Wow. I just can’t believe this. Over the years I must’ve mentioned atleast 100 times how fly-over state, transplanted, fauxhemian, hipster fucks got rewarded over the years from Mommy with Rice Krispy Treats for things like smearing diaper shit on their heads at age 2; gluing macaroni to paper at age 5; losing a soccer game at age 12; finishing a video game at age 16; finishing 100,000 liberal arts college at age 21; moving out of the cul-de-sac in Iowa and into a loft in Brooklyn at age 28; winning a McCarren Park kickball game at age 30.
Well a diehipster.com reader recently was forced into going to some cruelty-free, sustainable hipster wedding and would you fucking believe it????? The wedding cake was one giant RICE KRISPY FUCKIN’ TREAT! I think I’ve seen it all now. I must now jump out my window. Goodbye.