Today I saw a couple of 34 year old, vertical blind shaped children from Nebraska who came to instill culture into Brooklyn; having a ghost story telling contest and making S’mores over their vintage Zippo lighters in McCarren Park. So I zipped them up in their sleeping bags, swung them into a tree until I heard the nasally screaming stop and buried them under the adult kickball field. End of story.
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slappy jr. stumbled into the bar
with his ipa beer belly, beard, thick
ass glasses and bad attitude. i
refused him service due to his
already apparent drunkenness
he started getting lippy so i karate
chopped him in the neck,hauled
his mayor mcCheese body outta
the bar and punched him until
my fists hurt.
To all you hipsters that lurk , just know that us “OG BROOKLYN PEOPLE” have no problem with breaking you into 2 . Everytime you fucking walk across a normal looking individual , feel blessed .
Cause now you know that everytime you walk across us , in your minds we arent cool . But in our sane minds we want to kill you before you have a heart attack .
I have a thoery on why all the Molly’s and Zack’s are rapidly adopting vegan lifestyles. The Molly’s are a bunch of dumpy midwestern big bottomed cankle queens and they convince the beta males that unhealthy vegan eating is really the right thing to do in hopes that the fridge will then be void of all real food resulting in weight loss. Problem here is that the Molly’s continue to cheat and snack on the side while the Zack’s continue to turn into pencil necks. The cankles dont go away but at least the are maintained and fat cottage cheese ass also maintains in a holding pattern of pear shape. Thats why the Molly’s are all fat and the Zack’s so thin. Its all a ruse just like everything else with these faketards. Most of these Zack’s are actually closet gays so they dont mind worshipping the fat Molly ass. They are all brainwashed in a terrible cycle of fat ass, veganism, and unnatural butt worship all in the name of containing the cankles and minimizing the cottage dimpled ass.
Just this morning while waiting at the deli counter, a dad noted that “wow – you have pork loin, ham, salami in you cart. My teenagers are vegans and my wife doesn’t really eat meat. So I just get what I want.”
Me – “That’s great! More meat for you then.” He just laughed.
Terrific article here:
http://gorillabob.blogspot.ca/2007/06/why-its-okay-to-hate-vegans.html
Great bit about stupid cleanses: “Unless you’ve been eating metal or glass, nothing stays in your body for years. The intestines use bacteria to further break down food, take out what the body needs, and what’s left is pushed out as waste… Getting colonics, another food nut belief, is actually harmful, because they flush out the necessary flora the intestines need to do their job. Raw foodists are always cleansing, and falling off the wagon, because I think the body rebels against so boring a diet.”
Amen.
When hipsters cleanse, they go a week without cocaine and cigarettes. It makes you wonder, how is it that people who work so infrequently, need the rush of cocaine to get them through the day?
Any first year health sciences student will quickly learn that colonics are total bullshit.
Of course, hipsters and tree-huggers are English lit and creative writing majors so what the fuck do they know? Not Jack fucking squat, that’s what.
Which doesn’t stop The Oprah from promoting them. Did anyone see her show a few years ago where she revealed her personal health regimen? She showed the rig she uses for her self administered high colonics, a cot-chair device that has her lying face up in front of the toilet with her heels on the tank. Thanks for the visual! Now we see the secret of her dramatic weight losses, a sort of first chakra bulimia!
C., hipsters don’t know shit about anything healthy.
Hey check out the two posers in this article: These two shit rags claim to have pioneered the idea for block parties in Bushwick…
http://www.brooklynpaper.com/stories/35/29/24_bushwickblockparty_2012_07_20_bk.html
What I (don’t really) want to know is: who the fuck is Stefano Giovannini? And why is his name attached to every single photo on that site? Is he trying to build a career as a press photographer? Is he afraid somebody might steal his work and use it in the New York Times (or as packaging for toilet paper)?
Is he trying to say “Look at Meeeeeeeee! I’m the (unpaid intern) photographer for Brooklyn Paper (back before it was cool)!??? Dear New York Times, please hire me as an (unpaid intern) and I’ll gargle your balls every day in lieu of cash because I want to be, like cool”.
(From the name I’m guessing he’s a privileged Eurotrash from Italy not a local).
You know, I used to think that the Mollys were eating the Zacks. Now I know better. “fat cottage cheese ass also maintains in a holding pattern of pear shape” That’s great imagery. Someone should sneak that into The Harvard Medical School Family Health Guide.
I have a thoery on why all the Molly’s and Zack’s are rapidly adopting vegan lifestyles. The Molly’s are a bunch of dumpy midwestern big bottomed cankle queens and they convince the beta males that unhealthy vegan eating is really the right thing to do in hopes that the fridge will then be void of all real food resulting in weight loss. Problem here is that the Molly’s continue to cheat and snack on the side while the Zack’s continue to turn into pencil necks. The cankles dont go away but at least the are maintained and fat cottage cheese ass also maintains in a holding pattern of pear shape. Thats why the Molly’s are all fat and the Zack’s so thin. Its all a ruse just like everything else with these faketards. Most of these Zack’s are actually closet gays so they dont mind worshipping the fat Molly ass. They are all brainwashed in a terrible cycle of fat ass, veganism, and unnatural butt worship all in the name of containing the cankles and minimizing the cottage dimpled ass.
Cank, hipsters are a damaged batch of offspring. The damage is complex and it was done through “generations” of social programming, vaccinations, flu shots, high fructose, TV, fluoride, pharmaceuticals, brainwashing from school, military, media, medicine, food, water, Internet and air. It has all culminated to the point that we now have girls acting like boys, and boys acting like girls, and it is awful. Furthermore, we now have gender confusion where groups of men and women all look and proudly act ungendered like Pats… which is totally fucked up.
How fucking stupid is that
But it goes to show that hipsters are not really a clique or frame of mind like it was with disco, with hippies, emo, goth, etc. Hipsters are more like zombies, like Storm Troopers from the movie Star Wars, or more like Nazis during pre-Holocost. Hipsters are totally mindless, they are spell bound, they are psychologically high jacked. Their development was perverted in the masses. They are such a large group now.
Hipsters are not a clique. They are not a fad.
There are foods being genetically modified for over a decade now and humans are dimming in strength. Scientists are cloning and crossing apples with oranges, elephants with bananas, goats with kiwis, and humans with who knows what. This really is awful.
It’s really fucked up that Americans are not rioting. Americans slowly stopped protesting through the 60′s 70′s and 80′s as the production of the chemical LSD was being phased out of exhistance. That was definately a key to social de-programming.
Americans are in chemical straight jackets and under psychic arrest by the powers that be
You do know that only hipsters, dumb hippies, and idiots are anti vaccine, right? Your whole rant could be straight off a hippie blog, via Mercola or some other quack.
You do realize Natural News and Whale.to aren’t actually factual, right?
Gah. Keep your VPDs to yourself.
Even better: hang the sleeping bags from the tree, get a Louisville Slugger, and use them as Viking pinatas. When they finally split open, the crows will feast.
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/09/30/nyregion/mulhollands-a-sports-haven-in-the-land-of-cool.html?ref=todayspaper
From the accompanying photos section:
“Our bread and butter is pretty much from the hipsters who are from Indiana, Ohio, Kansas, you know, who moved here and were just looking for a little piece of home.”
The guy in pic #10 definitely deserves a visit from the hipster beater.
LOL at number #10. Minnesota jersey, shades on indoors, trying to look effortlessly cool. His beer – gets a pass, I actually like Miller High Life; liked it before the first Zack or Quinn ever even knew where Brooklyn was on the map.
It’s an under-appreciated beer, for sure. Blows away its competitors.
I’ll paraphrase Samuel Johnson:
Hipster’s WATCHING SPORTS is like a dog’s walking on his hind legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all.”
What exactly is the big goddamn deal? Like this scene isn’t played out in every fuckin’ during the football season in every bar in America.
Just another example of enamored the Times Style and Metropolitan editors are of hipsters. It’s almost like the editors of those sections have no imaginations and look to hipsters for validation. Hey, it’s the NY/Metro section. How about venturing outside of W’burg to see people without tatoos, beards, and glasses sitting in a bar and enjoying football?
Hipsters are to the editors of those sections what Barbie dolls are to little girls. If you can imagine the activity, Mattel has a Barbie for it. The same with The Times and Hipsters. Tailgating at a football game? Zzzzzzzzz. Hipsters tailgating at a football game? Stop the presses! Working people buying fruit at an open air market? Who the fuck cares! HIPSTERS buying fruit at an open air market? Run with it!
What’s next? Hipster tupperware parties? Hipsters changing the motor oil? Hipsters sitting down on a bench after walking a few hundred feet? WTF?
There, I just gave the Times three more stories to anchor the Style and Metro sections for the next three weeks.
Listen, I subscribe to that paper, but enough’s enough.
“Like this scene isn’t played out during the fuckin’ football season in every bar in America.”
See, I try to avoid a misplaced modifier and end up with a sentence that makes not sense. I did, however, preserve the alliteration.
Jesus, even the NY Post is getting in on the act now, check out “A Whole Latte Love”:
“Enter any coffee shop in New York these days, and you’re likely to find it buzzing with activity of young professionals working on their laptops for hours on end, refilling bottomless cups of coffee as they write their blog posts and design their Web sites.”
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/business/jobs/whole_latte_love_ek4hlOsm7bVeRcvNn4QF9J/0
Note the definition of “work.” That’s what built NYC all right, spoiled kidults sitting around for hours in coffee shops, pretending to be creative and trying to get laid.
Right now, the Post is in a world of deep shit, especially since News Corp is splitting its unprofitable newspaper business from the rest of the company. Five will get you ten that this was either written by an unpaid intern who grunted this out in the hope of getting out of the mailroom, or it was written by a relative of one of the senior editors, who was willing to do anything to get published for the first time.
Oh, speaking of pathetic, I heard over the weekend about the number of journalism professors who are recommending that fresh grads contact blogs and offer free guest postings, all so they can claim some kind of writing credit while they’re “funemployed”. DH, have you had any of these dweebs offer you free guest postings, promising to show the real life of hipsters to us poor unbeknighted townies?
OK this really pisses me off.
“Nick Hartman, 33, a graphic designer with a man bun-A MAN BUN!!-and a scruffy beard, who is originally from McHenry, Ill., just outside Chicago. “Williamsburg definitely has its reputation,” he said about its sometimes cooler-than-you attitude. But here, he said, pretensions are “checked at the door.” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!??!? I can tell by looking at those photos, the dress code appears pretty strict: pasty skim milk translucent skin, thick eyeglasses, ugly tatts, man buns, beards and ironically wearing team jerseys. Because God forbid you unironically liked real sports or anything when glow in the dark kickball is the rilly kewel game of choice in Nieuw Breukelen.
“The patron base is heavily Midwestern” In Williamsburg. YOU DON’T SAY.
“I think there’s a lot of people who walk in and you don’t necessarily think if they were walking down the street that they would watch football,” Julia Huffman, 33, said last Sunday. Ms. Huffman, a bleached blonde with dark-rimmed glasses, large-gauge earrings and forearms covered in tattoos, owns a hybrid bar-yoga studio in Bushwick.” <—Bitch please. Because yeah, you wouldn't want to be mistaken for "somebody who watches football". Didn't they say the pretention was checked at the door?
PLEASE Hipster Beater, PLEASE deliver an End Of Story!!! They are ruining absolutely EVERYTHING!!!!!
“There’s a lack of idiots who come here and maybe take the game too seriously,”
Gee, I’d never have figured that out just looking at the pictures.
Because God forbid a sports bar be full of real football fans on game day.
Didn’t they say the pretention was checked at the door?
It probably means they check to make sure you *are* pretentious before they let you in.
I swear, if SNL wanted to do a skit about hipsters, all they’d have to do is take their cameras to Williamsburg and do a live feed. No comedy writer could come up with a better parody.
Mulholland’s bar, however, nestled among the boutiques and farm-to-fork restaurants of Grand Street, has been a safe haven for the Williamsburg sports fan since 2006 — a place where bespectacled artists can rub tattooed elbows with the most die-hard jocks, surrounded by 13 high-definition televisions and immersed in an endless flow of beer and Buffalo wings.
Look Mommy. That $120,000 English and Journalism major (and the $4,000 monthly rent for my tiny room that smells like ass and I share with 5 other people and a pot-bellied pig and a recycled fertilizer factory under the bed) has really paid off with this unpaid internship I’ve had since 2005. I’m a real New Yorker now Mom. Aren’t you proud of me?
Mom, the check hasn’t cleared yet. What’s taking you so long? I need it fast or I can’t hang out with my bros in Cafe Verb and blawg all day.
“Nestled”. WTF? The only thing that is nestled on Grand Street are the infestations of beard fleas.
Jeezus – what an incogruous picture. Beardos with thick-rimmed glasses wearing 49ers gear. It would be just as weird seeing Fireman Ed in his Jets regalia at a gallery opening.
“Our bread and butter is pretty much from the hipsters who are from Indiana, Ohio, Kansas, you know, who moved here and were just looking for a little piece of home.”
Yeah, let’s go in there and slap them around like the math club used to at Bumphukt High.
I’d say that the bar is a hipster reform school.
See….it’s OK to watch the jocks…..and look here – someone bought our table a pitcher of Budweiser! It’s just like PBR…it won’t eat away your stomach lining!! Look at this platter of wings…..I don’t know if they’re free-range….they might have come off the Sysco truck, but they’re good…..
All I could think in that first picture was yelling at the guy on the left “YOU! Where the FUCK is your chin?”
“… And she wore her New Orleans Saints jersey without fear” Oh no! Someone might think she is not a cool unique artist because she’s not dressed like she just got out of a dance class or a hoe-down! How will the other creative-types sniff her out without some leggings and the ugliest fucking shoes you’ve ever seen!?
She wore a football jersey WITHOUT FEAR! Oh it took such bravery!! She’s a fashion-forward urban pioneer! Nobody’s EVER worn a football jersey before!!!
This is how pathetic the NYT has gotten.
Yes, they’ve bought into the very ethos of the morons that they’re writing about. Like the “urban hikers” who they wrote about last week on their annual trek from Union Square to JFK.
LOL And half the reason they’re into Molly Muffin-body is because of their severe Mommy issues. It’s easy to figure these types of dudes out…middle-aged Mommy is round and fluffy….it’s always either Mommy didn’t hug enough or hugged too much. Either way, you get a narcissistic, whiny male who either becomes hen-like himself or expects the Molly to now become Mommy.
I actually read the sentence on Metafilter, regarding the hipster herd movements in the Los Angeles area,”Be careful of [neighborhood X], but don’t give up hope as we are sweeping the gentrification process in to that area too. Some of ‘us’ are moving in there bit by bit.”
Now, if THAT doesn’t sound like a conscious battle plan, I don’t know what does. Fuck the denial you hipster shits: You’re neo-racists and your white guilt comes from your ‘rents suburban paranoia.
They don’t give a rats ass about their impact on neighborhoods ‘of color’ because they see pushing them out as saving it. And they believe that because they determine that all urban people of color are, in fact, violent, thuggish gangsters who hate white people and think of nothing but hurting them.
Forget about trying to point out that, too, is another expression of their immeasurable egos. All high thought is something only the pale face can understand, like.”
Cunts.
Oh, the fear is important: the fear that her cohorts (you really can’t call them “friends”, because they’d stab her in the back in seconds) might find out that she’s wearing it because she wants to, and not because it’s “ironic”. Considering that the ones mocking the most are also trying to figure out how to get away with wearing their old Star Trek uniforms from high school, this should be fun.
Today I decided as real Brooklynite to head over to the Atlantic Antic. Lost of hipsters above the line. As we were having a few pops in scary local bar with no wifi and, god forbid, non-craft beer. All of the sudden, it started to rain and the scary local establishment that has been serving locals for year became overun with Caleb, Hunter, Harrison, Molly, Sara, Katie and Zacky Poo. They crowded in like they were in a science fiction faux art movie starring local – real people. The skinny pale weakling beta’s complained to the bartended, who is also a regular guy, thats it chilly and damp in the bar. In the next moments and hipster hating uprising occured in the bar. The alpha males banded together and threw the hipsters into a giant bonfire outside the scary bar. The women that were with the aplha’s then lit the hipster pile. It must have been the grease in thier hair, the excessive earwax on thier iToys or possibly the amount if skid mark in thier drawers casue damn did that pile flame up. It was then warm on the rainy cool damp scary day….
Aw man, We were at the Antic and missed all of this amazing fun!
Can someone please answer this question: are hipsters in general, racist?
They’re not explicitly racist. They just use minorities as backdrops to their whimsical lifestyles, but only tolerate diversity on their own terms – i.e., when they’ve pushed out most of the blacks/Hispanics out of an area and become the majority. They claim to celebrate diversity, yet seem to seek out and live amongst their own kind exclusively.
They also co-opt ethnic cuisines and pass them off as their own authentic creations.
Worst of all, they’re pretend poor. They never face the prejudice and discrimination of say, someone who’s black…they can just make a call to mommy and daddy back in Centerville, Ohio and have hundreds of dollars handed to them. They poverty slum. That’s how you get an obnoxious show like Two Broke Girls.
Nah, I don’t consider “hipsters” racist. They’re just pretentious, kidult, rent-raising fucks.
They’ve been taught that racism is wrong. But they don’t really care about the hoods of the NYC ethnics who they push out without a second thought. It’s a benign form of racism in their minds. They’re too busy tending rooftop gardens and making ART! to notice anyone outside their small universe.
I disagree entirely guys. I think they are well aware of their racism but in certain environments just don’t discuss it or adopt their natural posture of being phoney. While some of them may be civil, even friendly, to non-whites wandering into their ‘hoods’, lol, they’re not going to venture in the other direction because they are intimidated by them DUE TO their racist assumptions.
I can think of some neighborhoods where the hipsters are just better served to stay away, but that’s people in general. They just don’t ‘get’ that there’s an important distinction between Common Sense and Racism. If they had Common Sense, they wouldn’t fucking act the way they do. So what does that leave?
the fauxsters, faketards, and other groups that form the genus of Hipsters are certainly racists… lets see them scramble if a couple of black kids wanted to join the kickball game or a few asians spoke to them about vegetarian foods. They would all be asking Siri “who are these people” “who are these scary scary people” Siri might answer: go ask your fuckin mom you loser .. please move back to the shittstown USA and yes ask your mom …. She will explain over chips ahoy and a glass of milk who they are and why they are in your precious space.. she will then take another xanax , give you one and tuck you in you femtard.
You made my Zacky Poo cry you bad bad honest man. Im going to call the FBI cause Zacky cant stop trembling at the the thought that he may have to actually get a job one day .. My Zacky should not have to face such adversity in life ,, get the Smores and the candy corn so I can rescue Zacky.. No sleep till Brooklyn.
How did you get your Glock?
Did the 68 Pct Auxilliary co-ordinator leave his locker unlocked again?
I am really sorry you failed the psych test for sanitiation and even Bensonhurst ambulance will not hire you, lol.
LOL at you having any room to mock someone who applies for a job.
‘sup, fag?
Zach: your response is typical of a Hipster. The standard ad hominem attack on the person delivering the message .Grow up fauxtard and please move back to where you came from…. You are not clever, zany or ironic. You are a loser.
You can’t make this shit up. You boys are gonna love this…
http://www.kptv.com/story/19634769/rogue-ales-beard-beer
They haven’t thought of a name for it yet. I’m thinking “Lice House Ale”.
The Board of Health should shut that shithole down. Blech!
Reminds me of that Drew Carey show in the 90′s ( gasp! how dare you! ) when Drew and his two doofus sidekick friends decide to turn his garage into a micro-brewery. The money hole just gets deeper and deeper until they realized that giving each other blow jobs on Friday nights was something they were much better at.
Chlamydia.
Rogue usually makes really good beer, and that brewmaster is no hipster.
But EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW. WTF.
http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/teen-pizza-delivery-boy-accused-manhattan-rape-confessed-court-papers-article-1.1171461
Did a hipster ever attack anyone?
They are in NYC legally.
What about illegal immigrants who take jobs used to be filled by americans and fill twenty to a room in an apartment that used to be rented to legal residents.
What about that?
It is ok for Bay Ridge Barry’s Lawn service to hire illegal immigrnats for $4.75 an hour off the books and Gravesend Gloria the landlord to rent her walk up apartments to Mexican’s for jacked up rates………
I hope your little P.S. 200 Patrick get sodomized by Guatamalla Jorge when he gets pulled into a basement cellar on Bay 28th Street…..
So fuckyourself Die Hipster !!!!
We are legally renting apartments, have on the book jobs, and are legally in the country.
And watch us creep farther and farther down the F Line…..all the dispalced dianes will be up in arms.
Zach,
I sit here and grin knowing how hurt you – exposed for being such a tryhard. Being exposed for daily – even hourly making sure whereever you are, you are trying to sound cool and look cool – even as you approach middle age in a new place like Brooklyn. You don’t belong here. You belong where you came from. You just don’t fit in like a normal transplant or immigrant. Sure, next to Ironic Ethan or Kazoo-voiced Kyle you feel comfortable, but when you see a real Brooklynite, you simply are beat; you’ll never be ‘urban’. You hate the fact that I’ve called you and your species out on all your organic bullshit and costume wearing. Grinning!!!!!!
This is my 1st post BTW
Last month, my wife and I flew to Portland to go tour Mt Hood and the Columbia gorge. She wanted to visit the Pearl district before we headed over to the gorge. I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. If they weren’t sporting a beard it was the bifocals. I’m guessing 90% of the hipsters were wearing glasses. Masturbation must be running rampant in Portland because these effeminate male hipsters are going blind. And speaking of goin’ blind, do they not see that the pants they are purchasing look like designer clam diggers. I begged my wife to please hurry but she had to check out the Lulumelon which we just visited in Dallas before flying out. Lets hit the one in Seattle and make it a fucking Lulumelon trifecta. Yogo pants for men?!? Finally we got out of Portland and just as we’re almost to our destination in the Columbia Gorge I pull over at a general store to take a piss. As I’m in line to check out, this old hippie goes off on a rant about all the young people moving into the area and how it’s not what it used to be. Then he lost me with the organic farming and he then went off on coal being shipped through the Gorge via train. He then apoplogized for holding up the line with his rant. I was already missing the Southern Oklahoma rednecks that I was vacationing from but not the 107 degree heat. Oh and Zach from Ohio, you spelled Guatemala wrong. I traveled there four times in 2006 to adopt my little girl. She’s wonderful with her Okie accent and loves to go deer hunting with her dad and help him make chili (Beef).
Hi, DH! I wish Zach would stop telling people where he comes from, as a Buckeye I’m tired of being tarred with the same brush. Ohio is full of decent people who stay put and don’t go swanning off to other cities to fuck up the local’s neighborhoods. I apologize on behalf of all Buckeyes for the large proportion of your transient population from our home state. We didn’t want them either but I’m sorry you have to suffer through the
Arrogant Zach claims what Diehipster says about hipsters ruining Brooklyn isn’t true then brags about facilitating the invasion for profit and bitches when he’s called out for it! It reminds me of skinheads denying the Holocaust and then bragging about it.
Endeavor to persevere, DH.
Should read “suffer through the invasion.”
Zach obviously came from downwind of the PUREX plant. He should be quiet in a couple of weeks or so. Permanently.
^so community college or just high school?
How far do VAMPIRES go with their education again? I heard they have to repeat the last year of high school over and over. No, wait, they start three different degrees at decreasingly prestigious colleges and don’t finish any of them, right?
They can’t see themselves when they look in the college yearbook.
Nice one!
MFA, OSU ’97
Shhhh! Grown ups are speaking.
So, I notice the error, self correct and you jump up and lisp ” He made a mistake, he made a mistake! Teacher, smack his knuckles!” Weak.
You start off with a… does that qualify as an argument? … that goes something like “people like you commit rapes, people like me don’t.”
Then you kind of slip sideways into racism with a rant about illegal immigrants.
And then you sign off with a fantasy about illegal immigrants raping people.
Nice job representing a group of people who claim to be intellectual and insightful.
Take your illegally converted sub-sub-sub-letted roach den over-occupied studio shithole apartments, your unlicensed typhoid trucks and coffeerhea cafes, your rampant drug purchases and drug dealing, your defaulted/endlessly and fraudulently foreborn student loans, Kickstarter fraud, near-total noncompliance with bicycle regulations, unpaid perpetual interning, and endless swindling lies to Mom and Dad asking for more money, and gas yourself.
AMEN!!!
Hey Jerkwad – if it wasn’t for immigrants (legal & illegal) nobody would be making your locally sourced pizza, cutting your lawn or making PBR in the brewery.
Zach: What’s your reason for coming here? Do you get Brownie Points from somebody for trying to pick an argument? Do you gain some sort of perverted “street cred” for each word you misspell, each apostrophe you misplace, and your horrendous misuse of other forms of punctuation? Aren’t you a little overly defensive about being from Ohio, yet living in NYC? Aren’t you more than just a little bit twisted for hoping for ANYONE to get sodomized? And then you have the audactiy to suggest that Die Hipster “fuckyourself”? Pitiful.
Sorry … “audacity.” Dog forbid I be guilty of one of Zachy-poo’s crimes.
You’re so weak. You don’t even know the difference between ‘illegal’ and ‘undocumented’. But go ahead and keep spewing all your angries that you weren’t born with a big dick, you’re losing your hair rapidly, and walking against a light breeze fatigues the hell out of you.
Hate to tell you this, Precious, but you’re headed for a meltdown and when the guards got you in the straight jacket….boy oh boy are they gonna have fun giving you the Daddy-spankings you so clearly miss and enjoy.
Dispalced dianes? And your minion Ned didn’t’ ask you if you went to community college like he asked me when my computer fucked up. How even handed and carefully thought out.
On Sunday, I was on a wild goose chase for some water filter parts. I wound up in Haddon, NJ. I’m driving up Haddon Avenue and slowly see the street change. When i finally find the hardware store
I’m surrounded by canklelinas on fixies, coffee shops and art ARt ART galleries. F**ck me another decent neighborhood ruined by the hipster plague.
So i walk into the hard ware store. I’m immediately struck by the vibe. Normal guys in the hardware and plumbing section yukking it up with the sales people.
And hipster exclusively occupying the paint aisle. And from what i can tell, no one really likes them.
So I get my parts. Pencil limbed Drake and his cankle-tron are outside standing near their Mini-Cooper. Their purchase sits by the store: 3 bags of peat moss.
They struggle to pick one up.
The 15 year old kid who was working outside, see them walks up, throws on bag under each arm and carries it across the parking lot to Joshie’s car. Then he goes back for the third.
No tip.
Of COURSE he didn’t get a tip. He wasn’t working as a barista with $80k of student loan debt and an upcoming child on the way. If he’d just pranced up and asked for help because “I’m trying to pay off my journalism degree,” they’d have practically thrown their wallets at him.
Related story: I had errands of my own yesterday, and my wife asked if we could stop by a local antique mall. It’s a nice place, minority-owned, with a decent selection at decent prices. Of course, it’s also full of Zach and Molly clones, all pointing in every direction and squealing “My gramma used to have one of those!” The owners put a sign on both sides of the door reading “Please close the door: we’re trying not to cool the outdoors.” Without fail, each and every post-irony poster child mashes the door open and leaves it open, even after straining to read every last word on the sign. When asked “When you go through, could you please close the door?”, one even sneered “Then get it fixed” before mincing out the doorway. And yet they wonder why they’re so hated.
They could just get the door fixed.
Have you heard of self-closing doors?
They don’t have self-closing doors out Leroy’s way. That’s another good reason hipsters don’t belong there – they think it’s beneath them to actually close a door behind them.
Now, be fair. As compared to Zach’s previous environs, we’re pretty civilized. We have buildings all of three stories high, and we even have indoor shitters. I realize that this is far too sophisticated for Dogfelcher Falls (where the main entertainments are cross-burning, book-burning, and sister-fucking), but what can you do?
LOL!
They had one. One drunk hipster broke it last week, and they’re getting it fixed this week. Try again, tryhard.
Have you ever heard of responding to a polite request with civil compliance? Oh, I have to have a door that closes itself so it’s your fault I left it open despite the openly displayed sign? Bring rude, get rude.
Find one and stick your neck in it.
Yep. Here’s one. Don’t let it hit you on the way out.
I know what you’re talking about. It’s the attitude they have. Probably due to the fact that they grew up in places where no one would punch you in the face for being such a snot rag.
HIPSTERS ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE ON THE PLANET.
GET OVER THIS HATE YOU RETARDS. WE HIPSTERS ARE INNOVATIVE, SEXY AND SMART PEOPLE. WE HAVE BROUGHT MONEY INTO WILLIAMSBURG AND THE REST OF BROOKLYN AND CREATED THE BEST BUSINESSES FOR THIS SOCIETY.
WE ARE GOING TO CONTINUE BRINGING OUR BEAUTY INTO THE NEIGHBOURHOOD WITH OUR SEXY ART, FASHION, BEER GARDENS AND MUSIC. SO GET USED TO IT YOU ASSES. HIPSTER PARADE IS COMING.
Just stay east of the Cuyahoga River and you’re cool with me.
Hipster parade followed by Rottweiler brigade chomping at your anemic asses.
High again…
You are so funny!
Louie in vocal fry hell.
Sorry if this has been posted before.
It deserves repeated viewing.
HIPSTERS ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE ON THE PLANET.
GET OVER THIS HATE YOU RETARDS. WE HIPSTERS ARE INNOVATIVE, SEXY AND SMART PEOPLE. WE HAVE BROUGHT MONEY INTO WILLIAMSBURG AND THE REST OF BROOKLYN AND CREATED THE BEST BUSINESSES FOR THIS SOCIETY.
WE ARE GOING TO CONTINUE BRINGING OUR BEAUTY INTO THE NEIGHBOURHOOD WITH OUR SEXY ART, FASHION, BEER GARDENS AND MUSIC. SO GET USED TO IT YOU ASSES. HIPSTER PARADE IS COMING.
Obvious troll is obvious.
Reminds me of the old joke: What’s 3 miles long, bright green and has an asshole every 18 inches? The Saint Patricks Day Parade!
ROFL!!!!
HIPSTERS ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE ON THE PLANET.
GET OVER THIS HATE YOU RETARDS. WE HIPSTERS ARE INNOVATIVE, SEXY AND SMART PEOPLE. WE HAVE BROUGHT MONEY INTO WILLIAMSBURG AND THE REST OF BROOKLYN AND CREATED THE BEST BUSINESSES FOR THIS SOCIETY.
WE ARE GOING TO CONTINUE BRINGING OUR BEAUTY INTO THE NEIGHBOURHOOD WITH OUR SEXY ART, FASHION, BEER GARDENS AND MUSIC. SO GET USED TO IT YOU ASSES. HIPSTER PARADE IS COMING
HIPSTERS HAVE THE BEST FASHION. PERIOD. THIS WEBSITE IS TITLED WRONG. IT SHOULD BE CALLED “LIVEHIPSTER.COM”
ON A SERIOUS NOTE, CANT WAIT TO OPEN MY NEW COFFEE HOUSE AND BEER GARDEN NEXT SUMMER. IT WILL BE VERY DIVERSE AND DIFFERENT FROM ANYTHING ELSE YOU HAVE SEEN.
I call first dibs on any ‘groupons.’
I’ll get some set up for a wine tasting event where the entertainment is you getting guillotined.
I’ll bring the guillotine!
http://caesarsghost.wordpress.com/2012/10/01/new-tv-series-to-take-place-in-new-york-city/
“Upon release of the news, Manhattanites were excited about the eyes of the world focusing on their little enclave.”
Yawn…
Oh, that’s a good one. After all, nobody in the entirety of human existence has EVER made a TV show set in New York, right? (And yes, I kid. Good job: after listening to all of the hypersensitive whining about “GCB” and the revival of “Dallas”, I envy you guys being able to note “Another TV show set in New York? Big fucking deal.”)
Forbes: The 10 Hippest Neighborhoods in America
http://homes.yahoo.com/news/the-10-hippest-neighborhoods-in-america.html
Shocker: Nieiuw Williamsbuergh, Briuekeleen is only #3. You mean there are other places where fizzy-headed i-drones and flea-ridden, tattoo addicts will flock? There IS a god! You hear that hipsters? Head for Silver Lake, Los Angeles- right now! Though I never heard of it in my entire life, so don’t let that stop you for infesting it and destroying for the locals. Sorry, locals, my zip code is currently full.
Well, I guess that with a name like “Valley West Phase VII,” my neighborhood doesn’t have a cute enough nickname to become a hipster hotbed. How sad.
But the Silver Lake hipster invasion, coupled with their taste for lillicit pharmaceuticals and the influx of their unearned cash, surely means that it’s only a matter of time before Echo Park, right next door to Silver Lake, reverts to its ’70s identity of “Needle Park.” You’ll know when it happens once you start reading about one or two “junkie funerals” popping up a week downhill. It’s happened it Portland, so it’s only a matter of time. Cheers, Cali hipsters! Your destiny awaits!
HOLY FUCKING FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!
I can’t fucking believe these shitstains have infested Russia now. What happened to Putin’s goon squads which have crushed rock concerts and opposition rallys?
http://rt.com/art-and-culture/news/tweed-ride-cyclists-style-413/
Now, the last bit of hope I had for the human race is gone.
That’s definitely surprising. I’ve always thought of Russians as the ultimate “anti-twee” types.
I’m not surprised in the slightest that Forbes put East Austin and Oakland on the list. What they’ve forgotten, though, is that by the time Forbes notices anything, the trend is dying. Oakland’s hipster boom is collapsing because the parental money is running out, but East Austin is dying for one good reason: the dipshits jacked up the rents so badly that even longtime residents, the ones crying “Keep Austin Weird!” at every available opportunities, are fucking sick to death of the SXSW hangers-on. The only bad news is that the former Austin infestation is moving back home to North Texas, and there’s talk about spraying Plano, Frisco, and Corinth for hipsters along with spraying for West Nile Virus. Get rid of two vile pests at the same time, apparently.
I live in east Oakland and I have seen hipsters wander through the neighborhood every once in a while; but none that actually live here (they are usually confined to west and uptown). However I just saw a one sitting next to my apartment complex last night drinking beer (coinciding with the first of the month)…Fuck my life.
And of course the H Street Corridor clocks in – where “Politico” hipsters flock. Hopefully the douches will flock out in the Fall. However, I’m sure a new crop of douches will flock in to take their place infecting DC. Oh, and that picture – what a setup for a dropkick to the nuts. Put that smug bastard right through the window.
haha, we need an anti-hipster parade in brooklyn!!
http://thecaptainpower.blogspot.com/2012/09/if-you-beat-mega-man-you-can-get-ripped.html
I notice the use of the Louisville Slugger for many Hipster Beatings… this is the bat of my choice
http://www.coldsteel.com/brooklynsmasher.html
I am hoping that the beta males just run out of $$$ and go back to Suburbia, USA and adjust to playing video games, making faux art, playing around with a camera and yes iToys in 4G back home. Ooooh ! Wowww ! Kewwel ! Hopefully, immediately following the betas back to Shitztown will be the various cankle ducks and hanger ons as all the $$$ will have been depleted.
Boo Hoo Squish Squish. Hipsters are crying uncle
http://brooklynbased.net/blog/2012/09/the-hipster-haterade-has-gone-far-enough/
And, surprise surprise, they got the intent of the website wrong, accusing us of inciting real beatings on people instead of recognizing that it is SATIRE! Brooklyn Based should read the FAQ, slipshod literary hack!
…and they can’t distinguish satire from real threats….
They’re complaing about hipster hate while showing a jar of beard oil?
A non-ironic hipster garage mechanic would have gone a lot further toward making their argument.
I think she purposely wrote this to direct traffic to the site and get the comment count up. She saw how well it worked for Greenpointers. I won’t give them the satisfaction of a second read.
Hear hear. When you consider that the incessant hipster mantra is “Look at MEEEEEE!” giving them any attention, even if it’s negative, feeds their little egos. Giving them no attention whatsoever, though, either makes them realize that nobody really cares about their little games, makes them realize that the only individuals responding are the equally attention-deficient expecting a reacharound, or that they need to amp it up a bit. If we’re lucky, they’ll quit playing games and accomplish something of importance and note. If we’re luckier, they’ll stomp back to Dogfelcher Falls, crying about how the vicious townies picking on them just don’t appreciate art. Oh, and how their moms think they’re cool.
Remember this article from back in February, “The Sorry Lives and Confusing Times of Today’s Young Men” by Sandy Hingston?
http://www.phillymag.com/articles/the-sorry-lives-and-confusing-times-of-today-s-young-men/
Well, speaking of butthurt, you now need to login to comment or read past the first 9 comments.
Yep. I posted it. My comments were not shown. I didn’t know what was worse – the beat males or the whining of the girls about how they can’t find a real man.
You made your bed so…..Women have been cluelessly taking the advice of “Sex In The City” type advice columnists about getting empowered and how men suck and they’re not really needed. Look at the sitcoms and commercials. Dad is the hapless fool who can’t do anything right..were’s a baby sack while mom works. We’ve been pretty much emasculated by the media thanks to these dummies and know they want us to man up?
I don’t always check the balance of my trust fund using a vintage abacus
But when I do I always make sure someone’s looking at me.
Stay quirky, my friends.
Really? I use Aztec knotted strings. Locally sourced hemp, of course
Nah. Napier’s Bones, dude. That’s the way to go.
Ah..my sundial says I’m 6 hours late for a meeting – I think.
Stay funded, my friends.
Have you seen the Tre Sequis beer commercials on SNL? They involve the hipster son of
The guy that does the real commercials. Funny stuff.
When dad calls him out – he says “YOU THINK YOU COULD HAVE SHOWN UP AT ONE OF MY SWIM MEETS!??!
I need to find that link….
http://www.nypost.com/p/entertainment/tv/recap_joseph_gordon_levitt_stars_eLZnfr0okAEyl9omn76m4H
OK, I watched both of them on NBC’s SNL page. Pretty funny.
TSOTMIMITW is less hipster and more douchebag, though.
tainted veggies gorwn by the Gowanus? How so?
http://brooklynpaper.com/stories/35/40/dtg_toxicgowanuscorn_2012_10_05_bk.html
Same deal with buying former meth houses without bothering to get them inspected:
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/mystery-illness-solved-family-discovers-home-meth-lab-184815233.html
That last one pisses me off on a personal level. An acquaintance of my wife’s bought a house about four years back. making a huge deal about how buying “as is” saved them all sorts of money on inspection and closing costs. In fact, she got pissy when friends and cohorts warned her that buying any house without at least one independent inspection was a Bad Idea. She didn’t want to listen. She got angry when anyone brought it up, and then got smug when the loan went through. Right now, she’s got six people living in that house to help cover the loan (picked up, naturally, when rates and house prices were still unnaturally high because she drank the Kool-Aid about how “there’s never been a better time to buy”), she owes more on repairs (roof, carport, floor, foundation, and plumbing) than the house is worth, and the neighbors hate her because she got equally snotty with them about how it’s her right to run a slan shack. If it turned out that the house was previously used for manufacturing radium watches, I wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest,
The amateur horticulturist in me says “Midwestern flyovers – please try the excellent free-range corn. It’s like a little slice of your childhood. Corn on the cob, creamed corn, corn muffins. There are so many things you can make with Gowanus corn.”
Fucking excellent!
“But the group used a compost from the Gowanus Canal Conservancy that was likely speckled with corn seeds, resulting in grains sprouting as high as six feet near Saint Marks Place and President Street.”
But a warning was broadcast after several passersby mysteriously vanished in the vicinity of the mutant plants…
NYT Encourages Hipster Hunters
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/02/books/new-breed-of-hunter-shoots-eats-and-writes.html?nl=todaysheadlines&emc=edit_th_20121002&_r=0
“The woods this fall, these books imply, will be crawling with iPad-owning, J. Crew-wearing Natty Bumppos. Be prepared to duck.”
JEBUS H CHRIST! I can just visualize these beardos in the woods with a gun that knocks them on their ass when they fire. Shoot at noise much? Be careful out there…
Geesh! Another great American tradition sacrificed on the altar of LAMism. Is there anything these undermen will not taint???
And along that line, Lena Dunham is holding out for $1 million on the US rights for her new advice book:
http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2012/10/01/lena_dunham_book_proposal_the_million_dollar_pitch_.html
You’d think that publishers would have learned their lesson with Elizabeth Wurtzel 15 years ago. At the very least, you’d think that someone would be thinking of how many millions of copies of this piece of shit will be in the 90 Percent Off bin at Barnes & Noble in six months. However, when it craters, and it will, it won’t be the clueless dolts at the publisher that bought it. It’ll be our fault for not having sufficient respect for the voice of our generation.
Upcycle! They’re gonna build a life size replica of Fort Ticonderoga with them.
Oh and she goes around pantsless too:
http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-style/news/lena-dunham-goes-pantsless-love-it-or-hate-it-2012110
Honestly – I can’t stomach this woman/girl/thing.
And those tats….Ugh. Nothing’s more of a turn off than a skank making a half-baked effort
to appear feminine.
Oh and an advice book? On what? How you can work in film if you have famous parents?How much life experience this turbo skank have?
I looked up CankLena’s parents and saw some of their artwork. What a couple of fucking psychos.
Daddy. (Google “Carroll Dunham” and go to images for more)
http://www.carrolldunham.net/
Mommie
http://www.art21.org/artists/laurie-simmons/images
Christ! Mommie’s more horseface than she is and daddy’s such a fucking pervert. No wonder they produced such a mutant offspring. The must have both been smoking poles when they were younger.
Oh, and I have no conscience mocking her for her doughy body. She was chosen for Girls exactly because she’s doughy to make the cankeleenas and the sorority girls feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Hey, look on the bright side. Now the hunting ranges will be full of free-range Elmer Fudds, just waiting to be picked off by real snipers.
Wabbit Season!
Hipster Season – Bitches!
Even better. Now they can print their own guns with a 3d printer.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/future_tense/2012/10/02/_3d_printed_gun_wiki_weapon_on_hold_after_stratasys_revokes_lease_on_printer.html
I’m actually quite familiar with 3D printing technology, and while I think it has great potential, but it’s just not up there yet for gun making. We’re talking about plastic with a low melting point which would melt in boiling water. I think this would be the perfect weapon for young quirky “Huntsters”. Especially if the print out the bullets too.
SSSSH! Be vewy quiet. I’m hunting hipstas…
Oh, Bwunhilda, you’re so wuvwy…….
I have a vision of a hipster Facebooking a picture of a dead cow with the caption “Dude, I just totally shot this deer!”
I have a vision of them looking for whores and prostitutes.
(Amazing how Beavis and Butthead feels like Masterpiece Theater after so much hipster shite).
This thread just cries out for one of your CSI flights of fancy! Please indulge us.
Here you go.
C.S.I. WILLIAMSBURG: OPENING SCENE: 8AM in darkest Billyburg, streets devoid of scarf wearing, tattoo covered, purposeless eyeglass sporting playcationers, just working folk bustling to their jobs. Lenny the Detective exits his car carrying two carry-out cups of coffee and approaches an Asian uniform standing next to his squad car. There’s a perp in the back seat, a scoped hunting rifle and a hat with deer antlers laid out on the trunk.
DETECTIVE: “Hey, Yahmana, I thought you could use this!” handing him a cup.
UNIFORM: “Thanks, Lenny! Fair trade?”
DETECTIVE: “Seemed fair to me, a buck a cup!”
UNIFORM: “AH, I needed that! It’s to early to deal with hipster shit!”
DETECTIVE: “Yeah, this time of day every good little hipster has been abed for two hours! What’s this precious snowflake been doing up and about at this hour?”
UNIFORM: “We got a call about an hour ago reporting a bearded Q-tip wearing antlers and carrying a rifle running down the street. When we caught up with him we drew down and ordered him to drop the weapon. He started yelling “It’s OK! I’m just practicing! Chill out, dudes!” Took us a few minutes to get him to comply, he didn’t want to scratch up the gun, kept whining “But I just bought it last night!” He’s been demanding to talk to our superior, guess that’s you!”
DETECTIVE: “Lucky me. Let’s see what Daniel Boondocks has to say.”
The uniform assists the handcuffed perp out of the car.
PERP: “Damn, man, get these fucking cuffs offa me! I told you I was just practicing, it’s not even loaded! You guys are totally over reacting!
DETECTIVE: “Calm down and we’ll get you side of it. Name?”
PERP: “I’m Noah Canklespawn from B’burg and I was just getting in some practice before my buds pick me up to go hunting. We read in the Gawker that the new hip thing is hunting so we bought guns and we’re going to the Jersey Pine Barrens to harvest some deer!”
DETECTIVE: “And the hat?”
CANKLESPAWN : rolling eyes “It’s an Ojibway hunting hat, you probably never heard of it. It lets you get close without spooking the deer!”
DETECTIVE: “What about the other hunters mistaking you for a deer and shooting you?”
CANKLESPAWN: “Like, Native Americans have been doing this for centuries, man, they NEVER shot each other!”
DETECTIVE: “I stand corrected! Well, Mr. Canklespawn, you obviously know what you’re doing so we’ll leave you to it. Sorry to have disturbed your morning. Just don’t pull the gun out before you get there and we’ll forget about this misunderstanding”
CANKLESPAWN: rolling eyes “Dude, I know what I’m doing I watched a video on YouTube!”
Just then a Prius pulls up to the curb, two people wearing ghilly suits in front. The driver yells “Lets go, Noah, we’re burning daylight!” Canklespawn grabs his gear and heads for the car bleating “These cops were hassling me, man, or I’d have been ready!”
As the Prius pulls away the Detective and the Uniform exchange eye rolls.
UNIFORM: “Guess it’s Jersey’s problem now.”
DETECTIVE: Yep! That’s something new, though, the self destructing hipster! We gotta start promoting this new hunting fad!”
UNIFORM: ” Yeah, it may be the solution we’ve been hoping for, sustainable, locally sourced stupidity!”
DETECTIVE: “Something we’ll never run out of, Yahmana!”
END OF SCENE
There ya go, Katrink, hope you like it!
BWAHAHAHAHAAA! Yo, DH! You haven’t been trolling the Queensboro bridge lately, have you?
http://gothamist.com/2012/10/02/photo_metal_tacks_give_cyclists_fla.php
“Mustachioed cartoon villain”…ROTFLMAO!
Mostly off topic (but the sight I saw did nearly cause me to stop and dole out a couple of hipster beatings of my own), but yesterday I saw something that gave me a thought that I thought might be worth sharing here.
So I was driving home after giving a friend a ride home from work and stopping to get a few groceries, it was towards the end of the rush hour, maybe 6:30p. Still a lot of traffic. Home girl lives pretty close to me so I took a parkway home as it is both the most relaxed and also the most direct route. What do I see standing in the middle of the bike path on the side of the road but a josh and a meghan in full body protection gear and those long cuffed heavier gloves slap boxing like they were training for the lamest boxing match of all time. Now I’m all for training and love boxing and think that almost all hipsters could use a real workout like sparring would provide them. But that’s what basements and gyms are for right? Why on earth would you do that in the middle of a busy intersection while people are driving home from work or driving to their evening activiteis or out on the bike path getting a little exercise? And especially why would you be boxing a chick if you’re a dude?
So it got me thinking about where these two probably came from — they were quite obviously not from this neighborhood — and why would they feel the need to “train” out in plain site. Keep in mind there are no houses for blocks around this area, or gyms. Just factories and a few softball fields accross the street from where they were standing. And even if they were in the softball fields, I probably wouldn’t have thought twice about them. But here they are standing on the corner motherfucking slap boxing while both wearing about $200 worth of brand new looking pads and protectors. And it occured to me that in the small towns that most of these “urban pioneers” come from, eveyone knows everyone else’s business. And I imagine the suburbs are the same way, athough honestly I’ve never never lived or even spent much time in and suburbs, so I can’t say for sure. But in a bigger city like mine, no one knows and for the most part no one cares what you’re doing. Ever. We all just mind our business. And city people are generally not impressed with things like training, becasue most of us grew up boxing or at least with people who boxed.
So that’s my thought. Maybe the hipsters and yups and transplants all have this deep seated need to be seen because back home in East Bubblefuck South Dakota everyone in the entire town would have known that josh and meghan were doing some training becasue when Molly down at the five and dime (or nowadays I guess down at the Pamida or WalMart) sold them all that gear she would have went home and told her mom and boyfriend and they would have told the church and quilters club and everyone down at the bar, and no doubt when caleb and tristen and wallace and beccah and erin all found out, they’d stop over to josh and meghan’s to see how it was going. But here, no one cares. Not a single person. So they have to “train” in the street where people will notice them and hopefully talk about them.
And I believe it’s the same with the “art” and the “performing” and everything else they do out in the street. It’s more than just a LOOK AT ME fetish. It’s also a little bit of homesickness rearing it’s head.
Reminds me of the hipster I worked with who was so desperate for attention he would dress in full protective gear and mask and hold fencing matches in the company quad at lunch time.
Agreed. These clowns grew up with their entire lives memorialized (if only…) on video. They’ve been stars in their own little slice of heaven ever since they popped out of the womb, so it must be horribly frustrating to learn that they’re just another creep on the street once they venture outside of their geographic comfort zone. No wonder they literally beg for attention from strangers in whatever strange land they relocate to.
“Lookit! Lookit! Lookit meeeeeeee! I’m SPECIAL! See?”
No. No, I do not. Now please, get out of these nice peoples’ way, won’t you?
“HATER!!!”
Perfect!
I see it withsome of the kids on my son’s team. Every f**cking practice they’re out there with video cameras, recording every move their little rosebud makes – 90 minutes practices, 4 times a week – with narration.
And it’s worse at meets. The rules are no parents on the pool deck. But that doesn’t stop them. One dad actually set up his camera with this lens that was as big as a friggin’ howitzer. He actually asked one of the officials to move so he can get some prime shots for his Facebook page. Then I (I volunteer as a timer) – who WAS supposed to be where he was standing bumped into him and the guy turned around and berated me.
Meanwhile, all the other kids were done and waiting for Junior who’s thrashing around in the water like f**cking FDR (you don’t get out of the pool until everyone finishes the event).
As someone who DID grow up in the suburbs, I very respectfully have to disagree. There’s a very good reason why so many McMansion suburbs become havens for marijuana grow houses: you almost never see anybody outside in those spaces. In many of them, the only signs of life you’ll see outside are the occasional lawn crew mowing the tiny strip of grass in the front: with most of these zero-lotline monstrosities, everything’s done inside. Mom’s terrified that her precious snowflakes might be carried off and eaten by a grue, so they play inside. When they go out, they go directly from the back door to the garage to the monster SUV, without ever passing into outside air. I once lived in a neighborhood where a local retiree would sit on his porch and wave to folks going by, and he was considered so bizarre that the local paper did a big article on him shortly before he died.
In that environment, Josh and Meghan are at a major disadvantage when expecting attention outside of the family. If they want to put on a show, they have to do it outside in that fifteen-minute period when everyone comes home from work in the evening, before the residents hightail it inside and turn on the TV. The only sanctioned shows in high school involve sports or cheerleading, both of which set off hipster anxieties that never go away. If you decide to do a “performance art” display in school, you’ll be mocked for years. Do it on a streetcorner in Dogfelcher Fallas, and you’ll be lucky if the cop only asks you to move on and play somewhere else. Organized presentations don’t work anyway: hipster art requires unwilling witnesses, much like how a serial public masturbator has enough money to afford hookers but actually gets off on wanking in front of schoolgirls and having them run away screaming.
For that need for an unwilling audience, I hate to say it, but New York is a perfect place. You guys are a lot more tolerant of beginners who could become great artists and performers, and hipsters take advantage of that. The cops won’t come down on Josh and Meghan playing crazies, because they have enough real crazies to take up their time. The basic attitude among most New Yorkers when faced with this sort of attention-seeking stunt is to ignore it, because they’ve seen stranger things in their breakfast cereal. Worst of all, when a hipster gets ignored, the impulse is to get wilder and louder and less professional, because pissing in the middle of the living room worked so well when they were back in Dogfelcher Falls. Out there, when they get their asses kicked or just solidly mocked, that’s what sets off the waterworks. “Haters gotta hate”, when what they really want to say is “Daddy, I want those bad people KILLED!”
For our latest mission, six undercover actors burst into song in a grocery store in Queens. Three minutes and lots of silly choreography later, they returned to their roles as shoppers and stock boys. The mission was filmed with hidden robotic, lipstick, and wearable cameras. The song was played over the store’s PA system live.
I really dislike the whole flashmob thing. Don’t impose your fantasy on me in public and I won’t impose mine on you. Just more “LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” and ART ART ART; most clumsy and amateurish. Pathetic…
Childish nonsense.
You nailed it, thank you!
Here’s something I saw several weeks agoI’ve been wondering about the attention whoring — I got on the B and as I entered there’re two guys playing music in the car. Not on the platform, not playing between stops and moving through the train at each station. These two asshats stayed in one car, taking up 5 seats at the beginning of rush hour–one playing bongo, the other an acoustic guitar.
Now, the kid on the guitar — a Tyler if ever I saw one — ironically wearing raybans (on the subway) and a brush cut, played samba while cool daddy played bongos with his eyes closed, he was an older guy, probably a local. Tyler had spread his guitar case open in the middle of the car for any contributions. But neither of them paid the slightest attention to the $, or to the audience. They were too “pure” for that I guess.
But here’s the thing. Clearly Tyler wasn’t doing it for $, or he’d have been on the platform or moving through cars, like normal musicians. Nope. The way I figure it Tyler had PAID cool daddy to play with him, in a subway car, with a captive audience — so he could have bragging rights and tell the folks back in Chester PA he was a street musician in New York one summer.
A man boxing a woman? Well, if it’s Cynthia Rothrock or Grace Jones, I guess it’s OK.
At least he picked someone stronger than himself.
The Bubble Wrap Generation.
Look… the Hipsters are trying to create a wannabe Tribecca Film Festival:
http://greenpointers.com/2012/09/21/opening-night-of-the-greenpoint-film-festival/
WTF??? Roll in the RED CARPET!!! VIP Hipsters only to attend.