So there I am, walking down the street during this heat wave when a 36 year old beardo with a ski hat and scarf comes skate boarding towards me with his steaming cup of $4.25 coffee in one hand and locally hand-rolled, healthy additive-free organic cigarette in the other. After I stuck out my arm and clotheslined him, I grabbed him by his brittle ankles and began spinning in circles and swinging him. As I released him and sent him flying about 30 ft into traffic, a folded up paper miraculously was able to squeeze its way out of his teenage girl’s jeans. Much to my surprise, he was one of the hipster defenders who occasionally come on this site to let us know that we are hallucinating and there is no infestation happening in Brooklyn or anywhere. Here is what was on that paper:
COMMENT SECTION RESPONSES FOR DIEHIPSTER.COM
You’re racist! You just use “hipster” to mean white people. If you talked like this about black people, it’d be hate speech.
You’re just jealous of cool, creative young people. You attack hipsters out of spite because you wish you could be one.
You’re overdoing it. No one really hates hipsters that much. Why can’t you just laugh at them and take it all as a joke?
You can’t give a 100% concrete definition of what a hipster is, so therefore hipsters don’t exist.
The hipster beatings are nasty and horrid. You mustn’t make light of violence.
You’re misogynistic! You can’t accept women who aren’t conventionally attractive.
Having a blog and a Twitter account, or liking anything countercultural, makes you a hipster too.
Americans can’t complain about being driven out of “their” cities, because Native Americans were driven out to build them.
You’re elderly grouches who hate youth culture. You just use “hipster” to mean young people.
You’re probably a hipster in disguise, running the site as an ironic joke.
You’re biased against Midwestern people. You can’t make rules about who should and shouldn’t move to New York.
I may be 90% the same as the people you describe, but I’m not a hipster and you insulted me by making fun of me. Say sorry.
Why don’t you actually go out and kill hipsters in real life, if you hate them so much? Otherwise that makes you a hypocrite.
Circular logic / pseudo-intellectual rambling / disjointed ranting.
You’re mundane conformist jocks who can’t accept alternative culture! You probably bullied me in school.
You’re homophobic! You just use “hipster” to mean gay people.
You don’t understand art / music / cuisine / fashion / writing / coffee / farming. You’re all uneducated knuckle-draggers.
You’re some kind of conservative right-wing group. You don’t like hipsters because they support liberal causes.
These are brave, romantic young underdogs rebelling against The Man in an eccentric way. How come you don’t like them?
You can’t single-handedly get rid of the whole hipster trend, so what do you expect to achieve by running this site at all?
You should be grateful to hipsters! Before they came along, your city was a crime-ridden ghetto.
Waaahhh! You hurt my feelings! Why are you so angry and mean?
You can’t argue against hipster businesses if people willingly pay the prices they charge. That’s how capitalism works.
Why don’t you complain about corporate executives / Wall Street people / people who aren’t like me, instead?