Today, as I was moments from launching a barrage of piss-filled balloons at Logan and Stephonica who were unloading their U-Haul into their Nieuw Breukelen $1,975 a month one-bedroom apartment – I noticed 122lb Hamilton of Wiscotuckyvania dressed like Sherlock Holmes with Converse sneakers walking a locally-sourced goat using four i-Phone headphones tied together as a leash. So I picked him up, twirled him like a baton and then rifled him like a javelin onto a rooftop garden being “curated” by a dozen interloping greasy hipster fucks. End of story.
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Nice. But you gotta tack on another $500 on the rent.
I really hate these multi-colored tank top fucks! I am not a racist, but the hipsters are to me becoming a race. So like ya I guess I
am hating people for the color of their clothes, hats, animals, lunch boxes, and Cigs! They are also arrogant and rude! They are the only race of people that does not have a person that is actually COOL!
Ha! At first I thought your screen name ‘Quentin and Ryder’ was making fun of hipster first names – now I realize you live by Marine Park.
We need to talk about this place. Look convert the closet to another bedroom, tear out the kitchen cabinets and add a loft, list it as spacious bathtub sleeps two when filled with clothes,cupcakes nearby,won’t last. We’re talking $2500.
That’s insanely accurate. “Won’t last.” Yup.
Why not get some ol’ timey decorating help from Anton here? Memories of a bygone era all right. (Feeling sentimental already. Must be something wrong when homeless bums had more character than modern bohemians aka hipsters).
Today I persuaded a hipster herd resembling emaciated versions of the eighteenth through twenty-fourth presidents of the United States that there was a launch party for a new Mast Brothers chocolate flavor on board the Mast Brothers schooner. That sounded much cooler to them than the Lego building competition they were en route to, so they followed me onto the boat, inside which I had previously stashed three Fourths of July worth of Disneyland-grade fireworks, all tied to each other with fuses. Laughing maniacally, I shut and latched the hatch, lit the two-minute fuse I had attached to the first rocket, cut the anchor, and sat back, watching the ship drift out towards Manhattan and delighting in the childlike screams, explosions, and brilliant flashes of color. End of story.
Sounds like a happy ending to me
I admire your patriotism! USA-USA-USA!!
Today en route to work I walked by a twenty-something string bean dog shit dipped beardo decked out in stained flannel and princess jeans sun bathing outside the French cafe. So I cold cocked him with a hard left hook picked him up by his Wisconsihio cankles and twirled him through the stained ass window straight into another baked out bohemian nibbling on biscochito paid for by his enabling parents.
Must’ve still been out from the Red Rover league semi-finals.
Speaking as an old man gutted by the changes to this city, I must tell you that this blog is one of the great joys of my life.
Must….Punch…Wall…..
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/more-firms-bow-to-generation-y-s-demands.html
I got hammered and reported to HR for failing to remind my boss i was leaving 20 minutes early
(even though I come in early and usually work tthrough part of my lunch hour).
Meanwhile the 20-something f*8ckstick next to me watches “Family Guy” on his laptop during working hours while eating Cap’n Kelp cereal.
So, with the fuckstick: is he related to somebody in the company, or does he claim to be IT? I can’t tell you the idiocies I’ve seen at otherwise sane companies because management is terrified of technology and figures that the flakier the programmer, the better the service. (At my last job, everyone else in the company couldn’t wear jeans on “Casual Friday” for fear that we might get a client into the building who might disapprove. However, it was perfectly okay for those clients to pass by the IT crew on their way to lunch looking like we were hosting a Star Trek convention. And then there was the guy at a previous job who helped set me on the path of hipster hate: everyone else in the department showed up early and left late, but he’d somehow managed to get a guarantee in writing of four months off per year, which he spent trying to find a Russian mail-order bride.)
Is he trying to switch the company to Apple?
Hmmm, sounds like your company could use my services Leroy. There’s a new job field called IT Wrangler, and I’m one of them. I’ll herd those mother chuckers and get them setting right for you in no time at all.
I may dress strange the first few days though, probably wearing a hat only recognizable in Montana. Don’t let it freak you out. Nor the bullwhip by my side. Believe me, it’s necessary in order to transition these geeks out of wild ranging back to understanding their place in domestication.
My rate’s pretty low, coming in at 125/hr with a promise of increased productivity by 45% in the first week. Any decline after my departure, we offer free S&H of the individual out ot the plains for some intensive corral time. AND we supply a temporary IT worker replacement while the nerd bovine is recovering from too much lax handling in their development.
You forgot the cattle prod…
We normally reserve that for guidance to the slaughter house, but in this case you would be the client and I’d want the client happy so I can work the prod in for free. How’s that?
Yeah, just keep in mind that those kids are “working for food” and shitty or nonexistent benefits. We’re expensive to maintain.
Wrong. He’s an intern – engineering – and he gets paid really well – and living at home.
Shit. Not because I was wrong, but because you guys are in trouble. This guy has “go straight to management” all over him; I’ve watched that happen, too, and they’re not happy until their really kewl ideas on employee relations and motivational exercises destroy the whole company.
Spot on.
Resume listed everything with only a slight nod to his chosen profession. The answer was no and he was forced on us. He did OK – but a LOT more could have been accomplished.
>>and they’re not happy until their really kewl ideas on employee relations and >>motivational exercises destroy the whole company.
ROFL!!!!
I wish I were kidding. I don’t have any problems with working for people younger than I am: both my boss and his boss are about two years younger. However, there was the situation years back where I was working under a complete dork whose parents bullied Ohio State into giving him an engineering degree, and the company figured that a quickie one-week management training course was preferable to letting him work his way up. He was younger than I was, and I had just turned 21 at the time. So dumb he tripped on the parking lot paint lines coming in, and a personality that made one of our most mellow crewmembers (a former priest) start mumbling about “fragging the lieutenant”, and when two-thirds of his team quit for better jobs, it was all our fault for not acknowledging his genius.
Came across a BUNCH of those in DoD. Usually in HQ elements, where they could do the most damage to the IT infrastructure in the least amount of time.
What is all this “Wiscotuckyvania” and “Ohindianapolis” crap. Fucking sad state of affairs this country is in really. In my experience there is more interesting stuff happening in bumfuck Iowa then there is in New York City. Today I was looking at a photo slide show of world news online, and there is some awesome things occurring in the world today. But New York City is fucking boring now a days. I am sick of these oily hipsters ruining everything.
And where did “Nieuw Breukelen” come from. What is that. It should just be referred to as New Brooklyn, draw the north and south line and be done with it. It is not much different then how west of Broadway is now recognized as New Harlem. Fucking A, I am especially pissed off today with these hipsters.
And I do not fucking like anything about Occupy Wall Street. I always liked Wall Street. It is the reason for the whole metropolis, I like the power trip feeling of walking in the Financial District. I love being near the New York Stock Exchange because the energy emitting from that evil building is fucking bad ass. Wall Street pretty much is the rhyme and reason for New York City. It is evil and dark and harsh and greedy. Stupid hipsters act as if the banksters who fucked over the world economy actually live on Wall Street. These clueless hipsters don’t know shit.
But these hipsters are so fucking stupid and they do everything wrong. They ruin everything and people are slowly waking up to that fact, one drop at a time, people are waking up. I have noticed young girls who are mean towards pussy hipster boys, calling them on their dainty behavior, and I love it.
This blog is a great beacon of light and activism, and our voices are making a difference.
Now here’s one for DH: even professional palaeontologists have a good dose of hipster hate:
http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2012/08/a-rant-about-living-fossils/
Of note: “Ever since Darwin, however, such archaic creatures have been treated as the evolutionary equivalent of hipsters. Coelacanths, horseshoe crabs, the duck-billed platypus, and their ilk could not survive in places of high competition, so they stagnated in a static evolutionary adolescence far longer than is socially acceptable.” I can hear Stevie and Special Edd masturbating like caged apes from here, as they start up with the “You can tell a lot about a scientist based on how he talks about hipsters” cutting and pasting.
Poor little horseshoe crab getting compared to a stank sack hipster.
Horse shoe crabs are total freaks but of the right kind. They look like some 1950′s alien UFO ships. With legs.
Unlike hipsters, they actually have several useful purposes OTHER THAN just consuming.
Hahah agreed- leave horshoe crabs out of it.
At least hipsters of the animal kingdom don’t sponge off their parents.
Horseshoe crabs are trilobites; they’re prehistoric. Finding one alive is a situation that bridges eons.
Hipsters are useless pieces of shit. They are nothing more than malignant tumors (at worst) and skin tags (at best). They stink to high hell and think they’re ironic pursuits (i.e. drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon–worse than piss) are “kewl.”
Sorry. I meant “their ironic pursuits.” This first Becks hit me hard.
You’re right, they are prehistoric and they look every bit the part. They’re all over Florida beaches on the gulf side. They’re proof that ‘strange’ and ‘cool’ can be embodied in one thing. Kind of like Lux Interior.
It will get better before it gets worse.
This morning I saw a teen boy wearing a fedora on Bath Avenue…
http://www.businessinsider.com/foursquare-slideshow-2012-8#
Check out #7 and #49!
….I am scared to click, it is foursquare
I wonder how long it takes them to get exhausted from table tennis. Not that I’m knocking professional table tennis as legitimate, but a bet a couple of no-score rallies are all that a hipster can handle.
These are the kinds of fucks who, in the future, are going to be allowed these sorts of perks while we, who will be working for them, are going to be pressed to work through lunch, work late, and accept having our vacations cancelled in order to make them look good, despite the fact that they basically screw around all day. Overwork and underpay is all the working proles, the people that actually keep the whole venture afloat, can reasonably expect to receive from any of these kinds of companies. The more the business model changes, the more it stays the same.
I say drop an atomic bomb on Burning Man!
That will do it !!!
You didn’t hear about how the wildfires south of there are going to fill the whole Burning Man playa with dangerous levels of smoke? There’s hope yet.
I’ll bet his parents are glowing with pride when they see this.
Way to go, dick! Welcome to middle age–a point in life where you should be passing your wisdom on to the next generation (your kids). You, pal, are wearing rags and talking with pink hair to a camera. You self-indulgent parasite!
Imagine all the 20 something Chloes this asshole preys on.
Oh, and thanks for driving up the cost of health care for us all, you Pepto Bismo head!
DYE YOUR ROOTS!
…Or just die.
Call him “Dickie Minaj.”
The only kind of artist he is, is a bullshit artist… yah!
How about a bullshit artist?
I can’t take this pretentious asshole.
I put shit on a piece of soft paper every morning. Am I an artist too? Am I magical? Get lost in the fucking desert. drink your own piss, and die.
And if you try to hug me I’ll gut you where you stand.
Also, some canklesaurus moaning over semitones is NOT FUCKING MUSIC, YOU ASSHOLES!
Kids are getting shot in Brownsville parks while artisanal horseradish is selling for $74 in Williamsburg.
Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/brooklyn/tale-worlds-statistics-paint-picture-extremes-wealth-poverty-exist-side-side-brooklyn-article-1.1142487#ixzz24OZylTaI
I’ve gotta call BS on the $74 horseradish in Billburg. Where? Who? Why ?
-Brooklyn has 113 colleges and universities but only 29% of borough residents have college degrees
That’s one of the saddest bits about the story. And I have NO problem believing some hipturd would ‘create’ horseradish and sell it for a thousand percent markup. That arrogance has been demonstrated repeatedly on this site.
But the fact there’s so many schools and still such a low number of college graduates is disturbing. Not that everyone needs or wants college, but I think at least a couple of the conclusions that can be drawn about ‘why’ are rather disturbing. I’ll leave it alone though.
I wish the schools were doing a better job of having some yearly program that gives free grants or scholarships to LOCAL residents versus spending so much money to recruit out of staters. I don’t know all the colleges there, but the above stat is a damning shame against them IMO. WTF? You’ve got poor families a few blocks from your campus’ and NONE of them are able to attend your university? Then fuck you and your fundraisers.
you guys may have already seen this floating around the Interwebs today, but thought it was fitting for DH
http://gizmodo.com/5936954/this-is-not-your-fcking-office-dickheads
Possible copycat hipster beating in Arizona involving water balloons:
http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/cops-teen-girls-threw-water-balloons-hit-run-122214816–abc-news-topstories.html
That guy should be named “Gumby.” Amazing…
‘crossed in front of the truck’
sigh…why couldn’t evolution have caught up at that moment? These guys are morons and don’t need to be adding to the gene pool.
And using his own money to try to find these girls is a classic case of a guilty party trying to lay the groundwork for their own innocence because the fact of the matter is that these two guys probably were saying something foul to the girls’, and they retaliated with the only thing they had…their vehicle. Why would ANYONE cross in front of the vehicle that two supposedly aggressive, violent young ladies are sitting in?
I don’t buy that fuckers story for a minute.
Folks, Our Hero came back and Mr. Silver teamed up with one of the most vile pervs in that park to “defeat the bully” lol.. Let’s hope that our Our Hero will come back like legion in the Good Book, just give it a few days.. http://www.maninwhitedress.com/?p=2531
Crap…..can’t Our Hero just go away? Perhaps Superhero FartSmeller can take his place?
I hope somebody flings dog shit at this douchenugget!
Holy shit! His psychosis is in full bloom. That reads like it should be written in crayon on lined paper.
follow the link to the videos of the perv that “saved” him from Our Hero supposedly. he’s been standing out in public offering face sitting and signs that say the age of consent should be 14. http://www.normalbobsmith.com/amazingstrangers/fartsmeller/
something is wrong with silver too that he needs to appear in public in a tiny speedo and then teams up with the perv guy.
But the perv guy’s specialty fits right in with the subject matter of a LOT of Mattie’s rants here a few days ago. I wonder if they’re “an item.”
The only time I’d care if they’re an item is when they start making public displays of affection. With those two, the PDAs would probably make a vulture puke.
Oh and btw, you know he wants to say “angry black man,” NOT angry tall man…
Yep, Baby Matthew got fuckin served, and had plenty of opportunity to step to the Hero, but he was too big of a beta male pussy to even stand up to someone fucking with his personal property. So now the kidult is reduced to throwing tantrums and ranting like an infant that can’t have his pacifier.
If he woulda grabbed the Hero he woulda gotten knocked the fuck out instantly, but at least I’d have a tiny speck of respect for him for actually trying to be a man. He really is the most useless talentless invader imaginable.
what’s even more childish is a GROWN MAN referring to another GROWN MAN as a “bully”…..wahhhh!!
oh yes his whole tantrum just drips with racism on so many different levels
HIPSTER KILLED ON LES. “POCKETBOOK FULL OF PLASTIC AND I-CRAP”. TAKE BACK THE LES. OI!
http://gothamist.com/2012/08/27/woman_fatally_slashed_on_orchard_st.php
Looks like it could be a “hipster on hipster crime” since it appears her estranged husband is the prime suspect:
http://blogs.wsj.com/metropolis/2012/08/27/woman-found-dead-inside-lower-east-side-apartment/?mod=WSJBlog&mod=WSJ_NY_NY_Blog
*Correction* If they were hipsters to begin with. They look like “normals” in the photo.
WELL, it turns out she and her husband appear not to be hipsters and their respective lines of work tend to support that idea. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/21/fashion/weddings/carlisle-brigham-anthony-champalimaud-weddings.html
Y’all feel better now?
What are you talking about?