Welcome to a new segment called Arty the Seal Critiques: “Art”. This segment is dedicated to pointing out that everything is not ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART that these hipsters make although they think it is because it’s just way too easy to slap the word art on it and call yourself an artist. A diehipster.com fan and commenter ‘DIEHIPSTERSCUM’ was nice enough to make this graphic of Arty the Seal that you see to your left. I love it. I mean, I liked my shitty one I made the other day, but this one is much better. So basically Arty will tell you in a video what he thinks about the “so-called art” featured in the post and then I will translate it for you. By the way, Arty is a hipster hating seal that lives in the NY Aquarium in Coney Island – real Brooklyn. He barks like an alarm when he sees an out of place hipster who has crossed the red line into southern Brooklyn and is wearing a ski hat and scarf in 85 degree weather on the boardwalk.
Today Arty the Seal critiques a “team of artists” who have “unleashed a fleet of remote controlled toy mini-boats” into the Newtown Creek equipped with underwater cameras to record the toxic sludge and human waste that lie beneath. You’re probably wondering – where’s the art? Hipsters sure do have a fascination with toxic creeks and canals in Brooklyn, don’t they? They eat, drink and play right along them (Gowanus and Newtown) all the time. So let’s hear what Arty has to say.
You stupid fucking Megans. This is not art! I repeat, THIS IS NOT ART ART ART ART ART. This is a junior high school science project at best. I know when your airplane from Wisconsin landed in JFK a couple years ago you delusionally heard the flight attendant announce “you may now unfasten your seatbelts and call yourself a Brooklyn artist” but wake the fuck up you frauds. Stop pointing at everything and pretending you have some keen artistic eye. You suck walrus cock. I should bitch flipper slap you. How can you display a video of toxic sludge and human shit in an art gallery and not realize that you are a fucking try-hard. REMEMBER! ITS NOT ART!