Zany Foods for Quirky People!

Hipsters: they’ve given us artisanal salt water taffy and popcorn. They’ve given us $10.00 chocolate bars laced with red beard hairs. They’ve driven the price of coffee up on average about 400%. They grill watermelon. They plant kale and beets on toxic rooftops. They make urban, locally sourced, sustainable blah blah blah honey while unleashing horrific swarms of bees this city has never seen before. Now may I introduce to you: Mini-Twix bars wrapped in prosciutto.

I guess when you have nothing else to do all day but tote around a Macbook from cafe to cafe. Or longboard and bicycle up and down the avenue. Or make disastrous art. Or watch your beard grow – you have plenty of time to invent kooky and zany snacks to impress your fellow transplants. And if you’re on the receiving end and will be eating these snacks after a long and strenuous day of leisure – you can rave and pretend to be a foodie as you munch on these pretentious little gems and then blog, Instagram, Yelp, Facebook and Tweet about it.

It must be hard filling all these news sites and media blogs with real news; so things like Twix wrapped in deli meat get featured. Just read the description this fucking Brooklyn Paper reporter gives of this hipster concoction; there is simply nothing you can say about this not-so-whimsical and retarded food pairing - so he says:

….bar co-owner Jake Trebach retrieves an individually-wrapped chilled mini-Twix bar and strips away the plastic outer sheathing to reveal the delicate brown morsel within. He then takes a thin cut of salted and seasoned pork flesh, purchased from Blue Apron Foods on the corner of Seventh Avenue and Union Street, and carefully winds it tight around the chocolate. Finally, he impales the creation with a toothpick, and balances it on a rocks glass.

I mean honestly. What would be the difference if the paper wrote an article titled: 7 year old girl drops cookie in lemonade; causes sensation! Then the reporter would say something like “the acidity and tartness of the hand-crafted lemonade paired with the velvety chocolate and the texture of the cookie dough causes a unique one of a kind sensation rippling through your taste buds”.

Am I right or am I right? What’s the difference between my fictional story and Twix one?

Damn, I hate these people. Get the fuck out of Brooklyn.

Link: BrooklynPaper.com – Twix wrapped in prosciutto!

231 thoughts on “Zany Foods for Quirky People!

    • “The World Health Organization recommends continued breastfeeding up to 2 years of age or beyond.”
      35?

  1. “…and strips away the plastic outer sheathing to reveal the delicate brown morsel within.”
    In other words someone took the wrapper off a candy bar.

    What a pretentious fucking fuck this guy is.

  2. Last night I was watching some videos on the High Line. I’m seeing all sorts of normal people walking, talking, meeting and the like and then I see some fucking pasty-skinned Ethan sprawled out on a park bench easily taking up the space that 3 or 4 normal people would use to sit down.

    Toss him off into the street below.

    • I remember as a kid that the Mafia had a really strong composting program going in Canarsie and the Jamaica Bay tidal flats (when they didn’t feel up to going to what’s now the Meadowlands),

  3. Are we sure it’s a Twix bar ? It really looks a stool sample.

  4. You know, if you boys added fag-bashing to your crybaby complaints, you’d be the greatest blog ever! I mean, who doesn’t hate a homo? Are you trying to compete with Jersey or Mass. for the East’s Biggest Assholes?

    Keep obsessing over somebody’s food and clothing! It feeds your superiority complexes and almost makes up for having to live in New York, the worst Nanny State in the country.

    PS
    The rest of the nation is laughing at you.

    • HomofromMuncieIndianaSaysWhat?

    • F-

      C’mon now, you have to step up your shaming tactics. I thought you Fauxhemians and psuedo-intellectual douchebags were “creative” as opposed to being as boring and predictable as possible. Scroll down to the blue text comments common among your ilk:

      http://diehipster.wordpress.com/2012/07/03/look-what-i-found/

    • That’s funny, because just a little while on the street I signed a petition to get Bloomberg outta my soda aisle and then some hipster chick with the requisite hipster uniform walked by and said that she was all for the banning of soda over 16 oz. Hipsters are the nanny state.

      • It’s okay to ban large sodas, but if the cops show up to stop the Bushwick Drum Collective from practicing on a rooftop at 3AM, it’s oppression JUST LIKE NAZI GERMANY…

      • Yeah, they’re all for the soda ban for other people. If they want their fix, though, they’ll pay friends to bring two-liter bottles into the city. However, the poor unwashed, though, have to be protected from themselves.

    • Yeah, I wonder whose presence in New York caused a complete sanitation of art, culture, and authenticity only to be replaced by McCondos and American Apparel.

      PS
      Fag.

  5. A whole subculture dedicated to hating another subculture! And the internet made it all possible. You hipsterphobes should check out the haters at Reason.com’s Hit & Run blog. They hate hipsters too! I think you’d get along splendidly. Maybe you could put your brains together and plan Hipsternacht.
    http://reason.com/blog

    • I like Reason.com. Libertarians are all about the sovereign individual. Something that hipsters despise.

      • Hipsters despise such things because it involves personal responsibility and accountability for one’s actions — things hipturds avoid like the plague. A hipster is the kind of idiot who will mouth off to a biker, knock over his bike, and then wonder why he gets his face kicked in.

      • Reason libertarians are hippies of the right; individualists they are not. Peruse the comments section for an example of conformity to the collective will on a grand scale.

    • Hipsterphobe? Yeah, we’re just terrified of dudes who epitomize the term “wuss” and are frequently robbed of their iPhones by 13 year old PR girls.

      • Actually, I am terrified of them. I don’t want them in my apartment building, nor do I want their other companions with them, those companions being head lice and bed bugs.

    • Hipsternacht? More like Saturday Night Holocaust for the Brooklynites forced to bend to the will of the invading Hipster Army:

      A hitler youth in jogging suit
      Smiling face banded ’round his arm
      Says, ‘line up, you’ve got work to do
      We need dog food for the poor’

      A scream bleats out, we’re herded into lines
      Customized vans/fixies wait outside
      I’m getting scared of my new home
      To auschwitz/hipster condominiums we go
      Oh no

    • Hipsternacht. Right. This blog is definitely comparable to the anti-semitism of 1940′s Germany. I think those skinny jeans are cutting of circulation to your vag.

      This is why you’ll never be accepted in New York nor anywhere. Every single group that emigrated here are survivors. They’ve survived persecution in ways that make a blog that pokes fun of their fashion seem so innocuous. Yet, to you, this blog is utterly offensive. Typical of your ilk to not only cry and complain in the face of criticism, but to relate it to Nazism.

      Go cash mommy’s check and get a pickleback shot, pencil dick. You’re late for your dance party.

    • Just like in my reply (where I, in so many words, promised to smack the shit out of you if we ever cross paths) to your tripe in the most recent “Today’s Hipster Beating” entry, Godwin’s Law has been invoked for your reference to Kristallnacht. You lose. For all of your intellectual pretenses, you’re a world-class dumb fuck. Get ass raped and die from the blood loss.

    • Yep. That’s right. Typical hipster. Use the most extreme words to describe the rectal sensory overload (butthurt) every time someone calls hipsters out for what they truly are.

      Listen up a-hole. My parents and grandparents both lived during in Italy during WW2. My grandfather was hauled in for questioning by Mussolini’s and Hitler’s boys several times for simply giving produce (non-organic) from his farm to those in hiding from the fascists and nazis. My Nonno actually went so far to have the emblem of the Fascist party tattooed on his arm so they’d leave him alone and continue to help those in need. Once the Americans showed up he removed it himself – by going to the local (non-ironic) blacksmith , heating a piece of pipe to cherry red and burning it off. Himself.

      My granparents (and parents) saw the atrocities – the rapes, torture and murder. They did what they could to help those in need.Houses burned, people being hauled off in the middle of the night or shot in the town square in broad daylight by ruthless animals. Oh and the townsquare
      was made entirely of white marble. The blood and brains contrasted quite nicely against the carrera marble.

      So now tell me – how many hipsters have been hauled in for questioning? Shot for their beliefs?had businesses burned to the ground? None? Hmmmm.

      This blog is a place to vent, have fun and discuss the urban colonialists we call hipsters.
      If someone came into your home would you appreciate them criticizing everything you do, your beliefs, way of life what you eat, etc. Would you welcome them speaking down to you, rearranging and re-decorating your home and demand that you tell the local church to stop ringing it’s bells because it wakes your child from their nap? Would it be within the parameters of good behavior to petition the locals to stop having parades and celebrations
      that have been held for a hundred years because they don’t like them?

      Yet you equate a harmless blog with people who shoved millions of innocent, defenseless
      women and children into ovens?

      Eat a bullet, you delusional, gaseous d**chebag.

      • I believe what what hipsters want is what Dennis Miller called “The Fascism of Absolute Freedom”. You can say anything you want as long as it agrees with my worldview.

        • Pat I,
          Your grandparents put themselves at great personal risk to help others. That’s not just heroic — that’s saintly. Blessed are their memories, and I (for one) am forever grateful to people like them.
          That someone would compare our contempt for these self-absorbed, ignorant c*nts to Kristallnacht is beyond me. Well, maybe not; after all, it’s typical hipster rhetoric… throw in a modicum of knowledge about a period in history and use it as an attempt to show everyone how “worldly” and “educated” you are.

          • Thank you for your kind words.

            My parents were children during WW2. My father’s memories of the war – believe it or not – were mostly good. He mostly remembers the kindness, optimism and overwhelming generosity of the American GIs. Once my grandfather got very angry when he found more and more figs missing from one of his trees. They were taken by the GIs who really didn’t know any better.
            When they found out that my father was blamed and punished for the missing fruit, they started asking questions and paid a visit to the house. My dad said they brought some treats for the kids, a bottle of Scotch for my grandfather (when he immigrated to the USA until the day he died, he drank a shot of Johnny Walker every morning with breakfast) and most important – sincere apologies and far and an overly generous payment for the produce taken from him.

            From that day, my father was their “flunky” – running errands, playing baseball with them, etc. He made out very well. My grandparents would send over food and they sometimes accepted money. The GIs would show up with truck or Jeep to pull out a tree stump, rebuild a stone wall , etc.

            Those GIs were the ones who gave my father the impetus for coming to the USA.

          • BTW – The farm is still in the family. The walls are still standing.

      • A+, would read again.

  6. Disgusting… I just lost my appetite…

    • (Slightly) off topic response from a petrolhead/gearhead. Sorry about the length.

      I was going to say “since when have hipsters driven BMW M cars?” but, on reflection, that’s not really relevant, because BMW themselves haven’t asked that question.

      I don’t see how the big German brands are going to hold on to their image over the next decade at this rate. This kind of thing is absolutely typical of what we’ve been getting from BMW and Mercedes over the last decade or so: expand like crazy in a short-term attempt to appeal to customers who are not their typical customers and have nothing to do with the image they’ve built. Yeah, yuppies buy BMWs, but as we’ve said on here, there are different types of yuppies and the word implies different things, and someone at BMW would do well to remember that.

      Since I was a teenager, I’ve gradually gone from being a full-on car bore to someone who just likes cars, as in I like the cars I like and not the ones I don’t. That’s mostly been because the state of the car industry nowadays just depresses me. I once seriously considered working in it, but I realised that with that particular industry, you definitely have an example of where being a fan translates poorly into being a businessman. Working as if it were the way you wish it was, as opposed to the way it actually is, leads to where Ford have been for the last decade or so.

      I just find it truly depressing that governments and pressure groups force car companies to pander to hipsters and whiners, and the companies are more than happy to do it in return for a bit of that sweet quirky artisanal money. Over here everyone either seems to drive a blob-on-wheels, one-box Korean “crossover” (we had a broken window fallacy “scrappage scheme” just like you, which was effectively just a subsidy for Korean manufacturers, combined with an attempt to appeal to hipster types based on its promotion of low emissions cars) or one of the 11,493 different BMWs on offer.

      To appease the helicopter parents, they have to be oversized (I saw the new 3 series today and it really ought to be a 5 series), tall and ungainly, super-heavy from all the safety equipment, and have ugly high bonnets for pedestrian protection, because it’s easier to pass legislation than teach people to cross the road properly. To appease the sustainartisanalocavorganic crowd, they have to be gutless, low-emissions, preferably hybrids, and – despite being tall – not look threatening enough to count as an SUV.

      I understand that people have realised that once they have a certain amount of money, they don’t have to buy a run-of-the-mill Ford Focus any more and a BMW is more appealing. Plus, in the UK, we don’t have a mass-producing homegrown car industry any more, and even when we did, no one under 80 was buying Rovers for the last few years of the company’s life. So the patriotism factor is out when choosing a car.

      But if I want a BMW, I’m not going to buy a luxury coupe SUV or a five-door grand tourer or a hybrid. If I want an M car, I don’t want it to make a fake engine noise or just be a badge and bodykit – I could just buy a cheap stolen base model 3 series if I wanted that. If I’m encouraged to buy a BMW based on its marketing, it won’t be because it’s advertised as being low-emissions. But sadly, that’s not relevant, because not everyone is me, and I can’t afford a BMW anyway.

      Why has it got to this point? I can understand, for example, pulling out of F1 because nowadays it’s an embarrassing waste of money that no business should be trying to justify. But doing it on the grounds that you want to be associated with being “green” instead… seriously, BMW? Do I need to turn up in Munich, show you “Wall Street” and “Eat Pray Puke” back to back, and test you on which group of yuppies traditionally buys your cars and which doesn’t?

      Well, no, I don’t, because I know as well as they do that the car industry doesn’t work like that any more. Whether we like it or not, the kind of reasons people used to buy certain types of cars are being warped by – among others – hipsters. And that’s just another reason why we need to keep speaking out against them on here, because they should never have been given the chance to stay around long enough, or become a big enough target market, to change consumer trends and products.

      For the record, I drive a small 2003 Volkswagen and I love it. If you love cars, a car that would have made you happy when you were 16 will still make you happy now.

      • Well, there’s good news for you. To begin, I don’t see this as being a hipster car, for one very good reason. The vast majority of them are afraid of cars, or anything else that might signify responsibility. That’s why fixie bikes and mass transit are so popular with them. It’s scary enough to have a kid, but you can always foist the kid off on relatives, neighbors, and daycare, in just about any situation where you aren’t using your kid as a human shield for your own beastly behavior. (Hence, why the ongoing whine among the Matt Gross set about allowing them to bring their kids into bars.) If your car starts acting up because you haven’t added oil in two years, do you think your parents are going to be sympathetic when you ask them to fix it? Or do you think they’re going to smack you in the head for wasting money?

        The other reason why I’m actually a little thrilled to see hipster imagery in ads is because it’s a pathetic attempt to get the “youth market”. In this case, it’s a youth market subset that both buys all sorts of shit just because it’s advertised on television, as well as one that’s marked itself so well with a standard uniform and mindset that selling to it is easy. You’re looking at a bunch of old men who want to be young again financing these ads, and they’re throwing cash at ad dumbfucks whose only claim to credibility is that they “know what it’s like to be young.” This keeps up until the old men realize that they’re not getting any return on their money, because that subset will talk and blog about something but can’t be bothered to buy, and then WHAMMO! The spigot gets cut off, and the subset becomes a subject of mockery. Just keep watching: the hipster backlash is getting so strong that beardos with scarves will be the polyester disco suits of 2013: if you think the hipster whining “I’m not a hipster” is bad now, wait until they’re actively pointed and laughed at by soccer moms and little kids.

        Or, to put it another way, I have a niece who just turned 16. She asked me about this new ridiculous bacon sundae at Burger King, as to why anybody would want to eat something like that. I told her “Burger King really doesn’t care if these sell well, so long as people buy lots of other things to go with them. The only people, though, who are going to buy one just on its own are the dingbats who want to do it so they can say they did it.”

        “Like hipsters?”

        Yep, that’s my girl.

        • Speaking of human shields, have you seen the bicyclists who carry infants and toddlers in little seats behind them?

          That has to be some form of child endangerment. I mean, c’mon.

          • Child endangerment for sure. I’ve never seen them in their goddamn bike lanes they bitched about forever til they finally got them. I’ve seen them go through busy streets with buses on one side,cars on the other and them in the middle, kids on the back.

            I saw one entitled bitch on the entrance ramp to the FDR with a toddler in the seat on a bike. She was frantically waving for all the cars merging from 2 lanes into 1, to move out of HER way, and the kids’ bike seat looked all wobbly. Like a that sketch on Jackass where they have the guy recklessly weaving in and out of traffic and eventually crashing in front of a bunch of people. Except in Jackass, the baby was a doll, and it was all a joke. This bitch’s kid was real, and she should have been arrested. WTF’ing F are you doing on the FDR entrance ramp on a bike with a kid on the back in heavy traffic. Are you fucking kidding me??

          • Bike lanes aren’t safe: They just give the illusion of safety, meaning they lull more of those folks who think that a collision with a car is impossible and their little cherub isn’t going to be a paint streak on the pavement.

          • Bingo!

            They seem to believe that bike lanes emit a force field that prevents any vehicle from their lane and allows the to further enhance their own stupidity.

          • sorry…Bingo!

            They seem to believe that bike lanes emit a force field that prevents any vehicle from entering their lane and allows them to further enhance their own stupidity.

          • Further to….

            For many years I had my piece –o-shite car worked on by the same mechanic. The guy was honest and fair and did quality work. He also had a a separate facility that specialized in full engine rebuilds body work, paint and classic car restoration.

            The one thing he always refused to do was modify a car from it’s orginal design: souping up the engine, changing the suspension, adding carbs, mag wheels, etc or really stupid paint jobs. The only exception was if the car was destined for the racetrack.

            His philsophy was sound: A lot of very smart people have taken great pains to design a vehicle that is meant to perform at a certain level – SAFELY. And just because some kid brought in grandpa’s Mustang GT350 and wanted it turned into an Ed Roth Special – well no. It wasn’t safe and you wound up losing money in the customization, the value of the car was reduced and the resale market was significantly reduced. Besides you have to be a blithering idiot to put your 16 year old behind the wheel of anything that already has a ton of horsepower.

            Having said all this – there’s a reason why Shrine’s drive their little cars in parades…why children don’t ride pedal cars and big wheels on the interstate.

            So when I see these j*rkoffs riding 6 foot tall bikes, unicycles, penny farthings in traffic or playing the flute or playing a ukelele when they should be paying attention to traffic I lose my religion. Why? Public safety aside, my nine year old and I were in Philly a few months ago. My kid looks both ways for traffic and we start to cross the street. Out of nowhere riding in the wrong direction is this bearded freak in tight pants and a Peter Pan hat riding his fixie, no hands on the bars and TEXTING. He injured my kid bad enough that he had to miss an important swim meet. I scream at him. He takes off while giving me the finger.

            You want the attention? Join a circus. Stay off the roads.

          • Right there with ya. Never saw a guy on a cellphone or with earbuds biking in traffic ’til I got a job in Brooklyn. Assholes like that make it worse for everybody: Didn’t get any hate for biking until it became the “in thing” and the news was plastered with Critical Mass, hipsters thought they were part of the bike messenger crowd and Bloomberg showed his hard-on for yuppiedom.

            I know that when I’m on a bike I’m taking my life in my hands, but why the fuck would I needlessly endanger myself and others doing the kind of shit like going the wrong way or doing anything with my hands that don’t involve gripping the handlebars or signalling? Fucking Darwin Award winners.

          • I confess that I wear earbuds while biking, but I keep the music low and use them mostly to cut out the wind-roar in my ears. I compensate by having rear-view mirrors on both my bike and helmet (and yes, damn tooting I wear a helmet), along with enough reflectors and lights that I look like the Electric Horseman when I’m out at night. I used to think that all I needed were basic reflectors, and then I was out driving one night and nearly hit a kid who cut across three lanes in front of me. No lights, no reflectors, black shirt and pants, biking as if everyone was going to stop for him…if I didn’t see him, then damn sure someone who wasn’t expecting a bicyclist wouldn’t have. As it was, the kid was damn lucky I spotted him in time, even if the guy right behind me wasn’t as thrilled by my consideration.

          • Yeah, same here. I rode bike for a LONG time on streets and Government installations – I NEVER took my attention away from what I was doing. Then I moved here. I spend time in downtown DC and Baltimore (DC mostly), and I’m amazed at some of the stupid shit that bike riders pull, especially in rush hour traffic. Seems a lot of them are doing everything BUT riding a bike while they’re on the streets. DC is the worst – entitled dumbasses ride like they’re Massholes, without a care in the world, cutting off people crossing and running lights like they weren’t there. In and (mostly) out of the goddam bike lanes that the mayor shoved down everyone’s throat. And of course earbuds and iMusic is the uniform of the day. When I ride downtown now I have three things always on my mind: Don’t get killed by a stupid fuck texting, yakking about their drug deal on the phone, or doing their makeup behind the wheel; Don’t be a witness when a bike fucker runs an old lady over in a crosswalk; and If I happen upon the latter, help if I can. Baltimore isn’t as bad as DC – I think drivers there make hitting cyclists more of a sport than they do in DC, I dunno…

  7. It doesn’t surprise me that one of the hiptard critiques that likes to come by here and do what they all do best, ( WHINE ) would suggest improving or creating blogs.

    That Ohio yahoo who’s YouTube link I posted a while back taping himself with his iPhone and blathering about Queens while doing his best Jim Morrison impersonation ( but not good looking enough to pull it off ), is, imo, the walking, talking embodiment of the hipster mentality.

    He’s an actor, though not a particularly successful one, and has linked up with some other hipster charlatan, who looks fully parentally funded, to create site not unlike YT but under the CC liscence. Which is essentially giving work away for free. And, of course, they wrap it all in idealistic socio-political ( stick it to the man, mannnn ) rhetoric and horseshit.

    They collect it, being people’s music, drawings, films, performances etc onto their site and make revenue via special membership fees and advertising.

    IOW, their plan is to make money off other people giving their work away for free. They’re trying to motivate people to do it by telling them how they’ll change the world, better humanity, yadda yadda yadda. Everything the traveling snake oil salesmen ALWAYS have told people. Or wrap a turban around your head and spout a bunch of platitudes regarding diet and spirituality ( cough ).

    Just like their hippy parents generation exploited the artificial sentiments of other hippies, there are wolves in sheeps clothing amongst the Hipsters with a capitol ‘H’ gen doing the exact same thing, and they’re too fucking stupid to see it.

    Fortunatley the dudes views are pretty insignificant but for every 10 morons who think like him or fall for his claptrap, each of those 10 go out and spawn 10 others.

    Vaccinate your kids by keeping them off drugs and away from idiots who do them, and vaccinate yourselves by wearing “Rush Limaugh is #1″ t-shirts, wether you agree with the fat sack of shit or not believe me, they’ll avoid you like YOU are the plague, which is a ‘win’ for any one rofl…

    - There ya go Kaprow…you mad(der)? – lol

    • Why does “fully parentally funded” sound so much like “full frontal etc.”

    • Kaprow, let me explain something. Go fuck yourself, OK?

    • You know, it’s funny that you bring up all of the “make money by giving away stuff for free” idiots. I was just thinking about that loser over at the old DH site whose big plan was to make an alternate currency for Nieu Breuklynn, the “Hipsterbuck”. After reading his whiny arguments as to why this was going to work, he was doing it “because it would be fun,” and how we’d all be laughing out the other sides of our faces when this became huge…well, I wonder whatever happened to him? Did he go back to Dogfelcher Falls, did he get Mommy to pay for him to go to Portland so he could be among people who “really understand me,” or did someone shiv him and dump him in the Gowanus?

      • Maybe the Secret Service folks spoke to him about counterfeiting…

      • I like the the last option best. Talk about old timey Brooklyn.

      • Maybe somebody robbed him at gunpoint or he tried to buy cocaine and handed over a big pile of hipsterbucks…. BLAM!

        • I could just see Harrison casually reaching into his pocket and sliding a stack of hipsterbucks over to the dealer and kazooing – ‘like yah, you can get like all sorts of kewl stuff at Brooklyn Flea with these’, just before the dealer pushes him into an alley with the tip of his left pinky, and guts him like a sea bass. Love a story with a happy ending

  8. Wanna see something pathetic?

    Two hipsters using a log splitter.

    http://www.youtube.com/user/iancrossland?feature=results_main

    The hippy wannabe has the brilliant sense to wear a long, swingy hippy belt.

    Swinging an axe once does not a woodsman make hiptards. And with your skinny, flabby arms, you’d last about ten minutes if you did have to split it by hand. You’d probably also wind up in the ER with an axe handle sticking out of your thigh.

    • Actually, the one that was marginally aware got the other dumbass to do the actual splitting. It was rather comical watching the dope set himself up to lose a toe, finger, foot, or hand on the splitter. Or even better, a broken leg when the log under tension let go and shot into two supersonic halves.

      I almost hoped the waste of space found a copperhead while he was scampering around on the woodpile. Then I realized the poor snake would probably get sick and die from all the drugs if it bit him. I can just imagine a poor snake coiled on top of the woodpile, spitting…

      • “Then I realized the poor snake would probably get sick and die from all the drugs if it bit him. I can just imagine a poor snake coiled on top of the woodpile, spitting…”.

        LOL! Thanks for the visual. I guess the only organisms (other than fungi and bacteria) not entirely hostile to hipsters are bedbugs and lice.

    • I love how this narcissitic twit calls his YouTube channel “Extend Your Chakras”. That’s because I’m reminded of the old Joe Bob Briggs definition of “chakra”: “One of those places where if you hit it with a baseball bat, you’ll die.” Extend away, dude.

  9. It looks like a severed toe, excrement, or pickled male appendage… x_x

  10. ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART

    • Looks like two of the siblings had their head screwed on straight. Then we have Hans Kristian Hipster and his Megan. What an utter waste…

      • Even better is discovering that she may have been dead for a week before her body was discovered. I’ve been expecting to see that sort of Nancy Spungen scenario in Williamsburg for a while, but not when there was THAT much money bouncing around.

    • Hans’s children Sigrid, Lisbet and Hans have all faced the challenge of what to do with their trust fund money. Sigrid emulated her father in philanthropic generosity, becoming the darling of literary London by using some of hers to fund the literary magazine Granta, as well as Granta Books and Portobello Books, two of Britain’s most exciting independent publishers (that’s why I was interviewing Lindqvist in her house: Granta is publishing his books, some for the first time in English).

      Considering I never even heard of Granta (though I imagine it as one of those overpriced zines you only find in art galleries and expensive bookstores nobody actually shops in), I stopped reading right there.
      I see why the hipsters are wetting themselves all right.

      • Granta has been around for decades, but it’s not like it’s easy to find. It was actually carried in Borders for a while in the late Nineties, back when Borders was trying to steal customer base from independent bookstores through loss-leaders such as the magazine section. That didn’t mean anybody other than potential submitters bothered to read it: every new issue usually had about six to ten copies on the Borders stand, and that’s how many would still be there when the next one came in and the old ones were sent back to the distributor. In between, it sat in the Culture section, usually in front of Factsheet Five and Ben Is Dead, and usually only got picked up by a beardo looking for a new writing venue when his mom insisted that he go out that day to find a real job.

  11. Couple in North Brooklyn pay $1500/mo. rent on an apartment with TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY SQUARE FEET:
    http://shine.yahoo.com/decorating/couple-lives-240-square-foot-apartment-213500626.html
    My comment:
    “$1500.00/mo., huh?

    That’s because all the all other 240 square foot studio apartments in the building are each occupied by 20 nasally bedbug-infested talentless self-absorbed adult toddler gentrifying HIPSTERS who are responsible for causing rents in Brooklyn to skyrocket.

    Attention all Zachs, Zoeys, Megans, Haydens, Calebs and Joshes: Stay North of the line! Do not go South of the line! You know what will happen to you.

    Die, hipster!”

    • Supply an demand.

      Survival of the fittest.

      Douchbag pedestrian townies out, creative people in…

      • LOL. Something tells me if Darwin were a factor 99% of these failed abortions wouldn’t be alive, much less living out their infant fantasies in “gritty urban” North Brooklyn.

  12. Jake Gyllenhaal plays the Hipster Beater in some music video. Warning: lots of blood and hipster murders Jason Voorhees style.

  13. I had prosciutto on my pizza today. Yum. But on a Twix? That’s just plain wrong. Disgusting in fact…

    • Dear Tony,

      When your palate becomes more sophisticated you will be allowed into the adult playground areas of Park Slope, BoCoCa, Williamsburg, Greenpoint and Bushwick. Until then, keep eating knuckle dragger foods.

      Signed,

      Ethan Von Nasalhonk President – The Make Brooklyn Better Foundation.

  14. It’s like a fancy pants version of George Costanza’s candy lineup.

  15. As a sicilian born and raised in brooklyn I want to kill someone. First off You do not get good “salted and seasoned pork flesh” from “blue apron foods”. Second you do not take Prosciutto and wrap it around a fuckin twix bar. You take prosciutto, when you can afford $25 a lb and you wrap it around melonballs or you make a fuckin sandwich. YOU DO NOT WRAP IT AROUND A FUCKING CANDY BAR!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would like to wrap a wrench around their fuckin heads.

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