It looks like the necessary act of ‘hipster beating’ is spreading like wildfire. Here is a recent Arby’s commercial - in which they consulted with me - where a creepily moustached, kazoo-voiced hipster get crushed by a piano. They got the idea from this hipster beating:
Link: TODAY’S HIPSTER BEATING – July 12th, 2010
Here is the commercial:
LOL
hipsters = wiley e. coyote karma
And now, Dwayne the Hipster
Not a hipster because:
1. He’s black, as are the audience.
2. The audience are annoyed by his lack of talent.
If he was a hipster:
1. No black people would be allowed in the room so junior would feel safe.
2. Everyone would be sugary smiling so as not to let little Caleb know that he totally sucks.
3. He wouldn’t even have Dwayne’s singing ability.
Or, think of him as a blipster and the audience being the vast majority of normal reaction.
It’s about behavior, not skin color.
Love the ending except for the fact that the hipster was still moving.
Congrats, DH!
The only issue I have here is that the guy opos up out of the piano at the end and smiles. I would have preferred a Wizard of OZ ending where you see a spreading pool of blood and an severed arm holding an i-Phone,
Here, here!
This screams for a Youtube “remix”.
So I’m on the subway reading the Post and drinking my cruelty filled non-artisanal coffee, when I flip to page 18 and catch this article for a new machine that allows credit card customers to tip the ‘barista’. Highly suspecting some upcoming hipster bullshit, I continue reading.
- Inventor is a guy named….Ryder
- He came up with the idea after sitting in a coffee shop watching ‘baristas’ going without tips from customers paying by CC.
- His quote “Baristas take really good care of me, and I didn’t like that they were working just as hard and making less money”. Did he seriously say ‘baristas take really good care of me?’ Like Yah!!
- He has 2 installed in Manhattan (neither of the 2 are in the actual coffee shop he did his observations in of course). He hopes to add 7 more in…..wait for it…..wait for it….BROOKLYN – LIKE YAH!!!
- Quote from hipster barista “I get a check for LIKE, six dollars every 2 weeks. Either people aren’t using it, or DipJar is stealing our kit”
- A positive comment on it comes from customer Elana Treimanis, who is, you guessed it, a Web developer ‘from’ Park Slope.
Now I can’t figure out if this Ryder dude is just a hipster jerkoff himself, or is a guy pretending to be down with the barista cause in order to take their tip money. I suspect this might be one of those cases where a guy sees the easy beta victims, plus knows their love of ‘obscure’ technology, so decided to play on this to take their cash. He does have a strong hipster name though.
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/tip_the_morning_to_you_AvAoD3qobp2z1yVPuCXNEN
Oh, and isn’t that going to make Portland even more insufferable than before? It’s bad enough that you can’t visit most restaurants and coffeeshops in the downtown area without some beardo coughing and literally shaking the tip jar, even if the service was usual hipster slow-and-slovenly. It’s bad enough that you have to wait 30 minutes for a half-assed sandwich while the clerk openly sighs “Like, I’m not getting paid enough for this.” Now, to be emotionally carjacked with one of these damn things? As if downtown Portland isn’t turning into enough of a hipster Romero movie as it is.
I’m seriously thinking about a PT job with Starbucks. The ones around here huge tip jars filled with ones and fives.
I actually saw a woman buy two drink for like 6 bucks and put a five in the tip jar.
Regarding Dipjar. I don’t get it. I pay tips in cash 90% of the time – don’t they have an area on the receipt where you can add a tip?
in addition – I don’t see any screen or touch pad on the thing to type an amount in.
Also Leroy – The Starbucks around here are great. But on occasion we have an independent shop open (Starbucks bizarrely does not eat into their business – one has been going strong for 20 years with a Starbucks located two doors down). The thing that kills these independent shops are the narcissistic bearded fenceposts who work there.
My wife and her mother were out with my son. They stopped at a new coffee shop. The barista screwed up their order three times – with an attitude. End result? No tip.
As they were walking away he rattles the tip jar. My kid looks at him and says “is there a problem, pal?”. The guy just stared, put down the jar and walked away. Butthurt from a nine year old.
Most parents play car bingo with their kids. I play “Spot the hipster”.
sometimes I look at the little SOB and think – if he had a cigar in his mouth he’d be like
Finster from The old Bugs Bunny cartoons.
“As they were walking away he rattles the tip jar. My kid looks at him and says “is there a problem, pal?”. The guy just stared, put down the jar and walked away. Butthurt from a nine year old.” EPIC! There is hope for the next generation.
I’ve seen that eye-rolling posture all too frequently lately. Sure, retail sucks and people can be demanding assholes who are never satisifed no matter how hard you try for them, but that’s not everybody. If I took out on everyone else what one person hands me only periodically, I’d have zilch. I hope nailing the tip jar isn’t the only recourse people feel like they have anymore. Sometimes a,”Having a bad day?” aimed at a nasty rep/server/teller/whatever will point their attitude out to them without a lot of fuss – but if they stick their nose in the air and sniff or eye-roll, it can be followed quickly with,”Oh, I see. You’re just an asshole.”. I’ve only ever done that when I’m handing my money over to someone. Simple courtesy is part of their job (hint: you deal with the Public, dick ).
I dealt with that late one night when I hit a coffee shop that also served food. Now, most of the branches in the area have good service and good attitudes, but this one was right next to Southern Methodist University, so it’s already douchebag ground zero. Better, most of the waiters were your classic “I’m not getting paid enough” assholes, and one was classic DH template. He had the “I have a small turd under my nose” half-sneer down, and when you combine that with his lack of chin, he looked like an albino plecostomus that had learned how to dress itself. He also apparently scoped out his section and went directly to the people who looked like they had the most money: we were one group out of four that came in, with one set of classic yups coming in about ten minutes later. They got menus and food right away, while everyone else waited.
After thirty minutes of his sneering when someone would try to snag him to get drinks, several of us walked out, and the assistant manager asked “Was there a problem?” I told him “Yeah: we’re going somewhere where we don’t have to wait 40 minutes to get service.” He just shrugged as if to say “So what? The yups still come in, and besides, I can’t fire him.” And so much for that.
It’s foolhardy for servers to make judgements based on a customer’s appearance. Several years ago we went out to a fairly high end place (entrees were 16-35 dollars). The table of ten in front of us were middle aged artsy type couples with their little Marnies and Calebs. They were almost done by the time we were seated
We were sharing the same waiter – an engaging highly competent individual. He was very attentive to us – especially my son – in spite of the fact a*8wipes at the other table were running him raggedwith all sorts of idiotic requests.
We were sitting fairly close to the drink station. After the tools left, I heard our waiter say to a co-worker, “I can’t believe it. They stayed for 90 minutes, i waited on them hand and foot and I get 7 bucks on a 400 dollar tab”.
He’s either a scam artist ripping off the “baristas” (most likely — and good for him!) or dumber than dogsh!t. Any tips that come from a credit card are subjected to state and federal income tax. Whenever I go to a restaurant or bar, if I have the cash I’ll always pay the amount on the bill by credit card, and leave a cash tip, so the server gets his/her entire share of gratuities.
They take a “small percentage” – like 50%, I’ll bet. Either that or he folds due to his inability to service his overhead/infrastructure costs.
You’re giving him a good measure of credit. Do you actually think he understands the concept of cost at all?
DipJar by DipShits for DipShits.
Great business idea there Ryder. How much did you earn on Kickstarter for that one?
Baristas are not bartenders.
Baristas serve you one drink only and don’t have to put up with everyone’s bullshit. They also would not know how to cover a customer who is out with his mistress or her man-whore. The job requires no tact or skill whatsoever. What makes baristas think they are ENTITLED to tips? They should be happy to get a courtesy gratuity and appreciate it. They want tips? TRY to become bartenders.
Who’s next for the tip jar? Kids serving italian ices? The guy selling me a scratch-off ticket at the newsstand or gas station?
Please.
Let’s see, you want a dollar for preparing my coffee, something you’re already paid for that takes you maybe two minutes. That’s 30$ an hour and you didn’t even bring it to my table. How do I get in on this racket?
I saw a sign in a coffee house recently “Fair Trade, organic and imported”. ALL coffee is imported! Maxwell House is imported!
This is why I drink White Castle’s.
Tip-demanding, entitled baristas are one reason I find myself repeating in my head “Keep it verbal, Riff, keep it verbal!”.
Not to mention, why are you paying for a coffee, a relatively small cost, with a credit card? That’s just bad financial practice. But it’s probably because that’s the easiest way to mommy and daddy’s money.
I just hate dealing with change
At Starbucjks, BTW, they don’t make you sign and ask if you want the CC receipt, which I don’t
So no chance to leave a tip on the CC
I never leave a cash tip either, though
He liked All-American Rejects when they were just Rejects
LOL!!
Jalopnik’s Hipster Beating: Dear Marketers, Not Every Twentysomething Is A Hipster
http://jalopnik.com/5936602/dear-marketers-not-every-twentysomething-is-a-hipster?tag=test-drive
Some great quotable lines, and the test drive went straight to… guess where.
A guy who lives in my in-law’s retirement community, bought a hipster mobile for tooling around town. The car was impressive in terms of what you got and the cos (I believe it was a Scion).
Hr realized that he could not get a simple car. So when i saw it he had taped over the entire display screen and installed a cd player in the trunk. End of story.
That’s truly an elegant solution. Good on him!!!
I got reeled in by a show called “Gallery Girls” on Bravo. it’s about young 20 somethings
who work in the art world (I’ll write about it later). i like it because it confirms what we’ve known along along about hipster tryhards.
Anyhow- the obnoxious artsy asian chick goes on a date with an older guy – maybe in his 30′s or 40′s (he was a professional photographer who actually uses film. The guy seems nice enough. The subject turns to media and the girl pulls out her i-phone. The guy pulls his phone out. It’s a military grade flip phone. She was horrified – even more so when he said he had it TURNED OFF. Then the inquisition starts “do you tweet? Four square? Instagram?- bottom line the guy tells her “I do use e-mail…sometimes.
She says, “I could never date a guy who didn’t have an i-phone”.
ART ART ART ART ART ART i-PHONE ART!
Wow. The funny thing is, I wouldn’t be the leasst bit surprised if somebody did that.
Somewhat random, but I was watching a little of the WSOP Main Event last night, and was wondering if anyone happened to see the hipster player.
He was a self-affriemd “lover of life” and literally said:
“I don’t like to say ‘unemployed,’ I say ‘retired,’ because I just love life that much.”
I’m sure you can guess his profile….he’s 27, has wispy rat facial hair, and dresses like a moron.
Oops that wasn’t supposed to be a reply
Saw it! he was annoying. I think he’s a male prostitute. Seriously, these hipstards would do anything to push their way into any show or production just to get attention…it’s insane.
I got curious and watched a few clips of that show, then tried to watch a full episode. I couldn’t get through it.
I know it’s just a line in a TV show, but a few of those girls say they’re going to finally live out their Carrie Bradshaw/Sex And The City fantasies by moving here. By doing that, they’re giving stupid people the idea to do the same. Also, there’s no way they can pay rent on those apartments with their entry-level salaries or unpaid internships with apartments and kewl clothes like those without some parental support. The show producers make it seem like the only ones getting parental support are the ones from the UES. They gloss over the fact that the ones in Brooklyn get parental allowances too.
The nasal uptalking and vocal fry was like listening to fingernails on a blackboard. Watching those fugs get drunk and hook up with guys grossed me out too much so I had to shut it off. UGH.
Agreed. But like I said it sucked me in. The funny thing is, the UES girls have there sh*t together, always dress well, take their internships seriously, are far more articulate and keep their apartments neat. Also they have far better social skills.
Stil it’s ART ART ART ART
Pat, you really hit the nail on the head about something that has been bothering me for years; the transplant hipsters that kazoo snide remarks about the UES girls – it is something I hear constantly from these bearded twigs. And I think I know where it comes from; the children of the corn hear New Yorkers make comments about the UES chicks, and they see doing the same as their ‘in’ towards getting NY cred. So you hear 2 hipsters nasally honking about how “she’s so out of place at this club – she’s so Upper East Side”. You know what Caleb? Whatever you say about her, she’s still a real New Yorker and you’re an Iowa pseudo creative interloper. It’s one thing for native New Yorkers to take shots at the rich girl with the silver spoon, and I have plenty of times (fairly or not) – but even so, she’s still a million spots ahead of you fauxhemian invaders. The reason you hate her is simple – she’s what you can never be – a real New Yorker.
They are real UES girls..very cool, very chic, and pretty ballsy. Did you catch them at that gallery show where they were describing hipsters? “oh you know, black rimmed glasses..facial hair…whatever” very over it..we loved it. We’ll continue watching them because they are sassy NYers and they hate hipsters too.
Fishing for hipsters in Portland:
http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/m4w/3231654015.html
Oh f*ck! That’s funny! I smell a book in the making…..
Holy shite, that’s funny!
Maybe a sitcom. The media backlash is coming.
ha!! that was one of the funniest things I’ve read in a while
DH goes to PDX – excellent! LMAO.
Hmmm. Damn shame my ex had to move out of Portland and back in with her parents. This has her name ALL over it.
LOL!
Great ad! That spiderman pic is the best.
^ THAT CRAIGSLIST ADD WAS AWESOME!! I love this site..when Calebs & Zoey’s make me grumpy DH makes me smile, when I feel the need to give some Caleb or Megan a rectal-cranial inversion you guys are there with back-up support..DH is my support group!!
Totally unecsessary, they’ve already got their heads up their asses.
BTW, I always preferred “cerebro-anal inversion”
BITCH SLAP A HIPSTER FOR JESUS!
“It looks like the necessary act of ‘hipster beating’ is spreading like wildfire.” It is and that brings some relief. However, today I noticed my public library where I post has now denied patrons access to this blog. Which is bad ass, but it is also a set back. Less of an audience. More kids with expensive iPods and less normal people who want hipsters to all die. Some people are a bit slow and they may think DH is a hate website, but that is not the case.
yeah, you guys crack me up. I hope you don’t end up like me – bitter, exiled, and laughing at a 15″ screen. Well, it’s not that bad, but I hope Brooklyn holds out longer than San Francisco did.
It’s official! The hipster plague is a scientific fact!
http://www.salon.com/2012/08/29/inside_a_20_somethings_brain/
WHOA IT’S FULL OF HIPSTER GEMS! thanks for giving me the laughs on this somewhat boring office day.
Sue.
Once again I ask all of you…
WHAT WOULD RYAN WHITE HAVE THOUGHT OF HIPSTERS?
Ryan’s clothes and his haircut was due to him actually being alive during the 1980s decade.
Ryan’s weight was due to the fact that he had AIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What would Ryan have thought of hipsters 30 fucking years later intentionally doing all of the above for the sole purpose of being ironic and attracting attention towards themselves?
Bahaha! Excellent comparison. Perhaps the hipsters will say that they are paying homage to Ryan.
I spoke w/ a friend who works in productions for commercials. His production company basically helmed that one and he said they were thinking at how ripping on a hipster would be memorable since majority of consumers cannot stand hipsters. True dat.Also that actor is wearing a glue-on mustache and doesn’t dress like that normally from what i heard. Kudos to Arbies!!
This is the way I see it. If you didn’t put milk and sugar in my coffee and stir, you don’t get bupkiss for tips. I used to bartend and I remember NYC when you went to a deli got a good cup of coffee with milk and sugar already in it for fifty cents. Dunkin Donuts still puts your milk and sugar in and I let them keep the change. But in Starbucks when I when I ask for milk and sugar, these pencil neck baristas point me to the condiment station. And you want a tip. Here’s a tip: don’t walk in dark allies.