It’s 9am on a Wednesday
Emaciated Ethan sleeps in
There’s a tattooed Megan laying next to him
Her job is riding around on a Schwinn
He has arms that resemble celery
And sounds like he talks through his nose
His new art loft is sweet
I read that from his Tweet
He fits into young women’s clothes.
Yah yah yah di di yahhhhh
Yah yah di di yah yahhhhhh
Sing us a song, you’re the Casio man
On the Bedford Ave platform tonight
You claim we hate you out of jealousy
Your beard I’d love to ignite.
Now Josh at the bar is a friend of his
He gets him his craft ale for free
He claims to be broke but always has coke
Thank god for that liberal arts degree
He says, “Ethan, I believe this is itching me.”
As he scratched the filthy beard on his face
“One day I’ll be a famous artist,
But for now my dad pays for my place”
Oh, Yah yah yah di di yahhhhh
Yah yah di di yah yahhhhhh
Zoey is a waitress practicing smugness
Part time Vegans chew on chicken bones
Yes, they’re sharing with us their pretentiousness.
But it’s better than flying back home.
Sing us a song, you’re the Casio man
On the Bedford Ave platform tonight
You claim we hate you out of jealousy
Your beard I’d love to ignite.
Now Zach is a real shitty novelist
Got held up for his iPhone with a knife
He’s extremely lazy
Got fired from Old Navy
He’ll be in credit card debt for life
It’s a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
McCarren’s full of Chloes and Kyles
They’ve done shit all week; this park really reeks
And probably will for a while
And the Casio, it sounds like a 5 year old’s
And Ethans body is shaped like a spear
And they sit at the bar – drink from mason jars
And say, “Yah, PBR is the best beer”
Oh, Yah yah yah di di yahhhhh
Yah yah di di yah yahhhhhh
Sing us a song, you’re the Casio man
On the Bedford Ave platform tonight
You claim we hate you out of jealousy
Your beard I’d love to ignite.
I have several friends out here who now can’t wait to play this in a Dallas hipster bar, just to listen to the butthurt. Well, that and the honking “What’s a hipster?”
In related points, DH, your reputation precedes you. In our efforts to become a “creative class city”, unicyclists are now protected by law in the city of Dallas from hipster beatings:
http://dallas.culturemap.com/newsdetail/life-dallas-ordinance-calls-on-motorists-to-be-more-considerate-of-bikers-unicyclists/
This is fucking genius.
I love these songs. Great work as always.
In other (very, very worrying) news: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/09/health/attention-disorder-or-not-children-prescribed-pills-to-help-in-school.html?src=me&ref=general
I think this might top Fauxhemian Rhapsody. They’re all hilarious.
Your best work to date. Bravo.
FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!!!! The key to a great song parody for hipsters is to go it to a song they are going to pretend they don’t know.
I once went into Earwax at the mini mall as I wanted to buy my brother a journey cd for Xmas, I asked the counter guy if they had it and he told me, “I’ve never heard of Journey – who are they?” Fucking hipster liar. Right, never heard of Journey.
Hipsters are compulsive liars about everything. And they are obsessed with everything from the 80′s so there is no way that douchebag has never heard of Journey.
They say they’ve never heard of Journey yet ironically wear Journey t-shirts with their skinny jeans. Same goes for Styx and Guns N Roses shirts too. Hell, they’re even dressing their kids (who aren’t old enough to know better) with those shirts because it’s LOOK AT MEEE!!! We’re the “cool parents”!
Few things irritate me more than hipster parents who dress their kids in band t-shirts. We get it; you’re so coooool!
The chances that Cord didn’t know who Journey was = 0%
The chances that Cord performed Don’t Stop Believing in his High School talent show and got laughed off the stage, and couldn’t get a date until graduation cause he sucked so badly, so now pretends he doesn’t know who they are = 100%
Does anyone want to write this? I’ve been toying with the idea for a while now but I’m too busy with work to sit down and write it.
36 YEARS LATER…..2012, Billyworld, Nieue Brueklyn.
Travis and Iris meet up over $35 breakfasts in Egg.
Travis: What are you doing now Iris? You’re 49 years old, you should be married with a family by now. Instead of living like a kid, you should be bringing your kids to school. I mean, you don’t even wash or shave your armpits or your legs and you still do performance art where you pull organic, rooftop-grown, cruelty-free conscious vegetables out of your pussy for nothing.
Iris: So what do you do anyway?
Travis: I have a job. I work for the Government. I’m a Systems Administrator now who makes $70k a year and has a wife and kids.
Iris: God, you’re such a square….
Anyone like to flesh this one out?
Take a stab at it, Riff. You’re really good at this stuff.
Thanks Robes, I’ll have to watch the movie again to do it justice, it’s been 20 years since I’ve seen it. BTW it’s been a blast tag-teaming with you against the sock puppets, one of us sets ‘em up and the other knocks ‘em down! I’m looking forward to working with you again. Can you believe how good DH is at parody? I swear he could make a living doing it.
Open Letter to DH: I tried to read your song “parody,” but I couldn’t get through it all because I was so appalled by your lack of respect for other human beings that my Doctor had to give me a Thorazine and Methadone coctail to calm me down. You should be ashamed of yourself. What would your parents think of you treating other people like this? I still have not been able to use my watercolors after reading those hateful lyrics. If you don’t like artists or art then just leave us alone. You sound like a right wing hate monger.
Oops … replace “watercolors” with “Casiotone.”
Or “Kazoolaphone”.
Yeah Robes, I know, I had to smoke a stick of Afgooey and chase a couple of Oxys with a double shot of Bookers because some really mean hipster called me a monger yesterday. They always stereotype us! I’ve never monged in my entire life (well, once, but I was young and naive and just so lonely)
You Southerners (speaking of stereotypes) … and I bet you had to spin a couple sides of Skynyrd to get their kazoo voice outta your head. Save a shot or two of Booker’s for me, son – nectar of the gods.
(I can git away wif calling yoo a Southerner ’cause where AH come frum, anythin’ below US 30, Dixie Highway, just south of Chicago, is considered The South – and anything below Dixie Trucker’s Home in Effingham, IL is considered the DEEP South.)
It’s all good. The Cajun Cook, Justin Wilson, used to talk about this Yankee he knew who lived “way up north round Shreveport ” Wish I could pour you one, Robes, we could toast our success at virtual hipster spanking!
Didn’t think you’d top Fauxhemian Rhapsody but I stand corrected. Awesome.
Competition for Arty the Seal???
http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/river-otters-paintings-sell-minnesota-aquarium-121621784–abc-news-topstories.html
Nothing can top Arty. ART ART ART ART ART ART
I’m just waiting for the Otters to move to Bushwick. It’s just a matter of time.
You’re pretty good at this shit. Do ‘Beat It’ by MJ!
Fucking awesome dude. This is genius like Bukowski in top form.
Another gem, LMAO
Check out this dude….I’m confused, is he a hipster? a cat piss man? just a pure nerd? loser?
Help me out here…
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/meet-nick-gjoka-world-biggest-e-t-fan-185741823.html
Can you say OCD? The boy’s just not right…
I agree that’s it’s OCD. His parents are professional collectors as well, so it probably comes with the territory, and he gets more of a reward for collecting than for selling it all off. Besides, it’s not like he’s dragging his toys out to show off in the middle of Brooklyn, and when you look at it, it’s really no different than collecting sports memorabilia. (A couple of weeks ago, a friend told me that she had a great date with a great guy. Smart, funny, considerate, respectful…but she just couldn’t get past the fact that he’d been collecting old classic Universal movie monster masks since he was ten. It’s not like the house was overloaded, either: he had one room off the back reserved for it, and he never had to borrow money or skip paying bills to pay for a new one. I told her “your last boyfriend fucked anything he could catch and bragged about it to you in front of family, and you’re complaining about this? God help you if you ever date a Red Sox fan.”)
Absolute genius, DH
I’m gonna try for an Bushwick girl
She’s been living in her white bread world
As long as anyone with thin blood can
And now she’s looking for a hipster man
That’s what I am …
L wheel trains keep on turnin’
Carry me home to see Kaitlin
Singin’ songs about urban farmin’
I miss ol’ Billyburg again and I’m way too thin…yah!
Flat out fucking brilliant
Please allow me to introduce myself,
I’m a man of PBR, so out of place.
I’ve been around about a month or so,
Overpaid for a studio living space.
I was ’round when the Mast Brothers
Pitched me an artisan dingleberry bar,
Made damn sure that my coke dealer
Would accept my daddy’s credit card.
Pleased to meet you, hope you remember my name… like, yah.
But what’s puzzling you is how I became so lame.
Hahahaha!! I swear to you – it was between piano man or sympathy this time around. Great fuckin job.
Yes! Yes! Finish it, please! This has so much potential.
Oh Hell YEAH! Roll with it!
I’m dyin’ here, laughing myself silly……….
In my prison cell I sit
With my britches full of shit
And my balls are gently bouncing on the floor
Oh, I’ve seen the bloody snag
Where she bit me in the bag
Oh, I’ll never fuck a hipster anymore!
LMAO!
Thank you! That little ditty was ancient when Vonnegut used it in Slaughterhouse 5. I just changed Polack to hipster. I think the Poles will approve.
That was pure genius. Double bravo!
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/11/us/oakland-art-murmur-outgrows-its-name.html
Oakland Journal
A Monthly Night of Art Outgrows Its Name
http://newyorkers.livejournal.com/6186041.html
Missing dog in greenpoint willamsburg area. Oh mh gosh Jesus Batman some hipster lost its chihuahua.
Update: Myrtle, last seen in the South Ferry subway station trying to flee back to Mexico, has been eaten by a rat. Hipsters are distraught, and will hold a memorial concert in McCarren Park tonight at midnight.
Only one question: is brunette2488 the Meghan or the Asian dude?
Probably neither. I suspect the Chihuahua was purely a point of attention, and they were in the way of the camera. (And if you think the Matt Gross assholes bringing their babies into bars are obnoxious, just wait until the first time you watch some beardo drag his teacup Chihuahua into a restaurant and throw a tantrum when the manager explains the only pets allowed are service animals.)
Look at those mutants…notice the first comment is not “sure I’ll help find your lost dog” or “I’ll keep an eye out”. No, it’s some insufferable douchebag saying “fix this post, it’s messing up my friends page”. I’d really love it if all those dipshits went missing instead of the dog.
Hipsters are dishonest??!?!?
http://townhall.com/tipsheet/katiepavlich/2012/10/11/round_two_obama_campaign_workers_help_people_vote_twice
I love the way you work ‘yah’ and/or ‘like yah’ into the fabric of each song. I always look for it, and it cracks me up the second I read it.
And that dude should definitely finish Sympathy – good stuff
VOICE OVER: This is The Weekend Cankle Report – Upper North North East ParkStuyShwickbburg’s cable access lifestyle show! Brought to you by “Caleb’s Carnuba Mustache Wax!
ANNOUNCER: And now, we go now to our roving anchorwoman, Calista Hirsute-Moonbat, coming to you live from the Jungle of Bensonhurst.
CALISTA: Thank you, Clem. For years enlightened Brooklynites have flocked to the Mast Brothers chocolate factory for their daily fix of artisanal, organic chocolate.
But now – There’s a new chocolatier in Town with some serious (make quotation marks with fingers) “Street Cred” and it’s flying off the shelves.
(Camera cuts to two muscular guys sitting on a couch wearing Jets Jerseys and Yankees caps)
JOE: Hey, I’m Joey Maestro..
VINNIE: I’m Vinnie Maestro. And we’re Maestro Brothers Chawklit!
CALISTA: Tell me – what made you two decide to open a chocolate factory?
VINNIE: Well, ta tell ya the truth, It was Joey’s idea. We were doin’ some brickwork over in Williamsburg. I needed a snack and….
JOEY: …I tell Vinnie to pick me up some chawklit. He hands me this….thing…it looked like it wrapped by some f*g….and he sez…
VINNIE: …yo Vin, you owe me 10 bucks.
CALISTA: So that was when the light bulb went off…
JOEY: Uh Yeah…I mean..can I speak freely here?
CALISTA: Of course. We do not believe in censorship.
JOEY: OH…Any way I sez to Vinnie I sez, “hey these f**cking hipsters are payin’ 10 bucks for crappy chocolate. They must be pretty f**ckin’ stupid. We should make
This stuff and sell it for less.
CALISTA: You can’t say that. ..
JOEY: Say what – f**ckin’?
CALISTA: No, “Hipster”. it’s very offensive.
JOEY: (blinks) Huh?
CALISTA: SO how do a couple of manual laborers manage to get into chocolate making.
VINNIE: (annoyed) What did you go to college for?
CALISTA: (Proudly) “I” have a Masters in mid-century textiles!
JOEY: ..annnd this qualifies you to host a cable show…how?
CALISTA: (waves them off) OK – Like let’s talk about your marketing strategy. Sheer genius!. Love the logo – a Madonna statue wearing a tank top holding Italian and
American Flags with the quote, “Maestro Brothers Chawklit” – cuz only a d**chebag pays 10 bucks for f**kin’ candy”
VINNIE; Yeah well ya know… It kinda represents what were about.
CALISTA: Then there’s the wrappers. Every single one is imprinted with a Brooklyn term or saying. (unwraps a bar and takes a bite)Here’s mine “Strunz: A piece of
sh*t”. OMG! Sayin’ it…it’s.. sooo urban! I feel like sitting on the steps of a Brownstone listening to Sinatra with a caprese salad and a nice Lambrusco. I’m
tingling right now.
VINNIE (Looks at Joey): Yeahhhh well. That’s because you just ate our “rave bar”.
CALISTA: I mean…GOD! I’m vibrating. What’s in this thing?
VINNIE: Chocolate, some salt, red pepper flakes, crushed Jordan almonds.
JOEY:…. and some crystal meth.
CALISTA: …and (loosens collar) all your products are locally sourced.
JOEY: Everything. The almonds come from GG’s Nut hut over on 64th and the chocolate comes from Bennie’s Wholesale across the street. We get our salt from Key
Food.
VINNIE: Can’t get more local than that. Not like those human toilet brushes over in Williamsburg. A f**cking Schooner?!? Gimme a break. Are they chocolate makers
or drug runners?
CALISTA: Then there’s your infamous “Gowanus bar”.
(JOEY AND VINNIE LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND START SNICKERING)
JOEY: YEAH *snicker* that’s some special candy.
CALISTA: So this bar is made from a special ingredient taken right from the Gowanus Canal. How Local!
VINNIE: Well we don’t make it here.
CALISTA: (Shocked) you mean….it’s not….Brooklyn Based?!?
JOEY: Whoa Whoa! Easy! We can’t make it here. Local authorities sez we can’t.
VINNIE: So we make it in Jersey City.
CALISTA: Why?
VINNIE: Well the ingredient..it’s uhhh… kinda special….
CALISTA: Special? How so?
VINNIE: It glows…
JOEY: Yeah…and it responds to sounds.
CALISTA: and It costs 20 dollars?!
JOEY: Hey..transportation…and all those forms we have to fill out for OSHA and the Nuclear Regulatory Committee…Rad suits… It’s expensive.
CALISTA: (takes a bar out of her backpack) Let’s talk about the marketing.
VINNIE: Yo! Get that f**cking thing away from me!
JOEY: Lady I wouldn’t get too close to it if you plan on havin’ kids.
CALISTA: Gosh this is heavy.
VINNIE: It’s wrapped in lead…lady…
JOEY: IT’s the law. But the lead is locally sourced.
VINNIE: Lady…put –the thing- away…alright?
CALISTA: Yahhhh.OK… OK so please tell us about your latest promotion “The Brooklyn Beardo Adventure”
JOEY: Well…It’s pretty simple. You find the Gold Ticket in a Gowanus bar and you win the trip.
VINNIE: …we pick you up in a fully restored ’72 Monte Carlo. You tour the facility. Then Mr. Microphone AKA “The winner” gets taken to a mock up of a Turkish
Prison and-
CALISTA: Wait a sec..What does a Turkish prison have to do with chocolate?
VINNIE: (shrugs) ..nothing – anyway after the prisoners have their fun, we blindfold and flex cuff him, stick him in a golf bag and dump him in the middle of a housing
Project in the Bronx.
JOEY: ..and here’s the best part…we pin ten dollar bills all over your clothes and hang a sign on your neck that reads “I HATE PUERTO RICANS” (high fives Vinnie)
CALISTA: ..and then?
VINNIE: (shrugs. Looks at Joey) We leave…
JOEY: Yeah…that’s when the adventure starts…finding your way home.
VINNIE: in one piece….
CALISTA: (crosses legs)…That is like soooo mean….
VINNIE (Stares at legs) JESUS H! What are those – Mukluks? Joey Look!
JOEY: Holy sh*T…it looks like Velcro! Maddone! You ever hear of a razor?
CALISTA: This is my natural state! I’m a woman!
JOEY: Yo Sasquatch…that’s pretty f**ckin’ disgustin’.
CALISTA: I AM A WOMAN! FREE OF ALL TRADITIONAL MALE EXPECTATIONS! HEAR MY VOICE. I NEED TO BE HEARD!
VINNIE: Lady – know what I think? I think you need a man…
CALISTA: HOW DARE YOU THAT’S SOO MEAN!!! AND SEXIST! YOU PROBABLY ACT THIS WAY TO MAKE UP FOR A SMALL P*NIS!!
JOEY: (looks away) Oh f**ck. Here we go.
VINNIE: (Stands up) Small?! (reaches for zipper)
JOEY: C’mon Vin – not here. No…
VINNIE (TO JOEY): I ain’t takin’ it all out…just enough to make my point! (to camera man) Yo, Bearded Wonder .. you better back up..Lemme introduce you to Lil’ Vinnie
*THUNK* (member hits coffee table)
VINNIE (points to it with hand like a Price is Right spokes model) Huh!?! HUH!?! Small? I can drive my care with this thing – from the back seat.
JOEY: (Head in hands) Oh no…No… Vin…
VINNIE: Dogs die in its shadow….
CALISTA: AWWWGHHH!!! YOU DISGUSTING DEGOS! F**CKIN’ GUIDOS!! YOU …ARE…RUINING…BROOKLYN!!
JOEY: (takes head out of hands) What did you say, b*tch?
CALISTA: YOU… YOU… MASOCHIST WOPS!!
JOEY: YOUR MOTHER’S A WHOO-UH! DID I EVER TELL YOU THAT!!?
CALISTA: I HATE ALL OF YOU DEGOS !!!! I HOPE THEY PUT YOU IN CAMPS!!!
JOEY: (puzzled) CAMPS!?! What’s this – Boy Scouts, now? GET THE F*CK OUTTA HERE!
CALISTA: GOD! YOU’RE SO STUPID! YOU COULDN’T FIND YOUR D*CK WITHOUT A ROAD MAP!!
JOEY: ROADMAP?! SO NOW I’M RAND F**CKIN’ MCNALLY!? Yo Vin –
VINNiE: ( in background using his member as a microphone) …Fly me to the moooon….
JOEY: And another thing! WHY DOES EVERYTHING YOU SAY SOUND LIKE A QUESTION?
CALISTA: RETARDS!!! ALL YOU GUIDOS ARE RETARDS!!!!
Joey: Retards?! Lady we’re not the one wearing glasses with no lenses and tube down the Gowanus. Hey Vin did you here this…
VINNIE: (hands behind head, rotating hips and doing the “propeller”) YO LOOK AT ME!!! I’M EMELIA F*CKIN’ ERHART!! WOOOO HOOOO!
CAMERA MAN: Stop….Stop….Stop -this travesty -this –instant- or- I -will -blow my -rape -whistle…
JOEY: (walks up to camera Hey d**che whistle, blow on this (punches camera)
(STATIC)
ANNOUNCER: Uh…Well…tune into next week’s Weekend Cankle Report where Calista Hirsute-Moonbat visits the Sons of Palermo Italian Club on 18th Avenue!
LOL!
Holy shit, that is incredible!!! Not sure which part is my favorite; Calista reverting to her true colors of hating real New Yorkers or the camera stick boy threatening to take out his rape whistle!.
Hysterical Pat. My favorite is “Your Mothers a WHOO-UH” you don’t get more Brooklyn than that. Growing up even my friends in the other boroughs didn’t use that term. It was strictly local : )
Show your co-workers!
Pat,
You owe me a keyboard AND a monitor for that.
Coming soon to BillyShwick, Ameila Erhart performance art. Directed by Josh Nasalsplooger. (Magnifying glasses will be provided).
Ah shit! That is gold! My first rival in TV parody leaves me in the dust! This might have come from the golden years of SNL. Pesci should be in it. PAT I, this must be produced. I posted a couple of weeks back that others should write their own and it’s happening left and right! This is better than my efforts and I am jealous, jealous, jealous!
There is more creativity in this forum alone than in the last 15 years or BillySchwickLESBurg. And that’s just from this post.
Funny, one thing I’ve always found from my travels is that the percentage of truly creative people is the same everywhere you go. Anyone who wants to draw or paint or play music will always find a way to do it, usually in the quiet of their own homes.
The only exception is in the artsy-fartsy places where the creativity is at its lowest, the difference being made up by poseurs and narcissists.
Artie the Seal’s nephew:
http://www.brooklynpaper.com/stories/35/41/all_babywalrus_2012_10_19_bk.html
Goodbye Bushwick Abode, by Ethan John
When am I gonna leave town?
When will I pay back 30 grand?
I have no muscle tone in my arm
I’m an embarrassment to my old man
I know I can’t tend bar forever
I didn’t sign up, java to brew,
I’m very unpleasant for Brooklyn to cope with
This boy’s too young to be besotted, with BOO-OOO-OOZE, LIKE YAA-AH-AH-AH..
CHORUS
So goodbye Bushwick abode
Where the ethnics of the area scowl
I can’t plant heirlooms in my penthouse
I’m going back to my hick town
Back to fouling up my old ‘hood
Everyone here says I’m a pant load,
Oh I’ve finally decided my “future” lies
Beyond my Bushwick abode, like YA-AH-AH-AH, AHHHHHHHHHH
What do you think I’ll do then?
I’ve got an English lit degree and no brain
It’ll take me a couple of artisanal colonics
To get me on my feet again
Maybe I can rent out a basement?
There’s plenty of those to be found
Mongrels, who ride penny farthings
Sniffing for cocaine all around…
CHORUS
So goodbye Bushwick abode
Where the locals look at me and they growl
I can’t afford my $6000/month penthouse
I’m going back to my dad to cry foul
Back to Indiana with lots of baked goods
In my wake rents will explode,
Oh I’ve finally decided my future lies
Far beyond my Bushwick abode, LIKE YA-AHHHHHHHHHH-AHHHHHHHH
Awesome – I think we could come up with a box set of these tunes in time for Christmas! Would be hilarious to have a dude blast these songs from a boombox on Bedford Ave.; all the hipsters in denieal would listen and then say “yeah, I really hate those bearded transplants that are ruining North Brooklyn – why I remember when I moved here back in 2007; it was so much more real!!”
That was great! And I agree with JAZ. We should try and get one of the South Brooklyn Bands to cover these in time for the opening of the new Wicked Monk and the so called hipster beer garden.
More, more! Laughter is our best weapon!
Nuff said…
http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/real-estate/brooklyn-rents-shoot-roof-article-1.1179736
*head in hands* 6,150 bucks in Brooklyn…to live in a warehouse. Mannnn. I’m telling you now – when those trust funds dry up, you’ll see hipsters camped out in the street, making soup with an old shoe and a tin can.
That’s when Snake Pliskin will star in “Escape From Brooklyn”.
Like Yah!
Next trend: unemployed, starving hipsters and no Bloomberg cops or rich moms to protect them.
Now you can go where people are one
Now you can go where they get things done
What you need my son
Is a holiday in Cambodia
Where you’ll do what you’re told
It’s a Holiday in Camodia
Where the slum’s got so much soul.
That’s apparently already happening in Portland. Big stretches of its downtown are pretty much impassable because of the crusties camping out all through the summer, getting abusive if they don’t get a handout. And it’s all because they’d rather live in a kewl town than give up all of that and get real jobs.
The coming hipster depression is gonna be Bad. It will make Camden look like Havan in the 50′s.
You’re not kiddin’.
Today’s low note for me was in the relay of information on a guy who’s 28 years old and is living back home with his parents. His mom is a retired lawyer and his dad a retired engineer who graduated from a military academy. His reason for going home? Well, he decided to drop out of college because “it’s part of a bullshit system that’s falling apart anyway…” and “…although I blog about 30 hours a week, it’s not enough to live on. So I moved home.” And when it was put to him that maybe his parents had different plans for their lives at this point than him still living at home, I”m told he became surprised, then beligerent saying,”Why wouldn’t they want me back at home? It’s not like they’re doing anything.” He also states that though he could probably find work as a waiter, he has some friends in, you guessed it, NYC, ‘working in media and living their dreams as artists’, so that gives him ‘inspiration’ and means if he just keeps blogging, his dreams, such as they are, will come true too and that he’s ‘just fortunate’ that his parents did well so that he can wait out the current recession. Meantime, he plays video games at home and goes on weekend excursions to the city to ‘hang with his bro’s and go to concerts’.
He also apparantly likes to blame, besides his parents good fortune ( hard work but he ignores that ), the following for his circumstances: Women, the Government, his former College’s unreasonable student costs, and a lack of nightlife where his parents live.
My.
Fucking.
God.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-19872874
This just in. London to get it’s own high-line park. In Shoreditch, no less, hipster central UK. Nathan Barley’s playground.
Ah, the mantra again. “If someone else pays me to put this in, the increase in value to the properties around it will be so much that the city will make millions.” Uh HUH. And that’s why the property owners around it aren’t willing to plunk down a pfennig to make it happen, isn’t it?
Because all London needs is even more insanely expensive rents than the existing insanely expensive rents.
Seriously, I don’t ever remember spending a day in London that cost me less than 20 pounds (about $30) excluding accommodation, and that’s doing it on the cheap. Plus their subway is a cross between the NYC subway and a sewer. Last time I went there, I found a single room for 30 pounds a night in a neighborhood that felt like an Al Qaeda convention and took over an hour to get into the city center. Oh, and visiting the tower now costs 20 pounds.
Thanks for putting a smile on my face. I needed that.
Another filthy transplant the city has bent over backwards to accommodate. Came here from podunk South Dakota and thinks he’s a real Brooklynite with a right to tell us how things should be done here.
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/brooklyn/teflon_grassroots_titan_lou_powsner_uhxIkhOischLeC0BbzHasJ
Guess who’s coming your way…
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/rosenwald-md/post/teenager-bullied-during-tv-interview-on-bullying/2012/10/11/b34aa09e-13b2-11e2-ba83-a7a396e6b2a7_blog.html?wpisrc=nl_buzz
The sissy transplant bus is idling at the curb.
Nice going, school administration – suspending the kid for fighting back.
The Streets of Olde Brooklyn
As I walked out on the streets of Olde Brooklyn
As I walked out in Olde Brooklyn one day
I spied a young hipster all dressed in tight leggings
Dressed in tight legging and looking quite gay
I see by your loose pants that you are a townie
He nasally sneered as I slowly walked by
Come sit in the bike lane and hear my sad story
My Kickstarter tanked and I fear I will die
T’was once on my fixie I used to go dashing
T’was once on my fixie I used to run lights
First down to Starbucks and then to the Trash Bar
And swill PBR till the end of the night
Oh play the synth slowly and strum the ukes lowly
Show irony and whimsy and tweet all hiptards
Take me to the rooftop, plant me in the garden
And use me as compost for your lead tainted chard
Get six bearded Ethan’s to carry my coffin
Six Zooeys with cankles to clumsily bound
Put PBR six packs all over my coffin
It won’t be too heavy, I weigh eighty pounds
Then film it for You Tube and it’ll go viral
Follow on Facebook and check all the tweets
I’ll be famous twice if it goes as expected
Once as myself and again as fresh beets
Go bring me a cup, a cup of hot latte
Make sure it’s Fair Trade and not some townie brew
Before I returned his soul had departed
His bedbugs were leaving, the hipster was screwed
Kazoolaphone loudly and rep the ‘nabe proudly
And bitterly honk as you give him the push
His trust fund will now be transferred to his sister
She won’t share it with you, she voted for Bush
I can see an image now of a hipster funeral, using a cardboard box as a coffin and digging a hole in McCarren park. Then the cops come along and arrest them all for a violation followed by a protest to One Police Plaza to demand their right to hold funerals in the park.
http://fort-greene.thelocal.nytimes.com/2012/10/04/crime-report-more-iphone-thefts-and-burglaries/
More iphone and other apple related robberies in Fort Greene Brooklyn.
This may have been posted before but the Hipster Bear Trap is hilarious…ART! if you will
http://gothamist.com/2011/03/14/have_you_fallen_for_a_hipster_trap.php
Haha, my main man Emaciated Ethan has got it going on. Chick beside him, sleeping in, free drinks at the bar. What are you dudes making fun of again?
Besides his small dick in your mouth? Oh, nothing really.
Well, there’s also the depth of his self-delusion aka “Mom and Dad just LOVE the fact I’ve moved back in on them though I’m well past the age of parenting.” and then the,”The only women that don’t like us must be icky feminists.”. So, between your small genitals, your ongoing dependence on your parents, and how easily intimidated your are by women?
Naw, there’s nothin’ to poke fun at there holmes. Nothing at all
(btw, that low laughter you hear in the distance while you stumble in the dark, is ME…and I won’t ever, ever stop….any other questions, dick?)
Hey Robes, he’s back! Up for it?
You’re from Ohio. You’re not relevant. You’re not even townie status.
Sigh, in order to insult some one he must be ashamed of what you’re calling him. I stated my origin on my first posts, look them up. That said, how about answering the question I asked you the last time we palavered? And none of your side stepping.
Hipsters can’t understand the concept of not being ashamed of where they’re from. Why else would you hear someone say they’re from Brooklyn in a Minnesota or N. Dakota acccent?