Today, as I was moments from launching a barrage of piss-filled balloons at Logan and Stephonica who were unloading their U-Haul into their Nieuw Breukelen $1,975 a month one-bedroom apartment – I noticed 122lb Hamilton of Wiscotuckyvania dressed like Sherlock Holmes with Converse sneakers walking a locally-sourced goat using four i-Phone headphones tied together as a leash. So I picked him up, twirled him like a baton and then rifled him like a javelin onto a rooftop garden being “curated” by a dozen interloping greasy hipster fucks. End of story.
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