Zany Foods for Quirky People!

Hipsters: they’ve given us artisanal salt water taffy and popcorn. They’ve given us $10.00 chocolate bars laced with red beard hairs. They’ve driven the price of coffee up on average about 400%. They grill watermelon. They plant kale and beets on toxic rooftops. They make urban, locally sourced, sustainable blah blah blah honey while unleashing horrific swarms of bees this city has never seen before. Now may I introduce to you: Mini-Twix bars wrapped in prosciutto.

I guess when you have nothing else to do all day but tote around a Macbook from cafe to cafe. Or longboard and bicycle up and down the avenue. Or make disastrous art. Or watch your beard grow – you have plenty of time to invent kooky and zany snacks to impress your fellow transplants. And if you’re on the receiving end and will be eating these snacks after a long and strenuous day of leisure – you can rave and pretend to be a foodie as you munch on these pretentious little gems and then blog, Instagram, Yelp, Facebook and Tweet about it.

It must be hard filling all these news sites and media blogs with real news; so things like Twix wrapped in deli meat get featured. Just read the description this fucking Brooklyn Paper reporter gives of this hipster concoction; there is simply nothing you can say about this not-so-whimsical and retarded food pairing - so he says:

….bar co-owner Jake Trebach retrieves an individually-wrapped chilled mini-Twix bar and strips away the plastic outer sheathing to reveal the delicate brown morsel within. He then takes a thin cut of salted and seasoned pork flesh, purchased from Blue Apron Foods on the corner of Seventh Avenue and Union Street, and carefully winds it tight around the chocolate. Finally, he impales the creation with a toothpick, and balances it on a rocks glass.

I mean honestly. What would be the difference if the paper wrote an article titled: 7 year old girl drops cookie in lemonade; causes sensation! Then the reporter would say something like “the acidity and tartness of the hand-crafted lemonade paired with the velvety chocolate and the texture of the cookie dough causes a unique one of a kind sensation rippling through your taste buds”.

Am I right or am I right? What’s the difference between my fictional story and Twix one?

Damn, I hate these people. Get the fuck out of Brooklyn.

Link: BrooklynPaper.com – Twix wrapped in prosciutto!