Every so often I come across an article that boils my blood so quickly that I just can’t seem to get the energy to write a decent sized rant on it. So here is a quick summary; you can pick it apart in the comments section if you’d like:
Occupation: Criticizes music for a website in the 21st century. (a unique and rare occupation)
Resides: in Manhattan (though most likely originally from Culdesacia, USA)
Can be found: cafe hopping with laptop in overpriced Brooklyn coffee shops to be seen by other pretentious transplants of same species.
Mode of Transportation: kewl bike ordered on internet which gets stolen.
The Story: Jody is literally no more than 15 feet from his bicycle – looking at it through the window as he plays “creative-type” while sitting in pretentious Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn cafe when all of a sudden it disappears. Now a normal New Yorker would simply just take the loss and deal with it - bike theft is as normal as anything around here - but being that this is taking place at 2pm on Thursday and Jody has infinite amounts of leisure time, he launches a Twitter campaign to find his bicycle. Naturally, his pseudo-creative peers that are aimlessly walking around Union Square in the middle of the afternoon help him find his bike and Tweet him the news which calms this perpetual toddler’s temper tantrum. Of course he immediately sees this as a LOOK AT MEEEEE opportunity and writes a 2-page, 2,646 word (yes I just had to paste it into a word counter) article on it.
Condescending & Holier than Thou quote from the article: ”I punched in the number that Sylvester had given me. A man [plain clothes police officer] with an outer-borough accent answered. ‘Come to Brother Jimmys, the bar down the block,’ he said. ‘We’re sitting at the tables outside.’ “