Every so often I come across an article that boils my blood so quickly that I just can’t seem to get the energy to write a decent sized rant on it. So here is a quick summary; you can pick it apart in the comments section if you’d like:
Name: Jody
Age: 43
Sex: Beta-Male
Occupation: Criticizes music for a website in the 21st century. (a unique and rare occupation)
Resides: in Manhattan (though most likely originally from Culdesacia, USA)
Can be found: cafe hopping with laptop in overpriced Brooklyn coffee shops to be seen by other pretentious transplants of same species.
Mode of Transportation: kewl bike ordered on internet which gets stolen.
The Story: Jody is literally no more than 15 feet from his bicycle – looking at it through the window as he plays “creative-type” while sitting in pretentious Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn cafe when all of a sudden it disappears. Now a normal New Yorker would simply just take the loss and deal with it - bike theft is as normal as anything around here - but being that this is taking place at 2pm on Thursday and Jody has infinite amounts of leisure time, he launches a Twitter campaign to find his bicycle. Naturally, his pseudo-creative peers that are aimlessly walking around Union Square in the middle of the afternoon help him find his bike and Tweet him the news which calms this perpetual toddler’s temper tantrum. Of course he immediately sees this as a LOOK AT MEEEEE opportunity and writes a 2-page, 2,646 word (yes I just had to paste it into a word counter) article on it.
Condescending & Holier than Thou quote from the article: ”I punched in the number that Sylvester had given me. A man [plain clothes police officer] with an outer-borough accent answered. ‘Come to Brother Jimmys, the bar down the block,’ he said. ‘We’re sitting at the tables outside.’ “
Link: Slate.com – Wahhhh!! My bike got stowen in Bwookwyn.
I’d like to pretzel-twist that bike around his fucking neck. “Outer-borough accent”…what a sniveling poser.
If I only knew NYC from the internet, I’d think that a NY accent was “Hi y’all, like yaaaah.”
Also, how the hell do you own an expensive bike and forget to lock it up? He doesn’t even make a single self-deprecating joke about that fact.
Fucking asshat. Nice way to thank the officers who were helping him with that condescending remark about cops having “outer-borough accents”. WTF? The cops have better things to do than worry about some 43 year old hipster’s missing plaything. YES, sitting at a table drinking water (AKA staying hydrated while working during a sweltering hot day) while waiting to be called for a REAL assignment is a better thing for them to be doing.
when are the real New Yoker’s going to beat the crap out of these transplants and run them the hell out of there? we’re waiting….
Its five year anniversary since hipster loving iphone has been launched. Thank goodness I dont own an iphone. Iphones allowed many hipsters and other suburbanites move to big cities in order to get jumped and mugged for thier precious stupid idevice.
http://www.slashgear.com/happy-anniversary-iphone-heres-to-the-next-five-years-29236544/
I’ve had an iPhone for 4 years and I’m the farthest thing from a hipster ever.
The farthest thing from a hipster ever probably doesn’t spend an hour or two each week thinking about and maintaining a website about hipsters.
AGAINST hipsters, more than ‘about’ them.
I couldn’t even finish the article. It nauseated me. What an idiot.
It wasn’t just you. The “ME me me…ME!” vibe through the whole thing, such as when he bragged about all of his Twitter followers, was giving me kidney stones.
“Maybe I was delirious from the heat, or maybe I was just careless—I’d leaned the bike against the parking meter but neglected to chain it”.
Does this even count as theft? Could’ve just put up a sign: “free bike to a passerby”.
In other New York-related news: somebody jay-walked and someone else hopped a turnstile. So far, no 3000-word treatise about the “urban experience” is forthcoming.
He didn’t even lock it? What a stupid fucking whiny shit.
I propose we start a twitter campaign to get that shit stolen again. Karma, motherfucker.
love that idea– get it stolen and throw it in the water
I actually would be willing to bet money that you could find a 3,000 word internet blog post by a transplanted hipster about how some neadrethal NYC local so unfairly jumped a subway turnstile. With no other purpose for the essay than “LOOK AT MEEEEEE!!!”
This is news? he is lucky his bike did not get stolen Brooklyn Old School style. Some gang steps in front of you while your riding, “Get of the bike and give me your shit”, if not get knocked the fuck out,wake up without out your bike and your shit. If that was the case he would have wrote a novel.
Brokelyn was kind enough to post some pictures of the Summer Camp on Facebook.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Brokelyn/99105377269?sk=photos
The Photo Booth pics are particularly nauseating.
the photo booth shots are fucking unbelievable…could those vile fucks try any harder?
Adult is wearing shiny fish tights and leotards. What a retard!
Fucking shitbombs
So he got his stolen bike back which is rare. He got paid by the word (or by salary) to post this article about his bike theft?
Oh Jesus. I see that bike all the time on Smith street, My kids laugh at the silly looking thing.
43 years old and blogging/long-whining about how his bike got stolen???? I have encountered 4-year olds with more fortitude, maturity and testosterome than this waste of human DNA.
43 years old without a fucking job!!!! I hate these pieces of shit!!!
Rosen is a native New Yorker. Also Slate is a top tier national publication that pays its staff a bunch of money and mostly covers politics. Rosen might suck but calling him a hipster doesn’t make sense.
Name: Jody
Hangs at: cafes in BoCoCa <— LOL
Rides: Quirky bicycles
Age: 43
Wrote: long whiny article about getting robbed.
What's missing?: beard
End of story.
I’ve had to stop reading Slate for largely the same reason I’ve had to stop reading Salon: Even as an inveterate liberal, I couldn’t stand the intense, focused collective navel-gazing on every goddamn article in there.
From Farhad Manjoo’s squeeing about iProducts to Emily Bazelon’s handwringing about cyberbullying to Emily Yoffe’s supercilious prudishness, it’s a goddamn cesspool of bourgeois circlejerking.
Agreed.
All reasons why most serious people have abandoned liberalism to the extreme left.
Among today’s “progressives” , FDR, Eleanor Roosevelt, JFK, RFK and even Adlai Stevenson contemporaries would not have a prayer, Hell, they even consider Hillary Clinton a right winger.
“Stevenson and their contemporaries”
I don’t want to turn this into a political discussion. Hatred of hips/yups is what binds us together here.
I agree with you in the general sense that the political polarization has destroyed the discourse on both sides, and even Ted Rall admits that liberals eat their own, but I was born in the 80s and I still subscribe to the policies of our TLA trilogy of FDR, JFK and LBJ.
I think most liberals who live outside of the Privilege Bubble wish for a return to people like FDR, JFK, and LBJ.
Well, look at the bright side. Salon is probably going to be dead by the end of the year, if not by the end of the summer. It’s been pissing money away since the dotcom days, and its management apparently can’t get any more loans to get it through. Between that and its jettisoning the writers actually worth reading in favor of Glenn Greenwalt’s literary farts, I give it until Halloween at the absolute latest. (There was a time when I actually enjoyed Salon, but that was a long time ago. Now, I feel absolutely no sympathy for the hole its management dug, and I can only hope a lot of weekly newspapers and bad culture Web sites, on both sides of the political spectrum, follow it to Hell.)
LOL That about sums up NPR these days too!! I can’t stand the shit.
I’m not going to listen to a bunch of precious, pretentious little shits whine or spotlight themselves to the point they think they’re sipping brandy with God. Not when I can listen to The Cramps.
In some heat stroke moment, I went into a store in Greenpoint that had ‘lifestyle?’ items of which the owner has tried every single one. On the wall, held with push pins was some’thing’ truly incredible! A piece of melted plastic, approx. 8″x8″ which looked like a doily in gradations of a green I had never been privileged to see before. The price tag was only $275.00!!!! I was so happy. At that moment the woman sitting up front offered her help to show me anything I was interested in. Turning to my friend, I asked, ‘Is she kidding?” We removed ourselves quickly so that my laughter wouldn’t shatter any of the other precious things in there. Never will I know what I am missing by not having the melted plastic in my home!!
Someone should have told him that the bike was in the Alamo’s basement.
Someone should have showed him how to use that lock and chain he’s got fashionably accessorizing his seat pole and LOCK THE FUCKING THING TO THE POLE! Not that I’m angry or have a dog in this fight, but DAMN STUPID COSTS ALL OF US PEACE!
“There’s no basement in the Alamo!”
I know that we shouldn’t care about hipsters in Ohio but when they set out to harm others then something should be done.
http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/01/justice/ohio-bridge-arrests/
There’s actually more to that story – those people were patsies set up by their crooked landlord. The landlord had been passing bad checks and has a history of violence, and thought he could get a sweeter deal by setting these fools up on a terrorism charge.
Where is that link? Is that something you read in the comments of BlackHelicopters.com?
The Smoking Gun – http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/fbi-informant-shaquille-azir-756123
Someone should offer him a Pamprin.
DH, I think I’m so disgusted about this article for the same reason you are – the whole episode was nothing but an excuse for an adult infant to have a quirky little ‘urban’ adventure, assisted by other ‘creative types’ that have endless free time in the middle of the afternoon on a weekday. This shit reminds me of the hipster douchebag mentality on that Verizon commercial where the Buddy Holly glasses wearing fuckstick spends all day making a whimsical invitation to some frumpy Megan to go to a rooftop party.
And love how he has to go from one Brooklyn ‘cafe’ to another to do his work – instead of doing it in an office or at a desk in his apartment. This way he gets the LOOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEE, I’m a writer!!!
What a fucking tool.
All those people he name-dropped seem to have infinite time on their hands to go look for the stolen plaything. All except Brian Lehrer (opportunity to name drop again) WAAAAAAHHHH!! He didn’t help MEEEEE!!! Jay-Z and Bloomberg didn’t help MEEEEE!!!. Because LOOK AT MEEEE thinks everybody should drop what they’re doing to save him from his own stupidity, when he could’ve just called his mommy to get him a new toy for his 43rd birthday.
fuck that shit
That is one dumb-looking bicycle. And the guy who rides it is an adult male?
Here’s the videotape of his police report:
They should make a movie about this! (Wait, they did…) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089791/
I had my bike stolen because of my stupidity a few years ago – someone got into my garage when I was working in the yard. I sucked it up and ended up not replacing it; no big loss. Too bad that the hipsters and yuppies have bid up the price of bikes in Portland, so that the same model costs double what it did in 2001.
I had the same thing happen when I was in Portland, too: I locked it up in front of my apartment so I didn’t have to carry it upstairs, but didn’t take into account the cheap lock. Again, this was my own damn fault, but I at least took the time to make a police report. That’s when I discovered that the Portland police only mail out a form to report most crimes, so the mayor can claim that Portland’s crime rate has dropped like a rock since 1995.
jody is born in nyc. native new yorker. also quite a famous writer. good job dh on your research.
I’m satisfied with my research. Yeah – I assumed he was a transplant; I mean, who wouldn’t based on that story. Everything else besides his birthplace strikes me as a hip/yup. Hey, we have some homegrown ones too. Not many though relatively speaking. Now get lost.
You can grow up in certain neighborhoods in NYC and be almost as sheltered as if you grew up in a cul-de-sac. Especially if you were driven to a private school and back every day, your idea of fun in high school was sneaking away to shows downtown with hundred-dollar fake IDs and then taking cabs back home.
So this “famous writer” lolls in one coffee shop all morning (over one cup), not really writing but surfing the ‘net, then goes to another coffee shop to charge his phone for free – he carries his phone charger with him – he’s a look-at-me parasitic leech.
Definitely fits the hipster/yup definition.
Oh, a “famous writer” and a “great parent” – his kid is with a baby sitter while he’s coffee shop squatting?
Who cares if he’s from NYC? He’s still just another spoiled trust funder yupster with unlimited leisure time to play “famous blogger” sitting in gentrification cafes all day while mom and dad foot his Manhattan rent. A native NYCer with zero street smarts and zero common sense = everything was handed to his spoiled ass by mommy and daddy his whole life. Fuck off.
He’s Slate’s full-time music critic. I’m sure he had a lot handed to him in his life and he sucks, but he makes a bunch of money now.
I don’t give a damn how much money he makes or who he writes for. I’ve read far superior writers than him.
On top of it, he’s a typical music critic: he writes just to see himself write and uses music to do it. He rarely, if ever, actually says anything of value about * the music * he’s reviewing. He needs more than a bike stolen. He needs about ten tons of hubris and skewed perspective stolen with it.
His ‘outer-borough accent’ remark automatically forever strips him of whatever thin NYC cred he claims.
His parents are probably transplants who went to Columbia and then raised him in a Manhattan bubble.
As far as I’m concerned, Manhattan is just the gateway to New Jersey.
he should go with Diehipsters story and say he is a transplant…this means he is just plain old soft on the streets
Native-born or not, a guy named “Jody” riding around gentrified neighborhoods on a bicycle like that and ‘writing’ on his MacBook in a ‘cafe’ in Carroll Gardens is not “native-born” behavior. On the contrary, he’s a hipster-yuppie cornball who just HAPPENED to be born here. Sorry to say, there are quite a few just like him.
Looking at his Twitter photo of him posing in front of his vinyl collection, the only things this yupster is missing are sleeve tattoos and a redbeard.
http://a0.twimg.com/profile_images/1301995601/big_foot.jpg
That bike…that f&#king bike…I mean – what 43 year old rides a bike meant for a child – other than Pee Wee Herman?
Oh and thanks for the photo. What are the chances that Van Halen is in that vinyl collection?
This is off topic, and I’m not sure whether I’m really “qualified” to post here, but I’ve wanted to say something for a while, so…I’m a teenage girl from a PA suburb. I found this site about a year ago and was kind of hurt by some of the things I read, but I still found it entertaining so I kept checking. To make a long story short, I don’t like hipsters anymore. Also, I feel like this site has inspired me to be more sincere and to work harder and I just wanted to drop by and say thanks. Also it’s really funny
Happy to help you not become a snarky, smug, attention seeking Megan who flies from city to city over a decade burning thousands of gallons of jet fuel then makes art and vegetables for the environment.
DH, you have deterred a soul from becoming a hipster and we applaud you for that.
Unfortunately there are plenty of soon to be hipsters who have not seen/saw/follow this site and are on the road to western Brooklyn as we speak to blow lots of their parents cash on their staycation.
Do your own thing, don’t be a follower and you’ll be a-ok kiddo.
^ Listen to this guy, Lucy.
Good thing you found this site now, instead of after college like I did. I must’ve spent at least 4 years trying to fit into skinny pants, telling myself I was having a good time at ho-hum concerts, and believing that creativity didn’t count unless everyone could see it.
Off the immediate topic, but on the general topic:
For your Sunday night viewing displeasure. I shot this clip this afternoon in Williamsburg on one of my errands that unfortunately took me down to Bedford Avenue.
what has this city come too?
There was a time the Italians and Puerto Ricans would have went out there and beat them with baseball bats for making that noise and mess on Bedford Ave.
Lesbians have better muscle tone than these guys.
There was a time when the Italians and Puerto Ricans would have been playing better music than that on Bedford Ave.
I lasted 20 seconds…..bleah!!
I dunno, I kind of liked it.
NOT
I keep sayin’ the way to get rid of these people is to have normal people frequent their haunts. Start with Roberta’s. Get a schedule together – every 3 hours someone should take a little league team there for pizza. The follow it with Mob princess bridal/baby showers. Rinse. Repeat.
Can’t imagine anything that would cut them down to size more than having them deal with a few tables of little leaguers; especially when the rubber band armed toilet brushes get to overhear little Anthony, Michael, and Peter complaining that “L&B is a million times better -and they don’t sneer at us over there”
Or have a bunch of guido types go to hipster sushi joint and ask for bread with their order.
that’s exactly right
then wait for them to disgrace themselves by trying to take permits out against little kids going out to eat in ‘their’ restaurants…
Third-rate Tom Waits plus bedbugs…
The banjo player looks like a dust-bowl Charlie Manson. And check out the suspender-wearing poor-boy cap enabler in the background. That poor dog being exposed to sounds like this.
I always feel sorry for their dogs.
Groupings of deranged scum muffins like these always find their way to my neighborhood and camp out on sidewalks. There was a bunch who set up on my street to sleep out a couple of years back. They were covered in red, bleeding bug bites all over their bodies. I flagged a squad car and asked to have them removed from my block. After they left, there were piles of used sterile pads and bloodied antiseptic wipes all over the sidewalk.
oh man, that is NASTY!
These Human superfund sites remind me of those puddles you see by the curb in any major city – a mixture of motor oil, congealed Coke syrup, stale pizza crust, cigarette butts and anti-freeze.
LOL,my man is playing the saw lookin all serious
four bullets, center of forehead. there has to be a brownstone rooftop nearby that has a clear shot.
Tom Waits wannabes?
“a sleek metallic-maroon retro-style frame with an old fashioned “tank,” and a pretty brown leather saddle with matching handlebar grips. The pièces de résistance are the tires: enormous white Thick Bricks, a good deal bigger than the average balloon tire, and a lot more eye-catching.”
that bike is an ugly piece of shit…why try to get it back?
oh…because jody is just another attention seeking hipster
Music criticism is even more useless than it was. I can just listen to any song I want now. Don’t have to rely on some review in Rolling Stone that was really just word masturbation.
Seriously. What’s the point of music criticism nowadays? There is NONE!
Before, maybe it meant something. Now…it means absolutely nothing. It’s more of promotion than anything (hey, The Stop Having Band Names With the word “there” in the beginning album just got reveiwed in rolling stone). No one with a working braind will rely on the thoughts or opinions of anyone else when they can come to their own conclusions…especially when most music can be found online for free.
I’ve always come to the conclusion that music critics are essential just failed aritsts/musicians and people who just didn’t have the talent or drive to be in the music industry but still want all of the perks that come with having some involvement in the music industry. Like most people who worked at borders (RIP) were essentially failed/wannabe writers that wanted to be close to the publishing industry.
“the”. Sorry for the typos.
No… not *failed* musicians. More like people who didn’t even try. Being a musician requires lots of solitary practice and thinking, and lots of potential for rejection. Criticism is the more optimal “Lookatme” position.
same with film, theater, books, etc
Who the F would steal that bike?
Well, this guy even admits he didn’t chain up his bike…tough luck B! It’s your fault basically for not locking it and making it fair game for anybody who wants it!
I remember I bought a BMX bike last year just to cruise around on and lose some weight in the process. I left it out unchained for a day and it got stolen/ what did I do? I shrugged it off…it was 200 bucks and I forgot to chain it up…so I took the L.
That’s the fucking problem with hipsters…they don’t know how to take Ls. They’ve never been through any tough or trying times. So they go through every event of their life with no humility or sense of respect/dignity/or anything really. They grew up all their lives with friends, family, and peers telling them how special they were and that they would always be a winner…but really during that time theey were stacking up ls…disguised as Ws.
So when they do take Ls…they don’t know how to take them. They’ve been so coddled and used to getting their way that whenever someone says no, or fuck it…takes shit from them because they have no street smarts and basically ask to be stolen on…they have these grandiose temper tantrums and try to get people…who are basically going about their own lives and ongoings…to drop everything they are doing to help them because whenever their iVibrator/$4000 peugeot (SP) bike that mommy and daddy back in Nowhereworthwhilethatanybodywantstogoto, IOWA bought for them for graduating with a degree in Puppet Theatre History from played out Liberal Arts College #456 that charges 40,000 a year at 29…everything must stop because it’s so monumental!
Shieet…I was in New York this weekend driving through manhattan to get to my hotel. I was in the LES and some 20 something douchewipe with 70s porn actor moustache just walked through traffic like everyone had to bow to him. He even had the nerve to tell people off in their cars for honking their horns at him…which would of been all well and good if he wasn’t WALKING IN THE MIDDLE OF A BUSY CITY STREET WHILE THE LIGHTS WERE GREEN!
I’m really starting to dislike my generation now.
They walk into traffic all the time. I wish someone would run them over every now and then to keep them in check.
I agree this is not native born behavior.
Every once in a while in DC there are some natives who decide to go prancing around in the wrong neighborhood or they throw common sense and street smarts out the fucking window and they end up getting robbed and sometimes even shot.
Cry me a river.
Those assholes are called “prey.” We need more of that.
Maybe they’d fly back home. Oops – they’re Congressional interns; they can’t leave until January.
And I think this is why so many people can’t stand Hipster dudes…cause they aren’t REAL MEN at all!
Like I said before…they haven’t been through any trying times where they had to help themselves.
Sure, I don’t really watch sports or am…but I know how to fix a flat tire, change a battery, fix basic electronics, pay my own way, work out atleast 4 times a week, defend myself if necessary, and can lift more than 100 pounds. Plus I like guns and fighting and violent movies and stuff…:/
Sometimes I think the hipster “addiction” to outdoorsy activities and dead male archetypes (old timey moustaches, 50s sailor jerry type tattoos, piercings, lumberjack stuff) is just to compensate for not being anything close to resembling a “real man” in the modern era.
And the women (sorry for going there)…eh. They ain’t shit too. They hide behind faux-riot grrl steez and new age feminism and it’s contradictory nature for something to identify themselves from everyone else. They want to shit all over the future housewife crowd that shops everyday and watches soap operas and reads cosmopolitan as if they are better than thm, but will be in the same position in five years time.They swaggerjack the cultures, fashions of everything and everyone to make themselves stand out more and to further dissasociate themselves from their boring culdesac beginnings (same can be said for the guys too). They surround themselves with hipster beta males because (drum roll please) they can actually push them around. Why? Because the hipster beta male allows it…because he just might get to third base! The keyword here is “might”. The hipster beta male doesn’t do anything close to mouthing off or saying no to his woman for fear of being perceived as a misogynistic asshole or brute…so he takes on slightly effeminate quailties around women. Because the last thing he wants to be seen as is threatening…but in the same way he will not command any respect around real men or women either.
I guess you can only pair fools with fools because everyone else knows better.
I’ve realized that it’s a misconception that they’re afraid to be perceived as misogynist, or whatever. That’s an excuse they might use – “I want to respect women” – but it’s really that they’ve just never had to assert themselves. Respect for women or not, self-assertion is not in their vocabulary.
I banged a hipster a couple of weeks ago and she was pretty hot.I met some of my buddies working DOT in williamsburg and went to some weirdo hipster bar no clue whats inside..my friends and I look like we accidently walked in a gay bar in alphabet city and they locked the doors behind us,but we stayed for a couple drinks..the guys are looking at us like we have three heads,you can see they are confused by the shiny yellow mesh vests(DOT)they dont no if they should go out and buy them or if we are some kind of murder for hire team but the woman ignored those mustachios and acted like they have not seen a real man in ages.I bet if you go to that bar now they are wearing jeans covered in asphalt and yellow vests..coupled with a sock hat and scarf
that’s some funny-ass shit!
There’s a post on xoJane.com somewhere (sorry, I’m not going to that vomitous site to find it) listing the types of men the Meghans find attractive. Top of the list is “Tortured Spanish guy with movie camera”. Bottom of the list is Mast Brother beardo which reads like it’s added for political correctness.
Personally, I wouldn’t touch any Meghan with less than a 100 foot pole but a friend of mine goes down to Billyworld and bangs them regularly and says he never had it so easy.
I’m not close enough to either of those groups of people to be as specific, but if the pics of the canklesaurus’ I’ve seen are any indication, they’ve been robbing the 50′s housewife and pearls fashions, the betty boop/20′s era fashions, and now our great, great grandmother’s fashions circa the 1800′s. They’re just as cynical and bigoted as their boy toy males.
As for these males….their peers continue to return from one or more tours in the Middle East, so they’d better watch their mouths around them or things will get very ugly, very fast for them.
Upon reflection, I’m inclined to believe that this man is trying his hardest to prove true Frank Rizzo’s observation that a conservative is a liberal who was mugged the night before.
So I guess it won’t be long until NYC implements AMBER ALERT for fixies.
Oh and I love the photo of him. He’s a music critic..and the wall behind him contains nothing but vinyl records. He’s keepin’ it real.
It is written, “Do unto hipsters” That’s it. Here endeth the lesson.
And the fucking idiot takes a picture of that piece of crap NOT CHAINED UP and posts it on the Internet so the next six-year-old can recognize it more easily and ride it off into the sunset. No wonder…
“Nobody will talk to me!”
I wouldn’t want to talk to you either you attention whoring wanna be Tom Green piece of shit.
Someone should vomit in his coin tray.
ANOTHER FAILED ATTMEPT AT BEING URBAN
I remember back in the day in DC there were people who acted like that not because they were seeking out attention but because they really did have mental problems.
The idiot in that video is just a TRY HARD.
FAILURE
Best part was the old guy with no teeth on the train who said, “Shut up. Don’t talk to me anymore.”
Watch this turd’s other videos in his channel if you want to see………..actually don’t.
It’s okay. I’ve seen him in action in my neighborhood. He should be laced up in a straightjacket and tossed into the East River.
I’ve never seen anyone cruising as hard for a beating then this guy. Of course, once it comes, it’s all tears, screams, righteous indignation, iPhone videos and lawsuits.
Why the hell didn’t any of those other men on the subway both trip AND tighten a ‘no see him’ smacking circle around this hiptard?
Let me guess…the actors studio wouldn’t let him audition and this is his way of proving to them what a horrible decision that was.
An even better, but totally unrealistic story, would be if Al Pacino told him,”Go make an ass of yourself in the subway for ten years Matthew, and then try to audition again. We’ll see how it goes.”
If that was my kid, I’d shoot him.
What’s wrong with people? Why didn’t anyone grab his helmet and best him with it?
My best friend’s dad is a retired steel worker who lives in the Bronx. Occasionally, going home on the subway- tired, irritable and hungry – he’d incounter an oxygen bandit like this.
He’d slam him against the door and say, “Shut up or I’ll f**cking kill you”.
Beat…not best. Sorry
How do you chain lock a bike to a meter?Can’t you just lift it up over the meter?
You left your bike unlocked in Brooklyn while you were posing as a creative type in a cafe? What kind of a moron leaves his bike unchained ANYWHERE in New York? Entitled, pretentious asshole. You deserve worse than having your ugly pussy bicycle stolen, white hipster gentrifying piece of shit.
He’s not going to have anything to whine about if NY implements the plan that London already has, and that’s to offer free bikes for those who wish to use them.. Just pick one up, ride it, and drop it off.
Well, ‘free’ actually meaning that those who WORK will be footing the tax money for it.
DC has “Capital Bike Share”. A true Urban cluster fuck.
I am not a hipster and regularly think of throttling the neck bearded scarf wearing scum but if someone stole my bike I would be pissed and want revenge. Mom and Dad stopped paying for my stuff when I was 14.
Jody Rosen is Slate’s music critic. He can be reached at slatemusic@gmail.com.
“In fact, it was a team effort. I was helped by several dozen strangers; by Slate’s political blogger Dave Weigel and film critic Dana Stevens; by New Yorker music critics Sasha Frere-Jones and Alex Ross; by singer-songwriter Neko Case; by three plainclothes New York City policemen; and especially by writer and musician Nick Sylvester. All those people—and Twitter—found my bicycle.”
Jesus fucking Christ. I don’t think they committed that many resources to finding Bin Laden.
Am I the only one to notice that the majority of these Hipsters are Jews?
Hipsters, by and large, aren’t. After all, Hipsters are imported and how many Hebrews are out in the midwest?
This is false. I live in Minneapolis — a city with a sizable hipster population and most of them are not.
Of course there are spoiled Jewish hipsters. Just like any bunch has them. But the vast *majority* are probably not. The really scary ones, and they come on here sometimes when they want to vent their angries about non-organic foodstuffs or rant against the mainstream, are the Ron Paul worshipping, Alex Jones B.S.-sucking, Ayn Rand in a bong, demon-behind-every-doorknob, former 4chan wannabe’s who are aren’t BEING primed for the next dictator of whenever, but already ARE primed. They just lack a Hitler at this point. If there was one, they’d follow him because they’re all about world dominance and ‘altering’ societies ‘fundamentally’ etc etc They are uncomfortable around anyone other than an atheistic, bearded white stoner in a black t shirt or a porn-stached ‘energy healer’ in capri pants.
The average hiptard only pays lip service to the likes of Ron Paul and doesn’t truly believe in so-called “conspiracy theories”. In 2012 it’s safe to have “extreme” ideas, and that’s the only reason they pay lip service to the heavily infiltrated and co-opted “truth movement”. Hipsters are statist by nature. They like freedom only when it benefits them and doesn’t cause them any discomfort.
Oh, and Ayn Rand is beyond overrated. I never saw what the hype was about her. I remember when 4-channers used to complain about the “Cancer that’s killing /b/” . . . looking back, it’s safe to say that hipsters were that cancer.
Hipsters are by and large Obamabots. This time around they’ll be too distracted hand raising artisanal waterbugs in East Bushwick for hors d’oeuvres to vote.
What a f–King tool.
What a whining douchebag! I enjoy cycling and I’ve had my share of bikes stolen over the years — including one that was taken at gunpoint! But you know something? I didn’t go whining about it on the blogosphere like some attention whore with a bad case of arrested development. My advice to Jody is the next time it happens (and it will): ask his parents to wire him fifty bucks, since he probably doesn’t have two nickles to rub together at any given time, get another one on Craigslist and move on.