Today, I saw a group of Chap Stick-physiqued, skim milk-toned, 38-year-old cul-de-sac kids from Flyoverlandia who have “saved” Brooklyn - toasting pint glasses full of re-purposed, triple-distilled, organic Gowanus Canal water to celebrate their proposal to Brooklyn Borough Hall to build an electric fence around Bushwick, Williamsburg, Greenpoint and Park Slope to keep out minorities, immigrants and native Brooklyn-accented people. So I put on a pair of circa-1958 librarian glasses, a wool ski-cap, a 25 foot long scarf, a fake Ulysses S. Grant beard and filthy Converse sneakers to blend in; when they all tilted their heads back to drink, I leaped and spun into a helicopter round house kick and broke all of their dirty Pez Dispenser necks in one motion. End of story.
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