102 thoughts on “Brooklyn & Not Brooklyn

  1. Just another day on the N train…bottom pic is a newbie to Sunset Park who undoubtedly tells everyone their “FROM BROOKLYN”

    • Well,after a strenuous day of latte ordering, urban exploration and knitting her next summer’s wool hat – she’s pooped.

      • Oh, that’s a girl?

        • That’s a silly question. The biceps make that obvious. Lumberjack shirt-wearing, penny farthing riding, Slim Jim-physiqued beta-male artisans’ don’t have muscles.

          • Same deal with her legs. There’s some muscle tone there. If that were a male hipster, muscle tone would prevent his putting on his registered-trademark Ex-Girlfriend Jeans from Levi’s.

          • It’s a dude.

            So, you know, gender is SO OVER, like, totally played out…there are two major movements as we prepare for 2013, ‘k?

            Purple and Andro.

            As for Andy Knocked-Knees? Thank god he’s got the long shorts on because if they’d been his usual neon boxers we’d be looking at a shot of his gum.

            and now i’m going to go throw up

          • Naah. Like you said, “gender is SO OVER.” It’s a person. A human unit. Shoot me now…

      • Hey, DH, I don’t mean to niggle, but are you sure the male in the first pic isn’t an unkempt Hasidic Jew? Those look like payos on his head and black lace-ups on his feet. I’ve seen a few Hasids who look just like this.

    • She’d better stay the fuck out of Sunset Park… The last thing I want is to see all the Chinese immigrants priced out of the place and restaurants that serve food that’s the closest I’ve ever had in the US to food in mainland China replaced by some fucking Asian fusion bullshit cooked and served by white people who think studying Japanese in college and reading books by Indian gurus makes them enlightened and philosophical.

      • Nope. Won’t happen in little China Town most of them bought and paid CASH for those houses from the Norwegians Swedes and Danes. That’s why it happened so quickly. Noe in the lower Aves where the Irish and Hispanics still are the last hold out that may be possible. There are still so many factories and I already see a lot of them being converted into Artist lofts. There has also been hotels popping up in anticipation of the Cruise lines coming in. While that area is not exactly ripe for gentrification there are some moving in. I sadly have been seeing them creeping over the border aka the Gowanus into some of the bars at the very start of Bay Ridge on the weekend but not coming all the way in. I’m ready and waiting.

        • I live in Sunset Park…oh they are here alright! Ive spotted a few of these subhumans below 54th St and 8th. Most of them congregate way down in the 40s, most likely by the bike shop on 7th. Never have I wished napalm be dropped in that area more than ever before

    • Wait wait wait, is this a fucking joke? Sunset Park? N train???

      This can’t be happening. Where the fuck is the hipster beater!!! GET THESE ASSHOLES BACK IN BUSHWICK!!!!!

  2. Those shins are just begging to get tattooed with a Louisville Slugger logo. Whenever I encounter this shit on the subway, I shove the offending appendages off the seat, sit down right next to the cocktail toothpick-legged dildoid and just grin at him/her. For some reason, they never say anything. My kid says it’s because I look like I just got out of jail or a mental hospital whenever I stare at neckbeards. No matter; they never sit next to me long enough to exchange pleasantries.

    • You sit beside one of them and YOU look like the mental patient?

      • Take my word for it. I undergo a complete attitude change. And, the funny thing is, these earthworm shaped sub-humans sense it. I was on the G train on the way to pick up my kid from school in Greenpoint the other afternoon. This pair of Walking Dead extras get on the train with ne on Hoyt-Schermerhorn. They make a bee line to the window seat and promptly put their fucking feet on the seat next to the door. All I did was stare at them, at first. After about twenty seconds, the Cankle Spaniel elbows her boyfriend, who was dressed up like Kato from the Green Hornet TV show. She whispered something to him; then he looked over at me and asked, “What are you looking at, maaaaan?” I replied that I was looking at two completely useless parentally subsidized pieces of shit who are about to have their legs ripped off and shoved up their respective assholes if they don’t remove their filthy shoes from the seat. Then I started grinning at them. Kato slide over closer to his girlfriend and they both dropped the dogs to the floor. They got off at Clinton-Washington, avoiding the doors I was standing by. I got a round of applause from a group of older black ladies as these two scumbags got of the train.

  3. Cankylasaurus!

  4. Tying her sneaker laces and observing the hijinks unfold as she stands up to walk would be performance art in itself.

  5. CankleAnnie better not fall asleep around Thanksgiving. Someone will mistake those gams for uncooked turkey legs and throw them in the deep fryer.

  6. If I did that in the 80s on the D train a transit cop would whack me across my shin bones with his night stick. Show some respect and get your fucking feet on the floor!!!!

    • THANK YOU!! Wtf? I HATE when I see idiots put their feet on anything. You shouldn’t need a cop to teach you manners. Didn’t your mother tell you not to? These are the turds brought up by Dr. Spock. No discipline, let little Caleb or Megan do what the f**k they want. This is how the adults turned out. I hope dr. Spock is being tortured in hell right now. Look what we’re left with.

      • Hey! My Mom hit me with his book!

      • Damn right, Sally! Pre Spock boys were handed to their fathers for instruction in being a man at about age eight. Sports, marksmanship, Boy Scouts, civic groups, shop class, all the things that were normal prewar. As the importance of fathers waned in our society the boys became more and more like the dependent little snowflakes their mothers wanted.

    • No kidding… I fucking hate when I see that. Rubbing your feet that have been walking through god-knows-what all over where someone who actually gives a shit about hygiene is going to sit.

      • In a similar vein, you can always spot the hipster in a public restroom because he’s the one who is so terrified of getting his hands dirty that he hits the flushing lever with his feet. Thanks, asshole: now, instead of the vague chance of some dirt being on there, we now KNOW that it’s covered with shit, piss, and God knows what else that was crusted on your Converses. (To be fair, that’s for the ones who bother to flush in the first place. At my last job, we had several beanpoles working in the IT department, and you could always tell when they’d used the john. Not only did they feel that flushing after taking a ten-pound shit was a moral failing, but half of the time, they left the toilet looking like their asses exploded on the seat. I won’t even get into the weekend shift crew who was so protected by management that they’d spend the entire weekend masturbating on the toilet seats, just so they could snicker when everyone else complained.)

        • That’s fucking disgusting… My company shares a bathroom with a real estate company whose employees have a habit of pissing in the toilets without lifting the seats up. It got to the point where I had to post signs in the stalls reminding them to lift the seats because I was sick of seeing puddles of urine all over the seats.

          • We got that puddle from the developers with bad aim/throwing paper towels in the urinals all the time. We called ours “Lake Lotsapeepee.”

        • A hipster taking a ten pound shit? That is called “birth.”

      • I couldn’t agree with you and Sally more. But that’s what these fucks are about: getting attention. Plopping your filthy ass on a sidewalk when there are plenty of benches available and putting your bacteria-ridden soles of your shoes on places where people put their hands and posteriors. Sit where you’re supposed to walk and put your fucking feet where people sit. And all for the sake of irony and getting attention.

      • Why for the love of God can’t the asshole in the picture exercise a little self-discipline and observe public decorum by SITTING UP IN THE SEAT AND NODDING OFF LIKE THE PEOPLE IN THE TOP PHOTO!!!!!!!

        It has to lie on its back to be ironic because it thinks people will look at it.

    • That’s true. They think they’re on mom & dad’s sofa in Hinsdale watching the tube and munching on Cheetos.

    • Gender non-specific jerkwad has no sense of decency, no sense of hygiene and huge sense of entitlement. One of the first things kids in my family were taught is don’t ever put your nasty ass shoes up on the furniture.

      I’ll bet she’s not even sleeping. She’s probably thinking how kewl it is riding an authentic subway train in authentic Brooklyn.

  7. Judging from that pic, it might be the R train; perhaps she went over to Lone Star to ironically drink in a non-pretentious bar with Ethan and Baxter while sneering at the locals, and then walked around Century 21 making fun of normal people for not paying $300 for a ripped thrift shop t-shirt like they do.

  8. a) tired from long day of working/looking after families

    b) tired from a long day of:
    -arsenic/heavy metals heirloom tomato tending
    -failed screenplay meet-up group that went longer than the normal hour
    -sleeping in
    -3AM drinks in the adult play pen known as Billyburg / the Shwick…
    -Heavy tumblr page updating
    -Financial aid office form-related carpal tunnel syndrome and associated fatigue

    • Yep- and to Megan, Cord, and Hummus who like to just honk about “like yah, you just hate people that come from somewhere else mahhhn”, just take a look at the woman in the 1st photo to show how full of shit you are. Hard working immigrants who come here to provide for their families are part of what makes NYC great. You bearded sticks have NOTHING in common with that woman; even if she has been here 8 months, she is already more Brooklyn than you can ever be, no matter how hard you try, or no matter how much daddy pays to stick you in the Shwick to explore and discover.

  9. Dat Hasidic $wag…

  10. Btw…living here has made me a full on germaphobe. I cringe at the second picture. I’m just glad that whenever these larfs see me at work they’re too scared to even make eye contact.

  11. We need a new hipster beater patrolling the subway, in the spirit of Bernard Goetz.

    • We do. They’re called high school students.

      • Hell, the high school students are busy enough. Any halfway decent Brooklyn-born 5-year-old (well, any that wasn’t raised in a batting-cage stroller fitted with GPS so Mom and Dad could remember what bar they left Little Snowflake in) could make a fortune rolling hipsters on the train, in the streets, in restaurant restrooms: anywhere. One second of flashback to when he was cornered by Stephanie from the anime club in the high school staircase with her wheelchair, and the typical hipster chokes for hours, falling to the floor and crying “DON’T KILL ME! DON’T KILL ME!” over and over.

  12. I’d hate to be the cop who has to ticket her. She probably has a little can of military-grade mace attached to one of her belt loops, disguised as a taco keychain.

    • That’s not a mace cannister. It’s what she stores her tetracycline tablets in.

      • Haha, ouch!

        • That’s what her pathetically less than insignificant other, Farquhar, the singing dental floss recycler, said three days after engaging in deviant sexual behavior as practiced by invertebrates, when he tried to take a piss. He was last seen screeching like an eight year old girl while running down Ellery Street while clutching a vintage American Standard toilet tank in his hands.

  13. What a pale, disgusting bitch.

  14. Hey, Burbs et Alia, after I tricked Needy Ned with his own ploy he’s back with ANOTHER sock puppet: BROOKLYN RULED. He just doesn’t understand why we keep catching him even after we tell him how we do it and now he keeps back tracking by two days to introduce his imaginary allies. He should never play poker, the boy is one HUGE tell.
    I AM KAISER SOZE! (with 4 fingers).


    • A hipster fool called Northside Ned
      Had HBH till his ass bled
      What caused it to linger?
      He fucked with 4finger
      Who handed the hiptard his head

    • Hey Needy, you forgot to put “hate” in front of “hipster” in your handle. Multiple personai are SO confusing.

  16. She’s no where near as offensive as the guy me and the rest of the sane universe were stuck with on the C train the other day. He yucked it up to a group of Romanian tourists (who I guess came to NY to shop at the M&M store since they all had big bags from there) about how he is a Brooklyn based artist with his nasally voice and fedora, bitch actually had a printed list of “fun artist things you MIGHT be able to find online” (aka he googled ‘Brooklyn art party’), couldn’t really identify exactly what type of artist he was but I’d say “bullshit artist” is probably closest to the truth. There was a cute black girl and her boyfriend sitting across from me and we locked eyes and for the moment we shared our total disgust at this fucking loser and we both concentrated our hardest to wish him back to Ohio but alas he got off at Fulton (the Manhattan side, because he didn’t actually know where the hell he was as indicated by not being able to direct the tourists to pretty much anything they asked for and he probably thought he was getting off in Fort Green)

    • Wasn’t that when the tourists pretended they couldn’t speak English? Maybe the little turd will get a visit from Dracula for Halloween.

  17. Oh, you have to read the whole thing. If his junior high history teacher is still alive, that teacher is currently planning to put this douchebag’s head on a spike, as a warning for twenty generations that you should never blame a teacher after you shove your head up your own ass:


    And if the article itself doesn’t leave you bleeding from the eyeballs, check out the photo of the “artist” and the background. Just TRY to tell me that Gap isn’t trying to compete with Hot Topic for the nasaltard market.

    • Thanks a lot Leroy, lol. I just want to gouge my eyeballs out after reading that article. Hipsters always do stupid sh*t like this. They coopt something that “like yah, like sounds like rilly kewel”, they know absolutely nothing about it, are too lazy to google it, then blast about their latest “discovery” and how cool they are for “finding” it.

      Nobody ever said hipsters were smart, but really, the hipsters that call themselves fashion “designers”(a term I use loosely with these turds) are at the bottom of the barrel of stupid. This idiot actually got an award for Best New Menswear Designer. Imagine what the participation awards looked like.

      The Gap: the mass-marketed, evil corporate conglomerate Gap, everything that hipsters hate, is totally marketing to hipsters now. Look at all the models in their ads: thick glasses, check. Beard, check. Converse(mold cleaned off for the photo shoot of course), check. Short shorts on dust mop shaped models with zero muscle tone, check. All that’s missing from the photos is a bottle of Adderall and helicopter parents patting them on the head.

    • Naah! They’re just meant IRONICALLY!!! Don’t you have a sense of humor?
      I’m just waiting for the day some hipster wears “My Grandma went to Auschwitz and all I got was this lousy t-shirt”. Worn ironically of course.

      If I ever see that I’ll beat him/her/it to pulp myself. Let them try to sue me.

  18. Something really stinks in the “Not Brooklyn” photo. Could be the Converse; could be the androgynous stench trench.

  19. It was his dream to be a designer for…..Gap?

    As usual, it’s difficult to figure out what’s saddest about some thick headed hipster’s stumblings. There’s so many to choose from.

    • “The afro changed my perspective; it made me think, walk, see and experience life differently.”
      That’s because it’s too small and is crushing whatever vestigal brain she has. She deserves a personal riot, as the guest of honor. Moron.

    • What’s next? Dying your skin yellow, wearing buck teeth and squinting?

    • Bushwick? Check.
      “Former” and “intern”? Check.
      Oblivious spoiled white kidult? Check.
      Subtle (or maybe not) racism? Check.

      But no, definitely not a hipster, because we all know they don’t exist, that term was just made up by the man to keep down precious creative white people.

    • Oh God!
      I think the same thing about her I was thinking about the fancy chefs in the last post, namely, how the fuck can your life be so fucking empty that you have to act like a 6-year old circus clown?
      Don’t these people want to explore ANYTHING in the real world?

      • There are vast expanses of that mystical and exotic wonderland, known as “Brooklyn”, which have not yet been charted by those intrepid, urban exploring, Peter Pan-like, parentally subsidized wastes of reproductive activity. We aim to keep it that way. Right between their fucking eyes.

    • So she thinks that black people are only about afros and flashing gang signs? Talk about racist and narrow mindedness. I hope someone ties her up with their double dutch ropes and tosses her into the Gowanus.

    • There is so much white privilege in that article I wish I could rip that cheap-ass wig off her head. Is she aware of what the afro means to The African-American Community? How so many in the community consider their natural hair to be “bad” and “ugly” and how the Eurocentric ideal of beauty is so pervasive that many are willing to put dangerous chemicals on their scalp just to achieve said look? She is taking a hairstyle that Black people have been told by American society will hold them back and count against them in life and is aping it for her own amusement. How is that not racist?

    • Drop her in bed-sty, watch as the reality of what she’s doing unfolds on her face as every person she passes looks at her like she’s insane, and with some luck a crackhead will start bothering her and won’t leave her alone until she surrenders the wig.

  20. Can you imagine the rank smell once she takes off those dirty ass sneakers? Wish I was on that train so I could ask swamp foot why she’s not wearing socks.

  21. Topless Protest

    Not Topless Protest

    • Any video clips of the Cankleens doing the same?

    • I can’t help but notice that the Louvre protesters, while protesting the male attitude regarding their bodies, are all wearing hip hugging tight assed jeans designed to attract sexual attention.

      • Also notice about the French:
        - No stupid-ass tats
        - Speak better English than 90% of our college grads.

      • That’s because they’re Ukrainian and French where all the girls are HAWWTTT!!! Their whole spiel is that just because they’re hot doesn’t give men the right to rape them or use them as sex objects. In Ukraine, for many girls, prostitution is the only option to make a living and the HIV rates are through the roof, among other things.
        There’s a big difference between what FEMEN are protesting and what the cankle spaniels are protesting. Like reality vs fantasy.

        • After watching the 1st video, I got to give those ladies props. That is very fucked-up what is going to happen to that rape victim in Tunisia and I’m glad they’re saying something about it. The 2nd video….I mean, they didn’t really give any good reasons and I seriously felt they just did it for it’s own sake.

  22. But she’s so tired from all that Baristering, coffee is a brutal biz. That or Ketamine will do that every time!

  23. YO! NEEDY NED! You’ve been gone for two whole days! Come back (using the Northside Ned handle) and face the music. You bit like a trout on a mayfly even though I hung a big sign on the bait. Then you come back hiding behind your new sock puppets and sounding exactly like yourself. Weak, lame and childish.

  24. So a friend of mine tell me the other day to watch this old clip from 1993 and substitute/replace the word “PIG” with “HIPSTER” and it fits right in perfectly in 2012.

    So I did just that and guess what? IT ABSOLUTELY FUCKING DOES.

    “Little Hipster, Little Hipster Let me in!!!!!”

    • Wow, thanks for the trip down memory lane. I remember watching that back when MTV had music on instead of guidos and pregnant teenagers. Your friend is correct, change pig to hipster and maybe change a few of the locations and it works well.

      • Yes it does.
        Especially the part where the little piggy calls 911 for Rambo.
        In 2012 thats basically a hipster calling 911 for the NYPD.

  25. HEY GANG! If your looking for Northside Ned he’s hiding back in the Homophobia Defense thread desperately trying to avoid direct conflict by posing as Brooklyn Ruled. His insults are getting more simple minded, reflexive and repetitious just one of his many tells.

  26. If that were a black person they would’ve gotten arrested. I’ve seen cops standing just feet away from some of these clowns with their feet up on the seats and didn’t so much as blink. I thought there were subway rules that EVERYONE had to follow.

    • A lot of cops in The Transit Bureau only hand out summonses for stuff like this during the first and last weeks of every month in order to meet the mandated performance goals. There is no such thing as a quota, you know. Alright, show’s over. Keep moving, Johnny. Nothing else to see.

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