After being bombarded with this story, I had to say something about it. It’s about the owner of the well known bar in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn called the Kettle Black who is inviting with open arms “people from Nebraska, Ohio and California who wear the hipster uniform” to a Midwestern themed beer garden he plans on opening soon in the neighborhood. Are you fucking kidding me? These “uniformed hipster” people already have a billion fucking bars, gardens, cafes and restaurants that they’ve opened for themselves in North Brooklyn; and Bay Ridge is also packed with plenty of places to drink as it is so this all seems unnecessary to me. Why target them? Well yeah, obviously money – you mention the words craft-beer, garden, and Midwest and these try-hards might come down with their well known deep pockets; but it just seems wrong to purposely try to attract these parasites to a hipster-free hood.
Why not just say you are opening a beer garden and see who shows up? Do we really need emaciated Brawny Men on estrogen – drunk and nasally shrieking into the night about some obscure book that they skimmed through to sound like intellectuals or talking about some weak ‘post-modern’ art gallery they went to in Bushwick earlier that day? Do we really need a thick eyeglass convention to be congregating on the corner in painted on jeans; smoking their healthy, additive free hand rolled cigarettes talking about music nobody has heard of? Do we really need creepy, bearded, bed-head hair-do transplants staring at us with smug because we have Brooklyn accents – in BROOKLYN OF ALL PLACES?!?!?!?
But then I started thinking after discussing this with a couple of friends and reading through some comments: Will hipsters even bother traveling across the entire borough just for the same craft beer they can get in their gentrified neighborhoods? And I don’t get this ‘craft-beer’ bullshit; it’s bitter, flat, overpriced and after about an hour ends up in the same fucking place the Bud and Corona do – the toilet. Bay Ridge is only accessible by the R train which runs local and is a bitch to get to from North Brooklyn. Then you have the hips and yups in Park Slope and even some that have wiggled their way into Sunset Park that do have access to the R – but they also have tons of establishments to go to instead of this place. The few that do come to ‘explore’ will probably be turned off by the locals because you know hipsters dislike the locals of any city they pioneer into. So anyway, I’m not too worried at this point but if this bar opens the flood gates for droves of these ironic interlopers to come and start colonizing and ruining Southern Brooklyn, I will have my soldiers at every exit on the R line from 59th St to 95th St waiting with baseball bats and tire irons to greet them. Have a nice day.