Today, I saw Logan the locavore taking a train that ran local to the “nabe’s” local rooftop garden to buy locally sourced vegetables. So I took him to the local junkyard and locally crushed him in a car compactor. End of story.
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Today, I saw Beatrix the Beardo sucking up all the wi-fi at my favorite lunch spot with an overpriced iPad in a whimsically free-cycled artisanally hand-crafted AKA poorly-made wooden case complete with fake brass hardware and a Crayola paint job that looked like any of the drawings from Maddox’s I Am Better Than Your Kids. So I crammed the iPad down his throat, shattered the wooden box into two thousand tooth picks and inserted each one of them slowly into his eyeballs and under his dragon nails painted fingernails. End of story.
With all these beatings, are we ever going to go to a hipster funeral?
When this happens in Billyburg. – TAKE THAT YOU BUTTHURT BITCHES!!!
Nope. They take them out to sea on the sh*t barge “Owl’s Head” and dynamite them.
The 5th Annual Bushwick Film Festival – Like Yah!!!!!
http://gothamist.com/2012/10/05/what_to_do_this_weekend_bushwick_fi.php
“showcases work from Brooklyn-based filmmakers, artists and musicians” – lol Brooklyn-based
“Adding to the home-grown cred, many of the films were shot in and around the greater Bushwick area.” – WTF? home-grown cred??? Are they fucking serious??? lol again.
Greater Bushwick area???? LOL. These artisanal zombies are so into themselves it’s not even funny. God, I love non- gentrified Brooklyn so much. I really do smile sometimes as I walk by old Russian ladies, Mexicans looking for work, hasidic Jews, Chinese grandma can collectors, and all the rest of the normal people I see.
Was watching that show Mobsters on The Latin Kings last night. They were showing footage of Brooklyn back when I was growing up, back in the 1980′s and 1990′s. Man, I would love to see these “Brooklyn based” punks try to walk down the street during that era.
Home grown cred is important to these twizzlers because outside of their little bell jar they would be laughed out of the theater. getting kudos from home is no different than when their parents would praise every BM, participation ribbon and “A” for effort trophy.
This so smacks of desperation.
Yeah, I’m familiar with those “local talent events”. Portland is rotten with them. Amazingly, anyone who isn’t part of the organizers’ little club discovers on the day of the event that “oh, we never got your application, so you’ll have to apply next year,” but they’ll still be hit up for the Kickstarter fundraiser.
“Brooklyn-based” is not local. So sick of them.
You want a real Brooklyn film? Check out “The Search for One-Eyed Jimmy”, filmed in Red Hook in 1994. It’s got Steve Buscemi, it’s got John Turturro, it’s got Sam Rockwell, it’s got Boom Boom Mancini and some surprise guests. What it doesn’t have is HIPSTERS.
Here’s a clip with one of the surprise guests (and another Turturro – one of 3 in the film):
http://sps.cuny.edu/programs/ma_urbanstudies?utm_source=gothamist&utm_medium=cpc&utm_content=urban%2Bstudies%2Bgothamist%2B2012&utm_campaign=urban%2Bstudies%2Bgothamist%2B2012
Another useful field of study missed by many.
Calling all hamsters! I spotted this sign posted on N. 6th Street next to the most obnoxious trendoid trust fund coffee shop, Toby’s Estate [yes, that's the name of the place. http://www.tobysestate.com/ -- "Brew School and Public Cuppings" ]
http://www.flickr.com/photos/46896052@N00/8072291033/in/set-72157630437622300
Only the coolest and hippest and localest need apply..
I pass that shit all the time on the way to NY Muffin on Bedford lol. When I walk back with my large iced coffee the suckers outside Toby’s Try-Hard look at me like “where did you get THAT from.” Stupid tourists. Stay waiting on the curb for the light to change when no cars are in sight. Dumb as rocks.
I’ll bet some cuppings were involved. Lots of teabagging, too.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cupping_therapy
“Cupping therapy is an ancient Arabic form of alternative medicine in which a local suction is created on the skin; practitioners believe this mobilizes blood flow in order to promote healing.”
See, it does suck.
Another public service by DH. PETA will be thrilled to see the wonderful chew toy left in the junkyard for that otherwise neglected rottweiller to frolic with.
Was it a cruelty free car compactor?
I was gonna say. Hope this junkyard only deals with hybrids…
Errrr……………….OK, and now we have “Locally Sourced” furniture. Do check out the iPod dock. Looks like retards made it: http://www.thisiskerf.com/#
On their indigogo page you can get one for only $500. What I really want is the $2000 “Custom Upcycle Chair” made of “parts acquired from discarded or damaged chairs” WTF?
http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/245089
http://igg.me/p/245089
Hipster milking stool. Non-Saran Wrap seat is an extra $500.
HIPSTERISM: the fear that somewhere, some one is saying something bad about you.(we are)
HIPSTER, Journeymen Level: Apathy, mastered; Obliviousness to the opinions of only Self, mastered; Trail of The Big 3 (Brooklyn, Austin, Portland) walked one hundred times, mastered; Body Odor, covered; Twizzler jeans, never changed; Milk Designs, mastered; Herpes, mastered; Parental Guilt, mastered; Real friends, none, mastered; Hair Fiddling, mastered; **Guru Status: pending…
Local Manhattan guy (3 generations)…they are destroying my nabe (Village 119 years!)…cupcakes, PBR, iPhone, yoga mat, water bottle, yeast infected, bedbug spreading, filth spreading, douchebags, are now spreading to Astoria…IT IS OVER….time to move to their home states._