saw Hamilton the churro-limbed barista understudy serenading Tabitha under the window of her $500,000 Bed-Stuy condo that she magically bought working so hard as a Whole Foods window display art production assistant. So I stapled his eyelids to his kneecaps and beat him with his 18th century mandolin until the police came to give me a medal of honor and continue his beating. End of story.
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You’re freakin’ hilarious man. Especially when I wake & bake.
A+
You hit all the hipster sectors with this beating: Food (churros), Music & craft(Mandolin), Healing arts (stapling eyelids) and performance art (beating).
That’s why I admit that I have a lot of fun with foodie hipsters as of late, usually by sending them out to the toughest parts of East Dallas (where they have no patience whatsoever for wussy, arrogant white boys) on a “culinary adventure.” “You see that breakfast burrito place? Go in, and ask for a pendejo, a chinga tu madre, and a six-pack of cabrons. I guarantee that you’ve never had a restaurant experience like the one you’re going to get.”
“Go in, and ask for a pendejo, a chinga tu madre, and a six-pack of cabrons.”
Hey pato, you want the ass kicking for that order to stay or to go?
Did you tell them to to end their order with “and make it snappy, my good man”. This would be the icing on the cake along with the ironic ‘stache and the newsboy cap.
LMAOROFL! Mental image of Beetle Bailey after Sarge finished with him.
Hey Burbs, Needy’s back up here under his own handle but still posting back in the Homophobia thread as Brooklyn Ruled AND hatehipster. And I’ve got him talking to himself. As always, weak, lame and childish.
I just saw that. Maybe we can get him to blow himself.
I can say one thing for sure in the same vein: Tell them to add,”Gracias, Beaner!” to that, and their verbal suicide note will be complete. I’ve known plenty of Hispanics, particularly Mexicans, who could well tolerate some white boy trying to cuss them out in Spanish. But if some blanco tossed ‘beaner’ or ‘taco’ at them?
End of story holmes, end of story. So, if you get bored…send them into East LA roflmao
Or better yet, call the guy behind the counter “Pablo”.
I cannot love this enough
lol @ the mandolin
Grab your ankles, las Vegas….
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/21/magazine/what-happens-in-brooklyn-moves-to-vegas.html?hp&gwh=0ACD0166B39740775D41E6E497DF2350
“Hsieh (pronounced shay) shared how to write his last name in Morse code. ”
lulz
Well, well, well, look who finally came back after 3 days of butt hurt. Over the Tourette’s you suffered as Brooklyn Ruled yet? Sincerely yours, Kaiser Soze.
Needy, why are you hiding back there calling shermhed a “FAGG”? Run out of witty repartee and balls? Come forward into the present, we’re waiting for you.
“If he was going to move at least 1,200 employees, why not make it possible for them to live nearby? And if they could live nearby, why not create an urban community aligned with the culture of Zappos, which encourages the kind of “serendipitous interactions” that happen in offices without walls?”
Why not move to the fscking Moon and start a space solony? Asshats.
Ever take a look at the Zappos catalog? My wife got one. It’s a bunch of crap that’s artfully presented in a hipster-iffic catalog. Their claim is customer service. Nothing unique.
The bottom line is – this tool wants to save money. he knows the majority of his employees will not follow him out there. he’ll get some nice breaks from the city hire locals for far less than what he paid hipsters.
If other d*8ches catch one he;ll be sittin; pretty with a nice chunk of real estate under his belt which he’ll sell at a huge profit.
Just once I’d like a business owner to say, “I’m moving my business to Humpback Oak, Ohio because it’s cheaper”.
time to short this one, quaotes include:
zany corporate culture
the Downtown Project is hoping to draw 10,000 “upwardly mobile, innovative professionals”
‘I’m a surfer in Santa Monica; there’s no way I’m going to Las Vegas.’
Each was a suggestion of what they would like to see in the upstart community
“What’s R.O.C.?” Bronstein asked.
“Return on community,”
Most urban-renewal projects “would normally lay down structures
A few days later, as Hsieh and I shared shots of coconut water in his apartment
the project needed to be mindful of existing communities
“The Rise of the Creative Class.”
“robust community process,” in which an outside group could help build consensus with the surrounding community and create a plan that takes their wishes into account
“You can have serendipity,”
“approximately 1,000 hours per year of serendipitous encounters.”
And no ART ART ART ART ART. Yet.
If they had their way, the hipsters would just send trucks around in the dead of night and round up anybody, never to be seen again, the way that the Nazis did in Germany.
The sad part is, your comment is dead on.
LOL I love how you got the police in on the act, the NYPD have really been on a beating streak lately, why should hipsters not get their turn too?
Stop and frisk the hipsters – there’s no telling what’s inside those tight pants, like the heroin stuffed into a cigarette pack that that moron tried to bring into court…
Oh I completely agree with that. I guarantee you they’ll probably find more drugs doing 250′s in Williamsburg than they will in Harlem.
There is more justice at the end of a nightstick than in any decision of the Supreme Court.
Alexander “Clubber” Williams”, Inspector, NYPD 1866-95
LMAO. Thanks for the am laugh.
“magically bought” = PARENTALLY FUNDED
What?!? All the loot she raked in from the handcrafted interpretive elbow macaroni picture frames she sold on the corner of Metro and Bedford didn’t pay for it?
No, and the handjobs she gave behind the dumpster didn’t pay for it, either.
Perhaps she’ll resort to doing CANKLE PORN (do not want!)
The only thing more consistent than the high quality of your posts and Hipster Beatings is the fucking expansion of the hipster population.
I thought there weren’t supposed to be native New Yorkers who liked hipster gentrification
http://goop.com/journal/go/197/brooklyn
Gwyneth should have been left in the hospital back in 1943.
Isn’t she the chick who also named her kid ‘Apple’?
“Apple darling, you’re getting a little brother and his name is going to be Sauce. You two will be so cute together!”
Pok Pok – the ultimate in gentrification. Thai food made by Anglos!
Libertarians answer your questions!
Did anyone see this? – as a follow up to the beard oil post.
http://www.brooklynpaper.com/stories/35/42/all_brooklynscents_2012_10_19_bk.html
She says “I’m from Brooklyn so my line is from Brooklyn.”
LOL. “From”?????
Not any different than the steam shovel jawed yenta transplant from the wastelands of northern NY who calls herself “I Am Brooklyn”. You remember her, right? I crashed one of her stupid ” getting to know you” events late last tear with a couple of friends from the old neighborhood. She told us to leave after about thirty minutes and threatened to call the cops for, now get this, “mocking her sincerity for representing the true essence Brooklyn-ness.” Great thing was that all of her guests started laughing and goofing on her when they heard that bullshit.
I’m afraid to find out what “facial serum” is. I think I saw it on a pR0n site once…
1. Find Japanese-English translator.
2. Type in “Bukkake”.
The saddest part of this article to me, and the surest sign that her clients are ALL hipsters, is that her female cosmetics business has more interest and patronage from “men”.
Oh, thank God for McKenzie and the valuable public service that she provides. She’s so Brooklyn.
Who is this woman banging? Why is her image suddenly more abundant than dog shit? Wait, I know. She’s discovered the cure for autism or cancer.
“The 29-year-old Bushwick entrepreneur”
Looks like Mckenzie has been celebrating her 29th birthday for the past 20 years. Everything about this yupster skank is fraudulent.
Arrested development. Perpetual Peter Panliness (is that a word?!? If it wasn’t, it is now). She should try the new fragrance I’ve developed. It’s called “Eau D’Pain”. It’s applied with an ingeniously designed and cutting edge applicator, a 2×4 with 3/4 inch bolts on one end.
But but MacKenzie came to NY 4 years ago! She lived in the East Village but they weren’t authentic!! They weren’t trying to accomplish something like they do Brooklyn!!!!
She’s so real and artistic and sensitive!
Can you imagine some real person, some guy who fucking WORKS going into her “store” and asking for a bottle of quietly passionate Red Hook fuckng beard oil? She’s so full of shit, she wouldn’t know authentic if it broke her windows with a ballpeen hammer
LOL. So true. A “business owner” from elsewhere catering to beardos from elsewhere – all claiming to be Brooklynites. LOLLLLLLLLLL
Question – is a business ripping off hipsters good because they’re making money off of fools, or bad because it perpetuates hipsterdom?
I actually give this girl kudos for ripping off these reverse-evolution monkeys.
Her ball-juice/cooking-oil mix goes for $29-$48 for a 60ml bottle. Like the Hipster Grifter except she’s doing it legally and won’t go to prison for it.
I bet she promised the guys in the video blow-jobs plus exposure if they starred in her advertising campaign. (I also bet they never received their blow-jobs but brag every day that they did and will die virgins).
“…its wax ‘features’….”
“blah blah evoking blah blah…”
The word choices are just precious the product descriptions. Wouldn’t want to do anything so simple and pedantic as ‘smells like’, now would we? LOL
Looks like Needy isn’t quite over his butt hurt yet, he’s still back in the Homophobia Defense thread calling me a “FAGG”. But this time he’s got an ally, hatehipster! So weak, so lame, so childish.
Needy’s pastor reads out Needy’s manifesto by mistake.
Teh Gays are so sneaky! ;o)
Well, Needy is probably racist but you can tell he ISN’T gay because he always calls anyone who disagrees with him a “FAGG”.
Of course he isn’t gay. Just like he isn’t the little Asian transsexual vampire who scores with the cute blondie the drummer boy in this video.
Littering downtown Bawlmer…
http://citypaper.com/news/every-day-i-8217-m-hustlin-8217-1.1388865
” It’s only offensive if you’re listening.” OK, don’t listen, Kenny. You are a ridiculous little yuppie cum stain with zero talent who should go home and finish sucking his Daddy’s dick. There, it’s your fault if you listened.
http://gothamist.com/2012/10/19/stealing_power_is_one_way_to_charge.php
Oh I SO endorse this……
Just get a pair of ye-olde, artisinal crocodile clips and you’re set to go. Insulation is sooooooo last week.
I notice that the nasty and stuck up bitch there has an attitude akin to: “Yeah, I can do this. So what are you going to do about this?”
Oh, if I were a police offer then and there.
It’s a shame there’s no 220v in the light poles…
Well, given that a cellphone takes at least 20 minutes to charge up, that’s 20 minutes of LOOK AT MEEEEEEEE time for her.
Now, if that thing arcs or short circuits, then we’ll be reading about her in the paper. I doubt the insides of streetlamps are designed to the same safety standards your living room VCR is built to. (Here’s a thought. She could climb up to the lamp, unscrew the bulb, and charge the phone quicker from the 1,000V in the ballast).
I*’d like to tie some ballast around her neck and toss her off the Governor’s Island Ferry. She could practice holding her breath to prepare for when she takes that $4500 (yeah, the one mom and dad paid for) non-credit course on pearl diving techniques at NYU.
While I understand your resentment that waves of hipsters are moving into Brooklyn, please consider the following:
For every pasty-faced, hollow-chested, Trustafarian, “artistic”, fixie-riding poseur moving to Williamsburg, there is one less pasty-faced, hollow-chested, Trustafarian, “artistic”, fixie-riding poseur moving to Portland.
Hipsters! You don’t want to move to an isolated city on the edge of the continent, where it rains all the time, when you can live in freaking New York City! It’s a lot more fun there!
Please don’t mention that I rent a small two-bedroom house in a hipster-infested neighborhood in Portland for $900 a month. NYC is the place to be! Truly!
Start rumors in the neighborhood:
“Food cart food will make your beard hair fall out.”
“I just rented the upstairs to a couple from Gresham with two kids who like WWE.”
“Will you sign this petition to ban fixed-gear bikes as a safety hazard?”
“With Washington probably going to legalize same-sex marriage, all the gay people are going to move to Vancouver. We’re replacing them with this bald former teacher who somehow makes a lot of money….and we’re raising your rent.”
http://www.theonion.com/articles/sometimes-i-feel-like-im-the-only-one-trying-to-ge,11249/
truth in jest.
Will we ever… get rid of hipster creativity?
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20121019-will-we-ever-get-rid-of-bed-bugs
http://www.nytimes.com/video/2012/10/16/fashion/100000001848267/hip-hop-meets-hipster-in-bed-stuy.html
Hip-Hop Meets Hipster in Bed-Stuy
October 16, 2012By Joanna Nikas and Jennifer Jenkins
We spotted Lance Fresh, sporting a leather jacket and a retro hat, taking photos with his friends on the corner of Nostrand Avenue and Halsey Street.
Best quote “we were influenced by Jay-Z who grew up in Bed-Stuy, ya know, wearing a Yankee cap.” WOW – didn’t know that you had to watch someone famous wear a hat before wearing one.
People of all colors are friggin’ sheep.
Meanwhile, watch the guy with the van in the background; he’s emptying Lance’s apartment…
Hey Burbs, I’m feeling snubbed and neglected. It’s been 5 whole days since Northside Needy has spoken to me. I mean, I know I embarrassed him by tricking him with the ploy he’s been using unsuccessfully for years but I don’t think it warrants 5 days of butt hurt. After all, I didn’t stop talking to him because he hid back in the Homophobia thread as Brooklyn Ruled calling me a “FAGG”. Really, what is he afraid of, that I’ll make a fool of him again? It’s only virtual butt hurt, Needy, come on back and play!
His mom gave him a BIG time out because he called people bad names.
Occupy Wall Street campers have made Halloween at a church in lower Manhattan simply too scary, say church officials
Citing an “abundance of caution,” the Rev. James Cooper of Trinity Church said the Episcopal parish at Broadway and Wall Street in Manhattan has canceled it popular Halloween activities due to safety issues arising from a sidewalk encampment in front of the place of worship.
“Canceling a beloved family event is not a decision taken lightly,” Cooper said in a statement issued Sunday. “Last year, more than 1,200 people took part. However, we are deeply concerned about the escalating illegal and abusive activity the camp presents.”
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/10/20/occupy-wall-street-camp-leads-to-cancellation-halloween-festivities-at-new-york/#ixzz29sV6oKJE
In general I support OWS. This is not OWS. When you are not welcome in front of a house worship i might be time to move along. They are taking advantage.
The Hipster Bandit strikes again, complete with picture…. http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2012/10/police_link_hipster_bandit_to.html#incart_river_default
“Police described him then as in his early 30s and standing about 5 foot 7 with a thin build. He was wearing a black cap, tan pants, glasses and carrying a black bag.”
That describes most of the “men” in Williamsburg.
It also describes an equal amount of the women.
http://flavorwire.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/couple2.jpg
Which one’s the woman in that pic? I can’t tell.
Yes. That is the correct answer.
You know, except for one pointless and non-confrontational post on this page we have been Northside Ned- free since the 15th. Has anyone else kept a troll away this long? Or had as much fun doing it? I was told not to feed the troll, but my cooking seems to have given him indigestion.
Just post any of Stevie’s youtube videos and he shrivels up like a flaccid penis. Butthurt hurts.
http://gawker.com/5953385/madonnas-pussy-is-the-temple-of-learning-erotica-at-20
Look what cultural turd phenomenon just turned 20.
Figures Gawker would write a book-length about that dickhead (“…a woman who had recently told Vanity Fair, ‘I think I have a dick in my brain.’”).
And who made it socially acceptable for middle-aged women to flock to NYC and talk about penises, penises, penises and shopping 24/7 while waiting for Mr. Big to walk into their lives and sweep them away into the world of rich matrimony. (All while raising the rents and ignoring the fact that men with money want 18-22 year olds, not middle-aged earth-mother new-age twatwaffles).
I met a girl who worked at a shoe store and lived in a $3k a month apartment in Carrol Gardens..
http://thecaptainpower.blogspot.com/2012/10/only-poor-people-sleep.html
She lived with several other people, surely?
Serially.
What a surprise – the New York Times does *another* piece fellating the try-hards that turn Portland into a playground for the lazy young rich. (Take a look at the Caleb in #4, and the bar in #5 is called “Look, A Hipster!” by us townies… http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2012/10/21/travel/20121021-SURFACING.html
A Culture Moves East in Portland, Ore.
The east bank of the Willamette River in Portland, Ore., shows up on few tourist maps because, until recently, not many tourists went there. Unapologetically industrial, the area, Central Eastside (part of the Inner Southeast), stretches a dozen blocks from the water to Southeast 12th Avenue, with few residences and little green space in between.
GOD! I FUCKING HATE NYTIMES WRITING!!!!!
I swear, I want to find the person who wrote that excrement and bash it’s (I won’t say him or her – that’s offensive to people with actual genders) fucking head against the wall of Dig A Pony. Seriously, it’s not some trek west by actual pioneers who want to actually build something great for the ages, it’s a bunch of immature kidults wasting their parents’ hard-earned retirement funds and leaving nothing of value behind them.
Guy in pic #4 needs judicious application of Louisville Slugger to his dome.
This is what I truly find so fucking irritating about these dipshits. Not one of these stupid half-assed business play-acts are anything useful. Does a neighborhood really need ANOTHER coffeeshop? Why are you opening a restaurant when most of them don’t even last the first year when the economy doesn’t suck?
youre so fuckin sexy