Today I saw Josh the rectal thermometer-physiqued fauxhemian selling edible artisanal thick-framed glasses made from Mast Brothers chocolate which is strictly prohibited on Brooklyn streets. So I drew a pussy cupcake tattoo on his forehead and then removed it with an industrial electric sander. End of story.
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Thank you for your valuable service to the community. Children everywhere can rest easy. I’m serious.
Belt sander or orbital sander? Orbital is for touch work. Belt sander is nasty. Either one can gouge the surface. I’d go belt sander here. This way you can trim the beard right back to …….oh………the wisdom teeth!!
Go ahead and laugh, but now we have those fucking Cory Doctorow birth control frames made artisanally…from wood.
http://www.wired.com/design/2012/08/shwood/
I’ve had to wear glasses for my entire life, and until a few years ago, the only way I could get contacts was in hard lenses. (I had them for a while, and it’s like jamming a potato chip underneath your eyelid.) Considering how hard it is to buy decent frames that don’t look like they go with a Next Generation uniform, I’m getting contacts this year.
Holy shit – that makes me ashamed to need glasses. Wooden frames… Fucking frames made out of wood. Do you screw them on or nail them in? Do they come with organic termites? What happens when you meet an angry woodpecker?
You pair them with your false wooden teeth, or wood implants. Whichever suits the hipster dentist.
Wood – it’s all the rage!!
Be the first kidult on your block to get them!!
I encourage hipsters to go all out with the wood thing. It’ll make the “termite thing” that I implement even more hilarious.
I like how the frames are cut with an laser. Yep, nothing says artisanal like a computer guided laser.
I think they left “it” out of Shwood.
I thought Santa’s elves were much shorter. No Dogs, I can’t believe the workers aren’t allowed to bring their dogs, I don’t even see a water bowl. These owners must be heartless Capitalists. Shut them down while Earth still has trees, if anything these frames should be made from recycled Goodwill donated Couch frames. Pathetic thing is it took years to reach this stage, give a Mainland Chinese manufacturer a pair of these and they would be in production in 72 hours complete with a made in Oregon sticker.
The real deal, especially where NYC is concerned, is what “I Miss the Old NYC” pointed out….there are MEGA cops patrolling hipster zones and newly gentrified hipster/yuppie zones. It’s one thing and one thing only…PROTECTING INVESTMENTS. Not for the sake of humanity, but for profit. These jackoffs are all occupants of the wack ass condos and customers of cyber coffee shops and bars.
In 2004 the courts gave all the green lights and go aheads to developers to go nuts and build. As we’ve all seen, they did just that. They’ve crammed ugly pieces of shit in every lot from Bed-Stuy to Greenpoint to Avenue C to Hell’s Kitchen to Harlem. I witnessed this first hand working in construction during that period. Why the out of place lame designs? Ask the hipsters and Eurotrash that designed them. They wanted to be “kooky” I guess. That’s another rant all together.
Back to the point…..the cops posted up on every corner is to protect the investments aka “hipster transplant limp sissy men and OMG girls”. They will pay any rent and have parental backing for life. It’s weird how no midwest or suburban dudes that lift weights, want to do real labor or have pride in being independent from their folks come to Brooklyn. It’s mainly the clowns we see everyday. The angel hair pasta arms and legs idiots with tattoos of a toaster oven, a chipmunk or a bike wrench. The Halloween every day of the year people. The hangout with 20 new pals in the park and at newly discovered Fort Tilden dunes people. Yeah you guessed it….the hipsters and their transplant affiliates.
The cops are there to protect them because they are “CASH COWS”. They pay for all the gentrification. They fill in the condos and they fill in the old rundown hoods that are now revamped to be some pseudo art zone. I checked out Bushwick Open Studios and it was appalling. Maybe 10% of what I saw was quality or showed true passion and skill. The rest was pure trash. Talentless nobodies dressing up and playing the role.
ATTENTION JERKOFFS: YOU CAN’T FAKE TRUE SKILLS AND CRAFTSMANSHIP!!!! IT’S NOT FOR SALE! YOU GOTTA LEARN IT, EARN IT AND ACHIEVE IT!!!!!
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This was posted yesterday. I think it needs to be posted again and again and again…
The face of that smug fucking hipster posted yesterday from Boston playing depression era dressup still has me angry; I really hope he gets goddamn face ripped off.
Jeez, reruns already? Get some new material, #33.
Unlike hipster tripe, that post was quite profound and bears repeating. It’s well written and actually saying something — two qualities largely nonexistent in anything written by hipsters. Is their anything you hiptards are good at? I mean, other than failure and general uselessness?
“That post was quite profound”
Really? So “profound” that it bears repeating?
“It’s well written and actually saying something.”
What is it actually saying that it didn’t actually say the first time?
Um, that you’re a dork?
Why cant these guys go back to kalamazoo michigan, akron ohio or winchester falls iowa.
Cuz mommy and daddy are having too much fun in their “empty nest.” This has been pointed out by many OPs.
It’s simple: The locals in their hometowns have little or no tolerance for them. Rednecks don’t take kindly to people trying to impose their will on them, and have no qualms beating the ever living shit out of some know-it-all hiptard.
I don’t blame people for wanting to leave small towns as I’ve had to live in such places, but these people literally want to turn neighborhoods in Brooklyn, DC, and LA in to twee replicas of the places they came from (sans the rednecks kicking the shit out of them).
“rectal thermometer armed” LOL just when I think DH has run out of skinny cylindrical items to compare to hipster noodle arms he comes up with another new one.
Yep. DH demonstrates more creativity in describing the bodyparts of these devolved featherless bipeds, than does the entire Fauxhemian community in terms of creative output (which is little more than rehash and plagiarism anyway).
I just got back from Milwaukee, a lot of Michigan (traverse,Romeo,frankfurt,holland,mackinac island,kalaska, etc.) and Chicago. I live in Queens,NY. And man are they trying to be hipster NY’ers. Sooooooo gay. With what I call “small hats” . Such douches. Even the female of the species. Trying so hard to be cool. Not so much in upper Michigan ,the places I mentioned above. But Milwaukee was sickening. Went to a brewery, lakefront brewery I think, and just down the road was this “funky” apt building with lime green colored panels on the facade and small hats everywhere. I wanted to scream out of my truck …hey a**hole you’re in MFing Milwaukee not Bleeker Street or Mercer Street, you kundt !!! Geez, what a bunch of douches. I don’t and haven’t even gone into manhattan in like 5 years and it looks like all the idiocy of NYC (aka the village) has gone out of control. Where the f**k am I supposed to go to get away from it all. I coulda had the answer but didn’t get to see Michigans upper peninsula, since I had the brainstorm of taking the white trash ferry from ludington,mi to Muskegon ,WI . There has to be a place where there’s no small hats……
“Artisanal thick-framed glasses.”
Thanks for keeping the “artisanal” meme in the spotlight for all us educated folk. Often, as I walk the streets of my formerly lovely and homogenous town, I grasp for just the right words to describe those people I hate, those people who are not like me. You cannot imagine my frustration at no longer being able to shout–”Hey nigger, get off the sidewalk!”–without somebody getting all on my case about intolerance and insensitivity and such! I mean, when I see one of them crook-nosed Jew-boys with the weird sideburns and funny hat walking down the street like he owns it and ogling the white women with savage and carnal thoughts, why, I get a rage boner the size of The Bat at old Yankee Stadium! And don’t even get me started on the Gypsies!
Wow. Another failed hipster attempt at wit. Your post is a poorly dressed up version of Standard Hiptard Response #1 “You’re racist”:
http://diehipster.wordpress.com/2012/07/03/look-what-i-found/
What a douche-o-rama.
1) The nigger wouldnt even bother pulling the shank in his back pocket to disperse a little bitch like you.
2. A jew would beat your 138 lb. puny self so bad it would make the beating a mossad agent would deliver to a hezbollah suicide bomber look like a fuckin tea party.
3. You could not ogle white women while thinking savage and carnage thoughts because they do not have penises, and judging by the way you probably dress (because you sound like a whiney little hipster pussy) your a fucking queer. Keep sucking dick and get aids and give it to all your little hipster boyfriends and do us all a favor and die a slow painful death.
You make it too easy.
I know this was a lame attempt to be sarcastic and all, but he’s right about one thing:
“..I grasp for just the right words to describe those people I hate, those people who are not like me….”
That’s what DH has done for us. He’s given us the vocabulary to describe and hate on these red bearded, Grover bodied freaks.
Die, white guilters.
Keep voting balack obomination. Suck the monkey dick. Grow that beard, wear that hat.
I’ll burn that cross u fucks.
Bring back the camps,bring back the camps,bring back the camps !!!!!!
Outside of the nickname (Jack already got in your ass on that one), could you not be more obvious? Can’t you try-hards do ANYTHING right? Talk about trying too hard and failing at the same time! Another variation of Standard Hiptard Response # 1, “You’re racist”.
http://diehipster.wordpress.com/2012/07/03/look-what-i-found/
Also check out the FAQ:
http://diehipster.wordpress.com/f-a-qs/
I don’t think you’ll get too far in your reading as the level of butthurt that you’re guaranteed to experience, will impair your reading comprehension abilities. Die.
Hate, for lack of a better term, is good…….
Cleansing. Very cleansing .
Let me tell you about a man who:
• Thought he was an artist, when in fact he had no talent
• Came to a city for no reason other than to be “cool and artistic”
• Complained about the native people of the city when he himself was not one of them
• Had pasty complexion
• Had a deliberately ugly haircut
• Grew a stereotypical working-class moustache to make an ironic point
• Wore a large belt with an oversized buckle
• Deliberately wore clothes that were too small for him
• Claimed to be a vegetarian in order to sound good
• Was asexual for most of his life
• Liked the idea of sport because it sounded good, but never played it
• Constantly whined about the mainstream media
• Was scared of black popular culture
• Was obsessed with “twee” things and a stereotypical “retro” image of his country, and wanted to make a culture based on that
Your hero was a HIPSTER!
strum 3 chords under that and it’s a hit.
The Beverly Hillbillies theme song comes to mind.
You notice how his first post didn’t get the attention he wanted, so he got more over-the-top with subsequent posts in hopes of getting the desired attention. So predictable, these hipturds.
I saw this over the weekend and wanted to post it after the comment about the “Minnesota State Fair Pub Crawl” for all the transplants in NYC.
I used to work at the MN State Fair every summer when I was a teenager, it’s quite an experience. But one that no doubt belongs in MN and not in NY or anywhere else all of the “creative” Minnesota “artists” have moved to.
Enjoy: