Here we go again! Someone claiming we are all delusional; that there is no such thing as hipsters. That among all the normal looking, non-attention seeking, unpretentious people of Brooklyn, there are no costume/uniform wearing, smug, pseudo-intellectual, kazoo-voiced try-hards. The worst part is this guy is a native! Yep, every so often you come across a bad apple. Come on man, you are butt hurt by all the negativity surrounding hipsters and you know it Henry. After reading that article I imagine you a little boy hiding in a closet with a blanket over his head during a thunder storm. Face it: every morning when you look in the mirror; check out your beard; adjust your silly hat or scarf or thick frames, you are hoping to be noticed for your costume like a 10 year old on Halloween. You want other hipsters to look at you and say “hey, now I can see myself sitting at kewl bar with that fellow, chatting about obscure books over a craft beer.” Go fuck yourself. If that bar ever opens Henry, I have a feeling you won’t like it once it fills up with too many icky common local folk. O’Henry, why don’t you just move to Williamsburg and stick a Mast Bros. chocolate bar up your Hershey highway.
I urge everyone to head over to his article and leave some nice comments. You can even make up some stories of actually seeing these elusive beings called “hipsters”.
I’ve never known someone to want to be a hipster so bad. Just cause you dress like a hipster doesn’t make you one, just an idiot with no fashion sense. If you support yourself financially, you’re not a hipster.
“Wannabe” is the key word here. And I love that definition: “if you support yourself financially, you’re not a hipster. Tru dat. He sounds like a self-hating blue-collar New Yorker, who probably got made fun of for his accent when he went to college. We’ve all been there, we all got over it. (I did, anyway.)
Wannabe hipturds are often worse then geniuine article. They should know better. I do know of some hipturds who do support themselves — the Mast Bros support themselves because they found a way to fleece their less intelligent hipturd brethren.
Imagine that. He proudly runs the checklist. Most of ‘em deny it. This fucker is in a really shitty circle of hell.
Done, take a look at what I wrote.
I love what you wrote.
There’s nothing so really odd about this guy.
Some people renounce their citizenship. Others renounce their religion.
He just renounced his Brooklyness.
We won’t try him for treason, as might happen to a traitor.
We won’t burn him at the stake, as might happen to a heretic.
We simply tell him to move to Culdesacia and be surrounded by all the hipsters-who-do-not-exist. The last thing Brooklyn needs is a Fifth Column of Hipster Deniers, aiding and abetting the enemy..
Yea man, props to that. He probably is a true local, but got caught on by the fashion ‘trend’ and overall ‘look’…not so much the cookie cutter hipster attitude. Perhaps he is just a stray Brooklynite with no fashion sense??? who knows..we have come across people his age who dress ‘like a hipster’ but really are not hipsters..just people who have a fashion identity crisis……so its getting hard to tell who’s who in the hipster trend which means its starting to die out pretty good…when everyday decent people get caught up in a trend (buying the black rimmed glasses, the hipster clothes gear etc) it’s becoming mainstreem and that’s a big ‘no no’ to the real douchebag hipsters….
Truth be told, much of the “millenial” fashions look “hipsterish” to me. I came of age during a time when even Josh and Ethan wanted to look like an extra from a M.O.P. video. What gets me is how hipsters harp on the look/apparel as if that’s the hipster’s only defining characteristic and the sole reason they’re disliked by so many. We all know that’s not hte case.
He didn’t denounce his “Brooklyness”. You really know nothing about him, his life, or his family history growing up in Bay Ridge just because you read one article that he wrote. He still lives there now. He supports himself financially. What’s the problem? People just don’t like the idea (and clearly can’t get over the idea) of different kinds of people (who are actually from Bay Ridge! shocking) running around and not being able to pinpoint exactly what they are – or where they are from. I thought that was the best part of being from Brooklyn? You know, being able to just be you? Apparently not. Similar to my post in the other article about this beer garden subject, I joked that the owner of Kettle Black mistook us for transplanted hipsters, because of the way we dressed. Not the case. We’re from here, we live here now, we support the community and are proud of where we came from. It’s a pathetic day to see people so upset about the way that we dress or the things we like because they’re “too similar” to how “hipsters” dress or the things they like to do. Just because we may not be like “everyone else” in Bay Ridge, doesn’t make us any less “native”. Honestly, if you’re all true natives, you should be ashamed of how narrow minded you’re all being. Do you really think everyone with thick glasses or a different style of clothing or someone who likes art/music is a transplant? I mean, come on. How naïve can you be? If you went to Fort – didn’t you guys have the “stair people”? The “metal corner”? You never second guessed if those kids were from Brooklyn just because they looked different. So why are you doing it now?
I can tell a hipster from a Brooklyn metal head in less than one second. You are focusing too much on this one Bay Ridge post I did.
It’s because I love Bay Ridge. And yes, I can too – just trying to make a point here.
All hipsters must die. That is all.
Alex, it is hipsters who hate anyone different than themselves (i.e. scary brown people and natives). The worst part is their hypocrisy. They want to be down and “from” NY, but they hate real New Yorkers because we expose them as the frauds they are. I have NO problem with people moving to New York who admit where they are from and are proud of it. Be real. Don’t claim you are a New Yorker just because you moved here. You are in fact just a transplant. If I move to Beijing, that does not make me Chinese.
I’m actually 100% with you. The problem I was having was my fellow natives trying to claim I wasn’t actually from here, because I may “look” like a hipster, and it’s impossible to be from Bay Ridge when you do, apparently. (I should mention the majority of my anger stemmed more from the original article about the beer garden being opened, and less from this post.) I also have no problem with people moving here who admit it and are proud of it – I’ll welcome them with open arms, and like you said, just be real. I would not move to Beijing and call myself Chinese, either! I just don’t like feeling like people assume I’m from West Bumblefuck because I don’t fit the Bay Ridge stereotype, that’s all. Also, if a hipster hates a native, it’s probably because they’re fucking jealous. I mean, I would be slightly jealous of someone born and raised in the greatest city on earth if I wasn’t fortunate enough to be from here.
Yep. Straight thru industrial sized woodchippers en masses.
DOH! “en masse”
“Do you really think everyone with thick glasses or a different style of clothing or someone who likes art/music is a transplant?”
No, just another vapid, no-talent conformist.
Is he a homo? Is he single? he sounds hot……
Just because we may not be like “everyone else” in Bay Ridge, doesn’t make us any less “native”.
First of all, when every other ad campaign has hipsters straight out of central casting, you know hipsters as a zeitgeist have jumped the shark, so don’t even pretend hipsters are just some figment of everyone’s imagination.
2nd, the thing with “hipsters” is not merely that most are transplants, after all we are city built on immigrants – and that’s part of the problem. Immigrants WORK. On the other hand, domestic transplants don’t actually want to be in New York, they want it to be just like home, but trendier.
Related to this attitude is that as a group hipsters consider themselves urban pioneers, bringing their thoroughly trite, derivative scribblings and “art,” that might be a huge deal in Dayton, here, among us, whom they clearly view as poor unwashed masses, the natives of NYC, “townies” is their word because they come from suburbs, to this heretofore grand, diverse entity called New York Fucking City, one of the more wised up places in the West. Yes, hipstes, you so impress us with your specialness and talent.
Hipsters are so special and talented that when they went all edgy and urban on the Ravenswood neighborhood in Chicago, they turned it into something straight outta Bloomington, Indiana.
Holy fuck I know exactly what you mean. I moved to Chicago about 2 years ago and I’ve seen the way they’ve changed Logan Sq
They’re coming into Pilsen now! I had a hard time finding an apt by Midway and ended up here. But they are taking over and rising up the fucking rents here and its still somewhat of a crappy neighborhood, but imagine what its going to look like in a year or two.
I am from New York and occasionaly when someone asks me where I am from I hate telling them because they first this they say “NYC??!!? LIKE where Brooklyn IS??!!” That’s all they know and I just say “nah I’m not from BK ..totally sucks ass now”
I grew up in Flushing Queens.. Last time I visited, you bet your ass they’ve “discovered” the asian cuisine near Main St. I’ve only seen one or two…but even that’s too much for my eyes. Ugh.
If and when I ever get back to the city, ill head up to the BX with the rest of my family up in Throgs Neck, Morris Park or Pelham Bay where its still safe
My wife, kids & I lived at 18th and Canalport in the early 90s, when Pilsen really WAS an artist’s neighborhood. We paid the Podmajerskys $175/month to rent on Jefferson just south of 18th, in a brick 2-1/2 flat that predated the Chicago Fire – I was in a post-grad programdowntown & only working part-time, so it was a pretty good setup for us. Eventually we moved west on 18th to the funky townhouses east of Halsted, just behind Providence of God. The appeal wore off after a couple of kids got shot in a gang dispute during a dance in the church basement, so we moved back Nort’Side (that’s not a “sic”) to be closer to Mom after she got too old to care for herself. Even way back then there were signs that things were going to be changing, like that “climbing wall” gym over on Halsted at 19th, but I always figured Pilsen was too hardscrabble to make the turn. I’m not surprised that they’re moving into the Sout’West Side by Midway – the Bungalow Belt is screaming for gentrification, with those cute little houses straight out of the 1920s and plenty of sidewalk space for their goddamned side-by-side strollers …it’ll morph into their idea of what Tiffin, Ohio should be in no time.
I’ve never been to the Sout’west Side by Midway but I have been to Tiffin, Ohio and my heart bleeds for you! Stay strong!
It’s interesting that the very first sentence says “non-hipster bar.” He clearly knows exactly what people mean by “hipster.” Is it a somewhat inexact word? Yes. Does it play on stereotypes to some extent? Yes. But most language is not 100% precise all the time, and stereotypes usually exist because people choose to play into them in real life.
Just because a few hipsters manage to have jobs, or just because a few natives have decided to try to become hipsters doesn’t mean that the general phenomenon of hipsterism isn’t real. It’s very real, it’s clearly not just a word. To suggest that people have simply made up the idea of hipsters out of nothing is clearly wishful thinking.
So this guy knows exactly what people are talking about when they say “hipster.” The fact that he wants to pretend that he doesn’t just shows that he doesn’t want to be considered a hipster. In fact, anyone under 35 who pretends to not know what a hipster is, or tries to argue that hipsters are imaginary, is most likely a hipster themselves. This is classic narcissism: the belief that even though you might have all the signs of being something you don’t want to be, you pretend that you’re not, because you think you’re a…. SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE…. not like those “other” pretentious fedora-wearing mustached try-hards who think they’re creative and unique, you’re the real thing…
He reminds me of the basement shut-ins who get offended when they’re called “Trekkies,” because everyone knows that the correct term is “Trekkers”. And if you call him the appropriate term, “Cat Piss Man,” listen to him demand that you show proof that Cat Piss Men really exist, too.
Ha! Many years ago, I actually got into an argument with one of these guys. My friend and I were spewing an onslaught of really horrible insults. This greasy lump – 300+ pounds, smelling like rancid bacon fat and wearing a food stained t-shirt and spock ears- finally lost it when I told him he looked like a reject from “Star Wars”.
That’s when he roared like a wounded pachyderm and leapt over the table tot ry to strangle us.
LOLOL! That Star Wars reference was CRUEL! LOL! I bet he still relives that incident and since then, has prayed for your untimely demise. LOL!
Clue him in: A “cat piss man” is a Trekkie that’s been 10% Rastafied.
I’m not an alcoholic. I just drink constantly and can’t stop. Alcoholics are imaginary boogeymen!
I’m not an alcoholic either. I’m a dispsomaniac!
Yes! Great word! David Niven used it to describe himself in his autobiographical books. Dipso for short! And it’s less archaic than sot or tosspot.
And for more fun, who’s up for making an anthropological video of hipsters in their native environment? After all, if they don’t exist, they shouldn’t be able to be photographed, right?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2207683/Video-What-happens-glue-Apples-iPhone-5-floor-.html
Seriously, I could see DH doing this, with a few modifications. Instead of lethal force being applied, just let them bend over to pick it up and then pop ‘em in the ass with a tranquilizer dart. When they wake up with three new ear tags, a radio collar, and big numbers painted on their asses with fluorescent paint, they’ll promptly rush back to the rest of the colony to show off how they have something before it was cool. Once you find where they’re holing up, THAT’s when you drop the napalm.
LMAO! Do that at the Bedford Ave. L train stop, sit back and watch the fun!
“Hipsters in the Mist”
OMFG that’s funny as shit LOL!!!
*sigh* Where’s Sigourney Weaver? We need her kicking some alien or hipster ass ( as she did to the intern couple that came to study with her and the big monkeys lol ).
I always love the ole ‘there’s no such thing as a hipster’ routine. The second you see these words, you know there is a nasally bearded stick on the other end of it.
DH, I sent you a link this morning right along these lines; let me know if you didn’t get it, and I’ll resend.
My mother-in-law’s boyfriend is from Sicily (where his family was dirt poor. He’s the quintessential “came here when i was 8 years old, took advantage of every opportunity this country had to offer but awlays says how Italy is soooo much better than the USA in every respect.
he’s a flag waver. italy makes the best cars, has the best healthcare. he’s a member of the Sons of italy. And every time a mobster gets collared and makes the papers, he screams that we live in a racist country and that there’s no such thing as the mafia.
There’s no such thing as Bigfoot!!
“Hipsters don’t actually exist”.
Shit hipsters say.
http://gothamist.com/2012/09/25/nypd_to_apple_customers_watch_your.php
The 2012 version of ” Keep Off- Wet paint”.
You would think that after handing over 30 or 40 pieces of I-stuff a hipster would get the hint.
A bit more on topic. Wonderful article! that’s what all Bay-Ridgers have been wishing for a place to grab a craft brew and talk about art, Art ART! I guess it’s a myth that some like to talk about sports or the upcoming union contract.
Ugh…I saw a hipster working at Fed Ex and heard him talk to this bitch saying “yah” umm WTF is a yah? Sorry Jah can work with rastas but not those racist freaks…
L Magazine makes me seethe. From the few times I’ve actually read it you’d think nowhere else in Brooklyn exists other than Williamsburg, Park Slope and Bushwick, i.e. the hipster areas. And that rag is loaded with “I look and act like a hipster, but I swear I’m not a hipster” articles.
lmfao i fucking love how everyone who is posting truth is getting down voted . But with mommy and daddy stipulating their ego from a very early age , its hard to handle the truth .
is the hipster ‘trend’ dying out allready? we’re growing tiresome of it over here…boring..next trend…and if you run into them, feel free to tell them off and make them feel five inches tall…its fun….viva revolution!
It’s over when it becomes mainstream. And that would be IRONNNNNICCCC!!11!!
We already have a hipster pitchman for the NFL Network – if there’s anything that’s not hipster, it’s football.
It’s over when they finish broker class and start selling real estate. (based on the San Francisco experience). No, wait, the trouble has just begun when that happens.
Welcome to Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom with your host Marlin Perkins. Today’s episode: On the Trail of the Wild Hipster, the Urban Bigfoot!
PERKINS: ” Have you ever seen a hipster? Many people claim to while others say they don’t exist.
Reports of this creature have been dismissed over the years as hallucinations or hoaxes or just fireside legends among the natives. Join Stan and me as we set out on the trail of this illusive, maybe mythical denizen of the urban ecosystem.”
LOCATION: URBAN PARKLAND.
PERKINS: ” We’re here in McCarren Park in the wilds of darkest Brooklyn where we’ve set up a blind in the bushes to observe and possibly capture an adult of the species.”
STAN: ” That’s right, Marlin, though it is doubted by experts in the field that hipsters ever reach full adulthood. The only creditable sightings have noted retention of juvenile traits well into breeding age, not unlike the axolotl or certain insect species. There is even a theory that the hipster is merely the larval stage that pupates into the Oregon Pretiree a proven species sighted in the last few years in the Pacific Northwest.”
PERKINS: ” Facinating theory, Stan, if true it proves their range is much larger than once suspected.
We’ve baited a lure in this clearing in hopes of attracting our subject within darting range. Two cans of PBR, an iPhone and a bar of Mast Bros chocolate have been put on a tree stump next to a 40s Schwin fixie bike. Should be irresistible if our information on their habits is accurate. Let’s watch!”
VIEW OF CLEARING: Baited stump and bike center screen. After a few seconds a red rubber kickball bounces into the foreground and rolls to the foot of the stump.
PERKINS: VOICEOVER: ” We’ve got some action! Stan and I must remain absolutely quiet to avoid startling this illusive creature. Wait….there, coming out of those bushes! A wool cap! Since it’s August this may just be our prey!”
LONG SHOT OF BUSHES: The wool hat emerges slowly from the foliage revealing large, lensless glasses frames, a red beard and a wool scarf.
PERKINS: VOICEOVER: ” Oh what a specimen! It shows all the field characteristics, if we can draw it out further and see that it has more than two tattoos we can be sure of confirmation!”
STAN(whispering) ” Marlin, look! Sleeve tats AND two inch gauged ears! We have confirmation!”
CLEARING: The subject has emerged from the bushes and rapidly approaches the stump, nasally trumpeting “Kewl! Urban foraging works!”
PERKINS: (whispering) ” Take the shot, Stan!”
STAN: (rising and aiming the dart rifle) “Got him!”
CLEARING:Hipster oofs and looks down at his belly from which protrudes a red-fletched tranquilizer dart, ” Whut! OMG, I’ve been shot! Zooey, help!”, then falls in a heap.
PERKINS: ” Good shot, Stan! It called to it’s mate so be on the lookout, an enraged female hipster is much more dangerous than the male!”
MARLIN AND STAN approach the unconscious subject cautiously.
STAN: ” Magnificent specimen, Marlin, let’s tag him and crate him for release back in his Midwest home range.”
PERKINS: AS STAN STOOPS TO LOCK AN I.D. TAG IN THE LEFT EAR GAUGE. ” Yes, Stan, he should be allowed to roam free in his natural habitat. And don’t worry about separating him from his mate, hipsters don’t mate for life.”
PERKINS: ” And there you have it, proof that the Urban Hipster does exist! Join us next time on Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom.
This is brilliant! You worked hard on this parody and deserve praise for it.
Is “The Wonderful World of Disney” on next? Didn’t it follow “Wild Kingdom” for years on NBC?
Thank you, Tom Ray! I don’t really work that hard on them, they’re single draft written spontaneously based on input from other Diehipsters. They come unbidden from my warped imagination. The hard part is the typing, I’m a hunt and pecker (no, that’s not code). And most importantly, they are FUN to write!
The Wonderful World of Disney? Possibilities…… I’ll see what I can do!
Lol!! That is fantastic! ‘An enraged female hipster is much more dangerous than the male’ might be my favorite line, but it’s filled with gems.
I blush! Thank you JAZ, I haven’t had a venue for my comedic flights of fancy in a long time, but I do this verbally all the time. I guess that’s why they’re so easy to write in one draft. All my C.S.I. Williamsburg scenes and now M.O.O.W.K. came to me in a flash from comments by other posters, I couldn’t do it without the ignition spark from my peers. When funny intellects rub up against each other a positive charge results!
I blush! Thank you JAZ, I haven’t had a venue for my comedic flights of fancy in a long time, but I do this verbally all the time. I guess that’s why they’re so easy to write in one draft. All my C.S.I. Williamsburg scenes and now M.O.O.W.K. came to me in a flash from comments by other posters, I couldn’t do it without the ignition spark from my peers. When funny intellects rub up against each other a positive charge results!
I blush! Thanks, JAZ. I haven’t had a venue for my comedic flights of fancy in a long time.
All my C.S.I. Williamsburg scenes and now M.O.O.W.K. came to me in a flash from comments by other posters. I couldn’t do it without the ignition spark from my peers.
When funny intellects rub up against each other a positive charge results!
What the hell happened?!! Goddammed magic talking box!
HILARIOUS!
Wish you really could tah em and send them home.
You CAN, Stacyjw! Just attach the eartag to 20ft of flexi cable with an industrial magnet on the other end. Then throw the magnet at the first westbound Greyhound!
You are a genius! This is what I call art.
Thank you m’dear! Keep this up and I won’t be able to get my hat on! The funny is out there, you just have to keep your eyes and ears open and the hiptards write it for you!
What’s worse? Hipsters or Those Who Want to Be Hipsters Without The Mess?
This try-harder needs to come down off the fence. It’s like saying, “I’m not really a Nazi. I just like the uniforms.”
Yeah, hipsters don’t exist, meanwhile the smug art yuppie who wrote the L Rag article is carefully following the Die Hipster blog. Self-hate much, hipster?
From the same L Magazine most-read articles…”10 Must Haves for the Hipster Home”, not that they exist or anything:
http://www.thelmagazine.com/gyrobase/10-must-haves-for-the-hipster-home/Content?oid=2243631&storyPage=1
The second thing on that list is a COLORING BOOK
http://www.thelmagazine.com/gyrobase/10-must-haves-for-the-hipster-home/Content?oid=2243631&storyPage=2
The other stuff is either dumb, expensive, ugly, or pretentious. Perfect distillation of the hipster.
We have a Chemex, but because my wife’s mom has one – it’s great for home coffee, but way too slow for coffeeshop coffee, unless the customers don’t have to go to work.
Yeah but $40 for a glass bottle?
They want a biergarten that caters to hipsters? That would be more like a Kindergarten. If that’s what they want they better be ready for the douchebaggery that comes along with it. There’s a lot to be said for fleecing hipsters, but it will take an infinite amount of patience putting up with those entitled fucks:
1. There will be no sports on the bar TVs. Ever. No Superbowl, no World Series. Obscure art films only.
2. Be ready to deal with the stroller nazi daddy mommies who insist on bringing their kids to the bar. The stroller nazi parents will complain that the art films contain adult content and is inappropriate for little Sebastian or Juniper, and will insist that you turn them off. Trying to compromise by putting Dora The Explorer on one screen will not be satisfactory. They want them all turned off and nobody is allowed to curse or get too rowdy because they’ll wake the baby.
3. There will be Performance Art. A Performance Artist will destroy the entire interior as part of the Art, and you will have to pay/possibly close for all the repairs. It’s ART, Maaahhnn.
4. There will be people who insist you book their shitty bands, promising you lots of revenue, because said shitty band “is the next big Brooklyn band, L Magazine said so”. You’ll fall for it. They will bring 5 customers, and drive anyone who was already there away.
5. Hipsters will force you to rearrange your entire menu, because it doesn’t have enough artisanal locally sourced, rooftop grown, fairly traded items-of-the-day on it for them.
6. Then when you get them their locally sourced cadmium battery factory urban rooftop beekeeper items, you’ll have to deal with people going into anaphylactic shock because the thing they insisted you get gave them an allergic reaction.
7. You’ll have to serve gross shit like prosciutto-wrapped Twix bars, chocolate flavored whiskey and pickle juice.
8. Make sure you have great bouncers for when Caleb’s credit card comes back unapproved for the $450 bar tab, and he insists “why should I have to pay?? It’s my Dad’s fault the card was shut off, he was supposed to pay it already” and tries to skip out.
9. There will be the fights that break out over Candyland, Battleship and Sorry games.
10. Wifi hobos who never leave and never buy anything.
I know it’s tempting to quadruple the prices and fleece the hipsters for a quick buck, but hipster “culture” is absolutely insufferable. That guy must’ve had his head up his ass when he said he wanted a bar to cater to hipsters.
Well put. You need to post it the comments section of that article.
“Wifi hobos”. Priceless. On Ft. Hamilton & E. 4th Street there was a cafe that went belly up and is going to be replaced by a “brew pub”. My husband and I talked with the guy who was working in the place. He said there will be something like 20 beers on tap. When we asked about food he said it “won’t be burgers and fries and stuff”. So I won’t be going there and stuff. We keep seeing stray hipsters in Kensington with occasional forays in Dennys (they don’t last long in there) but so far they’ve fixated on Ft. Hamilton,Parkway. They can have it.
http://gawker.com/5946176/bullshit-list-says-washington-dc-is-not-americas-hipness-capital-yeah-right
It’s hard to claim someone is something based solely on what they wear or what they associate themselves with, that would be judging someone on appearance but it is not even plausible to say that “hipsters” are non existent. Claiming your individuality by staking it on how unique you perceive yourself makes you a hipster in my book. Fuck that. I don’t care about Brooklyn or wherever you’re from either, it’s the fact that the attention getting antics are all the same and somehow all individual? It’s like saying I’m goth and no other goth looks like me. You give someone the descriptor as “goth” based solely on how they choose to dress and the things they associate with. fuck this hipster bullshit. please end already.
Kat’s Left the Cradle, by Hairy Dayton
Woman-child arrived just the other day,
Came to Williamsburg in the usual way.
There were long boards to ride, no bills to pay.
She slept to noon while she was away.
And she was talking ‘fore I knew it, as she grew,
She’d say, “I’m a barista and a bass player too, dad.
You know I cannot be like you.”
And Kat’s Left the Cradle with a silver spoon,
Pabst Blue Ribbon, bills once a blue moon
“When you coming home, Kat?” “I don’t know when,
But Brooklyn will be relieved when
You know they’ll have a good time then.”
My son turned thirty-seven just the other day.
He said, “Thanks for the rent, dad, next month I’ll pay”
Can you teach me life skills?” He said, “Not today,
I have a hangover.” I said, “That’s ok.”
And he walked away, and my smile soon dimmed,
Said, “He really needs to see a gym”
He really needs some time in a gym.”
And Liam’s left the cradle with a silver spoon
He’s a bit blue, his iPad pinched by a goon
“When you coming to Dayton?” “I know when,
He’ll get groceries then.
You know he’ll eat well then.”
Well, she came from art college just the other day,
No prospects, so I just had to say,
“I’m concerned about you. Can you sit for a while?”
She shook her head, and she said with a smile,
“What I’d really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys.
See you later. Can I have them please?”
And Kat’s left the cradle with a silver spoon,
Pabst Blue Ribbon, can’t even carry a tune
“When you going to grad school?” “I don’t know when,
But I’ll earn an MFA then.
You know I’ll be deep in debt then.”
I’ve long since retired and my son’s also moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind.”
He said, “My rooftop farm collective, is meeting at five.”
You see, it’s a bit of a hassle, and I’ve got blog updating to do
But it’s sure nice talking to you, dad.”
It’s been sure nice talking to you.”
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred too late
He’d raised the rent in 718
He’d raised the rent in 718.
And Kat’s left the cradle with a silver spoon,
Pabst Blue Ribbon, alarm set for high-noon.
“When you coming home, hon?” “I don’t know when,
But when I’m “broke” we’ll get together then, dad.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”
Should be, “can I teach you life skills?” Close enough…
Nice! That got a laugh out of me and I’m NOT a morning person.
LOL! Good one!
This made me lol BEFORE coffee! Excellent!
Greeting from Southern California.
A local old Pub was recently gutted to make way for an “Automated bar”.
You know what that means?
Eventually Hipsturds won’t truly technically exist. They will be replaced by Hipsturdbots.
And what the hell…
“A classy Williamsburg joint evokes childhood memories of strip-mall Chinese food. ”
Holey diarrhea. I feel for you.
The “L Magazine” ….that’s a reference to the B Burg Bound Love train? Too easy…. I have lost a lot of fellow Jersey natives to the hipster way. It is clear now that it is no longer an issue of transplant glow in the dark white guys from ridiculously boring states. It is a ‘virus-culture’ that has now started infecting our locals…AHHHHH
I’m as grouchy as a wolverine with rabies already and regardless of the writers content, I just couldn’t rationalize reading the whole thing. Nevermind the topic, he’s a shitty writer. Staring at a pound of wet liver on a plate is more interesting than little numbnuts….article? WTF was it exactly? More of that tryhard nothingness so the idjit has something to talk about and come off as ‘arty’ when he meets up with equally tedious butt buddies to honk into the wee hours of the night.
4finger can do a far superior job on the fly and wrote something ten times more creative and worthwhile to read. Just because someone can type or read does not guarantee they have a foundation of natural talent to build upon. But boy do they try and by the thousands!
“Lemmings, meet cliff.”
FUWI, my man! I missed your words of praise yesterday, it’s nice to receive complements on my efforts. You are a funny motherfucker your own damn self! You’ve cracked me up long before I started posting and, among others, inspired me to contribute. You keep it up and so will I! ” AND ONLY THROUGH YOUR LAUGHTER CAN YOU WIN!”
Knowledgeable, but funny, as are many of your blogs. I read through
the archives over the past week, and I must say I think
I’m found a new bookmark.