Today, I saw a group of Chap Stick-physiqued, skim milk-toned, 38-year-old cul-de-sac kids from Flyoverlandia who have “saved” Brooklyn - toasting pint glasses full of re-purposed, triple-distilled, organic Gowanus Canal water to celebrate their proposal to Brooklyn Borough Hall to build an electric fence around Bushwick, Williamsburg, Greenpoint and Park Slope to keep out minorities, immigrants and native Brooklyn-accented people. So I put on a pair of circa-1958 librarian glasses, a wool ski-cap, a 25 foot long scarf, a fake Ulysses S. Grant beard and filthy Converse sneakers to blend in; when they all tilted their heads back to drink, I leaped and spun into a helicopter round house kick and broke all of their dirty Pez Dispenser necks in one motion. End of story.
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LO MF’N L!!!!! GENIUS!!! HAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that was awesome….. actually made me laugh loud enough that the people around me turned around to wonder what was wrong with me.
Gowanus inspired drinks.
http://brooklynpaper.com/stories/35/28/24_lavenderlakesb_2012_07_13_bk.html
I saw that yesterday Pat. It was also my first day back to work. So far South Brooklyn is still hipster free! Phew!
“Naming your establishment after a local landmark is one thing, but taking the more than undrinkable Gowanus Canal as the impetus for a beverage — and serving it up to patrons — is walking a line between the playfully ironic, and plainly daring.” Yeah, and dumb.
“St. Gowanus Beer
“This Belgian pale ale from the local brewers at Kelso is a muddy orange, with an insubstantial head, and tastes surprisingly light — since its name might insinuate a patron saint of pollution. There’s a hint of spice and fruitiness, but the beer feels a bit thin, lacking the punch one might expect from a drink named after a toxic waste dump.” That’s because they pissed in it just before capping. Like totally organic, dude.
It has been said that if you put shit in a bag and advertise it on tv, people will buy it.
It seems also to be true that if you put some swill in a bottle or glass and give it a Brooklyn name, the transplants will quaff it. What the fuck is wrong with these people ? Defective DNA doesn’t even begin to explain their problem. It is too soon after lunch to curate a cocktail recipe disgusting enough to quench their parched throats but it would be organic, sustainable, locally sourced and lovingly hand cranked, er, sorry, crafted by real Brooklynites for fake Brooklyners. Smooth, creamy and viscous !
This makes me want to get a job in a hipster food truck. “He’s just greasing the pan, dear. It’s, um, special grease.”
Usually you don’t actually name it Shit™, however.
Best hipster beating yet!
I present to you Cobalt and The Hired Guns. All the cues are here – quirky clothes, zany promo shots, Kickstarter funded album, suuper soakers, big sunglasses and fedoras. A quote from the article”
“We had a big fan base from Oberlin College in Ohio, and most of them moved to Brooklyn after graduating,” said band member Mike Roth. “Brooklyn has been very good to us.”
http://brooklynpaper.com/stories/35/28/24_cobalthiredguns_2012_07_13_bk.html
That is fucking sickening – they hit every possible hipster cliche.
And asked if they were hipsters, they laughed and said “no; we can’t stand hipsters”
Special thanks to JAZ for giving me the Pez Dispenser-neck idea a few weeks ago. LOL Hysterical.
You did way more with it than I could – one of best hipster beatings of the season!
I thought that both “skim milk toned” and “Pez Dispenser neck” were particularly funny.
Some Hipsterish Pez Dispensers I Found on Google:
http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2407/2094167611_0dea6586ff_z.jpg?zz=1
http://resource.mmgn.com/pwnage/user_10754_WWDNXNZS.jpg
http://www.antiquesnavigator.com/ebay/images/2011/400215033448.jpg
http://thatcleverchick.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/img_1207.jpg
yeah, like jeffrey lewis isn’t a hipster…
i hate this dick…is he trying to pull a richman or a dylan or both? talk about hitting all the cliches!!
except he blathers on for at least 2 minutes about his songs inspiration, and it’s a 4 minute fucking video!!!
trucker hat…check, check, and check…
waiter, check please,
please.
I think I’ve seen him jacking off for money in an amateur gay porn online titled “Homeless Dude Whacks It for 20 Bucks” I”m not kidding.
2:17 min explanation about the crappy song, check.
Explanation is as long as the song is. If it needs that much explanation, it’s probably not very good, check, and check.
Nasally voice, check.
Ironic Space Invaders t-shirt, check.
Ironically patchy beard, check.
Notice how carefully he positioned that ironic trucker hat at that proper jaunty angle. I’m sure he took ten minutes looking in the mirror to get it just right.
HIPSTER.
Further to: If you want a laugh check out the Oberlin College website:
http://www.oberlin.edu
Co-ops, vegan options….and the course selections? Christ I couldn’t come up with sh8t this ridiculous on my best day. My favorite is “How Jews and Christians Re-wrote The Bible”.
I lived about 20 minutes outside Oberlin (Strongsville). That whole town is fucked up. That’s the place that gave us the Nazi gingerbread men. Idiots.
http://new.oberlin.edu/dotAsset/2367892.jpg
Gee.. I wonder what their target demographic is?
I know they exist so don’t rush to defend the ones who are sane, but I have personally never met anyone from Ohio that behaved as if they had an IQ above room temperature.
If they weren’t total fuckin’ yahoos that strew trash everywhere they were expecting someone else to pick up or shooting their guns off at 3 in the morning; if they weren’t screwing over a landlord or getting drunk and running from bills in one state to make new bills in another, and their kids taken into CPS; then they were simply the hipster version of that. If they weren’t that, then they were the mid class parents who worked but couldn’t say “No” to their growing children without feeling neurotically guilty. And if not that, then fedoras and skinny jeans with the same sense of ethics of the previous two groups who can neither hear ‘No’ nor say ‘No’.
When you’re raised to pursue your dreams despite the burdens their pursuit places on others at every turn, what else do you do but become a resident of NY – where your fame will be found – and abuse the welfare system – so you can have spending money for all the parties and clothes ( not rent and utilities, someone ELSE will pay that )? Folks from Ohio and West Virginia, which are both highly ‘white’ btw, have generations of raising on just such sentiments.
Remember I say ‘personally never met’ because the above is what I HAVE met. I met one woman, a complete and total loser on drugs and booze, who, due to being passed out, had a 3 year old boy in bare feet and under wear in the road on a Friday night by himself withing a mile of a convicted pedophile. And all her people from Ohio were the same mentality. I believe her move from Ohio was motivated by trying to outrun burned bridges for a while at home. She had the foulest mouth I’ve ever heard in any one and I’ve known some tough birds. She saw NOTHING WRONG in her ‘lifestyle’, despite CPS having to step in. Sorry, but that doesn’t say much to me about the character of the states natives, wether it’s fair to say or not. I’m sure many of the Ohio Ian’s are trying to distance themselves as much as possible from these roots as well and NYC has many attractions for that kind of mindset. The problem is, they never really come to terms with their upbringing and faced with the stresses of the city, start reverting to familiarity or recreating it. I’m sure many of them start out, if they can, in high rent districts. But I’d also be willing to bet that in ten years time, they either won’t be there or will be homeless themselves, hopelessly entwined in the social support system.
I agree with you: I’ve met good Ohioans, but they’re few and far between. Several years back, I used to work in a call center for a company that handled electronic payments for utility companies, and one of our nightmare clients was American Electric Power. Since AEP was split up into different companies based by state, whenever we’d get a call from AEP, we’d have to ask “And could you tell me what state you are in?” With about half of the calls, that answer would be some variation on “Dogfelcher Falls”, and when we asked “No, which state are you in?”, the answer invariably was “The United States”. Without fail, WITHOUT FAIL, any individual giving those two answers was from Ohio. (This was also the lovely group from which one client took issue with my using words of more than one syllable when on a conference call with her bank, and she started screaming “You sound like a Jew! I dun’ wanna talk to no fucking Jew! I wanna talk to a Christian!” Ohio: it’s Mississippi with colder weather.)
Like Mississippi without cold weather….LOL!!
Of course you haven’t met the good people from Ohio, most of those ones stay there, the rest don’t advertise it.
I’m from the mistake on the lake of Cleveland, and that’s FINE wih me.
Pat…you have made me laugh beyond belief and I’ll tell you why!
My older sister is actually an Oberlin graduate! I’ve been there before…the town looks like it was structured to reflect the liberal arts pretentiousness of Oberlin college. Other than that, the rest of the town is straight up Wal-Martville that’s absolute garbage.
My parents (as happy as I am to have them as parents) well, let’s just say after reading a couple of choice excerpts for yourself, Leroy/TTR, JC, FUWI, and others…I’ve noticed they do fall in the Oprah/Eat Pray Sleep while your kids are awake generation of half-assed parenting that has spawned the hipster menace , we know of today. Basically out of a family of three siblings (me being the middle child), my older sister and youngest sister received all of the praise and I just kind of…didn’t get that much.
Since my older sister graduated (eight years ago might I add), she’s been living at my parents house for 7 years. She hasn’t had a job in six years and doesn’t even try to look for one.. She has no social life, no friends, doesn’t go out (except to buy food), spends all of her time watching TV and surfing the internet all day and seems to have no plans to move anywhere else.
My parents, seeing how well my sister’s college experience was going, paid for me to go to Marietta College in in Ohio. Basically, that school sucked. When I went there in 2002, it was cool…I guess. . Long story short, I left in 2004 because I was bored as hell in Ohio and figured I just had a better chance of actually graduating college if I took time to go to a Community college and get my credits and GPA up and go to an actual four year state
school/university. Not to mention, I watched a stereotypical Liberal Arts college turn into a wanna be state college focused more on sports than art and academics in the tow years I went there. I guess Art/Theatre/Music doesn’t pay the bills as much as sports (even though all of of the school teams hadn’t won anything in decades). As well, the chancellor of that school managed to completely run a college into the ground (yep that’s right…out of buisness COMPLETELY) before her Marietta College tenure.
Since 2002, I’ve been on living on my own for almost a decade, have had 8 jobs to support myself, I graduated this year and am moving to NYC very soon (yeah, I guess I’m in that transplant category).
Ohio sucks. West Virginia sucks. And where I live (western PA) feels like it just got sucked in the Midwest vortex of suck. Which is why I (and possibly the reason many others) decided to move to New York. The Midwest sucks. It’s backwards, it’s boring, it’s not diverse, people are just embarassing, all anybody values is sports and TV, there’s no culture, there’s no flavor…it just sucks.
Sorry for the length, but once you brought up Oberlin…I just had to share that.
I can’t speak for anyone else but myself obviously. I have no problem with American citizens moving freely about the country in search of better horizons and opportunities. That is one of the beauties of our nation. Here’s hoping it remains that way folks and we won’t need to be head stamped to do that.
My problem with hipsters is that they move to Location X because it’s inviting in some way, are initially happy about it, but then the ironic reality of Life sets in that wherever you go, there you are. There is no Utopia so long as human beings are involved. Hipsters tend to be nieve and check their brains at the door of some fantasy land where everyone’s ‘nice’ 100% of the time. It doesn’t exist. But in an effort to form it, in their true believer zeal, they begin to try to force others, who have no interest or belief in their Utopia, to adopt their beliefs, as it were. They begin remaking their new destination often by ‘sanitizing’ it in some way. The process, however many subtle or direct forms it takes, winds up offending the people who have lived there for generations and BUILT THE PLACE for them to come to. That kind of disrespect is intolerable to ANYONE. It’s noticed, it’s felt and it’s resented. Justifiably.
Hipsters don’t want to ‘mix’ with the locals except as long as it takes to steal and exploit in some manner. They can’t grasp that while they are free citizens too, they are still outsiders to *that specific environment* that is unique based on how it’s been formed over a long period of Time. It amazes me how so many of them fancy themselves as progressive, forward thinking individuals who love Freedom but are so immune and blind to their own arrogance and offensiveness.
Good luck on your future endeavors.
People from Ohio enjoy Drew Carey’s brand of humor. Need I say more?
Hilarious! Makes me want to go out and choke a hipster out with his own fucking scarf!
I want to start throwing scarves over telephone lines (like kids do with sneakers) to let them know they’ll be hanging from them if they fucking stray out of Williamsburg.
Or maybe scalp a few beards…
lol
dusting off a few brain cells here but as i recall…
black converse = heroin dealers nearby
white converse = speed dealers nearby
red converse = gay district
i’m sure the color code system can and is altered from city to city..
blood-spattered converse = hipster departed
LOL!
Ulysses S. Grant Beard…
Oh well – there goes another keyboard.
I tried the same disguise, but forgot the koi sleeve tattoo. They were on to me. Then this happened: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Joxoi8Z0s6k&feature=BFa&list=PL5241527856D6949C
That was awesome DH. This so needs to be an animated series.
I live the visual that beating created.
“like”
Like … yaaaaaaaaaah …
totes! (What does that mean anyway?)
These fucking people are delusional.
Posting videos online asking for the people who stole their shit to please give it back?
COME ON NOW
GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH THAT BULLSHIT
I’d like to skullfuck her.
I’d hit it. It would be some depraved shit too. Really degrading and she’d love it — she’d love it so much, she’d pretend she forgot the safeword. amberabuse.com >:^)
ohh kayy….step away from the bar boyz LOL
Besides you’re not being violent enough to piss off little stevie which is usually easy to do, but he may be getting more resistant to the bait…how about putting her in a blender and then you could fuck the blender?
maybe that will prick up the ears of little stevie boy? lol seems just like his style, except i forgot to include the word ‘rape’ cause you know how much he likes that idea too….rofl…most cowards do…
Maybe lil’ Stevie went back to the Canadian Happydale for a ‘rest.”
Drat! I was baiting any chivalrous hiptards (including Stevie) who may have been lurking into posting some self-righteous bullshit. They leave themselves wide open when they do that. Stevie does like “rape”, but only as a receiver. Due to his homophobia and insecurity concerning his masculinity, he’s having a hard time coming to terms with it. When his Meghan got tired of pegging him and finally left him for a man who acted like one, Stevie’s fantasies became very dark, violent and non-consensual. The fantasies often involved Trey Parasuco in a “Master” leatherman outfit and Stevie himself in a hot-pink gimp suit.
On the brighter side, maybe somebody did him.
LOL
He needs some hipster debriefing for sure.
http://mastbrothers.blogspot.com/
More wall punching photos of the bearded duo.
Just so the hiptards and their equally pathetic apologists can’t say I’m some kind of “hater” gone off that “haterade”, I DO give the Mast Bros credit for their hustle. They have found a way to exploit a market of suckers (yupsters, clueless ‘normals’ with haute pretentions, and other hipsters) with a lot of disposable income.
Perhaps the two Iowa beardos decided they may as well fleece their lesser hiptard brethren (if they don’t, someone else will) while they can, and have something to show for it when the all-night rooftop parties finally come to an end.
The fact that they pull out and feature this quote on their blog says it all:
“Williamsburg [Brooklyn] has made the greatest strides in creating a retail experience that feels like Iowa circa 1950.”
Wow, that’s a rare bit of honesty coming from those beardos (another sign of them saying “Fuck all pretenses of art and culture, let’s just get paid?”). The average hiptard will deny it’s their intent to turn gentrified areas into miniature, customized versions of the “Walmart & strip-mall” towns they left.
Like P. T. Barnum said: “there’s a sucker born every minute. And two to take him.”
The difference is no one pays $10 for a piece of chocolate in Iowa in the 2010′s, let alone in the 1950′s…
Today’s hipster beating = fucking epic!
http://www.nydailynews.com/blogs/pageviews/2012/07/chasing-a-hipster-with-a-baseball-bat-a-young-writer-gives-up-on-the-bohemian-life
typical self indulgent, unsympathetic article…all the cries for understanding to her readers are FOR HERSELF…
all these ‘art lovers’…at ANY point does she say,”I was so impressed with her work, in fact, I offered to be her agent or introduce her to one.” Nope. It’s really all just ornaments and knick knacks to get to the point that SHE is to be pitied and mourned for.
Get the fuck off it you amateur and either learn to do the hard work of good writing or just become the dental hygienist you should have been.
“…placing down the bat” WTF happened to “putting”? She’s a hipster all right.
Bad news for hipsters of both sexes:
WOMEN’S TURN-OFFS: 1. Beards 2. Bad breath 3. Excessive piercings 4. Tattoos 5. Smoking
MEN’S TURN-OFFS: 1. Tattoos 2. Bad breath 3. Smoking 4. Excessive piercings 5. Biting fingernails
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2173101/Tattoos-bad-breath-beards-bitten-nails-What-men-women-biggest-turn-offs-opposite-sex.html?ITO=1490
All of the above. You can also add:
6. Stretched out earlobes; with or without hardware.
7. Men wearing skinny pants.
8. Men with arms like liguini.
And if any of that is NOT true, it’s usually found in the 12 to 16 year old camps.
I overheard a 16 year old boy talking to some underdeveloped adult about getting earplugs. The, um, ‘adult’ seemed to think it was a perfectly reasonable idea for him to begin stretching his ears out and getting tattoos BEFORE he’s ever applied for or held a job in his short life.
Stretching is well on its way out, even in hipster-infested Portland.
Better off to do what kids in my day did – try to grow a beard and/or mustache at the age of 16. The thin “I wanna be an adult” mustache seen in so many high school pics of the 1980s is something to laugh at nowadays, but is a thousand times better than weenies trying to look like Rollie Fingers.
The whole reason we grew out facial hair then was to pass for drinking age. The day I turned 21 it all came off, never to return.
Like yah dude, I went to the doctor cause my voice went up two octaves and my nuts hurt, he told me:
http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/skinny-jeans-lead-testicular-problems-article-1.1113798
In other news from the testosterone-challenged: http://tinyurl.com/7mpn2pp
Those asses look like they shaved. Now, if only the Meghans would follow suit. Funny part is, they’re probably not even gay.
(CBS News) Wearing skinny jeans and other restrictive, tight clothing might seem like the more fashion-friendly choice, but it may come with a hefty price tag – for your health.
Fashion harmful to health? Not these 2012 trends
“When you’re wearing skinny jeans to make yourself skinny that’s not the point,” Dr. Nicholas Morrissey, vascular surgeon with NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital / Columbia University Medical Center, told to HealthPop. “Skinny jeans are meant to accentuate the way you look, not to make yourself look another way.”
“Clothing isn’t designed to give us a shape that we don’t have, and that’s where people get in trouble,” he added.
What exactly can go wrong when wearing too-tight clothing? A common complaint is a numbness going down one’s thigh known as meralgia paresthetica. Morrissey explained that there is a sensory nerve that comes from your pelvis that provides sensation to parts of your thigh. People who wear skinny jeans sometimes say they feel a numbness going down their leg because of the constriction. Their thigh then goes to sleep, and when they stand up, it feels like their foot isn’t under them.
Morrissey said that the condition itself isn’t dangerous, but if you keep having repeat episodes it can cause permanent damage.
Dr. John Michael Li, a neurologist at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago, told CBS Miami that other people suffer from “tight pants syndrome,” marked by abdominal discomfort, heartburn and belching from wearing those skin-tight slacks. Normally the pants are three inches too small for the person’s waist.
“It’s a very common problem,” Dr. Orly Avitzur, medical adviser to Consumer Reports, said to HealthPop. She’s frequently covered the issue for the magazine.
“When you put pressure on the abdomen, your food doesn’t digest. It risks not being able to be digested properly especially for people who have reflux esophagitis, heartburn or chronic heartburn. Tight clothing can aggravate those problems,” he added.
Men should be especially concerned when trying to squeeze on tight pants. Morrissey cautioned that one of the problems with wearing skinny jeans is that it can cause a testicular torsion, where one testicle gets twisted on itself. If left untreated, the torsion can cut off circulation and cause the testicle to die. While there have been reported cases of testicular torsion from tight clothing, none have got so severe that a man has lost one of his testicles. Normally the condition is so painful that people seek help pretty quickly, he said.
“Men only need one, but it would be a heck of a thing to lose one because of your jeans,” Morrissey commented.
A recent survey of 2,000 British men conducted by TENA Men, which makes garments for men with bladder problems, showed that one in 10 men have had discomfort from wearing skinny jeans, the Telegraph reported. Half of those men said they had problems with their groin, while over a quarter of them had bladder trouble. One in five had a twisted testicle.
When asked why they still wore the skinny jeans, the most common survey answer was “to show I can still fit in them” and “because they look good.”
“Obviously the answer is it’s not worth going to a doctor, it’s not worth starting along the path of lots of medical tests. If you’re not comfortable, if your body is talking to you, listen because it can save you a lot of problems down the road,” Avitzur advised.
Comments (4) | Share your thoughts »
The biggest health problem associated with wearing “skinny jeans” is extreme trauma as the result of getting your fucking ass kicked from a hipster beating.
Bravo!
I’m currently watching and re-watching this hipster beating over and over in my head in slow motion. Hilarious!
Aw Fuck Me!
“Owner, glassblower and Cake Artist Elaine Li seems to be ushering the cupcake era into Bushwick”
Cupcakes, Kids and……….Art! ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…
http://bushwickdaily.com/sweet-shiny-cupcakes-kids-and-art/
Can someone please go there and write ‘Die Hipster’ on the blackboard table top? Please??
And take a picture!
Just how do glassblowing and cake go together? Oh, looking at the pictures I’m hoping the cu[cakes are better than the glass “art.” ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…ART…
Shit…
Since no one posted a reply on bushwickdaily and I wanted the author to know that people really do read her tidbits, I replied that the idea was stupid except maybe to the landlord. No profanity, nothing a 2nd grade class. couldn’t or shouldn’t read, Lets see how my comment under moderation makes out. Elaine’s mother probably weeps every day thinking about the furniture she could bought and her father sees “Shoulda Gone to Belmont ” every time they think about the money they wasted on education. If the bagels and cupcakes don’t work maybe egg rolls, no that’s racist, Tacos? no don’t like Mexicans – I”VE GOT IT. Artisinal Lollipops, MY LITTLE PONY lollipops. Art – Kids. Glasswork, breakage, tears, bleeding.
What about this one?
http://bushwickdaily.com/bushwick-walkabout-this-friday-and-saturday/
from their “About” page:
“Everyday life in Bushwick, Brooklyn. Inspiring. Rough. Ugly. Pretty. Industrial. Insightful.
Photo-inspired blog based in the world’s most interesting neighborhood. Industrial tenderness, art hidden in warehouses, features on local residents, tips and picks. Always seeking the uniqueness of this vibrant scene.”
I guess “vibrant scene” means a nasally group of pasty, interloping, segregating, pseudo-urban, pretentious yupsters all telling each other how wonderful their half-assed creations are while shitting away their parents’ money.
“Industrial” (mentioned twice)
“Ugly”
“Rough”
“Warehouses”
“Local Residents”
Yeah, keep using those words to gain some type of “Brooklyn authenticity”. Fucking gentrifying-wannabe-urban-gritty cockrags.
“the world’s most interesting neighborhood” – really???
The oversaturation of the cupcake specialty store is driving me insane!
Oh and just a question, are any of youse NY’ers seeing an influx of frozen yogurt places in your city? It seems in Pittsburgh I can’t turn my head without a new frozen yogurt place opening up.
What’s the point? I see a ton of frozen yogurt places, a ton of cupcake places, but if I want to buy electronics or tools I’m pretty much screwed!
And the oversaturation of the cupcakes are definitely showing on all those doughy canklesaurus skanks and Grover-bodied beardos.
How sad they can even destroy the humble little cupcake LOL
And the frozen yogurt thing? I thought that was strip mall America circa 1988…
Stripmall America = true roots of hipster “culture”. It’s also the ultimate fate of the places they gentrify. Once the hipsters have run their course in the gentrification process, the closely related Yupster species moves in.
oh god…they recycle….THEMSELVES!!!
it all makes sense now…Dylan grew up in the ‘burbs too…
i want to see a soylent green remake with one shot of hipster bodies going into the pressing plant and then the announcement “It’s Tuesday!”…
LOL @ soylent green. A while back, someone on here referred to hipsters as “Free Range Soylent Green”.
That was me. Years back, a group of proto-hipsters I knew were wanking off about what place they’d have in the world if civilization collapsed, and most of them were falling all over themselves over what skills they’d contribute to the reconstruction of society. They didn’t take it well when I noted that with most of them, either they’d be the Lord Humongous’s bitch or a cheap alternative to turkey at Christmas.
That was you? Cool. I’ve used in the Youtube comments section. Those ‘proto-hiptards’ like modern hiptards are reality-challenged in the extreme. They remind me of the Moriori who were pacifistic, collectivist, Polynesian hunter-gatherer types. They had this idea that everyone else saw things the same as they. They were proven wrong when their warlike cousins, the Maori paid a visit to their little island. The Moriori thought that if they shared their food and resources with the Maori, that they could enjoy a peaceful co-existence. They thought wrong. I hate comparing the Moriori to hipsters because the Morori lifestyle happened out of necessity (small island, limited resources, no mass agriculture), but their “one size fits all” mindset ultimately did them in.
Frozen yogurt is nothing to scoff at, because it is very tasty, cold, and flavorful. I do not care if it is from 1988, and I do not love it, “ironically”, in any way whatsoever. Do you realize how lovely it is to choose your own toppings on a soft serve frozen yogurt treat? Parfaits are the best. You can get crumbly cheesecake bits, strawberry sauce, and nuts or something. I feel sad you are missing out on something wonderful; sad you are insinuating there is something wrong with frozen yogurt places.
and made by quirky, zany, tattooed Asian fashion accessory girlfriend material.
Cupcakes in Bushwick! LIKE YAH
Article by Maria Gotay
strict rule breaker. photographer. music obsessee. brooklynite.
What’s with all the whimsy and predictablilty in their “job” descriptions?
“strict rule breaker” – she’s quirky and zany!!!!!!
“photographer” – SHOCKING
“music obsessee” – Wow, she likes music
“brooklynite” – GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE
I’m sure these impeccable credentials helped pay for her gentrified rent as well as all her electronic toys, overpriced yuppie snacks, and nightly bar hopping, because we all know the high demand and lucrative pay for subpar photobloggers, graphic designer interns and people who like to music.
http://www.maria-gotay.com/#!about
Minus the Brooklynite part, I have had similar hobbies since about the age of six.
So…does that make me an uber-guru, trail blazing, experienced professional at a PhD level which is worth say…100G’s a year?
If so, I’ll take the job RIGHT NOW lol
I just wish they would call themselves something other than “Brooklynites”. They’re not from here. They do not and never will represent what our borough is about, what our people have contributed to society, the nation, and the world.
Is that too much for me to ask?
Am I such a fucking asshole because I ask for it?
It took generations to build our city into what it is now, but just one will destroy it all. Fuck.
Even for someone like myself who isn’t from Brooklyn or any other part of NYC and vicinity can tell these hayseeds-in-denial aren’t “Brooklynites” just by looking at them.
I can’t remember if it was a commenter on here, or a Maddox post, or more likely probably both, but any time someone says they like music I’m reminded of a pretty funny thing I read on the internets a year or two ago basically calling anyone who says they like music an idiot because there has never been a human being in history that didn’t like some kind of music.
This is the pure truth here linguini..but I actually DID meet a dude once who sincerely hated music. ALL music lol. It was talk radio if anything at all, or the TV and even that irritated him because of commericals with music or just ANYTHING with music. He was definitely an exception to what you’re saying. It was very strange. I guess it was just a quirk or pet peeve with him but wondered sometimes if it wasn’t something wired differently in his brain.
Why Berlin rents have doubled over the last 5 years.
is that matt gross in the green vest on another frugal adventure?
Can’t be. This guy has a chin. Hell, I have a plecostomus in my fishtank that has more of a chin than Matt Gross.
I had to turn that off after five seconds.
Steamroller and flamethrower comes to mind.
I swear that song sounded like an 80′s video game version of Kajagoogoo.
The hipster musical motto: “Making shit music even shittier since 2007″
mr silver responds:
“He doesn’t author his articles. He’s got a potty mouth. I can’t take him seriously and so I’m posting his article on my site. I believe in my work, I make people laugh, simple. Hipsters don’t busk for money. I’m not a hipster.”
http://www.maninwhitedress.com/?p=2207
I followed that link. All I have to say is Matthew, professional whining should be included in your resume because, besides all your “Look at MEEEEEEEE Mommy!” antics, you are a master at it.
Maybe when you stop living off your trust funds and waking up to an alarm clock to punch in at work by 6 am, more people might ‘believe in’ your work too. I doubt it, but I’m just, you know, trying to give you some of that attention you so desperatly crave.
Feel better?
“by farting 7 times a day plus infinity, you can fart a lot more woof woof. I wanted to grow my talent by not taking seriously and the only way anybody can do that is by doing it over and over and over again… ” Obvious psycho. He should marry Stevie.
Stevie is only into “muscle bear” leathermen who he has to address as “master”.
http://www.maninwhitedress.com/?p=2207
Not Found
Of course, he lies too…
He just deleted the entry and reposted it. I’m trying to figure out why he did it.
http://www.maninwhitedress.com/?p=2216
No balls is why. It’s true – I saw it on the Internet.
He probably reposted it for two reasons:
1) an uptick in views because of his notice here ( for people in arressted development like this guy, any attention is good attention )
2) the hope his ‘fans’ will come here and defend his juvenile horseshit as ‘art’
3) He probably reposted it cause he knew he would get negative comments in the post section…
Like the one I’m about to drop….RIGHT NOW
Let’s hope some urban mixologist decides to brooklynize some alcoholic libations by actually adding just a dram of untreated Gowanus Canal water to them. Newtown Creek water might also work. Hint : it might actually be safer to add the dram to the glass first and then add the beverage. But, whatever floats your canal houseboat. Any takers out there in Breuckelandt ?
As much as the absyinthe craze floats about in such circles, I could see them coming up with a Gowanus Absyinthe drink in no time.
Too bad they cut out the beating..but this is some great anti-hat sentiment. Yesterday, on a Toronto subway – 93 degrees out and this idiot had a winter hat covering up her greasy, smelly hair (worse, her half-wit “artist” boyfriend lovingly sketching her, skinny jeans draped over her on the seat)
You See They Have No Balls To Wear These Skinny Jeans….This May be Why.
For men, the skinny jean fashion trend may have an unexpected side effect: experts are warning that the surge of tight-jean popularity among men is sparking a rise in painful testicular problems.
Medical experts, including UK television personality Dr. Hilary Jones, have reported an increase in injuries being caused by tight jeans, cites The Telegraph on Wednesday. “The trendy denims are causing twisted testicles, bladder weakness, and even urinary tract infections.”
Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/skinny-jeans-lead-testicular-problems-article-1.1113798#ixzz20dAitfbc
Good news!
http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2012/07/groper-dragged-off-l-train.html
“Groper Dragged Off L Train”
Is this the part where your tourrettes kick in and you start writing racial slurs, Ed?
“Is this the part where your tourrettes kick in and you start writing racial slurs, Ed?”
Que? WTF? Have you confused me with someone else? One more thing, the guy who was dragged off looks like he just got home from Comic-Con International Convention. These clowns and Hipsters can cross breed so look out!
My bad then. Carry on.
There’s not much of a difference between Cat Piss Men and hipsters, except that most Cat Piss Men have better taste in clothes and toys.
Damn, I thiught it said “Grover” dragged off the L train.
OK, then I wasn’t the only one who thought that.
“Every morning when I wake up, I pray for rain.”–Lifeguard at McCarren Park
Me too buddy, me too. But for me it’s because the rain washes the hipsters off my street.
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/the_deep_end_confessions_of_mccarren_AUixF6FPNviB0rgiuGw5bJ?utm_medium=rss&utm_content=Local
Great read…
http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2012/07/14/when-parents-hover-and-kids-dont-grow-up
Must be ice cold out today, cause there are scarves fucking everywhere.
It’s so ironic, whimsical, and zany – and it let’s creative people identify each other, like a secret beta male handshake. LIKE YAH LIKE YAH LIKE YAH
Scarves wrapped around neckbeards in 90 degree heat is like an incubator for strange brews.
I don’t have a facebook account but has anyone seen this?
http://howhipsterareyou.com/
No.
speaking of Ulysses S. Grant beards…
http://www.cnn.com/2012/07/13/us/utah-desert-rescue/index.html?iref=obinsite
‘on disability’ and ‘autistic’ (bearded) hipster had to be S&R’d because while he’s
mentallly and physicallly good enought to go around camping, he’s also arrogant
enough to think he can hike 50 miles through a desert with no compass…
there are some pretty fishy details going on about this story and is it surprising,
when it involves a beardo that’s 28? why, for example, if he is so incompotent, is
it alright for him to hike around otherwise? and notice his refusal to avoid such
a trip and also a willingness to call his dad and ask for money…even though he
gets a disability check every single month.
If he’s that disabled, he needs to live at home, or in a group home, under supervision and have his spending habits managed for him. He doesn’t need to be trying to tackle
environments that are totally unsentimental towards human life or frailities.
The real truth is he’s probably just been a coddled behavioral issue since birth.
OH, autistic… I thought he wandered off to make ART ART ART ART ART ART ART.
And check out the details. Apparently, his autism was diagnosed as Asperger’s, the affliction of choice for computer programmers and graphics designers who want an excuse for being assholes. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he really does have issues, but it also sounds as if his father was so sick and tired of trying to talk Willie out of doing stupid things that he said “Go do whatever the hell you want.”
http://fox13now.com/2012/07/12/autistic-man-survives-being-lost-3-weeks-in-escalante-desert/
Oh, and then there’s this lovely bit, that may sound familiar to anybody living in Brooklyn:
“Oldfield said LaFever was so starved for attention, he wanted to talk with them before getting in the helicopter. They had to persuade him to eat a granola bar and an MRE.”
Now, I could make jokes about how this reminded me of the plethora of Portland hipsters who would regularly find themselves trapped at the summit of Mount Hood with no food, no water, no survival gear, and fully-charged cell phones from where they would demand rescue. What makes this perfect hipster fodder, though, is that he already has a PayPal account set up to receive money so he can get new clothes and gear, because apparently he doesn’t want to go home. Who wants to take bets that he’ll try this again once the TV news crews stop calling, and this time the coyotes will finish the job?
We are already seeing a huge rash of the millennial hipsters out there who, having not had their little asses smacked as a kid, and “diagnosed” with assburgers and whatever else they can come up with collecting disability (no offense to real autistic, with a genuine medical need, but i don’t believe for one second all of these new diagnosis are 100% legit because someone with a real illness is not going to be running around like the guy in this article) sorry but i don’t believe this guys is “autistic” he’s a coddled behavior / personality disorder! … THIS new trend = lots of hipsters collecting disability nowadays. I have already seen this. If you are able to run around and party YOU CAN WORK YOU ARE NOT SICK. WTF is going on in this country…
It’s the Gummint extension of mommy and daddy. You go in to the doc/shrink, act wacky for a few minutes, and walk out with a ticket to disability payments for the rest of your life. And maybe a scrip for some nice mind-altering meds to mellow out with too. Meanwhile, normal people have to pay for this shit, and people with legitimate needs are squeezed out of beds and onto the street because of lack of funding. That fucking shit just pisses me off to no end! I nweed to find a Gomer mooch to punch…
Like I tell people, “Stephen Hawking has a fucking job, what’s your excuse?”
FUCK. Even New Zealand has hipsters now…
http://clientsfromhell.net/post/27352070328
Nooooo! Those Maoris better put in some work. Hopefully videos of Maori on Hipster violence will appear on Youtube.