The NY Post reports on the huge spike in Apple product thefts in Manhattan over the last year. Before we go any further let me say that I’ve owned two i-Phones over the last 3 or 4 years – let’s face it, they are amazing gadgets; hipster defenders on this site love claiming that because you own an i-Phone you are a hipster. That’s such a weak argument; I’ve seen 75 year old grandmas with i-Phones. What makes somebody a hipster is if they have an i-Phone while they are wearing a scarf in 85 degree weather, sausage casing jeans, the physique of the Sea Hag from Popeye, and pay $4.85 for a coffee.
The post article says: “It happens in areas where you have affluent people who can afford these products — Midtown, Greenwich Village — and hipsters are among the targets,” the source [law enforcement official] said.
HAHAHAHAHA! “Hipsters” are among the targets? So now law enforcement officials are seeing these imaginary creatures? Wow, there must be something hallucinogenic in our water because if you went up to practically any Caleb, Molly, Zoey, or Zach in North Brooklyn or the East Village and asked what a hipster was they would shrug their popsicle stick shoulders and nasally honk “I have no idearrrrrrrr”. And can you believe it? The other day when the i-Phone 5 was released, the city had police protection at every Apple store! What a waste of resources. Why the fuck should a bunch of idiots that are camping out all day for a phone get protection?
Police Commissioner Ray Kelly said: “Individuals alert to their surroundings are less likely to become victims of thefts of iPhones and other hand-held device.”
Yeah but these kidults of the corn that have recently arrived for their playcations here in NYC still think they are hanging out in front of some strip mall back in Culdesacia, USA where everything is safe and sound. They also like to stand or sit near the train doors with the i-Pads, Pods, and Phones in full display for an easy grab. How about the ones that walk around Bushwick at 2am; drunk and high on booze, drugs and ART ART ART – blasting their favorite Macbook and Casio keyboard bands through their headphones and then WHAM – they get punched in the face and have their i-Shit jacked. That’s when they really really need the police. But when they want to have Obama rallies and OWS gatherings and block streets with their signs and tubas, bongos and banjos – the cops are bad and wrong for taking any kind of action.
All in all, Christmas has come early for a whole bunch of thieves this year.