Today, I saw Chase with his bushy red beard, Henry Kissinger glasses, and incense stick legs ordering a six-foot escarole and artisanal mayo hero sandwich for the Kickball Championship awards ceremony where he would receive a trophy for striking out at every plate appearance. So I bashed him across the face with a whole Prosciutto; placed him between the hero bread and mailed him back home to his enabling parents’ house just in time for his sister Zelda’s liberal arts school graduation party. End of story.
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Incense stick legs – lol
Chase the redbeard probably doesn’t even know what a ‘hero’ is; I’m sure they’re called something else back on the farm in Iowa.
Today I saw tousle-haired Ethan prancing down the street on his way to have his $12 organic artisanal fair trade morning (to him) coffee at 3 in the afternoon. So I went out of my want to walk across the street where I accosted him and punched him in the face in order to cure him of his Midwest nasally honking. End of story.
you’re really terrible at this.
Yah … like a “Subway.”
Yep, that’s why Bloomberg loves that chains like Subway and 7-11 are taking over and pushing out Bodegas and ethnic delis; the midwestern bearded sticks on playcation are more comfortable going into a subway and ordering the same shitty thing they get back home – and this just leads to more children of the corn invading.
I have been lobbying Bloomberg to place a Maid-Rite in Brooklyn. Maid-Rite is the perfect hipster meal, it’s a very dated concept and not many people under 70 like it, so hipsters can eat there and show how non-conformist they are. There are several branches in the Midwest and every convenience from home we can put in Brooklyn will help push the hipster problem into Brooklyn and away from here.
If the topic is food things of the past that were brought back to make hipsters happy I’d love to see the automats make a comeback.
Not because I’m a hipster trying to get hipster cred but because I love vending machines.
Its kind of funny that Subway used to be a derpy little mom and pop sandwich store in Bridgeport Connecticut. And now its an evil chain. Go figure. ;D
Yah…like a “Quiznos”.
“But Subway’s artisinal – it’s hand made” honks Josh.
I’M A SANDWICH ARTIST — ART ART ART ART …
“…to his enabling parents”
POS parents who simply cannot say “no”. That’s the bottom line.
in contrast, here’s a spunkmonkeyian hipster fron Neww Jerrzee towing his v-neck to visit a ‘friend’ in Wyoming, and spends the whole video documenting what a snobby little shit he is…
not a hipster. try harder.
Anyone wearing chin spinach who describes an ungodly boring drive to Cheyenne, one of the armpits of the universe, on Interstate 90 while endangering innocent people’s lives by video recording while driving as “YEAH! Crazy, psycho, sexy, hot, gorgeous, amazing…” is clearly a hiptard. No common sense, no grasp of reality; no respect for anyone other than themselves.
His video that follows, recorded in Colorado, is called “Chatauqua … My New Favorite Word.” Pheeeewwwwwww … pretentious, much?
OK, drive to the Great Plains; disrespect everyone and everything in sight; mouth off to the wrong cowboy/rancher; get dumped in a ditch on a side road for the animals to dispose of. End of story.
Here’s a novel idea: It’s called Trip Planning.
I love how this nasal numpty is whining about how there’s no ice cream places in Cheyenne. I did a search on Google Maps and found four of them.
damn. there is ice cream in cheyenne. so much for it being vegan friendly.
The chin beard monstrosity is WAY more Townie Tom than anything a Brooklyn hipster would be caught dead with.
I’m not luaghing at you, I’m laughing against you.
That should be “laughing”.
“…in the wilds of Bushwick…” heh heh, pretentious much?
http://newyork.grubstreet.com/2012/10/platt-robertas-opens-blanca-tasting-room.html
3 Stars for:
“…a subtle mix of crab guts, uni, and sake lees.”
Subtle? My ass. Watching too much Iron Chef, are we?
“…delicately funky, spoon-tender Wagyu beef…”
It’s supposed to be BEEF, not venison.
“…wobbly spoonfuls of gêlée made with mint from the garden outside.”
After all the neighborhood dogs have whizzed on it?
“…cut into fatty lozengelike slices, which leave a pleasing slick of richness as they slide down the back of one’s throat.”
Sounds like White Castle, circa 3 a.m., after the bars.
“…inevitably some of the gastronauts who’d made the arduous journey out to Bushwick were disappointed, given all the hype. “Delicious but not stunning” was the assessment of one…”
Chef, I got a Tazer I can lend you if you REALLY wanna stun the cognescenti.
“Dinner took four hours, but it seemed half that long. Toward the end of the meal, someone put Sinatra on the stereo, and the waiters poured a sweet, sparkling wine from Bugey. It wasn’t a stunning wine, but on this evening in the wilds of Bushwick, as the improbably talented cook circulated among his guests in his baseball cap, and the moon rose over the garden outside, it tasted just fine. It tasted delicious, in fact.”
Color me impressed.
I guess they forgot to mention the bull s*men digestif.
one of 52 restaurants in NYC w/ a Michelin star.
Michelin is a political ranking. There are some who truly deserve it and others who get it soley because-the place is expensive and pretentious.
Yep if 52 restaurants in one city all can have them (not sure if that number is acurate considering the source), Michelin stars are now meaningless.
Michelin Stars are the worst scam ever foisted upon the dining public. It’s not corrupt like Zagat (who gives the same rating to Daniel AND TGI Fridays) or accessible as Yelp (c’mMichelin Stars are the worst scam ever foisted upon the dining public. It’s not corrupt like Zagat (who gives the same rating to Daniel AND TGI Fridays) or accessible as Yelp (c’mon – a restaurant review site that’s accessible to everyone including the owners, their enemies and clueless, idiosyncratic, petty doofuses armed with a camera? The only times I would ever take a pictur of my meal is if I needed evidence for the NYC Department of Health).
But if I had to pick a review site/book that comes closest to honest dining experiences it would have to be Yelp.
Here’s how Michelin Stars work:
Reviewer goes into restaurant. He will eat what he likes – say Osso Buco. The food is spectacular, the service up to HIS or Her standards. He gives it one star.
A couple sees this place got one star and decide to break the bank and eat their for their anniversary. They order the 250 dollar tasting menut hat was made up by the chef that day. The meal is a trainwreck..it’s awful….how can that be? It got one Michelin star.
So now you have a Michelin reviewer who’s an artsy, pretentious, avant garde d**chebag. Blanca is hard to get into. They’re hours are severely limited. For street cred the chefs are tiresome, pompous *sses. They eat fermented Yak testes presented on a bed of Lightly steamed dandelion greens locally sourced from McCarren park. Does he like it? Dunno,but the experience was awesome – art ART ART ART!
The best reviews – in my opinion come from the NY Post and NY Times – in that order. Visits include friends who order a variety of dishes and they tend to not let pretense cloud their judgement of what’s on their plate.
Whenever I see a 50 dollar appetizer comprised of a 2 ounce pice of grilled porkbelly presented by a convent girl suspended froma Vietnamese spinning basket, a true foodie would say – 50 bucks for pork belly? Whereas a hipster would honk, “YA this is sooo worth it…sooo authentic and cool”.
Restaurants like Blanca are performace art. If I pay 200 bucks for a meal, I shouldn’t have to hit the pizza shop down the street because I’m still hungry. Places like this are meant to hit and run – boost the chef’s ego, and make as much as you can before the public realizes what a fraud you are?
There was a place in Chicago like this – served food that wasn’t what it appeared to be (Like El Bulli, in Spain). They would make peanut butter out of peanut shells and charge Wheel of Fortune Prices. Why? Why would you even consider doing this? It’s almost as idiotic as buying frozen veggie burgers with grill marks on them as if they were made of meat.
on – a restaurant review site that’s accessible to everyone including the owners, their enemies and clueless, idiosyncratic, petty doofuses armed with a camera? The only times I would ever take a pictur of my meal is if I needed evidence for the NYC Department of Health).
But if I had to pick a review site/book that comes closest to honest dining experiences it would have to be Yelp.
Here’s how Michelin Stars work:
Reviewer goes into restaurant. He will eat what he likes – say Osso Buco. The food is spectacular, the service up to HIS or Her standards. He gives it one star.
A couple sees this place got one star and decide to break the bank and eat their for their anniversary. They order the 250 dollar tasting menut hat was made up by the chef that day. The meal is a trainwreck..it’s awful….how can that be? It got one Michelin star.
So now you have a Michelin reviewer who’s an artsy, pretentious, avant garde d**chebag. Blanca is hard to get into. They’re hours are severely limited. For street cred the chefs are tiresome, pompous *sses. They eat fermented Yak testes presented on a bed of Lightly steamed dandelion greens locally sourced from McCarren park. Does he like it? Dunno,but the experience was awesome – art ART ART ART!
The best reviews – in my opinion come from the NY Post and NY Times – in that order. Visits include friends who order a variety of dishes and they tend to not let pretense cloud their judgement of what’s on their plate.
Whenever I see a 50 dollar appetizer comprised of a 2 ounce pice of grilled porkbelly presented by a convent girl suspended froma Vietnamese spinning basket, a true foodie would say – 50 bucks for pork belly? Whereas a hipster would honk, “YA this is sooo worth it…sooo authentic and cool”.
Restaurants like Blanca are performace art. If I pay 200 bucks for a meal, I shouldn’t have to hit the pizza shop down the street because I’m still hungry. Places like this are meant to hit and run – boost the chef’s ego, and make as much as you can before the public realizes what a fraud you are?
There was a place in Chicago like this – served food that wasn’t what it appeared to be (Like El Bulli, in Spain). They would make peanut butter out of peanut shells and charge Wheel of Fortune Prices. Why? Why would you even consider doing this? It’s almost as idiotic as buying frozen veggie burgers with grill marks on them as if they were made of meat.
Yeah, but Yelp is a scam too:
http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2012/01/the-yelp-scam
YELPer: “I’ll monitor your restaurant reviews–for a mere $299 a month.”
Restaurant owner: “How about I send my cousin Rocco down there to monitor your health for a while? Hello? Hello?”
Who to believe? Michelin or anonymous nut job ranting on the internet? Tough call, but I’m leaning towards Michelin.
Look it up, Zippy.
As I said, Spunky – color me impressed.
“These included thimble-size tastes of osetra caviar topped with frozen beet granita, faintly gummy pearly shrimp touched with celery juice, and a collection of decent-enough crudi tastefully arranged on lime-colored porcelain plates from Japan. ”
“The delicately funky, spoon-tender Wagyu beef at this Brooklyn restaurant is aged for up to 85 days, and the duck is roasted until it’s the color of honey, then cut into fatty lozengelike slices, which leave a pleasing slick of richness as they slide down the back of one’s throat.”
Who the hell eats like this? Dinner is $180??? Obviously it’s called “Blanca” in honor of the bearded elite transplanted whiteys taking over Bushwick.
All I can say is, if they cook the food the way this reviewer constructs her sentences, everything must come out of the kitchen burned to cinders.
Sorry: HIS sentences. I just assumed whoever wrote that was expecting sexual favours from the chef in return.
He WAS!
“The voice mailbox is full….” Lazy, lazy, lazy….one of my pet peeves. CLEAN OUT YOUR FREAKIN’ VOICE MAIL!!
But this restaurant is not for the trucker-hat-wearing, PBR-swilling, fixie-riding guttersnipe…..this is for the slumming hedge-funder looking for expensive food that won’t fill you up….
New York
Not New York
What Happened?
So original and so unique! They did this on the London Underground years ago. And I can assure you that it was not a bunch of fucking hipsters.
(It was also a much better set up, I might add.)
I wonder if the F. Scott Fitzgerald paperback comes with the suit jacket.
You’d be hard-pressed to find a bigger group of self-satisfied shit-birds. It’s sad when everyone tries so desperately to film something that’ll go viral.
Thanks DH for the Columbus Day-themed beating. A hipster wouldn’t know a prosciutto if he got smacked across the face with it. In fact, I’ll bet he would pronounce it “prosck-ee-oot-oh.” Today’s beating really offers a cultural motif.
I went to barnes and Noble at lunch to pick up some books I ordered for my son.
I stopped by the magazine stand – which happened to overlook the coffee shop.
I’m not gonna bother with the descriptions. The place was packed with customers, mnay of them opting to walk around with their purchases because a bunch of nasal ‘tards (3 betas 2 cankles) who puched THREE F**CKING TABLES together to make their little camp – in the middle of the
cafe of course.
Long short: They had no drinks. Amongst them was pita bread, raw veggies and a dip that was probably hummus..all brought from home. laptops? Check. I-phones? check. large oversized headphones? Check.
But I’m used to this. It’s the new normal. What got me was that they were ALL KNITTING. Yes even the “men”.
http://instagram.com/p/Qa68tKn33V/
Comment time! I’ll start:
Hey this tastes like my camp counselor!
Yellow liquid. In a shot glass. In what looks like a Rest Room. Do the math…
You’ve been ranting lie a anonymous lunatic coward for what, like three years now? Haven’t had your fill yet? What are you hoping to accomplish? It’s probably therapy time for you.
“lie a anonymous”? And you jump on every mistake other’s make? Weak.
This is my therapy. At least that’s what the squirrels in my yard tell me.
Did they tell you how Northside Needy can call you a coward for posting anonymously while posting anonymously himself?
Northside Ned IS his real name – he changed it from Bob Blowhole because it sounded more “hip.”
This is Die Hipster. What are you doing here? Give it up. You’re like the hipster version of the Maginot Line.
I’m just laughing at you nut-jobs. You’re pretty comical. Die Hipster is great for watching crazy idiots tripping over their feet Waiting for Godot style. 4/5 you bottom feeders don’t even live in NYC.
4finger Riff don’t you live in Ohio? And you’re on here writing screenplays and shit. Ohio!
Pat I aren’t you like 50 years old? And you come on here daily for years making up stories about you and your son. You’re a grown ass man!
lulz all around.
Don’t ever change angry wackos.
Butthurt
Ned, your avatar looks a little constipated today. Maybe you wouldn’t have that problem if you weren’t so full of shit.
Needy, you still haven’t explained how PAT I is a coward for posting anonymously when you haven’t given us your name and address. I guess you just rant “lie a anonymous lunatic coward”. And my being out of state? Anyone on earth is allowed to post here, even you. Try that on a pro hipster site.
I understand the irony.
Pat I has been at this for years and obviously has spent considerable time and effort on it. While that is sad, I guess it’s fair game. Just sad.
I’m just here to laugh at you people. You’re crazy. Hopefully you will remain laugh at you crazy, and not cross over into dangerous crazy.
Thanks for weighing in on Brooklyn politics from Ohio. Good luck in your fight against “hipsters” in Ohio. It’s a truly noble pursuit.
YEAH! Crazy, psycho, sexy, hot, gorgeous, amazing…
Hey Ned. But what do you have to say about the endless number of flyover state hipsters weighing in on Brooklyn via their blogs and businesses when they just arrived here within 6 months to 5 years. That’s different right? You fucking artisanal fuck.
I don’t know what it’s going to take to get this through your thick skull, but there are no extra rights or privileges afforded for tenure in America.
Unless it is hiptards like you going go ga ga over vintage artisinal crap but oh, that’s different.
No, you don’t understand. It’s not irony, it’s hypocracy to accuse some one of doing what you yourself are doing. If he’s a coward, you are a coward. By your own criteria. Now I’ll wait for you to answer the question instead of side stepping.
I’m goofing anonymously on anonymous people, he’s somewhat aggressively attacking real people anonymously.
See the difference Buckeye boy?
Hee-WACK! Ned hits it OUTTA THE PARK! YEAHHHH, manchild; keep up the good work! Your rationalizations are so AWESOME!!!
While we’re at it … how can you “aggressively attack” someone over the Internet? It’s ONLY TYPED WORDS, spungoe.
Nope, the question was how is he a coward and you’re not for doing the same thing. Stop side stepping and answer the question that was asked.
“I’m goofing anonymously on anonymous people, he’s somewhat aggressively attacking real people anonymously.”
Read again, we’re not doing the same thing.
Am I taking pictures of people on the subway and anonymously positing them on the internet? Am I placing fake personal ads on craigslist? I don’t think so.That IS cowardly. It’s a punk move.
And btw that’s the reason there are no ads on this site or merchandise from this site. To do so would require DH to surrender his anonymity. And while I almost certain DH is no Ian Mackaye, I’m guess that DH on top of being a coward is also probably a fraud. At the very least he is smart enough to be at least a little ashamed of all of this.
No, you said he was a coward for posting anonymously. You post anonymously so you are a coward. He’s commenting on those unwise enough to identify themselves on the Internet who delete his comments without answering him then come here where they know they won’t be censored. Punk move.
“Am I taking pictures of people on the subway and anonymously positing them on the internet? Am I placing fake personal ads on craigslist?” Could be. Who knows?
Who fucking CARES, Ned? Go WILD, sunshine.
Ooh, pointlessly name-dropping Ian MacKaye without knowing how to properly spell his name – brilliant, Ned; you just lost the support of all the Scotsmen on this board, myself included. Are you the designated ponce for the Jen-trification crowd? Look it up.
Sorry, Riff – must be Eight-Pound League time down at the Northside Bowl.
Yeah, Robes, apparently if DH goofs on the Internet and plays pranks on Craigslist he’ a coward and a punk but Needy isn’t. I’d ask him why but….. well you’ve read his replies.
Non-replies like Ned’s only hold water in the hipster community and on Fox News.
Ah Robes, ma cushla, may your lum e’er reek!
The surfers in Rockaway are ready to beat on the brats.
http://gothamist.com/2012/10/07/hipsters_now_ruining_surfing_at_roc.php
I read that story in the Daily News yesterday; but again, there’s no such thing as hipsters – just more people spotting this mythical creature in their hallucinations.
These morons better watch themselves.. All the Zoey’s, Megan’s, Molly’s and assorted cankle queens are going to be really bored sitting on the beach watching all the Josh’s, Hunter’s, Caleb’s and assorted beta males miss each and every wave looking like a school of dolphins that got trapped in the Gowanus Canal. The sex starved mommies to the adult toddler males might stray over for a quick rooting underneath the A train overpass. You know why she’s wet and its not from the surf. Stay above the line !
“The Incredible Lead-able Egg: Hyperlocal Chicken Farming Could Create Health Risks” —
http://gothamist.com/2012/10/08/which_came_first_the_local_chicken.php
Take that, Megan Paska!
Puke! thanks for reminding me of that gag o rific hipster.
Hey, don’t bash escarole! That’s a fine Italian ingredient right there.
Right – which like so many things is ruined by hipsters during their “look at me” moments.
Does anyone else get a Hipster stink from this Miller commercial?
Definitely, but it’s an artificial aroma. These are actors playing hipsters, the imitators being imitated, highly ironic (note correct use of term, Needy). You can tell they aren’t real hipsters, too well groomed. They look like hipsters the way the Mod Squad looked like hippies.
Agree. Some ad firm’s idea to appeal to Hipsters AND Yunnies. A picture of the focus group would be priceless! And that theme song. So “manly”.
My iPhone 5 is too big for my skinny jeans.